Set during Cops and Robbers - Kate's internal struggle. This is my first fanfic so be kind. Constructive criticism welcome.
She knows that he shouldn't be in there; that it's all her fault. She knows that she did this to him. She knows that he wouldn't be playing secret agent right now, putting his life in more danger than it already is, trying to relay information to the cops if he didn't know it was her on the outside. She knows, she knows, she knows. Alexis knows. She didn't say it but Kate could see it in her eyes when she told her that she had to get her father, her whole life, out of that bank alive…or it was all her fault. The words remained unspoken, but it didn't mean they weren't true.
She recognizes it -her selfishness. She knows she's being selfish. She's setting Alexis up to be in the same position that she was at nineteen: a dead parent and no one to keep her from falling. Except it would have been worse for Alexis: losing both her father and her grandmother…maybe not worse…just different, but still very much the same. The same heartbreak. The same loneliness. The same, the same, the same.
She has to get him out of there. She has to see him again. She has to tell him how much he means to her. There are so many things that she has to do. So many things that she wants to do with him. She wants to live with him. She knows she's not living; just existing. She is working her way towards the life that she wants, the life that she wants to have with him. But it won't matter if she can't save him first. Her life is in that bank too. Alexis isn't the only one who will lose everything if Richard Castle does not walk out of there alive. She needs to save Alexis' everything. She needs to save her everything.