Disclaimer: I do not own Hellboy. I do not own X-men. I do now own the English language. That cover everything?

Author's Note: For those who do no know X-men, here are the characters in this story:

Pete: An awkward giant (about 6 foot something) that can turn his skin metal at will.

Jamie: A jokester with the ability to clone himself

Terry and Rahne: Two super tough Irish girls- their abilities don't tie into the story

Family Ties

"Nyet…nyet, nyet, nyet, nyet, nyet, nyet, nyet…" a deep Russian voice was heard cursing through the hallways of the mansion. Naturally it was Piotr, who was having another mini-crisis about who knows what. Jamie Madrox was about to find out, since he was heading there anyway. Tossing a football to himself as he walked to Piotr's room, Jamie threw it through the open door with a 'heads up'. Piotr, who was still muttering 'nyet' while reading a letter, found himself getting hit in the head with a football.

"What's up big guy? I wanted to ask if you'd be willing to go up with me against Terry and Rahne in football, but I might reconsider, seeing your reflex skills and all," Jamie said, picking up the football

Piotr turned to him, his face in utter dismay. After a short pause, he finally said what was bothering him. "My uncle is coming. Here. Today," Piotr said, his expression unchanging.

"And why's that so bad?" Jamie asked, flopping down on Piotr's bed, "He not know you're a mutant or something?"

"No, it's not that," Piotr said, sighing. "First of all he's not truly my uncle. And secondly, the last time I saw him was nearly two years ago. And I was hoping that would be the last time I saw him. But he's found out of my mutant abilities and taken a new interest in me. And he's curious to see this legendary 'mutant mansion'."

Jamie frowned mockingly. "Aw c'mon. How bad can he be Peter?" he asked.

Piotr sighed. "Well, he's obnoxious. He's bigger than me and therefore treats me like a little kid. He's a redneck, literally…"

"He's what? Oh my god, hold on a second," Jamie said as he scrambled to get off of the bed. He ran to his room and came back two seconds later, with one of his possessions in hand. "Is this him?" he asked, showing the… comic book cover.

Piotr groaned an affirmative 'da'. Jamie grinned. "YOUR UNCLE'S HELLBOY?! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?! I ONLY HAVE LIKE-A MILLION-HELLBOY COMICS!"

"I told you, he and I don't exactly get along," Piotr said, "But Grigori Rasputin is considered his father and is my great grandfather so… technically, he's my great uncle. Really technically."

"Cool! You so have to introduce me!" Jamie gushed (much like a typical fangirl). Piotr nodded and rolled his eyes. Something told him that Jamie was going to end up spending more time with Hellboy than he was.

About one hour later, the doorbell rang. Without any preamble, 3 Jamie clones simultaneously ran for it. They all fought to get the honor of opening the door for a minute, before stopping and putting themselves back into one. Jamie opened it, and he was speechless for a minute. There he was: 7 feet tall, red skinned, complete with prehensile tail and trenchcoat.

Hellboy- in the flesh.

"Um…hi. I'm looking for Pete Rasputin. He here?" the demon asked, scratching the back of his neck with an oversized right hand. "I think this is the right address but damn Mapquest couldn't find the place."

"Hell yes! Come in Hellboy!" Jamie said excitedly, pulling him inside. Hellboy raised his eyebrows. How did he know? Piotr didn't exactly brag to people about the fact his uncle was a demon…

"Aw crap, you're a fan of the comics. Damn Mike Mignola, I knew I should've never agreed to media exposure …" he cursed as he was dragged inside. Jamie ignored him, and smiled happily as he brought Hellboy further inside. Hellboy looked back at the door. Something told him his bags were going to end up staying on the stoop with the death grip Jamie was giving him.

Piotr came down the hallway, in the opposite direction of the two. Upon seeing Hellboy, he made a 180 and started to walk the other way, hoping his uncle hadn't noticed. Unfortunately, Piotr would not be so lucky, and stopped as he heard his relative's voice.

"Petey! Damn, long time no see," Hellboy said, freeing himself from Jamie's grasp and shaking Piotr's hand with an oversized stone fist. That hurt Piotr, a lot.

"It's nice to see you to, Uncle," Piotr mumbled. Piotr winced a little at the grip, and mouthed the words 'Help. Me.' to Jamie through clenched teeth. Jamie saw the cue, and wasn't about to turn down a day with his favorite fictional character, or that he thought was fictional anyway.

"Sooo…Peter and I were gonna play some football versus the girls. Wanna play?" Jamie asked smiling. Piotr felt like smacking his own face in. The whole point of Jamie being with Hellboy was so he didn't have to be.

Hellboy grinned. "Sure, sounds fun."

"Actually, I promised Katya I was going to take her out," Piotr lied, looking at the floor a bit. Lying wasn't a tendency of his, and he still felt guilty. Even though he really, really didn't want to spend time with his uncle.

"But you're not dat-OW!" Jamie started, but was elbowed hard by Piotr. He paused a minute to ask what that was for before he connected the dots. If they had been animated, a little light bulb would have gone on over Jamie's head.

"Well, wouldn't wanna mess up your date," Hellboy said, turning to Jamie. "C'mon, let's go show those girls who's boss."

A while later, Hellboy and Jamie were coming back inside, covered up to their knees in mud. Hellboy and Jamie were talking about the intense game they had just had between Terry and Rahne. And by talking, I meant complaining on…

"How the hell did we lose to them?" Hellboy asked openly, "We had the manpower and strength advantage!" It was quite the mystery. Jamie and his clones shrugged their shoulders before going back into one again. They walked in silence for a minute.

"So, Pete still mad at me?" Hellboy asked Jamie. Jamie raised an eyebrow.

"Please, I wasn't born yesterday. He didn't want to be around me, and made up some girl to keep me away. I can take a hint," Hellboy explained. Jamie knew Piotr shouldn't have underestimated his comic book hero.

"You know, I don't even know why he doesn't like you," Jamie said, "You're a nice guy."

"Yeah yeah, keep this up an' you're gonna make me blush," Hellboy joked, tousling Jamie's hair. "But last time I saw him we got into a big argument. About his family and what his great grandfather was. Petey just wouldn't believe about his great granddaddy's involvement in dark magic. I thought it would've blown over by now. Guess I was wrong," the big guy sighed.

Jamie's face saddened for a bit. Before he got another idea that was. "Lemme talk to him. 10 bucks that in half an hour I can get him to change his mind," Jamie suggested. The two shook on it.

Half an hour later, Hellboy was watching television with the girls from earlier, who he had grown to like. Especially when they agreed that next time he visited they would all have to go up against Jamie and the clones in football.

Much to Hellboy's surprise, Piotr entered, teary eyed. He came up, hugged Hellboy and whispered that he was so sorry for everything. The two made up, and Piotr left the room to go dry his eyes, passing by Jamie as he went. Jamie, naturally, was standing against the door opening, arms crossed, with a cocky smile plastered on his face.

"What the hell did you do?" Hellboy asked as he fished out a ten dollar bill.

"Simple. Peter's a Hellboy comic fan now." Jamie replied.