This was surprisingly quite hard to do. I know I said I was going to write it, so I did. This is for anyone who was a fan of Greetings from Uncle Vernon.
These are set all before Harry finds about about Hogwarts and being a wizard and all. I may add more when I think of them, but for now it's finished.
Harry Gets Back at Dudley
"Nice clothes, Harry," jeered a nine-year-old Dudley. "Where'd you get them because you look like a twig in a circus tent."
"They were your baby clothes, Dudley," replied Harry with a smirk. "You were a fat baby... nothing's changed."
---
Aunt Petunia pushed Harry out of the kitchen. He had a fresh haircut; he was almost bald except with for a tuft of hair which was supposed to be his fringe that covered his scar. Dudley burst into a fit of hysterical laughter and rolled about on the floor.
"Stylish haircut," Dudley laughed, pointing a fat finger at Harry.
"Atleast I don't look like a pig in a wig," Harry retorted before slamming shut his cupboard door.
---
Two baby boys sat in a shallow bath tub. Dudley Dursley splased his cousin Harry with a wave of soapy water. Harry's little hands were clutched over a bottle of bubble bath mixture. His tiny hands squeezed the bottle and a jet of bright pink bubble bath mixture caught Dudley right on the face. Harry was giggling while Dudley began to wail and Aunt Petunia began to fuss over him frantically.
---
The teacher was handing back their test papers. To Harry's delight there was a large A+ and a 'well done, Harry' written in the top corner. Dudley, who was sitting beside Harry, peered over at his cousin's paper.
"Nerd," hissed Dudley.
Harry frowned and looked over at Dudley's paper. He laughed.
"Atleast I didn't spell my name wrong, 'Duddle'," said Harry, pointing at Dudley's mistake.
---
Harry and Dudley sat beside each other in the kindergarten classroom. They were drawing pictures and doing craft work. Dudley picked up a purple crayon and scribbled all over Harry's carefully drawn picture of a unicorn. Harry began to whimper and Dudley laughed and stood up to find a pot of blue paint. Harry picked up a pot of glue and poured it all over Dudley's seat.
Dudley missed out on recess that day as the teacher had to try and pry Dudley out of his chair.
---
"You're gonna look like a wrinkly, old elephant!" taunted Dudley, who was strutting about in his new maroon Smeltings uniform while Harry watched his new miserable, smelly, grey uniform dry on the clothes line.
"Well," said Harry, looking at Dudley's maroon tailcoat, "it's better than looking like an overgrown beetroot."
Harry dodged Dudley's Smeltings stick and dashed inside.