Two broken, three fractured ribs. Shattered kneecap of the left leg. Slight brain bleeding. Broken nose. Dislocated shoulder. Bruises all over the body.
The more Dr. Ziegler read the worse she felt. She knew that the last mission of the Overwatch taskforce had been a failure, but now looking at the report on her desk she thought that the word "failure" wasn't strong enough. Not by a long shot. It was a complete disaster.
As her eyes wander over the codename "Pharah" she allowed herself a moment to wonder how fast time passes. She's known this girl her entire life. Even if the picture in the file is of a woman – not even a young adult anymore, she thought, but a grown woman -, Pharah always remained Meine Fareeha in Dr. Ziegler's mind.
If anything, that made her feel even worse.
This wasn't the first time Fareeha went through hell. Quickly flipping through a few pages she sighed in relief, examining the report about the state of the robotic arm. At least no serious configuration was needed there, only hardware problems and those can be replaced fairly easily.
Suddenly a picture flashed over her eyes – cold metal in her hand and the sound of a drill. The day she had to amputate Pharah's arm. Even now she got shivers every time the memory resurfaced in her mind.
Maybe that's why they won't let Dr. Zeigler operate on her anymore. The doctor was an emotional wreck for weeks after. Pharah - always brave, always strong - got over it considerably fast, even thanked Angela though that didn't help the doctor much. The guilt and the pity overwhelmed her and she couldn't understand how the Egyptian woman could smile at her so brightly only days after the procedure.
Angela had been to see her twice in the infirmary but Fareeha was fast asleep both times. Her face seemed peaceful under the bruises and cuts. Dr. Renner said that the operations went as planned and even his reports showed promising numbers. But Angela wanted to see her, talk to her, feel that she is, indeed, "fine". And she wanted to talk to her. Fareeha needed to hear it from her.
Because the last mission is not considered a complete failure, even though the main objective was lost. They did gain something. Someone.
Temple Anubis was a forgotten place after the first Omnic crisis, avoided by both machines and humans. Rumour had it that the place was cursed and ghosts lived in the midst of the temple. That was partially true, Dr. Zeigler thought. There was a ghost living there, for many years. Alone, broken, forgotten. Just like the Temple she chose as her safe haven.
Ana Amari was alive. Alive and – not well, but hanging.
When Fareeha took two shotgun hits from point blank range and fell, Angela thought that she was done for. The thought didn't really register in her mind, but her brain knew the facts. Her friend couldn't have survived that. Not even her.
But when they rushed there, there was already someone kneeling next to the seemingly lifeless body. A hooded figure. When the woman turned to face them Angela couldn't believe her eyes. She saw her old and dear friend, but she was a completely different person – older, tired and very afraid. Angela had never seen her that afraid before and she'd known her for a long time.
The big reunion however never really happened. It was shadowed over by the fact that Pharah was barely hanging on. The cocktail Ana gave her seemed to have saved her life, and the raptora suit took most of the damage of the fall - that being said, she was still hanging on to dear life.
When they brought her in the other doctors of the base took over and Winston forcefully asked the two women not to interfere. There is a reason why you can't treat loved ones and relatives after all.
Sitting now in her office, Dr. Zeigler had no idea how long it'll take for Fareeha to wake up, and not knowing was the worst thing in her book. She had no clue what was in that bottle her mother gave her. Some sort of chemical booster that made Pharah's body regenerate almost ten times faster than in normally would. Ana disappeared again however after the operation started, so Angela had no way of knowing. She always preferred knowing even if a situation was hopeless and doomed. It was still better than sitting blind in the dark… She impatiently took another sip of her coffee.
Then without any warning the door swung open and Pharah marched into her office, seemingly very upset and confused.
For a good moment Angela froze where she sat, only blinking with wide eyes as the Egyptian woman started ranting.
"She is alive! And she's here! Or rather, she was here because apparently she couldn't even wait for me to wake up before she bailed again. I mean can you believe it? How many years she's spent in hiding? Never once letting her daughter know that she was wasn't dead! I mourned her for heaven's sake! I was only a child and she left me. I never once blamed her, because she fought for what she believed in and dying for that cause only made me feel proud. But now it turns out she was only cowardly hiding all this time? How is that fair?!"
When she finally took a breath and allowed a moment for Angela to respond, the doctor jumped from her seat and quickly ran around her desk to fold the other woman in a gentle hug.
"I am so glad you are alright meine Fareeha. You really frightened me this time," she said and tightened the hug a little, the most she could without hurting the still recovering woman. After a long moment of them enjoying the peaceful reassurance from each other, Angela let go of her but took her cheek with one hand and said, "Don't ever do that again, understood? We keep the skies clear together, never alone."
Fareeha smiled and nodded, "Yes ma'am. I promise."
Angela smiled back and gestured for her to sit down. "About your mother… I know that it's hard to understand. I'm not sure I do completely. But what I do know is that she saved your life, Fareeha. Had she not been there you would have most likely…" Even though she couldn't finish the sentence Pharah nodded. She knew the life of a soldier.
"So, I understand that you are upset. You have every right to be. But… maybe this can mean a new start for the two of you."
"I'm sorry doctor, but I don't think I can do that. She betrayed me, my trust… So she was there once when I needed her. Maybe. But what about the other ten thousand times? When I graduated from the academy? When my dream of becoming an Overwatch agent shattered because it fell apart? Where was she then? Where was she when I lost my arm? When I felt lost and broken and useless. You were the only one there by my side, not her." Tears shone in her eyes but Fareeha kept them at bay. Angela knew she's too strong willed to cry in front of her, though she wished she would let herself at least once.
"But forget about me," Pharah continued. "What about the world? When Overwatch got banned all those dangers in the world it was set up to protect people from still remained a threat, only now nobody fought against it! If she didn't care about me, fine. I wish she would have told me, but fine. It's her choice. But she left the world without anybody they could count on. The innocent unprotected, and the weak alone. When people see heroes they grow to depend on them. Not just as people who are there when they are in danger, but as constant reminders that they can live their lives in peace. She took that from them, the hope, the belief… She was supposed to be a hero, and she failed everyone."
Getting more and more upset again, Fareeha buried her face in her hands and took a minute to calm down. Angela felt every word she'd said. She felt the same way, only not towards Ana, but herself. She left the innocent and the weak, the battled and the bruised. People in need, in pain, she left them on their own, running away because everyone she knew disappeared or died. Now it seemed that wasn't entirely true either. A knot got tied in her stomach and she was sure it'd take a lot of time to untie it.
Right now that didn't matter though. Her personal misery took second place and her priority remained Fareeha .
Angela knew and loved Ana, she was her friend and comrade for more years than she could remember. The doctor was sure she wouldn't have left her daughter if she had any other choice - there was no doubt in her mind about that.
"Fareeha ," she said gently, extending a hand towards the other woman.
Pharah lifted her head and looked questioningly at the hand, but took it anyway. Dr. Zeigler turned her palm and lightly pushed her thumb on her wrist.
"You know, there is something – a sound, or a feeling – that your body learned not to hear. Invisible to your mind, but it's there." She waited a few seconds but Pharah only seemed confused. "Your heartbeat."
Fareeha looked down on their hands as she started tracing circles on her skin.
"It's constantly keeping you alive, even without you noticing it. You've been living with it every day of your existence, but only realize it's beating when you run too fast. When you're scared for your life. When you kiss someone you love." A pause. "Those are the times your body recognizes the thing that is so fundamental to it. Strange, isn't it?"
Fareeha just kept staring at their hands, visibly deep in her thoughts. She reached her other hand and folded Angela's hand in her own, putting her thumb on hers. "Maybe it's for the best," she said quietly. "Otherwise we'd all go mad."
Angela let out a small laugh and Pharah's slight blush didn't go unnoticed by the blonde.
"I suppose you are right. It was only a bad attempt of a metaphor."
Fareeha looked up finally, not moving her hands away. "Of my mother?"
Angela nodded. "She loves you. If there is something I'm certain of, that is it. Do you believe me?"
The Egyptian woman still had a hard and conflicted look on her face but after a long moment she nodded slowly. "I'm not ready for forgive her completely. I'm not there yet. But I'm willing to give her a chance."
"Good. You already wasted enough of your life missing one another. There is so much pain and loss in the world as it is. She might have left people but other heroes did too. Then came people like you, carrying the torch forward. She wasn't the only one people could count on and there always will be more. What you have to consider now is… moments like this – chances of a new life with the ones you love. Those are rare and hard to come by. We have to cherish them. Otherwise, what's the point?"
Another long moment of silence passed, with just the two of them looking at each other. Finding comfort in the presence of the other.
"I never know how you do it," Fareeha said then.
"Do what?" Angela smiles.
"Every time I feel overwhelmed or confused I come in here and you somehow make sense of it. You always know what to say. You… know me better than I know myself."
Angela – as if she suddenly became very aware of their touching hands – let go of the brunette and stood up, clearing the throat. "You know, it's years and years of practise," she said with a faint smile.
"Is everything alright?" Fareeha asked, and Angela wished it wasn't so damn evident that she was trying to push thoughts and feelings back in her mind where they lingered every day, waiting for the worst occasions to come out and mess her head up. They came so unexpectedly, so randomly and so fast that she needed to catch her breath and distance herself from Fareeha when they did. She needed to remember who she was. Meine Fareeha, the child she got to know as Ana's daughter. Meine Fareeha , the determined teenager who kept asking her for stories about the days when she saved lives. Meine Fareeha, who became an iron willed young woman, strong yet so kind and always there for her. Meine Fareeha, her family… but no. She was not herFareeha - she was just Pharah, and Angela needed to remember that.
"Yes, of course, yes… I'm just glad this day ended the way it did. If anything would have happened to you I-," and that's all it took. All the willpower she tried to muster up, the walls she tried to put up in her mind to keep her feelings in check – they all went up in flames and she broke down, letting the tears she locked away all day fall.
She felt so stupid. Fareeha, who really had so many reasons to cry, managed to keep herself together. Why can't she do the same? Why does she long to hug the brunette again and don't let her go? To feel her warmth, her strength and lose herself in her. If anything, these questions only made her cry harder.
Not one second later though, she did feel the warmth. And the strength. Arms wrapped around her and pulled her in – making her feel small yet protected at the same time.
"I'm here, I'm here… shhh it's okay," she heard but couldn't stop. Her fingers dug into Fareeha's shoulder and her tears soaked the brunette's blue t-shirt. "Shhh," she heard and her mind was slowly turning off. She was starting to get lost in the moment, shutting everything else out, hearing her own heart beat faster with each moment and her lips going dry even though her tears were all over them too. She could have died today, she thought, finally accepting what those words meant. It was too damn close. Fareeha could have been gone. Meine Fareeha .
To hell with this. If they die tomorrow who cares if they have a moment of their own today. Life is too short to dance around feelings, shut them away or pretend they don't exist. Mercy's lived a long life but not once did she realize how short it really is.
As she was battling with herself she felt the brunette's face brush against her own and she could feel the heath radiating from her. A kiss just under her ear. A kiss in the middle of her cheek. Angela felt like she was flying.
Without thinking about it – because god knows if she would think about it she would stop – she turned her head just the right amount and let her lips be captured by firm yet gentle ones. They fit perfectly. It was the definition of peace, like when you finally arrive at home after a long, tiring journey.
It was just a moment though, not like in the movies when the world stops and fireworks go off in the distance. It was a moment and then it was over. Fareeha pulled away way too soon and Angela felt surprised (amongst many other things) how her heart started to ache at once.
Still half-hugging Fareeha stared down at her feet, avoiding the blonde's eyes and she started to speak. "Before you say anything… there are a few things I want you to know. First, even if you don't feel the same I will not apologise for this. If you say you feel nothing between us then I'll never do it again, I'll never even try – but I had to do it once and I'm not going to say that I'm sorry for it." The sigh she let out was shaking a bit. "You have been there for me all this time, and maybe just saw me as a kid who needed to be taken care of. For me you grew from a stranger to a friend, to an idol, to the person I care the most about in the world. Though I always considered you family I never saw you as a mother or a sister figure and it took me a while to figure out why. I've never been good with feelings." Without looking up she slowly pushed her forehead to Angela's. "We've been through so much. Today when I was falling down all I could think about was you – that I won't be there to protect you anymore. That was my last thought. Winston once told me that love means putting someone else before you. Caring about someone more than you care about yourself." Finally she looked up. "And if that's right and what I'm feeling in my chest and soul now is right then I can say it, and I will fully mean it. Ana bahibbik."
She could have stopped her anytime during this speech, Angel thought, but she knew there was something important the brunette wanted to say with this. She wanted to stop her when she told that nonsense about her not feeling the same. Now though, she is glad she didn't.
More tears ran down her face and Angela smiled – a smile so bright that Fareeha looked simply awestruck. Eyes wide, mouth slightly open and childlike wonder that can be seen on Christmas Eve when you believe in miracles.
And the miracle came. Angela leaned in and kissed her – only this time it didn't end after a moment. Fareeha might have been confused for a second but that was quickly replaced by an enthusiastic response as their kiss deepened. Whatever happens tomorrow, this moment was theirs.
Their hearts beat fast, in sync, and they were taking off again - only now their feet remained on the ground. Together, like so many times before, they were flying.