Unpredictable Overindulgent Selectiveness
A Midnighters fanfic by Jillian Hall
Four days before she is set to leave Bixby, Rex gets an urgent call from Melissa. Insecurities and fears, kisses and tears… When the truth is finally revealed, can Rex control himself?
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or setting as depicted in The Midnighters series by Scott Westerfeld. I own my words and nothing more.
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11:37 P.M.
Rex gripped the steering wheel of the pink Cadillac anxiously. His mind buzzed with a thousand questions, all of them revolving around Melissa. He sighed, telling himself to relax. There was no reason to get anxious because, after all, it was Melissa who had called him. It had been her voice, her desire, her need for him.
He had never heard her speak the way she spoke tonight. Her voice had been needy, weak... susceptible, his darkling side offered. He pushed the demon in his mind away, hoping beyond hope the creature wouldn't interfere. He had already screwed up once, leaving only the sour taste of apologies and regret in his mouth.
He gulped and focused back on the road, nearly missing a parked car. This would not be a good time for an accident. But, no matter how hard he tried, his mind always wandered back to the inerasable fact that Melissa would be leaving him.
Melissa, Jonathan, and Jessica would be leaving Bixby in four days. In four days he might never see Melissa again. She had stressed the fact that their road trip would last no more than a few years. They only had to travel the country, informing each new Midnighter in each area about lore, darklings, and their gifts. It wouldn't take that long, she had told him, hoping to quell his fears. But hearing her speak so calmly about the matter had only brought up thoughts of insecurity and fear. Maybe she wanted to leave him. Maybe she couldn't take the new darkling side of him...
Secretly he worried. Deep down inside him, behind the darkling courage and seer knowledge, he was scared. Melissa had been his best friend for as long as he could remember; a life without her was a life he didn't want to think about. The thought of a life without her was like the taste of new pennies held under the tongue; bitter and lasting.
He had to trust her though; he knew she cared about him just as much as he cared about her. It had, amazingly enough, been her on the phone. It had indeed been her voice desperate to see him. It actually had barely sounded like Melissa, but still… He knew it was her.
He took a deep breath, turning onto the street that lay two blocks away from Melissa's house. He knew to quiet his thoughts. She would be able to sense his coming and read his anxious thoughts from this point on. She would know exactly what he was thinking right at this moment.
Despite all his attempts to think of nothing, his mind still wandered on like a blind man, knowing he shouldn't venture on but unable to stay still. He thought back to the time they first touched, all the times they'd ever kissed, the time he almost lost it…
No. Rex shook his head, throwing the terrible memory from his mind. The darkling inside had given him clearer vision, the ability to speak to the dark creatures, and inhuman senses. But it had come at a high cost. His actions had become uncontrollable at times, fierce, cruel and hasty. Perfect when tracking prey, but not when it came to the person you loved. Not when it came to Melissa.
He remembered the day perfectly, for it had only been a week ago. They were parked outside the school, Melissa bracing herself for the day ahead. They were remarkably early; a full twenty minutes was theirs before school began. How they had gotten there so early, Rex was only half sure. He knew it had something to do with his alarm clock going off early and Melissa being unable to sleep, but it hadn't really mattered how.
He remembered the way Melissa had touched his hand gently, her skin smooth and soft from all the years of not coming in contact with human flesh. He remembered taking in her scent, his accelerated senses inhaling her sweet perfume. He remembered kissing her, becoming sweetly intoxicated by her very prescence. He even remembered battling with the darkling inside, fighting for control of the demonic animal. But what happened after that… he didn't want to remember.
No! Rex thought more forcefully now, knowing he was only a minute from Melissa's house. She couldn't know he was dwelling on that moment. She couldn't know that those few minutes of darkling take over still plagued him. She just… couldn't.
Slamming on the breaks, Rex realized he had missed Melissa's house entirely, the dust now settling several houses away. He cursed silently and backed up, parking his car in the usual spot under the next door neighbor's tree.
He opened the door of the strawberry icing-colored Cadillac, shutting the door as quietly as possible. Melissa had said only two things: she needed to talk to him and her parents had gone to visit relatives for the weekend. In Rex's mind, those two things meant only one thing, though he knew to Melissa they could have meant something entirely different. He gulped and out of habit went straight for her bedroom window.
But she wasn't waiting by the window.
"Hey, Loverboy." He looked up, suddenly, surprised he had been caught off-guard. Melissa stood in the walkway, slightly shivering in the cold November night. She clutched a black jacket around her firmly, its hood covering her head mysteriously.
"Cowgirl..." Rex was surprised at how warmly he spoke. Melissa had told him that the darkling inside had even taken a hold of his voice, causing a much deeper and darker tone. But now, seeing her standing there so fragile and weak, he spoke with a softer and gentler tone. Maybe it was just the fond nickname that forced him to speak in such a reassuring tone.
He felt like he should embrace her. Her tiny form signaled prey in his darkling mind, and since it was Melissa, he had a sudden urge to protect her. But they had never hugged when they were younger; the bonds of physical affection had never been created between them. She took a step towards him, her hands dropping from her jacket. Everything about her seemed to scream, 'Hug me, you idiot!'
So he did. He approached her slowly, wrapping his arms around her. He could feel her small frame relax, embracing him back. Their bare flesh never touched, and for a moment, they both felt as if they were completely normal. But then, it was certain they weren't.
Melissa took his lips in hers, only a few stray thoughts leaking into his mind. She had really come a long way...
He broke their electric kiss after a few moments, pulling back to stare into her eyes. A smug smile was laced onto her lips; this was the Melissa he knew.
"You had something to tell me?" he asked, as an expression of realization washed over her.
"Oh yeah, right. Come on inside." She took his hand and he was immediately reminded of the night they had invaded Darkling Manor. That was the night they had finally realized that their childhood friendship was quickly developing into something else.
They walked inside the house through the front door, something Rex realized he hadn't done in a long time. It seemed all the Midnighters preferred to use bedroom windows and back doors, not realizing that during the secret hour they could use the front door and no one would even know.
The house was dark and smelled of cigarette smoke and too much perfume. Melissa's parents may have been gone, but their scent lingered.
"So, why aren't you wearing your cowgirl pajamas?" he prodded, earning a chuckle from Melissa.
"Very funny. Those were burned long ago, right around the time my parents finally let me buy my own clothes." Rex remembered the hideous things Melissa's mother used to make her wear. Melissa despised pink dresses, sun bonnets, tights, and the pompous southern mothers who forced their little girls to wear such clothing.
They walked aimlessly to Melissa's bedroom, a dark niche in the back of the silent house. They entered the room and Melissa shut the door out of habit. Rex remembered when they first began to uncover the lore. He remembered the hasty closings of that very door, shutting the daylight world out in one swoop. But at that very moment they had no real reason to close the door, except habit.
Melissa sat on the bed heavily, and Rex sat down next to her, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. He had to work doubly hard to keep his darkling self in check. Being alone with her was like playing with fire. One small mistake and both of them could get seriously burned.
Rex reached up to pull the hood of Melissa's jacket down, but she caught his hand swiftly. She was extremely self conscious about her buzz cut. She had hated to do it, a groan of sadness escaping her lips each time a piece of singed hair fell to the ground. Rex had hated it as well, his hands shaking dangerously as he drove the razor over her head. But she had done it to him when his own hair had been lit on fire and he considered it a 'bonding' experience.
"Rex…" she sighed, expressing annoyance at the fact he had tried to expose the most loathed part of her body.
"You should know I don't care about that." He rubbed a hand over his head, the hair only an inch longer than Melissa's. She sighed in understanding and let the hood fall in silent defeat. Rex smiled coolly, but on the inside he was dying to know what she had to say.
She slid off her jacket silently, leaving only her signature black dress as a barrier. Alarms went off in Rex's mind, the darkling insisting that with a few animalistic movements even that barrier could be removed. But he shushed the beast inside as Melissa began to speak.
"You know in four days I'm leaving."
"Yeah, unfortunately, I know." Rex looked down at the fidgety hands in his lap. Why was he suddenly so nervous?
"You know I don't want to go… but, the others would have no way of knowing who's a fellow Midnighter. Only you and I can sense that." Rex smiled at the way their talents over lapped. He always liked the fact that they had that in common; it was their special gift that the other Midnighters could never have.
"I know… I know." He spoke softly, rejection and hurt ringing in every word.
"Rex…" she sighed, placing a hand on his. She searched him, and he was certain she was probing his brain for what he had been thinking about on the car ride over.
"You know that's not what I wanted to tell you." He nodded, Mindcaster knows best.
"I…" she began to speak, the right words just beyond her grasp. Rex waited as patiently as he could, still restraining the raging monster inside him.
"It's just… my whole life has been spent trying to avoid human contact. And now, when I'm finally able to touch you…" her voice choked off and the scent of guilt filled the room. Rex was inutterdisbelief; guilt was the last emotion that he had been expecting.
"You've stood by me for so long. Waiting patiently, never laying so much as a finger on me. I've put you through so much… and now, when we can finally have our happy ending… I'm leaving." The last words barely tumbled out of her mouth. They were so wrapped in guilt and regret that Rex barely recognized them as belonging to Melissa.
"I love you, Rex…"
The familiar jolt of midnight set in and all the conscious minds of Bixby faded from Melissa's mind. The room glowed blue, illuminating Melissa's pale skin sensually. Rex gulped in surprise.
The Mindcaster waited patiently, allowing the words to set in to Rex's mind. Her heart raced, as his eyes swept the floor, hoping to find an answer among the scattered articles of black clothing.
"That was sudden… I shouldn't have…" the Mindcaster trailed, hoping Rex would say something. His mind buzzed with shock, joy, and fear, the taste of sweet candy filling her mouth.
"Wow, Cowgirl…" he finally stated, drawing his eyes up to meet hers.
"I never thought… all these years… I thought that… I thought that love was beyond your scope of emotions. I never thought that you'd feel the way that… I do." Melissa instantly recognized that these broken words were as good as, 'I love you too.'
A heavy sigh of relief filled the room, and Melissa felt Rex's hand rest on her shoulder comfortingly.
"I just… had to tell you before we leave."
"I wish you weren't leaving."
The honesty of his words surprised them both. Rex had been thinking those thoughts since the moment she told him that Bixby would no longer be her residence. Melissa knew it, too.
"Same here, Loverboy. Same here."
Melissa couldn't remember the last time she had cried. Maybe it was when Rex and the panther were locked in combat on Samhain. Maybe it was when she had told him she was leaving. Maybe she had never cried before. But, she was certain of one thing. It wasn't a good feeling.
"Don't cry, Cowgirl…" She could hear Rex's reassuring voice, but for once it didn't help. The sound of it just made the tears come faster, knowing full well that that calming voice might never be heard again. The darkling in Rex's mind spun, the human side battling fiercely for control. But despite Rex's rash efforts, the darkling side was steadily winning.
"I don't want to leave Bixby; I don't want to leave you!" The unexpected cry flew from her lips at the same moment Rex sprang into the air.
The darkling couldn't take it any more. She was susceptible and weak; a kill that could be easily cut off from the herd. She was young and vital, a creature worthy of carrying on the next generation of darklings.
The human Rex cried in anger. He did not want a repeat of the incident a week earlier, but, everything seemed to be headed in that direction. The darkling inside was crazed for control in any way it could get it.
"You're not going anywhere," he growled, his hands pinning hers to the bed. She was completely and utterly susceptible.
Her eyes were wide with fear, the exact same expression she had worn a week earlier. The darkling grew hungrier for her, as human Rex fought in vain for control.
"Rex, this isn't funny…" She was silenced quickly by his lips, smothering the cry that had tried to escape. She was his now.
"You're mine."
"Rex!" she exclaimed when he parted with her lips for a gasp of air. But he seized her lips once more, just in time to silence the cry that tried to penetrate the soft pink cloures of her lips. She was terrified; her body showed every sign of prehistoric panic. The darkling in him rejoiced, finally hoping to get what it had wanted all along.
He freed a hand, reaching back and trailing up her leg, pulling up her dress in one sleek and smooth move. She flailed wildly, but Rex's supped-up reflexes and agility kept her pinned against her will. The darkling was thrilled now, laughing at human Rex's vain attempts for dominance. But, the closer the darkling came to its goal the harder Rex fought. He couldn't allow the darkling inside to go through with this. He couldn't hurt Melissa…
But Melissa solved the problem herself, squeezing the hand that still held her tightly, freeing her mental block. Years of terrible memories flowed into his mind along with tridecagrams and tridecalogisms. The darkling inside screamed with fright, the words and images impaling his defenses. In his own moment of susceptibility she flung him off with a grunt.
The real Rex rose from the ground, his eyes shut in shame. He had done it again. Melissa must surely hate him now. She had learned to control her Mindcasting powers, but his darkling side had only gotten worse. There was no way she could love him now. Not like this.
She sat on the far corner of her bed, her knees drawn up around, her head buried in the crevice they formed. She shuddered with fright, pitiful sobs creating a terrible melody of fear.
"Cowgirl…" The words seemed useless now. He rose, and turned to go. She was leaving in four days. He could avoid her for that long, no matter how painful.
"Don't leave me." The request was barely audible, but Rex's sensitive ears picked it up easily. He stood frozen, wondering if he had really heard those words.
"Please… Don't leave me." He was sure now, he had heard those words. And he was even more positive they had come from Melissa's battered frame.
"But I…" He found it was impossible to speak. The sight of the fear he had inflicted upon her made him want to shrivel up and die.
"I can't be trusted," he finally said, regrettably. Melissa raised her head, her eyes red, her cheeks stained with tears.
"What?" He took another daring step towards her; the question seemed to draw him nearer to her.
"You're the only person I've ever trusted in my life." Her words were sniffle-filled, but they were definitely Melissa's. She looked at him desperately; completely susceptible. But, for some reason, the darkling inside said nothing.
"But now… the darkling… I almost…" he threw his head in his hands, angry tears falling unabashedly now. He sunk into the bed, sitting as far away as possible from his victim.
The bed suddenly began to move, and he could feel Melissa crawling towards him, her presence making him suddenly feel unworthy. All his darkling composure and pride had been knocked aside by one mistake. He knew he was fully human, the darkling still in retreat from the use of tridecalogisms. But, Melissa would never believe him.
He felt her wrap her arms around his neck from behind, her warm and loving presence making him feel even worse. What was she doing? Didn't she know he was a monster? He had ruined the best thing in his life. He had hurt the only person that mattered. He had erased his chances of ever being happy.
"I love you, Rex. I don't care what happens. I know that was the darkling. I'd trust you with my life, even my…" she fell short of the last word but Rex needed no more confirmation.
"I love you, Melissa." He turned around to face her and was met with a kiss. And this time they both knew it. He was fully human.
And this time it was Melissa who pushed him onto the bed, a seductive smile playing to her lips. And it was Rex's turn to be surprised; Melissa's daring actions becoming less and less Melissa like. But they had both become susceptible. And even though they both knew the terrible fate that loomed only four days ahead, they knew they would be OK.
Because, two or three years isn't that long of a time when you know that someone loves you. Especially when that someone is a Midnighter.