papaGin introspection
disclaimer: don't on gintama or characters
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Sakata Gintoki wasn't scared of much.
In the time of his life, he had survived wars, had battled countless of enemies inordinately stronger than him, and had stared death in the face more than once. But still, fear didn't come easy to him. You see, in each successive battle, Gintoki resolved that he could die, but as long as it was protecting the people he loved and protecting the city for the people he loved, he could go with no regrets.
But one thing that could strike intense fear in his heart was Kagura.
Not because of her wild antics or the food she ate off the ground. Not because of the fact that she was wrestling with control over her Yato blood. Not because she picked fights with potentially fatal enemies or lived her life with reckless abandon and disregard for caution.
Gintoki's biggest fear was watching the young girl he'd practically raised during the most pivotal time of her adolescence grow up. Because with growing up, came the inevitable interest in boys. And with the inevitable interest in boys came the inevitable interest in kissing said boys. And with the inevitable interest in kissing said boys came the inevitable interest in the dirty adult stuff that made him want to lock her up so no boy could go near her.
Just the thought of some evil boy violating his pseudo-daughter didn't just make Gintoki's blood boil. It gave him nightmares at night and such a terrible fright that he would find himself sneaking over to her futon closet at night and opening the door to make sure his innocent young daughter didn't have some night visitor sharing her bed. It was ironic how much he understood the overprotectiveness of Umibouzu now.
Granted, he knew it was something of a silly fear to have as Kagura was just a month shy of sixteen yet still maintained that boys were good for nothing and unworthy of her presence. (Something he was eternally grateful for). But she was growing up and going through changes. She'd already begun having periods. Gintoki could still remember the day she'd come out of her closet making a big racket that her body was breaking down and melodramatically stating she was bleeding out and dying. Thankfully, Tsukuyo and Otose had taken over with educating her on her bodily changes after that. (Again, something he was eternally grateful for).
But it didn't change the fact that she was going through the "Woman Change" now. Though still lanky and still round faced with a slight childlike disposition, she was going through a pretty fast puberty. His adorable little Kagura was growing up into a real babe and boys were certainly starting to notice. He and Shinpachi had caught them staring on more than one occasion, and though they scared them off with glares and snarls and warning looks, some particularly brave ones still asked her out. She turned them down and seemed to have no desire to pursue a relationship, but in the back of his mind, Gintoki couldn't help but wonder when that mindset would change.
In the past, her tomboyish nature and brazen, unrefined (and sometimes downright disgusting) behaviour had scared boys off. Now, her confidence and interest in most of the same things as the boys made her pretty popular. She may not be showing interest now, but since a lot of her friends seemed to be the boys of the neighbourhood, he worried that all it would take was one accidental kiss or some accidental boob grab or a lingering hug or hand holding and she might suddenly open her eyes to "attraction."
And there was no bigger threat to the awakening of Kagura's hormones than her rival, Okita Sougo.
Their "relationship", if one could even call it that, had already gone through a shift since their earlier years, and Gintoki didn't know who to attribute it to more. But there was an unspoken trust between them and though they bickered quite a bit, there were times when he wondered if this was now their method of flirting with each other. Their particularly violent fights seemed less like attempts to hurt each other now and more of a confirmation to each other that they still were the only ones who could test each other's limits the way they did.
They were friends, in some strange way no one saw coming and in a way no one could believe. Even now, people who saw them out for lunch or trying to best each other at an arcade still thought they were seeing things. Maybe it was Kagura's desire to have someone close enough to her age that she could act like herself with and not get embarrassed, but over time, they'd become a support and something like a confidante to each other. They willingly sought each other out and could have proper conversations without wanting to beat each other to a pulp all the time, and that was the biggest source of alarm to Gintoki that they were headed down a fast track to potential romance.
Shinpachi didn't believe Gintoki when he said Okita was attracted to Kagura, or at the very least, liked her quite a bit. But Gintoki knew. Even if the sadistic little Shinsengumi shit didn't know it himself, it was there. It was there in the way Okita waited for Kagura at the park for their weekly spar. It was there in the way he'd buy her lunch after. It was there in the way he'd tolerated all of her whims and behaviour for years, and even sought her out purposely to spend more time together.
And Soyo was not helping matters one bit by teasing Kagura all the time that she and Okita bickered like a married couple. (He almost considered banning her from their home since the girl liked to gossip about boys most of the time. She was accelerating the process!) And it would only be a matter of time before Kagura recognised how objectively, Okita was attractive.
There was a fine line between hate and love, and even though Kagura kept proclaiming to everyone she knew that she still hated Okita, her actions more than betrayed her words. One day—one inevitable day—something would happen between them that would change the tide of their relationship and on that day, Kagura would officially grow up.
It was frustrating. Gintoki could only do so much to keep Kagura occupied and away from any interaction with the Shinsengumi captain, but Gintoki knew damn well when her path to adulthood sprung into motion, there would be nothing he could do to slow it down.
His little girl would eventually start dating. And then kissing. And then R18 stuff. And eventually, she would get married and move out to start a family of her own.
She would grow up and leave.
And that scared the shit out of Gintoki.