Michael Jones shuffled through the dark, barren streets, his face barely illuminated by cheap, city-funded fluorescent lights as he shrugged his jacket on tighter against the chilly Texas air, far chillier than anyone there was used to but immensely warmer than he would be experiencing in his mother state of New Jersey in February. He sighed wearily, faint tendrils of fogged air escaping his lips.
His ears quirked as he heard footsteps behind him but he didn't turn around, assuming it was another person in the same boat as him, stuck in a job that had him overworked and underpaid. He tugged his beanie tighter over auburn curls and vaguely made a mental note to get a haircut soon before cutting down his usual alley, the smell of garbage from the nearby dumpster and stale air assaulting his nostrils and he wrinkled his freckled nose, grunting to himself.
The footsteps followed and he slowed his steps, paying attention to the stuttered rhythm behind him. He knew what was happening; growing up in Jersey, you had to get street smart real damn quick in order to survive. He was about to get mugged.
He took a deep breath as the soft patters of footsteps grew louder as the assaulter came closer, a panic building up in his chest despite his best efforts to qualm it. Stay quiet, hand over your things, cancel all your cards when you leave, he ran through the steps in his head just as he felt a strong hand on his shoulder.
He was slammed into the dumpster, his back smarting against the edge. He faced a man shrouded in a dark hood, knife held within view of his vision to make a point. Michael could tell by his body language that the man didn't plan to harm him, it was merely for show, and the comforting thought steadied his shaking hands.
"Give me everything you got." The man gruffed out, his voice wavering at the end; he was nervous, but that didn't reassure Michael. The nervous amateurs were wild cards, easily startled into doing something stupid and quick to pull the trigger; or in this case, use the knife.
"Okay, buddy. I'll give you whatever you want." Michael's voice was calm and slow and his movements were deliberate and clear as he reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. It was going well until there was a loud bang from across the alley.
The mugger panicked and elbowed Michael in the face, hitting him square in the nose and knocking off his glasses. Michael cursed, clutching at his now-bleeding appendage and blinking the tears of pain from his chocolate eyes.
"Never fear! Vav is here!" He heard yelled from the entrance of the alleyway where a man in blue spandex stood, a red cape flowing behind him.
"What the actual fuck." Michael snorted out, still holding both hands over his flowing nose. The mugger froze for a second before darting for the other exit. The caped man followed him in a blur of color, tackling him to the ground and punching him before pulling a rope from what Michael assumed was tucked into his red underwear, or whatever superheros (was this freakshow a superhero?) called the garment they wore over their weird spandex suits.
The criminal squirmed but was effectively captured under the thin, lanky man. The hero (?) stood, strutting over to Michael proudly.
"No need to thank me, citizen! It's all in a day's work for X-Ray and Vav!" He looked around suddenly as if searching for someone, his eyes shielded by a red mask similar to that of the Incredibles.
"I don't want to thank you, asshole! It's your fault I got elbowed in the fucking face. It was all going fine until your dumbass fucking circus act showed up! And now I've lost my God damned glasses!" He yelled, voice garbled by his hands and busted nose. The hero only looked at him curiously, still grinning, as if he didn't understand what Michael was saying, and he very well might not.
Michael looked the guy up and down, glaring at him. He had on gloves and boots the same red as his cape and an emblem that looked like a V wearing a bowler hat with the British flag plastered on them, which explained the man's thick English accent.
"Do you need an escort home, sir?" The man, Vav was what he had called himself, offered and Michael cursed.
"No, you fucking psycho! I want you to get the fuck away from me. Jesus Christ, did you just escape from some loony bin and decide to go around tackling people in alleys?" He complained, marching away from the brightly-colored man and the mugger that still laid on the ground, hands behind his back as he began to inch away with his knees. Vav trotted to catch up with him, nearly falling down as he became entangled in his own cape. Michael groaned and rolled his eyes, quickening his pace.
"I can't understand a bloody thing you're saying. He clocked you a right one, didn't he?" Vav observed, still grinning that goofy fucking smile; Michael didn't know why, but it just made him want to punch the man right in his giant nose and put him in the same boat. Instead, he merely grunted, muttering another curse.
"Wait up!" He heard yelled, clenching his jaw as he continued to walk. Another flash of color passed him and he let out a frustrated yell as a man in a nearly identical costume composed of green and black fabric with a lightning bolt-like X on the front appeared, wearing glasses with red swirls in them.
"Great. There's fucking two of you. Of fucking course." Michael muttered to himself, squinting to see what was ahead of him; he would have to order new glasses on top of possibly going to the hospital.
"There you are, X-Ray! You should have seen me take out that crook! It was bloody tippy toppers!" Vav squealed excitedly, raking fingers through his golden brown hair as he spoke, still walking beside Michael, the latter of which was glaring straight forward.
"I saw through the wall! I called the police, too, so they'll be there to get him. I caught him trying to roll away so I gave him a good kick before I came. Oh, and I found these!" He held up a pair of slightly cracked glasses in his gloved hand and Michael snatched them quickly, shoving them onto his face before grabbing at his still-bleeding nose once again, wincing at the pain. Well, at least he could kinda see.
"This has got to be some sort of fucking joke. I feel like I'm getting punked." Michael grumbled as the heroes began to chat animatedly about their fantastic skills. "Don't you guys need to get back to the hospital or something?" He called louder and they turned to face him, as if just remembering he was there.
"Wot? You need to go to the hospital?" Vav questioned, clearly mishearing him.
"No, you fucking piece of shit, I said-"
"I can fly you there!" Vav squealed excitedly, pulling the injured man to him. Michael squirmed against his surprisingly strong grip, panic rising in his stomach once again.
"There's NO way I'm letting some psycho drag me around and pretend he's flYYYYY-AHHHH!" He screamed as his feet left the ground, rising at a significant speed into the air. He looked up, eyes wide with terror, into hazel ones sparkling with childlike joy. "PUT ME DOWN YOU FUCKING PSYCHO!" He yelled, the hero ignoring him completely as they began to whiz through the air, barely dodging buildings as the blue-clad man barreled forward. Michael clung to him tightly, burying his face into the stranger's chest and squeezing his eyes shut.
Vav chuckled above him, clearly enjoying the situation, and Michael would have kicked him square in the dick had they not been a hundred feet above the ground.
He felt the freezing air graze across his face and shivered as fear subsided into numbing cold.
"Are you chilly, luv?" Vav called above the roar of the wind and Michael grimaced, his body defying him as another shiver racked through it. The hero wrapped his arms around Michael's body and he unwillingly leaned into them, his face scrunched up in disgust from the unnecessary contact with whatever the fuck the guy holding him was.
It wasn't long, thankfully, before they were descending and Michael pushed away from the man, taking in a deep breath and stomping his feet against solid ground, sending a prayer of thanks to whatever the fuck may get it that he was on the earth again. They were outside of the hospital and Michael wasted no time in marching in, sighing when he heard boots squeaking on tile flooring behind him; the assholes were following him.
The woman at the counter stared intently as they entered the moderately-busy waiting room.
"And how can I help you today?" She said sweetly, but Michael was in no mood.
"I was dealing with a fucking mugging in a nice, calm way when this asshole," He thumbed towards where Vav stood beside him, grinning happily. "Showed up and got me elbowed in the fucking nose." He explained, his voice less muffled than before. Vav let out a little squawk as he finally understood what Michael was saying, a look of offense crossing his face.
"I saved you!"
"You fucking put me in more danger if anything. Anyways, can I see a doctor or what?" The bleeding had mostly subsided, but a small trickle was still flowing from his right nostril and his entire face hurt like Hell.
"Um, take these forms and fill these out for me." She cocked a curious eyebrow at X-Ray and Vav as she handed the clipboard and pen over.
"I don't even fucking know." He remarked to her before making his way to an oddly-pattered chair, holding the pen tightly, his knuckles whitening as Vav took the free seat beside him. He gritted his teeth, breathing out from his nose and wincing as he remembered why that was a bad idea.
"I saved your life, you know." Vav said, his tone sounding almost offended. Michael looked up at him incredulously, his brow furrowing.
"I was handling it just fine, then you fucking showed up in a God damned cape and made him freak the fuck out!" He yelled, receiving a dirty look from an elderly lady that he promptly ignored.
"It was a minor drawback, yes, but you still have your wallet!"
"Yeah, and it has like ten fucking bucks in it and a credit card that I could have easily cancelled. And now I'll be spending even more than that on hospital bills for my motherfucking nose!" Michael griped, scribbling his information down onto the paper furiously. Vav peered over to where he was writing, looking downtrodden.
"I'm sorry, Michael. I just wanted to be a hero." He muttered quietly, looking down at his gloved hands.
Michael looked up at the hero wearing the expression of an abused puppy and sighed, rolling his eyes. "I know you were, dumbass, but I didn't really need it." He spoke more softly, annoyed with himself for feeling any pity for the two psychos around him, the green one standing a few feet away and looking around sheepishly.
"I'm really rubbish at this, aren't I?" Vav asked, his lower lip puffing out; Michael really fucking hoped this guy wasn't going to start crying. "It's just... my friend and I have these powers, and we really want to help!, but we always just end up mucking things up." He whimpered and Michael puffed out his cheeks before resigning to comforting the man.
"C'mon. I mean, you caught the guy, right? If you hadn't been there, he would've gotten away and mugged someone else." Michael offered through gritted teeth. Vav seemed to perk up a bit at this, his head tilting towards the Jersey man, encouraging him to continue. "Plus, I don't know what he was capable of. He may have taken my wallet and then stabbed me right in the heart, y'know?" He lied, knowing that there was no way the mugger had the guts to do such a thing.
The same, annoying grin spread across Vav's face and he hopped in his chair excitedly. "Yeah! You're right! I saved your life!"
"Well, I wouldn't-"
"You could've died without me!"
"I don't think I-"
"Hey, X-Ray, we saved a life!" He called to his companion and the latter of which let out a small whoop, thrusting his fist into the air.
"Yeah. Right." Michael drawled out, putting the final signatures on his paper. "And that was great and all, really. I owe ya, in some weird way." He held back another eyeroll as he brought his papers back to the front desk, Vav still following him like some sort of freaky shadow.
"I'd take a date." Vav offered, hazel eyes hopeful. Michael cringed, spluttering.
"Are you fucking serious?" He almost yelled, voice rasping on the last word. Vav merely smiled, shrugging.
"I'll pay! Free dinner, hmm?" He waggled his eyebrows and Michael balled up his fist.
"...Fine." He groaned, hopping up when his name was called. "Just... can you fucking wait a week or something so my nose can heal?" He asked, scrawling his number down on a spare bit of paper. "And don't you dare wear that dumbass suit." He called, leaving the two freaks behind and muttering to himself. "What have you gotten yourself into, Michael?"