He hated these moods, it always meant trouble. If he acted on those impulses he'd regret it and feel guilty, if Dean found out – that he was thinking about it or that he had done it – he'd kill him, and if he did nothing at all he was most definitely left wanting. He shouldn't, he knew, it was wrong, oh so very wrong, but he just couldn't seem to help it.
Sam didn't even know what exactly it was he wanted, why he found himself so compelled to do such things. He certainly didn't want any sort of feelings where she was concerned, she had always just been a tool to use, so why did he want to hold her so badly? It never made any sense, no matter how hard or long he thought about it. He didn't care about her, not at all, why would he? She was a demon; they were just trying to use each other.
It was true the body she was wearing wasn't exactly ugly, though it wasn't as pretty as the blonde. This new form didn't have the sarcasm and spunk the last did either though, it didn't seem particularly capable of expressing things like that. Of course, it could have nothing to do with the body, but that was just how it seemed sometimes.
Sam shook his head, his thoughts were straying too far from the subject he was meant to be thinking about. The point he was trying to make was that while yes, she was pretty; he wasn't overly attracted to her. Not to that body, because that was all it was, some girl's body, not Ruby. So what did that mean? That it was Ruby he wanted? That couldn't be the case though could it? It was true that things had changed while Dean was 'away' but they couldn't have changed that much.
He did want her right now though, as much as he wanted to deny it. Maybe it was nothing to do with Ruby or the body she was wearing, maybe it was just she was the only real option he had if he wanted 'that'. He wasn't like Dean, he couldn't just go out and sleep with some random woman he would probably never see again, there had to be something more there, like with Jess, Sarah and Madison.
That was easier to accept and believe, it was just because he knew Ruby and there were no strings attached, she didn't want or expect a relationship, it was just sex when he needed it. It still didn't absolve the guilt for sleeping with a demon, but Ruby had never really come across as a typical demon. She had done so much for him and helping hunters alone showed how different she was.
None of that changed the fact that it went against how he was raised, that trusting her was bad enough, but sleeping with her… There was also the fact that it frightened him, Ruby made things easier because she kept things at a distance, but he couldn't help but question if his closeness to Ruby was because of the blood in him, that it tied him to the demons, that it meant he would fall.
She was always careful, despite the fact that the sex really was incredibly good; she always kept it at sex. Once he was satisfied, she moved away, she never stayed close and let him hold her. He could see sometimes that she wanted to, that she wanted to be so much closer than either of them allowed, but she never did. That was why it made it easier to want her, because she would never let him have her for anything other than sex.
He knew why she behaved that way, because if they got close, he wouldn't let her take the risks she did. He would stop her from sacrificing herself to protect him and plenty of other things as well, they both knew that. Ruby had put everything into him, he knew, so she couldn't afford for anything to happen to him. It made him feel better to know that everything she did was to keep him safe, even from herself. He had said when Dean had come back that he wasn't sure he trusted her, but he knew he did.
No matter what it was she did, she always put all her effort into it, but especially when it came to anything he wanted or needed. She always made sure to do or say whatever he needed her to. He should probably be thinking that it was just her being manipulative but given her actions, he couldn't. If she wasn't serious about protecting him, she wouldn't be so willing to put herself in harms way for him.
He knew that she was using him for her own ends but he also knew that she had chosen him to serve and protect. Ruby had been willing enough to send herself to hell before they had even really got to know each other, but after her return to hell and back to his side, they had become much closer, she had changed a lot. She hadn't wanted to be anywhere near Alistair, she had admitted she was afraid of him, yet when he asked for her help, she didn't hesitate.
Thinking like this was a distraction from the initial problem but it didn't really help him. It just made him feel bad about the way he treated her despite everything she'd done. It made him think of her more and more like a person, a partner and friend. It made him want to get closer to her, to sit down and talk to her and find out who she really was, how she became a witch, if she, like Dean, enjoyed torturing the other souls and what Lilith would do to her if she returned to hell.
He didn't really want to know the answer to the latter two; the former just in case she said no and the latter because it really wouldn't help with his feelings of guilt. She had said the last time that she had been put in the nastiest corners of hell and she had done far more to anger them since then. Once she returned to hell that would be it, no way out and no way of escaping the pain and torment, they would be sure to make her suffer for the rest of eternity.
A hand was waved in front of Sam's face and he looked to his brother questioningly. "Sorry Dean, what is it?"
"You okay Sammy?" Dean asked, concerned but equally not really interested.
Sam smiled; Dean was itching to go out evidently. "I'm fine Dean, I was just thinking about some things. Go ahead and go out, I can tell you're dying to."
Dean grinned and ruffled Sam's hair. "See you later Sammy."
Sam shook his head, it was alright for some. How Dean could just go out and spend the night, not that he normally stayed the night anywhere, with some random woman really was beyond him, Sam just couldn't do it. It did however leave him all alone thinking about a particular demon, without his brother around to keep him from leaving the motel room to go and see her.
He knew it was probably a very bad idea, given the mood he'd put himself in but he wanted to. He doubted that they'd talk, as much as he felt like it right now, it was far more likely that he would follow his earlier impulses, unless they went out on a hunt instead. Since he had agreed to resume his training, it was probably quite likely she would take any opportunity she could to make him practice.
That was the other reason he trusted and felt safe with her, he supposed; she was the only person who wasn't afraid of him, didn't think he was a freak, nor that Azazel's blood would harm him and that using his power wouldn't make him fall. It was nice to have someone who believed in him, trusted him and his judgement. Dean tried but he couldn't hide the fear or concern that he felt, which didn't seem to have changed any since his trip downstairs.
It was strange really that Dean acted the same as before, especially with some of the things he had admitted. It was the way that Dean worked though; he hid behind a façade and pretended that everything was fine, even though it wasn't. That habit had been highly annoying at times and it did him absolutely no good, but Dean could be very difficult to reason with.
Sam's phone rang and he found himself smiling when he saw Ruby's name. "Hi, what's up?"
"Are you free? I've got a possible lead for you." Ruby replied, all business.
"Yeah, Dean's out."
"Good, I'll be there soon."
Sam grinned, sometimes it seemed like Ruby was psychic. Still, given he wanted to see her, he wasn't going to complain about being given an excuse. He grabbed the knife and his jacket slipping the former into the back of his jeans and the latter on, before writing a note for Dean and grabbing the motel key. He wasn't waiting long for Ruby to arrive and took no time sliding into the car.
There wasn't any conversation during the trip; Ruby was usually quiet, though she seemed to be more so tonight. Sometimes he had to wonder just how well she could read him, if she somehow knew his thoughts and had no intention of encouraging them. It wouldn't surprise him if she did know him that well; she always seemed to know what he needed from her.
Sam raised an eyebrow questioningly when Ruby pulled up alongside a building; this was certainly not the kind of place that he would expect to be hunting demons, let alone for a lead on Lilith. Ruby caught his gaze and shrugged, a slight smirk gracing her lips but she didn't make the slightest effort to explain.
Sam sighed, though more in amusement than frustration, things were usually more interesting when Ruby was in one of these moods. With both of them being in unusual mindsets and given the location they were at, things could definitely turn out interestingly once the hunt was finished.
He was oh-so tempted to ignore the fact that there were demons in the vicinity and just do things to her that he knew he really shouldn't. Knowing that he was alone with her while she was in one of her more playful moods, the impulses he had been fighting earlier had come back in full force. He wanted her and he didn't want to wait to put his hands on her.
The only thing that was really stopping him was her; he knew that she wouldn't let him do anything like that until it was safe. He was glad really, because getting caught with your pants down was highly embarrassing and problematic. His lips quirked slightly at a few random images that line of thought produced and he shook his head to clear them. Right now he needed to concentrate on the task at hand.
Keeping his voice low, Sam couldn't help but ask. "Are we seriously hunting demons at a health spa?"
Ruby half-giggled, though contained herself. "Yes Sam, there really are demons here, why, do you think I'd make it up to get you to come and chill out for a change?"
Sam placed a hand on each of Ruby's hips and bought his mouth close to her ear. Tempted to do much more, he simply spoke softly, warm breath cascading over the shell of her ear. "I'm not sure I'd have a problem with that right now if it were true."
Ruby shivered slightly, turning to face him. "Is that right? Then I guess we'll just have to take advantage of the facilities once we're done here."
Sam pressed his lips against hers before she moved away, his tongue slipping into her mouth for a quick, possessive kiss before he pulled away again. "I am going to hold you to that."
Ruby smirked and nodded, turning to continue down the corridor. It took a lot of self-control for Sam not to grab her and force her against the wall, but if she was willing to play then he could exercise a little patience. Even if it turned out they had to leave the spa because of certain legal professionals, he was still most definitely going to be spending the night with her.
Dean wouldn't approve but Dean wasn't going to be given any details. There were some things that just didn't concern his brother and his sex life was most definitely one of those things. He didn't ask (or want to know) what his brother did or who with, so Dean should have the same courtesy. He hadn't commented on Anna after all and he could have done.
True Anna was an angel but she had fallen, ripped out her grace and defied the rules of heaven, it was no different than Lucifer had done. She was viewed no differently by Heaven, yet Dean didn't think twice, never questioned that she was a good person. It wasn't fair of him to ignore Anna's actions and identity, while being so prejudiced towards Ruby when she had done far more for them than Anna ever had.
Sometimes he forgot she was a demon, it made it easier to go through with the act, but sometimes he just didn't care. It was who she was that mattered, not what. Her actions spoke in volumes and they said that it was fine to care about her because she had more than earned his trust and respect. She was selfless when it came to him, he asked and she gave, that was further than anyone else had ever or would ever go.
Hearing voices up-ahead Sam shook his thoughts aside; Ruby would kick his ass if something went wrong because he wasn't focused. Keeping his footsteps as light as he could on the tiled floor he sidled to where Ruby was stood. He'd thought it was a strange enough idea that demons would be in a place like this, but 'this' certainly wasn't what he was expecting.
There were two or three demons, or so he thought, but there were also five or six humans. It looked as if they'd walked in on an active coven, not something he really wanted to walk in on, least of all when it was just him and Ruby and neither of them were particularly well-armed. Ruby didn't appear the least bit concerned, though it was rare that she ever did, it was usually only if Sam got hurt or things were really looking bad.
Ruby motioned for Sam to stay put and walked into the room casually. All eyes turned to face her and Sam learnt that three of the eight were demons, their eyes going black with sneers edged on their features. They knew who Ruby was it seemed, though he supposed it was far easier for them to recognise each other, irrespective of whatever body they were wearing.
Ruby remained flippant, not the least bit off-put by the reaction she received. "Evening. Sorry, am I interrupting? I just wanted to take a look around when the place was closed up. Never been to one of these places, so I'm a little curious I guess."
Sam had to bite his lip to keep himself from laughing, everyone knew she was being sarcastic but it sounded so genuine, well, it would if you didn't know her. It was just civil and as if it was a normal situation for someone who knew nothing about the supernatural world surrounding them. Sam missed the comment thrown back at Ruby by one of the demons, but Ruby's complete lack of reaction said it wasn't worth hearing.
She smiled sweetly as they surrounded her; keeping her eye on the lead demon as he walked round her, meaning she was facing the direction Sam was hiding in. They would no doubt, think she was nervous, but Sam knew it was so that she could communicate freely with him when she needed to. It appeared that she had been fully aware of the situation beforehand and had everything under control.
Sam generally tried to ignore the 'conversation', it was all jibes at Ruby and how much she was going to suffer for betraying her own kind, not something he really wanted to hear. It was all bravado though, a bully's attempt to show off in front of his friends. Ruby wasn't the least bit fazed by any of it; she just stood with an amused look on her face, making no attempt to dispute what was being said.
Eventually one of the witches stepped towards her from the rear, knife in hand. Had Sam's head not reminded him in time that she was a demon and the knife couldn't hurt her, he would have shouted out a warning. As it turned out, Ruby was well aware of the act and stopped the girl without even turning to face her. The knife was placed at the girl's throat, who was now stood flush against Ruby. She could be pretty, but the deep-set malice ruined her features, not that Sam could care any less.
Ruby looked to him briefly and Sam knew it was a warning that the girl was going to die. He only hesitated briefly before nodding his acceptance. She was a witch, so her soul and life was already forfeit. He wasn't really sure what he thought about watching Ruby use her as a sacrifice, but given he was going to let her use Nancy, who was an innocent, he supposed he had no place in arguing over someone he wouldn't hesitate to kill anyway.
Ruby pressed the knife tighter to the girl's throat, causing a rivulet of blood to flow down her neck. Ruby's lips moved in a near-silent chant, a seal forming around her. He had never really seen Ruby casting before, but from the look on the faces of everyone else in the room, this was not a simple or low-level spell. A light flashed through the room and Sam had to cover his eyes, backing off slightly from the heat also present.
"You can come out now Sam." Ruby stated softly once the temperate luminosity had died down.
Sam looked into the room, Ruby was stood where she had been, but there was no sign of the witches. The demons appeared to be bound in place and were glaring hatefully at Ruby and equally at Sam once he finally stepped into the room. It always surprised him when Ruby used her abilities, aside from the odd hex bag, she usually fought like a human, she never used her demon abilities and using magic like this wasn't really something she did either, at least not in front of him.
"What was that?" Sam asked quietly, not really sure of his voice.
"Nothing to worry about Sam, you don't really need or want to know the ins-and-outs of witchcraft. It's just something new I've wanted to try out for a while and this was the prefect opportunity. Now it's your turn to play."
Sam nodded, still a little put-off by the power Ruby had available to her but didn't use. Maybe he would have to ask her later why that was; after all, she encouraged and expected him to use his. For now the matter would have to be pushed aside, he had to concentrate on what he was doing. It was doubtful the demons would talk, but as always he would ask about Lilith before sending them back downstairs.
It took less time than usual for him to give up on the idea of gaining any useful information; and it was probably a record for him to exorcise three demons in such a short amount of time. Ruby grinned, clearly pleased with how well he'd done; he was getting stronger, they both knew that. He also knew it was only a matter of time before she tried to persuade him to learn something else. It had always been on the cards though, she had promised to teach him everything she knew after all.
Sam pushed Ruby back against a pillar, taking her lips in his own once again. Be as it may that he had questions, he also had his libido to consider and that had been first in the queue for Ruby's attention. It didn't take long for things to turn raw and passionate; it never did, not with her. There was just something there, he wanted her completely and unconditionally and she gave everything she had without question. So perfect, always so damned perfect, which is why he could never give her up, try as he might.
Sam moved his lips away from her throat, though not before running his tongue along the smooth, flawless skin. "If you're that powerful, why do you always fight the same way we do?"
Ruby's incredulous look screamed 'we're making out and you're asking stupid questions'. "Witchcraft isn't quick and easy Sam, I had to set things up earlier. Generally I don't get the time to prepare or cast anything."
Sam nodded, moving back to his ministrations; that answered that question. Sam paused again, wasn't the idea to have some fun with the facilities? The way they were going it was just going to be hot, steamy, passionate sex as per normal. There was nothing wrong with that, the sex was great, but this was meant to be something different. Ruby, understanding his thoughts as always, led him into a different room; Jacuzzi's and swimming pools, now that definitely sounded a little more interesting.
Ruby smiled sweetly before turning away, slowly stripping down to her underwear before stepping into the closest Jacuzzi and seating herself 'comfortably'. This was not a side to Ruby he had seen before but he would certainly admit she could play a seductress well when she wanted to. The way she looked, moved, spoke; it was all mesmerising and highly appealing. He couldn't remember ever wanted her so much.
Following suit, Sam stripped down into his boxers and entered the Jacuzzi. Kneeling in front of the woman that he could, for the time being, only describe as his goddess, Sam captured her lips once again. Ruby moved fluidly, placing her slick body against his, that combined with the heat and flow of the water pushed him well past the point of common sense. If anyone were to come in now, for whatever reason, he probably wouldn't even realise, the only thing that had his attention was her and every movement and noise she made.
Hands and mouths moved everywhere, feeling, tasting and memorising. This was something more than they had done before, something much stronger. Some part of Sam's mind was surprised that Ruby was allowing this, that she hadn't pulled away or at least done something to take the feelings out of it. They both knew since the first time they had slept together that they needed each other, needed someone who accepted them and really there had always been the likelihood that things would progress. This was so much more than just sex and it would certainly change things between them.
At some point the rest of their clothing had been shed, not that either cared when it had happened. Nothing really seemed to be important; it was all trivial affairs that could wait for another time. The feel of skin on skin, the proximity and a closeness neither had felt in a long time was all that mattered. Sam muttered those three forbidden words into her neck as he marked her as his own, the haze over his mind blocking out the surprise when she returned them.
"Sam!" A voice shouted angrily, making him jump, it took a few moments for him to realise it was his brother's voice.
Sam turned to face Dean, not particularly thrilled to see Castiel stood at his side and Uriel stood by the door. He could feel Ruby's unease but resisted the urge to wrap his arm around her, knowing it would cause more trouble than it was worth. Dean was furious enough already and the angels were certainly 'displeased', not that it was unusual, they were never happy with him. Sam ignored them for the time being, looking to Dean instead, not sure why he was fuming so much.
"Dean." He finally said courtly, not really sure how to respond.
"What the hell do you think you're doing Sam?!" Dean snapped sharply.
"You already know about this, it's not like I didn't tell you." Sam stated softly, almost pleadingly.
"Not only are you sleeping with that demon slut, you're using your powers when you'd said you'd stop, been warned to stop and then you go saying something like that. You think you love the bitch? Are you completely out of your mind?!"
"You know damn well he didn't mean it, it's just something people say without thinking about the meaning of the words." Ruby snapped, though without the bite it would usually have.
"I did stop, but I think this is the best way of stopping things from taking a turn for the worst. I don't want to be doing this for the rest of my life Dean and I trust Ruby to make sure nothing happens, she wouldn't teach me if she thought it would hurt me." Sam added his reply to Dean's other comment.
"You trust a demon not to lead you into the dark? You're completely nuts! I don't care if she did save your life, that bitch is not staying near you and if the only way to ensure that is sending her sorry ass back to hell then all the better!"
Sam felt Ruby shift behind him, clearly not pleased with the way the conversation was going. He couldn't blame her, nothing pleasant was waiting for her in the pit and she would be stuck there permanently. He couldn't help but wonder if she had meant what she said to Dean, or if she had just been trying to placate him. Knowing she would be less than pleased with the act, Sam moved in front of her.
"You know things aren't that simple Dean. Ruby isn't like them, she chose us, humanity, over the demons. If she wanted someone like them, then she wouldn't have put herself through all this, she would have helped Lilith. Ruby won't let anything happen to me." Sam said reassuringly, hoping his brother would calm down and see reason.
Ruby placed a hand against Sam's back and he knew without looking that her features were lined with worry. As much as she really didn't want to go back downstairs, she didn't want to risk any harm to Sam and she had promised not to come between him and Dean. Sam wanted to reassure her, but he knew he couldn't, knew that for now he would have to practically ignore her. Dean was far too volatile right now and he didn't want to risk that he really would send Ruby away.
"You're a danger Winchester, trusting an abomination when you have their blood in you. Maybe you're ties with their kind run deeper than you'll admit." Uriel sneered.
Sam glared; he did not like the arrogant and obnoxious angel one bit. "Ruby is an exception to the rule, she isn't like the others. I am not going to fall. Maybe if you quit with the paranoid maliciousness and tried doing something other than putting us down you might realise that we're useful allies."
It was infuriating really, they stood on their high horses, not having the first clue about either of them, not caring for all the good things they'd done, they just painted them black. It didn't matter that he was the good one who prayed to God, that he tried so hard to save everyone, nor did it matter that Ruby had set herself up for an eternity of the worst hell could come up with to help them. They had no right to look down on them both the way they did after everything they'd sacrificed for 'the greater good'.
"Do you understand the danger?" Castiel asked impassively, by far the calmest of everyone in the room.
"Yes, but I can also see how unreasonably bias you are. Yes she's a demon, yes I have demon blood in me, but that doesn't make either of us monsters. Dean went to hell, would have become a demon, but he didn't sell his soul for greed or power, it was to save me. Not everyone who goes to hell is a bad person. Ruby still has some humanity left and I'm stronger than Azazel's blood, I'm not going to fall and she would never let me. It would be nice to have someone other than Ruby actually believe and trust in me."
Castiel nodded but said nothing, genuinely considering Sam's words. He wasn't like Uriel, it seemed like he could appreciate that things weren't black and white, that there was a world beyond their own. He had seen the questioning and doubt in Castiel's eyes from time-to-time, though the angel always tried to hide it. He couldn't be blamed for that of course, the punishment for angels who questioned was severe.
Sam's impassioned speech also seemed to have soothed his brother's fury and he didn't miss the guilt that flashed through Dean's eyes. It was true though, whether anyone liked it or not, Ruby was the only one who trusted and believed in him, the only one who didn't see him as a freak, or fear him for something that he had no say or control over. She was the only one he could turn to for support no matter what the issue was. She was always there for him, always guiding and protecting.
Sam sighed softly, finally turning to face Ruby. He needed her to reassure him, to confirm that he was right and everything would be okay. Yes, he knew how very weak willed he could be, but he was also very stubborn when it came to what was really important. It was okay to lean on Ruby because even if in the end she did betray him, which he didn't believe was likely to happen, he would never falter from what mattered, he would never stray down the path of ruin.
Ruby glanced at Dean wearily before running a hand through Sam's hair. "You are such a sap, no wonder shortbus worries so much. You're a good person Sam, anyone who isn't a complete idiot can see that, so relax already."
Sam smiled slightly, once again pleased that she knew exactly what to say and how to say it. He knew they would probably see it as her manipulating him, but he didn't much care right now. Ignoring the consequences, he leant forward and kissed Ruby softly, muttering a thank you before turning back to Dean and the angels. He was pleasantly surprised to find that Dean wasn't glaring, he didn't look thrilled, but he appeared to have accepted the action.
Dean sighed. "Get dressed, I'll wait out front."
Sam nodded and watched the three of them leave. Ruby had grabbed their underwear and was looking rather contemptuously at the sopping mess. "Not really sure we want to be wearing these."
Sam grinned, stepping out of the Jacuzzi and holding his hand out to her. "No, I think we'll have to go commando."
Ruby smirked, taking Sam's offer to help her up and out. She grabbed a towel and threw one to Sam. It was very unlikely they would wait too long and Ruby was clearly none-too-thrilled by the idea of being seen naked by Dean or the angels. Sam couldn't blame her of course; he was as pleased when Dean said he was leaving them to get sorted out as she was.
"Well, so much to the idea of making the most of the facilities. It was definitely fun while it lasted though." Ruby stated offhand while she was drying herself off.
Sam wasn't sure whether to smile or frown at that, it had been very enjoyable but it was a disappointment that things had been interrupted. "Yeah, maybe next time. Assuming Dean leaves me alone ever again."
Ruby laughed and he knew she could well believe he'd do something like that. "I'm just amazed they left that easily. I was absolutely sure I was gonna get smited, or stabbed with my own knife…"
"Yeah, things were pretty terse, I'm glad they listened to reason. I was worried that I was going to lose you."
Ruby paused in fastening her jeans. "Sam, I know things were, kind of intense back there, but you know you mustn't get attached to me."
Sam fastened his own trousers before walking over to her and wrapping his arms around her waist. "I understand the danger Ruby, I know you're worried I'll get hurt for you or because I won't let you do what you need to, but I couldn't promise that wouldn't happen anyway. You matter to me, regardless of how close we are or not and I don't want to lose the only real lifeline I've got. Let me have you, please?"
Ruby sighed softly, she couldn't really dispute Sam's words, he was like that with everyone. "We'll see what happens. No promises. If I don't like the way things are heading, I will back off. Your life and well being is what counts and I'll keep you safe from everything, including myself."
Ruby pulled away and finished getting dressed while Sam stood by, not sure what he could say. He knew how things stood; she always made that crystal clear. Ruby looked at him when she was finished, gaze softening slightly. Sighing softly she kissed him chastely before walking away. He didn't need any words; he knew what she meant, how she felt, the act was enough.
Sighing himself, he quickly finished getting dressed before heading out to where Dean was waiting. He knew they weren't finished with him yet, but Dean at least seemed to grudgingly accept his affection for her and Castiel had heard and appreciated his words. It would take time but he hoped that eventually they would accept her by his side, and of course, accept him and the blood that flowed in him. Tonight was a start and while things had far from turned out how he had envisaged, he couldn't bring himself to regret any of it.