Hoffman had to turn his back so John couldn't see him grind his teeth.
"Please," Gordon kept whining. "You have to let him go."
He was usually immune to emotion, but this man was just grinding on him. The rules were solid. You lost the game and you paid. Personally, Hoffman thought Gordon still deserved to pay. He continued with the trap he was working on. Behind him, John was cleaning Gordon's wound in silence.
"Please," Gordon said, louder.
John sighed. "There are rules," he said softly, so softly Hoffman had to strain to hear him. "Adam lost the game."
"No," Gordon whimpered. "The game was that he had to stay alive until the time ran out and he did, he's alive. The tape didn't tell him to do anything else but stay alive. It doesn't matter that he lost the key. He's alive."
Pathetic. You earned life, you didn't beg. If this was his attitude, he deserved to be put back in that room with his remaining foot shackled.
"Think of all the people in the world worse than him," Gordon persisted, panting with effort now. "All the liars, the crooks, the rascists, fucking paedophiles and drug dealers; he hasn't done anything. He's young enough to change his entire life. Think of how he would live if you let him go. He couldn't go a day without cherishing how lucky he is."
"He hasn't done anything," John repeated, still with that quiet patience. "You shot someone and amputated your own foot. Adam has done nothing to prove he should live."
"He did what the tape told him to, he stayed alive. He wants to live. You heard him say it. You think he'd ever take his life for granted after this?" He was beginning to get hysterical. Hoffman turned to watch with detached interest. "I'll cut off my other foot if you let him go. I mean it. I will. Please, I'll do whatever you want. Anything. I promised him. He doesn't deserve this. Let him go. It's the right thing to do. It'd be such a waste to let him die. Please.."
Hoffman realised John was watching him steadily, waiting. When he didn't react, John finally told him to go and get Adam.
Hoffman stared at him in disbelief. He had never questioned John until now. He couldn't be serious.
He turned his attention back to Lawrence's leg.
Hoffman stared at them for a second, then turned on his heel and walked out. He curled his lip in disgust. The principles of the game didn't allow for pity and second chances. If Adam Faulkner let himself die, he deserved to die. John must know that. Unless...Hoffman slowed his pace. Unless John was testing him. Maybe he wanted to see how he handled this, if he broke and showed compassion. It was easy to harden to most of the traps. There was the gore and the screaming and the terror, but it was over so fast. Adam's life would drain out of him, suffering more and more every second. It was the cruellest way to die. It was the only trap Hoffman himself didn't think he could handle.
He was stalling now, slowing almost to a standstill. If John was testing him, maybe he was supposed to have refused. Or just not do it. No. He was just trying to get out of going in there. He clenched his jaw and walked normally again. On passing the front door, he grabbed his coat and bottle of water. He just wouldn't think about it. He wouldn't think or feel at all.
He steeled himself before going in, then pushed open the door. The smell hit him first. He didn't know if it was Adam or Gordon's foot or the fake blood, but it was vile. He turned on the lights. Adam was leaning against the wall soaked in his own blood and sweat. His body was deathly pale and still. As Hoffman approached, he could see him breathing faintly. Adam's eyes opened slowly. This was real, this was suffering. The other victims seemed like animals compared to this. He was stunned at how much this got to him.
Mechanically, he knelt down to Adam's level. "It's all right," he said huskily. With shaking hands, he pulled the key out of his pocket. He missed several times before he could get it into the lock. He released the shackle and pushed it away. Still operating on autopilot, he supported the back of Adam's neck with one hand and held the water to his lips. He let him have a bit at a time so he wouldn't vomit, ignoring his mewling moans. When he'd finished, Hoffman tucked his coat around him.
He looked at Adam for a while, still trembling. He rested his hand on his arm. "You're ok," he said hoarsely. This felt extraordinary; comforting, saving a life, finally feeling something. He'd never felt like this in his life. He touched Adam with his other hand, and icy fingers gripped his own. He tried to talk.
"It's ok," Hoffman soothed. He shifted closer to Adam as tears stung his eyes. "It's gonna be ok."
Adam began groaning weakly. Hoffman petted his hair absently. He could just break his neck and kill himself. Jigsaw could watch but he couldn't stop him. Adam's hand squeezed his own harder. "Please.. help me.. leave," he could barely get the words out. He shut his eyes in pain.
He thought for a moment and shifted to Adam's good shoulder. "Come on," he grunted, easing his arm around his shoulder. Adam leaned on him and managed to stand.
By the time they got back, Hoffman was as stone-faced and impassive before. John was finishing strapping up Gordon's stump as if nothing had happened. Maybe he hadn't seen.
"He's alive," he said.
John simply nodded. "You can go now."
He lay Adam on the floor. If that was his test, he'd failed. They'd both failed. He turned to leave, but couldn't help looking at Adam on more time, barely conscious at his feet. His heart fluttered and he felt almost faint. Before he broke and became completely human, he took back his coat and walked away.