Alrightie, so you all know the drill...I own NOTHING but my own version of how everything plays out. Something just clicked the other day and well...ta da. I hope you enjoy it, I know it wont be as mind blowing as most of the other writers on her but I had to give this a shot. I never named the girl for a reason, I just don't feel like there should be a defining factor on this character. Please let me know what you think. :)
There had never been a time where she'd hesitated, never come to a time when she hadn't willingly thrown herself into harm's way to protect someone. It had all come naturally to her, almost as easy as breathing. She'd been cut, stabbed, shot, tortured, poisoned more times then she can remember, the scars litter her pale flesh. All the red like paint on a canvas, a tale of where she has been, a road map of all she has survived. There's white faded scars on her back, courtesy of a werewolf she'd hunted with her moss eyed lover. A winding scar from a piece of glass cut across her face, a parting token from a more than sadistic vamp, she'd taken his head off with one good swing. She's littered with scars from creatures that shouldn't exist, to her it's just another day. The one that killed her, the scar that even now haunts her; it's the bullet wound she'd taken from a common day robber, nothing supernatural. She'd jumped in front of Sammy, taking the bullet while aiming her knife a direct blow to his chest. The damn bullet had went through her ribs and shattered, spraying her insides with the metal shrapnel. She can still remember the pain, the white hot burning, losing her breath and the sound of her choking on her blood. She remembers eyes so green, a fierce grasp on her hands and the sting of tears. She had died, not hunting some new baddie; she had been taken by a guy high on meth to realize what was actually happening.
She knew she couldn't stay, knew that she would have to leave one plane of existance for another. They had given her an honorable funeral, a hunter's funeral. Dean had insisted on building the pyre himself, she couldn't help but watch beginning to end, how his eyes hardened, how he turned away from Sammy. Her heart broke for him, for the man she loved, for her boys who had lst too much. She doesn't stay too long after that, she doesn't see Dean down a bottle of Jack or the woman who come after.
They take her, up past the pearly gates and gave her an option, her heaven, her little slice where she can be with "Dean" and "Sam" for all eternity or she can join the garrison. It's a war in her head, she's fought all her life, she deserves her own piece of happiness, but she knows it won't be real. So instead she signs up, hoping that someday she'll be able to protect her boys again, because no matter what happens they will always be hers. She doesn't count on the desensitizing training, they try and try but she can never forget the man with eyes of the greenest green. The nonstop pace is something she can deal with but she cannot forget her human emotions. She impresses her superiors with her combat methods, rises through heavens ranks quickly but she can't forget her make shift family, Sammy and Dean are always in her heart. There are some nights when she sneaks into the garden and talks with Joshua, perhaps her favorite of all her new found brethren. He'll allow her to watch Dean and Sam, some nights she cannot help but smile, other nights all she wants to do is cry. She knows he has to move on, but the woman, the bottles, the smile that isn't real, it hurts her.
She hates how she's stuck up here and he's down there, cut and bleeding and so bruised. She cries for Sam when Jess burns, mourns the loss of a woman she never really knew. Jessica's heaven is so beautiful, it's filled with Sam and their kids, Dean even has a place in it to. Her heart aches when John gives himself over to Yellow Eyes, feels lost at the pain they suffer through.
It's not shortly after that they push her harder, make her stronger but she's still oh so incredibly human. She loses her smile, there are no laughs anymore just work and fighting and guarding. She still sees Dean and Sam but there's something the higher ups aren't telling her. Some big secret that no one is to know about but yet she feels like the only one not let in. She watches Sam die, watches and screams at Dean not to make that damn deal but she knows it's exactly what she would have done for him a thousand times over. But this is Hell, this is Sammy alone after one year, with out anyone to look out for him, with no Dean, a world without her moss eyed lover.
There's Lisa and Ben, her heart breaks for Dean all over. There's pain in his eyes, a longing, she tries to push him, wants him to stay with them. She wants him to be happy, wants him to have what he's always secretly desired. They had once laid awake under the stars, Sammy had crashed in the Impala, Dean had asked, kids? So they sat down and fantasized, names, jobs, a house. He'd asked her to marry him, she'd smiled and tackled him to the ground. That life is far gone but he has a chance with her, with Ben. She hopes and hopes that when it all ends he'll have her and him. It breaks her heart when he walks away, because she knows him all to well. The clenching in his hands, the tears he wont shed because he's a good solider.
They push her even harder, the apocalypse is nigh they say, Lucifer cannot rise from his cage. Yet it seems like everything is happening so Lucifer will rise, so there will be the big showdown. Before she knows it Dean's been torn apart by the hound, all she can do is watch, her heart breaks, shatters before her. Now Sam's all alone on a planet, in a world without his brother.
Michael comes to her shortly after, there's a way to end his suffering they say, but they'll need her. She doesn't think, even when he tells her she must take Dean's place, a soul for a soul. There are no guarantees; she may stay there for years before they can come for her. She has her sword tucked safely away, looks the arch angel straight in the eyes and tells him, there is no question, she will take his place in a heartbeat. She won't let the face the end of the world without her, she will rise. She doesn't mean the angels, fuck them, she means Dean and Sam and she knows by the look in the angel's eyes that he knows exactly she means. Castiel, a leader in the garrison is the one who will take her down, she makes him promise to look after her boys, to take care of them, to help them. Down they sore, her, him and a platoon of angels, willing and fearless for the task at hand. There's burning flesh and tortured screams but they don't stop, just keep moving forward, taking down as many as they loose. She leads the charge, fighting, slashing, hitting her way through everything and everyone between her and Dean. There's her Dean, covered in blood, welding a knife and cutting into some soul. It hurts her deep down, her Dean had been broken so badly, she cannot help but blame herself and all of Heaven, they should have intervened before it got to this. He looks at her, the stares blank and unfeeling but she knows he's there somewhere deep down. There's a spark of recognition in his eyes, slowly she walks towards him, taking the knife from his grasp and wrapping her arms around him. She can feel the tremble in his body, his long lashes against the crook in her neck and she curses Heaven and all the angels and all the saints. She can't help but kiss him, amongst all the hellfire and screams, she remembers being young and in love with him. She can her Cas screaming, telling her it's time, they must leave now. Pushing Dean from her arms and towards the angel, she knows he'll never remember this moment, but she watches until the demons fall upon her, until she can no longer see her lover.
Every day is another torture, another pissed off soul that she sent back to the pit or someone she couldn't save in time. She doesn't scream, doesn't cry or beg or plead, she just stares at them, taunts them on and on. It's never ending but she'd rather be strung up on the rack, here so Dean is free and alive. She remembers her time on earth, shy nerdy little Sammy and strong handsome Dean. They whisper to her as they cut and hack, tell her all about the seals, whisper how Sammy will be the Boy King, how Dean will die at his brother's hand. How they're both vessels in this up coming battle, brother against brother. They whisper and taunt her, torture her with the knowledge that she's completely powerless to stop it. She begs to a God she's never met to help them.
"Lucifer's free!" They scream, "Our time is now!"
Lucifer visits her, sits beside her on the rack and talks to her. Tells her how she never wanted any of this, how he won't hurt Sam or Dean, how all he wants it his family back. Countless time he gestures around to the pain and suffering beside her, leans in and whispers how he hates these twisted souls, these maimed and useless creatures who have destroyed his Dad's greatest creation. Tells her he admires her loyalty to her boys, angels lie he says, they always lie. She rebuts, demons always lie to, and he throws back his head and laughs. It's the last visit she has with him; somehow she's off the rack. The doors open, she knows she can escape but she can hear Sammy, her sweet little Sammy. Her feet move before she can think and there's Sam, Michael, Lucifer and Adam.
She tries her best to shelter him, to cover him, but she can't stop them anymore then she can get Sam out of the cage. She holds him after Michael and Lucifer get bored with him, rocks him t bed and soothes back his hair. Cas is there months later, sneaking in when Michael and Lucifer are turned and she pushed Sam to him, take him she mouth but something goes horribly wrong.
Most of Sam is gone but he's still there with her, his soul broken and red raw and she does her best to look after him. He's so far gone that he sits and rocks, he doesn't even scream anymore, she does it enough for both of them. She knows Dean must've figured it out, Sam's out but his soul is still stuck with her, she wraps around him carefully, holding onto him like a piece of china. He may very well shatter. She takes the blunt from both of them, not letting them any nearer to his soul then she has to. There are times when she can't stop screaming, those are the days when both Michael and Lucifer use her, ripping her soft flesh apart.
When Death comes for Sam she wants to cry. He'll be home but will her be able to function? It surprises her when Death extends his hand to her, he'll take her home, but where is home anymore? The Old Man is surprisingly strong, his grip isn't cold but warm and she relishes in the contact. She holds Sam, cradles him to her body and asks Death, can he put up a barrier, something, anything, so he can move on from this? Death just smiles at her like a patient grandfather and walks them right through hell. She's there when Sammy gets his soul back, watches the emotions flicker through moss colored eyes and takes his hand in hers. She doesn't know if he can feel her but that's not important, Dean and Sam have each other once more.
She's back in Heaven, only this time things are destroyed. There are dead angels and sorrow, factions that are trying to take over. Where is God? She heads to the garden, Joshua greets her, hurt by the slaughter of brother and sister. It's there she watches Sam self destruct, the Leviathan but she is imprisoned in the garden, it's where she cries and smiles and survives. Taking care of God's garden brings some peace to her existence, helps her numb her mind but she cannot stop the hurt in her heart. She cannot bare to watch anymore but she cannot look away, she needs to know. There are tablets and wars and angels working with demons, so many lines all destined to be on the Winchester's shoulders. Dean's taken from her view, Purgatory is a bitch. She keeps watch on Sammy, he's happy, but there's the void from Dean's loss. Dean comes back, her moss eyed love had survived everything thrown at him but she can't help but wonder, what's going to shatter him?
One day, after years of watching John and Mary come to her. John reaches out and pulls her into a hug, murmured thank you's escape his lips as he holds her close. Mary is stunning, it takes her off guard when she grabs hold of her and doesn't let go. Mary strokes her hair and stays with her, telling her stories of Dean and Sam when they were younger. They stay with her as the final trials start, as all the angels fall from heaven, as she's torn. She's not an angel but she's not a spirit. She's human. Something wont let her fall, something bars her way home, so she keeps watch instead. Keeps her vigil over Sam and Dean, soon Bobby, Jess, Ash, Ellen, Jo are surrounding her, watching and swapping stories.
They fix the world, Abbadons dead, so is Metatron, but so are Sam and Dean. She can hear Sam's name on Dean's lips as he fades, she hopes that this time will be the last. They wait, John and Mary in the front, she stands behind Bobby, just off to the side of Ash as Sam and Dean come home.
She leaves, Sam and Dean haven't seen her in years, they've been reborn so many times that she's sure they wont remember her.
There's this ache in her chest, they were supposed to live, have kids, enjoy the rest of their lives but instead they ended up here. The garden's blooming, the forget-me-nots and purples roses are lovely and intoxicating, but its the lily's that over power the room. She breaks down, her tears fall and don't stop, her knees give out and she's just so helpless. There are footsteps and she looks up, Joshua's familiar face is peering down at her. He wipes away her tears and takes her arm, walks her through the garden and to the group of hunters.
Dean looks up from smiling at his mother, Jo tucked under his arm, Sam's kissing Jess and everything stops. She can't look at any of them, feeling as though she's intruding, can't stop the wry "blondes must be a Winchester thing."
Dean's the first to make his way through, releasing Jo and comes to stop right before her. She looks into the moss colored eyes she's spent all of eternity chasing, all she can muster is a, "Hi"
Dean POV
She hasn't changed, all her scars are still with her, the one that runs right across her face hasn't disappeared but she's the most breath taking thing he's ever seen. Her hairs dark and everywhere, her eyes are dark chocolate brown, her smiles tentative but her lips are still as pink and rosy as always. He had thought he'd dreamed her, when the flashes of hell came flooding back, she should've been in her own slice of paradise but damn it all, she was looking after him. He can't help but grab her, his hands are in her hair, down her arms, everywhere, anywhere he can reach. He doesn't care that his parents are right behind him, doesn't care about anything but her, because deep down it's always been her.
She'd been 16 when they'd litterly crashed into each other, her I've just kissed lips and cotton scent had drawn him like a moth to a flame. He'd fallen in love with her instantly, he loved how close she was with Sammy, how she cared for all of them. The night he'd found out about the beatings, how her father laid into her he'd been hard pressed to look after her. She was his girl, always his. He'd immediately taken her to his father, bruised and cut she was still a winner. Dean had convinced his father, after hours of yelling, she had a bag packed and thrown into the back of the Impala.
Loosing her had really taken his toll on her, if he didn't have Sammy, he really would've been a mess. His lips are on hers and she's wrapped her arms tight around him, if this is eternity then it's lookin pretty damn spectacular. He knows Sam wants to hug her, can feel his brother's eyes on the back of his head and he pulls away just enough, leading her over, flushed faced to Sam. His little brother yanks her from his arms and murmurs to her, he gets something about the cage, souls, pain in the butt brothers before Dean's ripping her away again.
All he wants to do is hold her, all he's ever wanted is this. Everyone together.
Moss meets chocolate, a silent ever lasting "I love you"