-1Frodo Baggins of the Shire was in trouble and he didn't know what to do. He has gotten this ring that can turn you invisible if you wear it. Frodo thought he could use it to go into the elven girl's locker room, but it was a real pain in the ass. These ghost thingies are now after him because the ring belongs to some guy named Sauron who needs it to come back alive and take over the world or something.

"If you want to destroy the ring, you must throw it into Mount Doom" said Gandalf the Gray. "But Mount Doom is sooooooo far away" Frodo whined "and my feet hurt walking on mountain rocks!" "Well it's not my fault you damn hobbits refuse to wear shoes" Gandalf yelled "I mean, damn, you should really hide the hair growing out of that foot……..eww!"

Then some monster made out of shadow and flame came with a leather whip. Gandalf tackled the monster and they felled off a cliff while fighting, or having sex, whatever.

So Frodo was now all alone and he was afraid some crazy ugly hobbit would beat him up. "I must destroy the ring" shouted Frodo "another way!" And thus Frodo began his quest.

He tried melting the ring, but it did nothing. He tossed the ring off the cliff, but it bounced back up. He auctioned it on eBay, except he had a crappy computer that explode afterwards. He sang 'Like A Virgin' to it, and it asked for an encore.

Frodo cried "I can't take it anymore!" And with no other choice, he swallowed the ring. "Yes!" he shouted "now I can live my life without ring wraiths or fan girls chasing after me!" The hobbit went to Las Vegas and lost a thousand dollars in five seconds. He lived as a hobo.

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Somewhere in the sewers, a scrawny figure digs around in smelly shit. He finds a golden ring much to his enjoyment. "My Precious!" said Gollum "we founds it! We finally founds it!" Gollum danced a happy dance while more shit came out of the sewer pipe overhead and poured his head. Sauron came and took the ring, coming back to life and raised an army of evil to destroy all who opposed his order.

And that's how Christmas came to be.

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TEh END!11