Is Revenge Worth It?

Disclaimer

Nothing Supernatural is mine; I have borrowed for a while. I'll give them back, I promise – apart from passing a little time with them, I have made no profit from this endeavour – so please don't come looking for me.

Summary: Sam seeks revenge.

Warning: Character Death (lots of Dean and Sam angst)

Rating: some swearing (naughty boys! Wash their mouths out)

Author's Note: Thanks to Lover of Angelus – who in a review of another story suggested that I look again at my drabbly-thing 'Just because' and think about making it into a full story. So although this is not that as such, it banished my writer's block and is taking on a life of its own.

Let me know what you think – I know where this is going for a while, but at the moment there are two possible ways it could end and neither has resolved into something executable yet!

Chapter One – The End was the Beginning

He stared at his hands, clean now but he could still see the blood, feel it, smell it. His brother's blood had been all over his hands. He blinked and cleared his vision. He saw his hands, clean now.

His head dropped forward and he remembered the final gasp his brother had taken and how it hadn't mattered what he knew, he hadn't been able to keep him alive. And really that was all that had ever mattered, keeping his brother alive. It was why he did what he did, why he'd come back, why he'd never left again because without Sam, Dean was going to die but now he'd died anyway. It wasn't supposed to happen that way, not after everything that had gone before. But this time, there had been nothing that Sam could do to keep Dean alive. It hadn't mattered how tight he held his brother, how long he'd tried CPR, Dean had gone anyway. So now what? What was left for him?

Dean had taken down the thing that dealt the killing blow. No way, he would have let it win. Then again, that was just typical Dean. And then, he'd hung on and waited, dying moment by moment, drop by drop of precious blood. He'd waited because he had to tell Sammy something. Sam closed his eyes again, the memories were pounding at his attention, the blood, sight, touch, smell, the sound of his brother's fading voice and dying breath, echoing hollowly, repeating over and over. He wanted to shut them out but he needed more than just denial. He wanted revenge, he wanted Dean. He wanted to be whole and without Dean, he didn't know how anymore.

No one to argue with, no-one to tease, no-one to look out for and to be looked after by. No-one.

'Maybe, if you'd concentrated a little harder on staying alive bro, I wouldn't be in this position now. ' Talking to Dean, well, that was sensible. 'You think I can walk away now. I know what you said. Why didn't you concentrate on breathing, on keeping your blood inside of you instead of worrying about what I should do next? Bastard! You left me in the lurch.'

Dean watched his brother, sorrow in his eyes 'I'm sorry Sammy. I didn't want to go. I didn't mean to die.'

'I'm alone and talking to myself as if my brother is here and listening. I mean for fuck's sake Dean, you didn't listen when you were alive, why would you be listening now? You pick your dying moment to tell me to go back to my life. What life? I can't walk away from this now, not without you.'

'I always listened, little brother, I just pretended not to. I'm sorry I let you down. I never meant to ruin your life when I brought you back. If you go back, I know you, you could make it work again. Sammy, I want you to be happy.'

'Well, you know what Dean. You didn't listen to me so I'm not going to listen to you, this isn't over. He's going to pay for your death, it was his fault, you shouldn't have gone there, we should have skipped this one or made the next one wait but you wouldn't listen to me.'

'I'm sorry Sammy. Just look at me. I'm sorry. Now you have to stop. It was no one's fault but mine so you must stop.' He had to keep trying; he had to get through to his brother. All the ghosts and spirits and supernatural things they had seen and dealt with over the years and here he was dead and his brother couldn't see or hear him. Some fucking justice that was.

'He's no fucking father to us, he never has been. The way he's treated us, Dean, well I've had it with him. He's going to pay for your death, all the things you forgave him, all the times you shielded him and me, well you're not here to do that now and he's to blame for that.'

'Sammy no!' Sam turned, had he heard something, it was barely a whisper but…

Sam turned round, he was still alone and he couldn't hear anything now. Funny Dean would probably tell him he was over-tired or over-wrought or something. Too true, they'd barely stopped over the last few months, Dad had sent one set of co-ordinates after another, they'd barely reach one destination and set to work before the next set would arrive. He wasn't even waiting for them to finish a job. Dean had been exhausted on that last job, he'd driven most of the previous day, they'd spent the rest of the day researching, he'd spent the evening hustling pool because they were almost out of cash and they were running out of credit cards, he'd just sent off another set of applications, and then they'd had to go in that evening because Dad had sent a message that they urgently needed to get to some other godforsaken town and so they rushed the job without resting and only Sam had come home alive. Well it was over now, Dean was the good little soldier and Sam, well, he wasn't and John Winchester was going to regret that.

'Sammy no!' Desperation tinged the words from Dean's mouth.

'Sammy go!' Dean turned to see another figure watching his brother. The figure smiled and reached out a hand to him.

Author's Note: Go on review, you know you want to...