It's so nice to be insane no one asks you to explain,

Disclaimer: I don't own Beyblade or any of its characters, merchandise, TV rights, ect… (I think you get the point.) And I don't own the film The Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind either.

Summery

This is just something float through the empty void inside my head at 3 am so I thought I post just for the hell of it - ONE SHOT- Hilary starts to think about Kai. The guys go out to rent a move and one title grabs Hilarys' attention later when her mind starts to drift the name comes back to her. Like it or hate it please R and R as honest opinions are always welcomed.

Lamanth: I was kinda out of it when I wrote this and I'm not even sure it makes sense. Meh, what the hell, it's not like I've got anything to lose my sanity is already under question.

Muse: Dam straight it is. You keep hearing voices in your head.

Lamanth: And one of them is you.

Muse: As always if you feel the need to through things at the author please wait until she's hidden behind the sofa kay? It may be her you hit, but I'm the one who gets the bruise.

Lamanth: Ahhh, poor you. Please except my apologies for any spelling mistakes there may be. As I can spell for shit.

Muse: An't it the truth! On with the fic.

The Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind

'The Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind.' They had gone out to rent a movie and something about the title had just caught her eye. She didn't even know what it was about, but Spotless Mind conjured up thoughts of insanity. Not the type when you'd through things or smash your fist into the nearest available object. No, she'd seen that with Brooklyn a few months back. Crazy yes, loco yes, but insane no. That one word spoke of a much quieter mind. Not boiling seas of rage, but the calm waters of a dark bottomless pool. All in all it spoke of something a little to close to home. But at the same time it was like a toothache you knew it would hurt but you still had to poke at it.

She sighed and tried to concentrate on the action film that was showing on the TV. It wasn't really her kind of thing, truth be told it was boring the hell out of her. Looking around the room she saw that Kenny was sitting in a chair with Dizzy on his lap. Max and Rei were on the sofa eating popcorn. Tyson was yelling at Daichi who was trying to snatch the remote from him. And sitting cross-legged on the floor with his eyes closed was Kai.

Kai Hiwatari. There had always been something about him that set him apart from every other boy she'd ever known. At first she had thought she had some sort of silly schoolgirl crush on the team captain. But as time went on she realised that the reason she would spend as much time as she could with him was not that she desired to be with him in that way, but that she hated the thought of him being on his own. And the sad thing was that he was more alone now than ever before. He had lost his Phoenix and now they were endanger of losing theirs. Those eyes of his, stormy Gary or bloody Crimson. So beautiful but oh so empty. There was never a trace or a flicker of emotion on the exquisitely calved face.

Blinking her eyes in an attempt to clear her head, Hilary mentally berated herself. Kai was not mad. She was just letting her imagination run away with her. Wasn't she? She knew that he wasn't crazy, at least not in the way that was usually implied by that one simple word. But he was trapped. Trapped by the walls he'd put up around his heart and inside his head. Walls that had been meant to stop anyone getting in, but were in fact stopping him from getting out.

His past was a mystery to her. She knew he had had a strange and twisted up bringing but that was it. All she knew was what she had heard form over hearing the conversations of her team-mates, which would stop as soon as she entered the room. Conversations held in low half whispers as if what was discussed were both dark and dangerous. She knew from what she had over heard the he had almost given in to that all-consuming darkness before she met him. But had stopped himself. Had been pulled back from the edge by that beautiful Scarlet bird. But now his safety net had been pulled away. And probably what he saw as his only true friend had been taken. If they weren't careful they would lose him for good. He had almost completely stopped eating, and only seamed to do it to please the team rather than from any sense hunger. Silently she wondered if it possible to starve yourself to death with out really noticing. And he didn't seem to notice, he was just slipping further and further away from them.

Further and further away ha, that was a laugh the only thing getting away from anyone was her own imagination. But then again they had all always been distant. The four of them Kai, Tala, Bryan and Spencer. They all shard the one same look, a look that said that they had been raised on the very edge of hell. What did it take to touchier someone into insanity? How far would you have to push before they would brake? The phicsical abuse was probably a lot easier for them to handle than the pyclogcal degradation, she reflected. What had happen to the others that had grown up with Kai under the cold and critical eye of Boris. How had they dealt with the outside world? But she had in fact never heard any mention of anyone else escaping from the abbey. Had any of them escaped? Had any of them serviced? She really didn't know, and no one ever said anything. But she did know there had been others, Ian for example. Tyson and the others had met him the year before she joined the team. And they had been shocked when he wasn't with Tala for the third world championship. Tala never said why he wasn't with them but from the way he talked it was…………Dammit! What the hell was it like? It was like he was talking about someone who was alive but dead at the same time. All that abuse. God alone knew what it had done to them. That amount of mental scaring could make you see the world around you in a very strange light.

Looking back she realised how he'd always seen things so clearly. Even when she had first met him he had seen the world in black and white. And that in it self was strange. That ability to be so calm and, or so she had thought control his emotions so well. But she was starting to wonder if there had in fact been emotions there to control to start with. She had known him for two years but she didn't acutely know anything about him. He spent a lot of time with them but at the same time he didn't. The team would sit and talk and laugh and he would just go off some where inside his own head. There, but not there. With them, but apart. He had as ways spent so much of his time in quiet contemplation, just sitting and going off in his own head. But now he was going deeper and deeper. And she was shore that one day he just wouldn't bother to come back. It wasn't that he didn't care, but more that the world no longer offered anything he wanted.

She wondered what it must be like to live your life inside your head to feel know need for anything. She was cretin that one day he would leave for good and all that would be left would be an empty shell of the person she had once known and looked up to.

It was almost as if the real world was just getting too much for him to deal with. And he was trying to leave all the pain and suffering behind. Running away from all that was dark and cold. Running into The Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind.

Shaking her head, she huffed to herself rerunning over her thoughts of the past few minuets. She guessed it just went to show that you could come up with almost anything if you were board and had a vivid imagination. Sighing she turned her attention back to the movie. Across the other side of the room a figure sitting cross-legged on the floor tightened their grip around the remains of a cracked bit chipp.

I'm not really sure about this, it was just an idea that came to me at 3 am when I couldn't sleep. Muse thinks it's fun to inspire me in the early hours (Muse: everyone needs a hobby.) and I'm not certain what my creativity was up to, ask Muse!(Muse: I don't know anything about anything. Nothing. I'm taking the fifth!)You can't take the fifth. One- we're in the UK not the US. Two- you're just a voice inside my head! So yeah sorry if this made no sense. Please R and R I'd love to know what you thought.

Big luv see ya

Lamanth