From the losers who brought to you "Old D's Rampage" and "Old D Gets Fit" comes a brand new adventure, starring our beloved stupid leader as he returns in "OLD D GOES SHOPPING!" If you haven't read the second one you might be a bit lost, so you might want to do that now. Ok, go...Done?
This is a completely ridiculous story – I KNOW that.
Disclaimer: I'm not sure I want it all that much...
Old Deuteronomy and Munkustrap were standing solemnly in front of the circle of confused cats.
"Ok, then. Let's start." Munkustrap gave them all another award-winning smile.
"Quit doing that creepy smile, son. We must be angry." Old D boomed and Munkustrap nodded, baring his teeth and growling unimpressively, looking more creepier than he had previously.
"My CUSHION," Old D roared, "Has been STOLEN!"
Everybody gasped all except Munkustrap, who was still practising his scary face. As soon as he realized, he gasped too.
"So, come on then! Who took it? I won't be cross..."
All the Jellicle's looked at him doubtfully. Mungojerrie chuckled nervously then abruptly stopped when Old D glared at him. "As I was saying," he continued, "This is my CUSHION. My FAVOURITE cushion."
By this point the kittens were getting increasingly bored and were wrestling each other. Jennyanydots and Jellylorum were sewing a picture of Old D, and The Rum Tum Tugger was judging it. Bomba, Demeter, Alonzo and Plato were practising dance moves to Without You, which was quite ironic under the circumstances.
"Father...I don't think they're listening," Munkustrap admitted regretfully, "I'm so sorry!"
"It's not your fault, son." Old D said majestically, trying to hold back the tears, "I'll just..." he sniffed loudly and proceeded to walk away.
"WAIT, FATHER!" Munkustrap gasped, "I have an idea!"
Every cat stopped what they were doing, which caused Demeter to fall on her face after an unexpected stop to the dance move.
Old D turned around. "Yes?"
"Let's...GO SHOPPING!" Munkustrap exclaimed, "I here it's very relaxing after stress!"
"Shopping, you say? Hmm..." Old D paused to think about the matter for several minutes. It was an important decision and he wasn't sure if he was up to it seeing as he'd lost an important part of his life.
"I think it would be cool." Tugger spoke up, flipping his stylish mane, "You could do with some new clothes, because your rug's getting a little tatty."
"A RUG? I DON'T WEAR A RUG!" Old D yelled at his younger son, who was already bored of the conversation.
"What do you say, Father?" Munkustrap beamed expectantly, holding out his paw.
"Well...Ok. Come on, you two!"
Tugger and Munkustrap eagerly went side by side Old D and all three of them trotted to the nearest shop called 'Catnip – where cats nip in!'
"Are you sure this is appropriate, sons?" Old D frowned at the sign which had a picture of a cat smoking.
"Quite, Father!" They replied in unison.
All three went into the shop, which had rails and rails of stylish leather outfits.
"Sons...I'm not sure if you've noticed, but..." Old D hesitated, "I may have gained a few pounds."
Munkustrap gasped, "NO, Father!"
Tugger took over, "Don't be ridiculous...Never! Try this on!" he threw a pair of biker trousers and sunglasses at his perplexed dad.
An assistant came over, "Is everything alright, sir?" he asked quietly, looking confusedly at the three.
"Everything's perfectly fine," Old D said, looking embarrassed as he squeezed himself into the trousers. As soon as the assistant had left, he hissed, "Sons...I can't get these off!"
He struggled against the tight leather pinning his legs together. Whenever the assistant looked over, all three of them smiled awkwardly, then as soon as he would look away they'd continue to get the stupid trousers off their panicking dad.
After two hours, the assistant came back over and said, "Excuse me, sirs, but it's near closing time..."
"But I can't get them off!" Old D wailed, "What can I do?"
"Well, that will be £180, sir." The assistant admitted.
"That's not bad," Tugger said, "Are they on sale?"
"Yes, as a matter of fact, they are."
"Are they in my size?"
"Yes, th-"
"TUGGER!" the assistant was cut short as Old D yelled at his foolish son, "Let's go home. I have to keep these agonizingly painful trousers on, and all you can think about is yourself!"
"Sorry..."
"Let's GO!"
"Actually, sir, you haven't paid..." the assistant started.
"SHUT UP!" Munkustrap screamed and stormed out, closely followed out by a hopping Old D and a swaggering Tugger, who always kept his cool.
They arrived back at the Junkyard dejectedly, and Old D struggled over to his den where he could live the rest of his life in leather trousers and shame.
"It could have been worse, I suppose..." he mumbled to himself, "everyone could've seen me..."
"SURPRISE!" A chorus of voices yelled as Jennanydots, Jellylorum, Skimbleshanks, Mungojerrie, Rumpleteazer, Bomba and Mistoffelees burst into his den, holding his beloved cushion.
Several seconds passed in shocked silence, which Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer broke by laughing.
"Where did you find it?" Old D gasped, trying to leap up, but he remembered the painful trousers and had to sit back down. "Give it to me!"
"We found it in Munkustrap's den!" Jenny gasped, "Oh, sir, could it be true?"
Old D grabbed the cushion from a sniggering Mungojerrie and pinned it to himself, trembling with fury and stroking the softness of the cushion.
"MUNKUSTRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!"
A/N Did Munkustrap commit such a crime? Well, you'll have to see...Review please, for such a strange and stupid story.