"I still remember the look on your face
Lit through the darkness, at 158?
The words that you whispered for just us to know
You told me you loved me, so why did you go away?"
Icy wind whipped through her hair as she listened to Taylor's voice coming out of the headphones of her iPod lying in her lap. The cold biting her skin.
"I do recall now, the smell of the rain
Fresh on the pavement, I ran off the plane
That you lie nines?
The beat of your heart
It jumps through your shirt
I can still feel your arms,"
Pulling her jacket closer she leaned forward in her chair trying to shield herself from the wind but it wasn't helping much.
"But now I'll go sit on the floor wearing your clothes
All that I know is I don't know
How to be something you miss...
I never thought we'd have our last kiss
Never imagined we'd end like this
Your name, forever the name on my lips,"
She tried hard not to cry even though the lyrics of Taylor's song described her feelings perfectly. Perfectly.
"I do remember the swing in you step
The life of the party, you're showing off again
And I roll my eyes, and you pull me in
I'm not much for dancing, but for you I did
Because I love your handshake meeting my father
I love how you walk with your hands in your pockets
How you kissed me when I was in the middle of saying something
There's not a day I don't miss those rude interruptions,"
She held back a sob still willing herself not to break down.
"And I'll go sit on the floor wearing your clothes
And all that I know is I don't know
How to be something you miss...
I never thought we'd have our last kiss
Never imagined we'd end like this
Your name, forever the name on my lips,"
By the time the second chorus was done the tears were falling freely. After all what is the use in keeping them in? There was nobody who would care. The only person who would have was gone.
"So I'll watch your life in pictures
Like I used to watch you sleep
And I feel you forget me, like I used to fear
And breathe
And I'll keep up with our old friends
Just to ask them how you are
Hope it's nice where you are
And I hope the sun shines, and it's a beautiful day
And something reminds you, you wish you had stayed
You can plan for a change in the weather and time
But I never planned on you changing your mind,"
She ripped out the headphones sending them skidding across the floor together with her iPod. Stopping the song from playing any further. Why was this happening? Why her?
"Demi! Thank god I finally found you! You are supposed to be in Sound check in less then 40 minutes!" an out of breath Nick exclaimed appearing in the doorway. "What are you doing here anyways? It's freezing." He said while stepping outside shuddering slightly.
"Are you alright?" He asked when she didn't reply then gasped when she turned to face him. Her eyes were puffy and red from all the crying. "Oh my god! Demi what happened!"
"Nothing! Nothing everything's fine," she responded quickly wiping her eyes and putting on a smile so he wouldn't worry.
"Yeah right," Nick knelt down to pick up her iPod. When he flipped it over he saw what had been playing. "Last Kiss? Why would you.. Oh." Nick mumbled then realized. "Demi," he carefully stepped closer to her putting a hand on her knee, "This is about Joe, isn't it?"
"No! I told you I am fine!" She half yelled but the flinch at his name told him he was right.
"Demi please don't lie to me. I know you're not fine. You have every right not to be fine after what happened." Nick stated a little angry.
"What do you know?" she snapped back a fierce look coming to her eyes, "You have no idea what is up with me Nicholas because you weren't there!"
His expression softened. "I know and I'm sorry. But I am now."
"I can't talk about it. I'm sorry," she stood up moving towards the door.
"I'm not Joe you know," That statement froze her in her tracks. He stepped closer. "I am his brother yes. And I love him. But he is a dickhead. And I am sorry for what he did to you."
"It's not your fault," she whispered.
They stood there for a while. Just looking at each other.
"The night he told me he was calling it quits my world broke down," Demi started suddenly pulling her arms close around her to keep herself from shivering, "But I accepted it even though I wasn't happy with it because I understood his reasons. Our relationship was getting quite public and I thought it was ok because he thought he was saving our friendship." She sat back down taking a deep breath before continuing.
"It was hard. I broke down a couple of times. And after a while I started questioning what we had done. I was seeing him less than I ever had and when I did it was awkward and we practically never talked. Our friendship hadn't been saved. It was non-existent. The worst part was that I needed someone to talk to but the only person I would have talked about stuff like that was the person who was avoiding me." The tears had started flowing again. Running down her cheeks.
"So I just bottled up my feelings and told everyone I was fine. I went to parties did all the things I was supposed to do and put on a happy face. Then pictures of him and Ashley started popping up," she tried to hold in a sob but she couldn't. Nick immediately took a step towards her and pulled her in a hug.
"At first I thought it was nothing. But the pictures didn't stop. They were just coming and coming and coming. Pictures of them holding hands. Pictures of them cuddeling. Pictures of them kissing! And he was the one who told me our relationship was getting public?" she was shaking now with anger.
"The worst part wasn't the fact that he had broken my heart. The only person who had promised to never do that. No the worst part was that the whole time he was lying right to my face." She stopped there for a short time trying to get her breathing back to normal. Nick still hadn't said anything.
"And now he brought her on tour. I have my living nightmare walking around me every second of the day and I can't do anything about it. On the contrary I have to act like everything is fine so nobody will notice what a wreck I am. And although I should be angry with him I'm not. Well I am a little but mostly I just miss him. I would give anything if we could just be like we were before we started dating. But that bi- cow destroyed that forever."
"I told him not to bring her on tour," Nick started, "Even mom and dad told him not to. But he didn't listen. I'm sorry. I know this is hard for you but keeping your feelings inside won't help. I want you to know that I am always there for you! Do you understand that?" he said gripping her by the shoulders.
She just nodded burring her face in his shoulder.
"Man. I really have a dick as a brother."
"Yes you have," Demi smiled into shoulder, "And Nick?"
"Yeah?"
"Thank you. I needed this," She said smiling up at him.
"No problem. Now how about we get you to Sound check?"
"Sure," She said laughing a real laugh for the first time in a while.