He was the one who sat down next to her. He was the one who made the first move. She was too anxious, too unsure, too a lot of things. So she'd waited for him to come to her. He didn't say anything, just sat down with his dinner like he'd been doing it his entire life and this was just another night.
It was odd, sitting in silence like this when there was so much she wanted to say, so she made an attempt at breaking the ice. "Must be nice to be back at camp, eating real food again." She said, poking at her oatmeal a second before adding. "Or what passes for real food."
Jack smiled, mischievous, like he knew something she didn't. "It wasn't quite as bad as you might think."
"Oh, yeah, everyone loves fishbiscuits and those nasty little green fruits they were giving us." She wrinkled her nose at the though, but his smile never faded. "What?"
"Grilled cheese." Was all he said.
She gaped at him. "Seriously?"
"Yeah." There was a smug look on his face that she wasn't quite used to yet. He seemed more laid-back, playful even, and she'd be lying if she said it didn't startle her a bit. "A cheeseburger once."
"Okay, that's something I can't get behind." She told him, and he lowered his eyebrows in confusion. Motioning to the bowl in front of her, she reminded him, "Vegetarian, remember?"
He nodded, which wasn't exactly a clear yes or no, but she would've been surprised if he actually had remembered. It was only three months ago, but somehow the plane crash, and the days surrounding it, seemed so far away now. "Well I think I know several people who would kill for a McDonald's."
"Can't say you're wrong about that," she replied, thinking about the number of times she'd heard people talk about food they missed from home, especially before the hatch came into the picture. It wasn't too bad now, she had to admit. They could have it worse than right now, the two of them eating dinner like normal people would. And she had. "I'm glad you're back, you know."
Ducking his head, he seemed to focus on his food more than her. "Yeah, it's nice to have everyone back together again."
She sucked her teeth, trying to think of a way to better phrase that so he got her meaning without having to be too forthright. "That's not what I mean." Jack looked back at her, curious. "Camp, being here, acting like nothing's wrong…it all doesn't feel right without you."
"I would've come back eventually." He told her, carefully, because Jack thought things out before he said them, more so when the mood turned so serious. "Even if you hadn't come traipsing into the jungle after me."
"No, you would've gotten on a submarine and tried to get us rescued." She corrected, frowning slightly. She'd screwed up his plans, but he was too much of a gentleman to bring that back up again. "Besides, I never was very good at waiting. Not when it counts anyway."
There was something he wanted to say, she could see it in his eyes, but he kept quiet, once again letting that silence fall over them again. She wanted to know what it was, she wanted them to stop withholding things from each other, but she didn't know how to tell him that.
After a moment, she asked, "We're okay, right?"
"Kate…" he exhaled her name, hesitance in her voice.
"Look, I don't want to dance around things. I'm tired of games and lies. I just…I need us to be okay again." The intensity in his eyes made her face feel hot, and she knew all the color had rushed to her cheeks.
"We will be," he replied, leaving it purposefully open-ended.
She bit her lip, "Just not yet."
He shook his head, "No, not yet."
She put on her brave face. She didn't let it bring her down too much, because sometime was better than never. She couldn't ask for more than that. So just hoped it wasn't too long.
"Kate," she heard him say, but when she looked over at him, he was still sitting there, staring forward into the firelight.
"What?"
---
"Kate, wake up."
Her eyes snapped open to find Jack kneeling next to her, gently shaking her awake. She sat up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes, alert. It didn't go unnoticed by her that he backed up a few inches. "What?"
"Sayid needs you." He replied, calmly but distantly. Not at all the Jack she had been conversing with in her…dream. That's all that was. And she was back here, in this tension filled hell.
"Why didn't he just come and get me?" She asked, half hoping maybe he had wanted to see her. He'd been avoiding her since they'd gotten back.
"I'm helping Juliet fix her tent, you were on my way."
She wondered if he even realized that was adding insult to injury. He seemed so unaware at this point. She faked a slight smile, and nodded, "Thanks."
He barely even acknowledged her reply before he disappeared, headed for Juliet apparently. She wished he'd just let her sleep, just let her remain in a world where she didn't feel so out of place, so much like the villain. But it was too late for that, for wishing and for dreaming. Too late in the day and, a small voice in her head added, maybe too late for them.
Not for the first time, she wakes up feeling exhausted.