Grandfather
By: Icicle Raindream
For Hayla
WARNING: This particular story contains the element of shounen ai. If you don't care for this, you are under no obligation to read. However, this is just sweet, sappy, angsty stuff! "^-^"
Disclaimer: I own nothing connected to Ronin Warriors or its universe, so I make no money off writing this.
Notes: This story idea was perceived one night as Hayla and I sat on her couch, drinking huge java mugs of tea. To tell the truth, the idea was actually Hayla's…so I wrote it for her, and she said she liked it and wanted to share it with everyone who loves Sage and Rowen! Drop me your opinion--tell me if ya liked it!! "^-^" Sweet, sappy stuff ahead! *cheers*
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Dear Cye, Ryo, Kento, and Mia,
I told you that I would keep you informed on what's
taking place here, and before I say anything more I want to assure
you that it's not necessary for you to pack up instantly and come rushing
to us. We're fine. Sage's stable, his family is dealing, and I've become
more than a friend to everyone. I'm staying longer, but I can't be sure
exactly how long. Until all ends come to meet, I guess. I'll stay in touch,
you guys stay with each other. You never know what you've got until it's
almost gone.
"Man, I'm gonna punch his gut in when he gets home!" Kento exclaimed, straightening up from the hunched over position he had been in. He, Ryo, Cye, and Mia had been gathered around the computer, reading my latest letter of the news in Sendai, and Cye looked up from the chair to Kento's face in utter dismay.
"Kento!" he shouted. "How can you be so insensitive?"
Kento sighed agitatedly. "'You never know what you've got until it's almost gone,'" he mocked. "What the hell's that supposed to mean?"
"It means that Rowen is in a great deal of pain right now," Cye shot at him. "Couldn't you tell already how much he's hurting?"
"Damn!" Kento swung his fist in the air at an imaginary foe. "I hate it when things like this happen! There's nothing we can do about it!"
"We can be here for each other, like Rowen said," Mia told them. "And when he comes home…when they both come home, we can be here for them."
"Mia's right," Ryo agreed. "We just have to be supportive. Things are rough for the both of them right now."
"Sucks," Kento scowled as he stalked out of the room.
Nobody disagreed.
* * *
I rolled over in bed, covering my head with Sage's pillow. Too bad it wasn't thick enough to drown out the…noise that came from next door. The room was like a sauna with the windows closed, and it was like a noisy trafficked highway with them open. I couldn't win either way, and so I had been suffering for nights on end, listening to the sounds as they floated from the house next door into Sage's pitch-black bedroom, where I had been sleeping. I really, really disliked the fact that the Dates had moved closer into town, into a smaller house in which the neighborhood had the buildings and apartments and all dwellings right next to each other. Talk about being reaped of your privacy. The Dates' neighbors were prime examples.
I don't know…they must have been a newlywed couple, because their sexual olympics kept me up all night. And when I say all night, I mean all…night. It never seemed to cease, except when I was out of the house and into town, where I wasn't much happier even though I was visiting Sage. I'm surprised I kept myself in working order as much as I did…who could stand four nights of this torture and then feel sympathetic to other people in the morning? And go ahead, say it…you know the noises also got to me simply because I'm a teenage male. You can't deny it… yes, the sounds are intriguing, but after hearing it continuously, you either wanted to march over there and demand the secret of the couple's stamina, or march over there with your shotgun and let out a couple rounds of twenty-odd buckshot while laughing maniacally. Right now, I'd choose the latter, despite the rumor my friends started about me being the cool-headed one of our group. Not if something worked on my nerves enough. It was like an absolutely, one hundred percent, no holds barred dead silent library, and then some really clever person on the other end of your table deciding to continuously rap their pen against the wooden leg of their chair. There is no word for how annoying and unbearable that is, and so there was nothing I could do but endure it.
I rolled again, over to my other side, scrunching my body down into the middle of Sage's bed, underneath the twisted sheet, still clenching the pillow. The sheet provided minimal help to my efforts of drowning out the noise, and I figured out that if I repeatedly pounded my fist into the mattress it acted as a slight muffle. Aside from that, the action would take my mind off things and sooner or later exhaust me so that I fell into a fitful sleep. My only prayer was that it would work.
No, I lied. My only prayer would be that things would go back to normal, and Sage and I would be on our way to Mia's again. Say it--it's selfish, I know.
* * *
"Sage, the telephone is for you!"
Mia's voice drifted up the stairway, into the open door of our bedroom, where Sage and I had been relaxing and reading a few novels. He sat up on his bed and placed his feet on the floor, then went into the hall and picked up the extension. I listened with half an ear as he greeted the person on the other end of the phone, but then I lost myself within the pages of the moon's gravitational pull on the Earth.
When he came back, his face was set. With what expression, I couldn't figure out right then, because Sage is a hard person to read. But I could see in his movements that something was definitely wrong. He walked slovenly in the door and carefully sat down on his bed, as if he were afraid he was going to break it. His hands fell into his lap and his eyes hit the floor.
I sat up straight on my bed and tossed my thick text aside. Sage was the closest person to me right now, and so I stepped off the bed and sat next to him, knowing he would share his secret.
"Hey," I said gently. "What's up, Sage?"
It took him a moment to reply. Then,
"My grandfather's sick, Rowen," he told me. "My parents have moved and he's in the hospital. I'm worried about my sisters and my mom sounded like a wreck."
His bundle of burdens hit me like a slap in the face. This was a lot to deal with all at one time, especially for guys our age.
I slung an arm across his shoulder. "You're leaving, right?"
"You almost sound as if you want me to go." His tone was soft.
I nodded. "I do. You need to go and see your grandfather. I know how important he is to you."
Sage's eyes hadn't left the floor, and he didn't say anything.
"Do you want me to go with you?" I asked then.
He shook his head. "No. I don't want to drag you into this."
A few days later he was gone. Packed up and out the door, to catch the bus to Sendai. He looked so torn…I could almost relate. He left with just a look back at all of us standing in the doorway, watching his departure.
I made sure he knew that I didn't mind being dragged into all of this. I told him right before he left.
*
When Sage had arrived that day, to his new house, I didn't know it at the time, but he managed to pull himself together for his family. He graciously accepted the new bedroom his parents had refurnished for him and bravely asked how his grandfather was doing. When his mother choked up, he held her, along with his father. Later in the day, when Satsuki had come in to talk to him, she broke down, and he held her too, telling his sister that everything was okay and things would work out and grandfather would be fine and he was here for her. His family thought he was okay inside. They thought he was just overly mature and able to handle difficult situations.
Well, they were right. Sage was incredibly mature and disciplined for his age and extremely skilled at handling difficult situations. Except when the situation dealt with his beloved grandfather.
I got the call on a Thursday. Sage's mother asking me to please catch the soonest bus to inner Sendai and come to the hospital immediately because something terrible has happened.
*
When I got there, Satsuki and Yayoi stood in the hall with Sage's dad, and he ushered me into the hospital room before us. I walked in, my heart pounding in my throat, wondering what could've happened to my best friend.
Sage's mother sat on the edge of his mattress, calmly leaning over Sage's tall form all tucked about in hospital sheets, smoothing his hair back from his face. She was speaking lowly to him, but I couldn't make out any words. I swallowed hard as I stepped nearer to them.
His mother heard my footsteps and turned to me, giving me a small smile. She got up from the bed, patted Sage's hand, and let me be with him alone, pulling the door closed behind her as she left. I walked up to the bed.
He looked okay, his face a little flushed and his eyes closed sleepily, but after the battle to save Earth we all learned pretty quickly that appearances could be deceiving, and I knew there had to be something internally wrong with him.
"Sage?" I half-asked, half-whispered. My leg pushed up against his bed as I stepped closer and grasped his hand. It was practically ice-cold. "Sage!"
Then suddenly the room began to swirl. I felt my legs twitching, the ground trembling underneath me as the white walls turned into swirling purples and greens and blues and twisted around each other. I held tighter to Sage's unresponsive fingers, and then I was transported into another bedroom as the colors quickly settled down again, the mass swirling calmed, hazy fog all around me. Without my permission, my legs began to walk slowly through the fog, towards a bed set in the corner of the newly created dark room. As everything came into focus, I leaned down over the figure in a slight bow, then straightened.
"Grandfather," I whispered. "I'm here. Can you hear me, Grandfather?"
No movement. His old body looked half-shriveled under the white sheets, his hair gray and winding about his head, his hands resting on his stomach. He didn't respond as I placed my two hands on his front, palms spread open.
"Please, Halo…help me out here."
Abruptly, I was flung away from Grandfather's figure on the bed--I landed hard on my rear end and slid across the floor, knocking into the wall. I found it very difficult to breathe then as I choked on nothing, and suddenly I was looking up into the face of Sage's loving mother as she worriedly reached her arms down to me and hooked them underneath my own arms. My eyes slid closed, my mind blanked out, everything was dark, and suddenly I took a huge gulp of air and opened my eyes again, shocked and a little off-balance.
Sage's hand was still being clutched in mine. I was still standing next to his hospital bed, where he lay unconscious. I felt my body trembling as I shook my head to clear it, and then there was a voice ringing in my ears.
"I tried…oh, god, I tried so hard, Rowen…I just wanted to bring him back to us…but I-I failed…"
Sage?
"Halo didn't work for me…his spirit didn't want me there… I was rejected…"
"Shh," I said softly, having heard enough. "It's okay, Sage." I placed three fingers over his lips even though they hadn't been moving.
"I just wanted to save him…" His voice echoed away.
"I know, I know…"
What do you do in a position like this? Well, I did the only thing I could think of right then.
I let the tears slide down my cheeks.
*
I was so appreciative of the way the Date family respected privacy, because my visit with Sage had not yet been interrupted at all, and I had been in the room with him a good half-hour, letting all my sorrows pour out of my eyes. I didn't quite understand what I was crying for--was it because Sage was in such pain? Was it because I knew somewhere in this building someone was about to die? Was it because I had never seen such a look of caring and concern on my mother's face like Sage's mom had had on hers when she picked him up off the floor? I didn't know, and so I just sat in the hard molded chair next to him, my face buried into my knees and my hands pulling restlessly at my hair. I guess the reasons didn't matter--I just cried. Maybe for all of them.
* * *
"Ohayo, Rowen! Wake up!"
I tumbled onto my side as the mattress dipped. Without opening an eye I replied, "Satsuki?"
"Can I go with you to visit Sage today?" She sounded abnormally young and very, very tentative for someone who was usually possessed with unlimited spunk. I shifted my head on my pillow and looked at her.
"Did you hear from the doctors?" I asked her, my voice rough from lack of sleep.
She shook her head. "No. No word on Sage's condition. I guess he's still asleep. But I know that you are going to see him, and Mama is busy dealing with the dojo and Daddy's at work. Please?"
I couldn't help but smile at her little face. She could definitely trick people into thinking she was younger than fourteen, with those round, light-colored eyes and shiny blonde hair all curled around her features, sitting on the edge of Sage's bed with her hands clasped in her lap. I reached a hand out and tweaked a curl closest to me.
"You bet. I'm getting up now." I rolled out of bed as she squealed delightedly and then left me alone. I began rummaging for clothes.
I felt kind of weird. I was going through Sage's drawers, but my own clothes were stacked in them, and I had been sleeping in Sage's home bed, using his pillow as a block against the night noises, and Sage's sisters had practically become my own, and I had even managed to get myself up earlier and earlier each morning. And that was strange because I obviously hadn't been getting any sleep the past few nights, so you'd think I'd be exhausted, right? No. All this change had taken place within four days, too. For the first time in my life I felt like I had a family.
But one member was missing. The most important member, my companion. Sage.
Still in the hospital, suffering from a slight concussion and unconsciousness. Two days ago the doctor said he had developed a small fever. This didn't sound like the Sage Date I knew. He never got sick and made me worry about him like this, but then again…his grandfather had never been sick, either…and Sage had never tried to heal a blood relative. I knew the doctors were confused, but there wasn't anything I could tell them that wouldn't sound suspicious. And chalking it all up to "sympathy pains" would probably earn me a smack on the head from all the Dates. So I just kept my knowledge to myself and pushed the hurt worry down inside. I had to stay strong for him.
*
"Ni-chan, can you hear me?"
I watched from the doorway as Satsuki leaned over him, placing one of her small hands on his shoulder. She looked hopeful as she stared down at his restful face.
No movement.
"Sage," she whispered. "Please…wake up, ni-chan. We need you back." She sniffled and squeezed her hand, then removed it and looked back to me. I could see tears in her eyes.
"I guess I just thought that maybe he would spontaneously wake up," she told me softly, struggling to hold the tears back.
I could identify with her. I had roughly the same kind of hope inside me, too, and so I nodded and walked over to where she was standing, right next to Sage's bed.
"I wish he would, too."
"He's your best friend?" Satsuki looked up at me with wide eyes.
I gave her a half-smile. "The very best. Is he your favorite brother?" I teased lightly, trying to get her to crack a smile.
It worked. She grinned at me and replied, "My only brother is certainly my very favorite one."
"What's he like?" I asked then.
"Like? I thought you would know that more than me," she responded with a glance, confused. "You live with him."
I fought to keep my blush down at her words. Yes, I lived with him…"I mean, what's he like as a brother?"
Her tears seemed to be happy as one rolled down her cheek. She gazed at his form on the bed and said lowly, "He's so much fun. He…doesn't treat me like a kid, like Yayoi does sometimes. Sage respects my decision for not getting involved with the family dojo, and that has brought us closer together over the past few years. I mean, he and Yayoi get along great, but…it's just nice having a family member you know you can count on… And now, I don't know what he's going to do…"
"What do you mean?" I pressed gently. She sounded a little more upset than before.
"Well, Sage's always counted on Grandfather," she sighed. "And now, what if he can't anymore?"
I just nodded and put an arm around her shoulder. Yesterday afternoon, Sage's poor mother had been very sternly informed that her father, Sage's grandfather, had been moved to an isolated room in ICU where visitors were not allowed. She had dumbfoundedly stumbled through her protest over the phone so much that Sage's dad had taken the receiver away from her and told her to give it up. They both wanted what was best for Grandfather, and the doctors assured them that ICU was the place for him to be. They didn't think he'd leave us too soon.
And here Satsuki was feeling sorry for her brother because he was going to lose what she had established with Sage. The ties this family had…it gave me the shivers. Parents? What were those? I couldn't tell you. Family? What was that? Mine certainly wasn't comprised as neatly and as lovingly as this one. My family was my friends, my family was Sage, my family was his. They were all I had.
"Satsuki?"
Next to me her head jerked down towards the bed. "Ni-chan?!"
I was torn from my thoughts as Sage's form stirred on the bed in front of us. "Sage?" I sputtered, surprised that my voice had worked.
"What…happened?"
I bent down with Satsuki as she rested her elbows on his mattress, grinning at him, and said, "You're in the hospital, Sage. How do you feel?"
"Really bad," came the weak response.
"But…but, you're awake, Sage!" Satsuki exclaimed.
His voice was light-hearted, no doubt for his sister. "Yeah…I'm awake, Satsuki."
"I'm going to call home!" Satsuki bounded joyously out of the room and closed the door behind her after squeezing his hand, relieved.
I looked at Sage's face, where his violet irises peeked out from half-lidded eyes, and I found my hand being clenched in his. "Rowen…you came."
I bit my lip and nodded. "I've been here for about five days, Sage," I told him. "You've been out since my arrival."
He tightened his fingers around mine. "I told my mother…I wanted you here…"
"She called me," I assured him. "Last Thursday she called me and I came."
He closed his eyes and turned his head away. "I'm…sorry, Rowen…you can go back if you want to."
"No," I said sternly. "I'm not leaving until you're out of this hospital."
"I feel so hot…"
I placed my hand on his forehead. "You've still got a fever," I said. "Let's get you a nurse." I straightened up and tried to walk away, but Sage's hand tugged on my own.
"Rowen?"
I stopped and turned. "Yes?"
"Come back, please?"
I bit my lip again. Where was my strong-hearted friend, the one who wielded his sword effortlessly and leapt from towering buildings and faced impossible dangers and always had a back-up plan in mind?
"I will," I promised him. "I will."
I had no intention whatsoever of disappointing him. Not after everything he and I had been through these past few days.
*
Well, the news of Sage's awakening spread like wildfire through the Date residence. Before I knew it, his whole family was gathered in his hospital room, quietly saying their hellos and wiping silent tears away and hugging each other as well as Sage. I had to step outside his room to take a breather, feeling like I was suffocating in family bonds.
I wasn't used to so much emotion within one small room. Sure, I had known that Sage was connected to his family, but I didn't know they were this attached to each other. It definitely wasn't bad, it was just something I wasn't used to at all. My parents had been fleetingly in and out of my life, not overly concerned with my well-being, and basically allowed me to raise myself as I was. I guess for being a self-tutored person I wasn't all that bad. Especially after everyone had given me a hug or a handshake after leaving Sage's room. I'm not sure they knew of the intensity of our relationship. But then again…I'm not sure I knew of the intensity of our relationship. Did we even have an intense relationship? I didn't know.
What I knew now was that Sage was alone inside his room.
I walked back in and dragged a chair next to his bed. He was lying still, with the sheets tucked up to his chest and his hands on his stomach. I sat quietly and just observed him.
Then his arm moved and he grasped my right hand, pulling it up to his other one where he covered it with both and held it over his heart. I could feel the pounding underneath my palm--a steady, constant throb in his chest.
"Rowen…will you talk to me?" he asked softly, his eyes still closed.
"What do you want to talk about?" I asked, his body heat warming my hand.
"Anything…I just want to hear your voice…"
I swallowed and said, "Okay, Sage." I reached back into the dark depths of my mind and unearthed a poem my favorite teacher had once recited to the class. It was a poem I had memorized on the spot because I liked the teacher so much. She looked like my mother.
"There is a land," I began in a soothing tone, hoping to lull him to sleep. "A marvelous land, where trolls and giants dwell…where witches, with their bitter brew, can cast a magic spell. Where mermaids sing, where carpets fly, where in the midst of night…Brownies dance, to cricket tunes, and ghosts all shivery white, prowl and moan. There is a land, of magic folks and deeds…and anyone can visit there…who reads, and reads, and reads…" I pulled the sheet up closer to his chin, wiggled my hand out of his tight grasp, and silently stood up and left the room, clicking off the light. I pulled the door closed behind me and started to walk home…to Sage's home.
"Good night, Sage."
I knew I'd be back tomorrow.
*
And a few days later, Sage was discharged from the hospital with an almost-clean bill of health. His concussion was just slightly less than noticeable, the fever had gone down, and of course, he remained awake the entire time. I remembered lounging in the big cushioned chair in the Dates' living room with a fat book when Sage's mother walked in through the front door with him. Her smile could have lit up all of inner Sendai as she helped her son climb the stairs to the room he hadn't spent more than a few days living in before disaster had struck.
Later that day, I discarded my informational text about computer programming and went up to see him alone, when everyone had settled down for the night in their own rooms. He was in bed, resting, and the sun was going down outside his windows, where the breeze blew in the opened glass and ruffled the white curtains. I pulled his desk chair up next to his head and sat, placing my chin in my hands and my elbows on my knees.
"I won't ever see him again."
"What do you mean?" I asked softly.
Sage's head turned to look at me directly. "I won't ever see Grandfather again. Not since they moved him to ICU."
I tried as best I could to instill some hope in my seemingly lost best friend. "But-but he's still alive…he could pull through…"
Sage shook his head slowly, a sad expression taking over his eyes. "We're going to lose him, Rowen. I know it."
"Shh," I told him. After spending so much time with Sage's close-knit family and learning the secrets of living together, I couldn't stand to hear Sage openly talk about someone up and dying. Especially someone who had been so close to him since his childhood.
Sage turned his head back, looking at the ceiling. His eyes sunk shut and I listened to him breathe for a while, letting my eyes wander over his lanky form stretched out on his bed. His hands were at his sides, and his right one lay with the fingers half-curled, that hand being the one closest to me. I reached out and trailed my index finger over his. It was warm to the touch, and I began to wonder if his fever had come back.
I leaned over the mattress and gently pressed my lips to his forehead, the most effective way to deduce whether or not one had a fever, and held them there for a minute. I didn't detect any deviance in what had returned to be his normal temperature, so I settled back down into my chair.
Then I realized that we weren't alone. I looked over to the door as it was pushed all the way open, and a tall figure stepped into the room next to me. She smiled as she looked at her brother, then glanced at me.
"You love him, don't you."
I didn't know how to respond, so I just looked up at her.
"It's okay," Yayoi assured. "We all do." She patted my shoulder and then left, closing the door softly behind her. I looked back at Sage, who was still asleep.
It suddenly dawned on me that she must have mistaken my last action as a kiss, and I blinked and stared for a moment.
I knew that I didn't care. Maybe I even wished that it really had been a kiss.
"Rowen?"
I jerked to attention. "Yes, Sage?" Had he been awake the whole time? I looked at him as he scooted over in the bed and patted the empty space next to him.
"You must be tired," was all he said, then his eyes closed again and he was still.
I kicked off my shoes and slid into bed next to him.
*
"Hey, Rowen?"
A sharp finger jabbed directly into my ribcage and I jerked my eyes open, blinking sleepily. I shook my head a bit, trying to clear it from the hazy sleep I'd been immersed in, and found my voice.
"Yeah?" I answered, somewhat confused and half-worried.
"I-I'm sorry, Rowen…I can't sleep, that's all."
I rolled over and faced Sage, where he lay on his back with the covers up to his chin, resembling a small child who was afraid of the dark.
"Are you feeling all right?" I reached up and ran my hand over his forehead.
"I feel fine…just…will you talk to me again, like you did before at the hospital?"
"You want me to?"
Sage snuggled under the covers next to me. "Yeah. I like listening to your voice."
The blush crept up my cheeks as I suggested, "Shakespeare?"
"Anything."
"Okay." I took a deep breath, switched over to my back, and began reciting. "My love is strengthen'd, though more weak in seeming; I love not less, though less the show appear. That love is merchandized whose rich esteeming, the owner's tongue doth publish every where. Our love was new, and then but in the spring, when I wont to greet it with my lays, as Philomel in summer's front doth sing…" I glanced over at Sage.
Sound asleep.
And looking peaceful through the fact that he knew his grandfather was dying in a place that seemed so far from home.
"And stops her pipe in growth of riper days."
* * *
The next morning I was sleepily rubbing my eyes awake when Sage shot up in bed beside me and nearly caused me to tumble to the floor. He gave me a heart attack as I looked sharply over my shoulder at him. His face was paling so much he made the white walls in his room look tanned, and his fingers were twisting the sheets tightly, knuckles white. He stared back at me, violet eyes opened wide.
"He's gone," came the barely audible explanation.
"What?" I asked frantically.
Sage bowed his head. "He's gone, I can feel it."
"Sage…"
"He's dead, Rowen." Sage looked up at me with tear-filled eyes. "I've lost him."
"Oh, God, Sage…" I watched as a teardrop slid down his cheek and knew I had to do something to help my ailing friend. So I moved over next to him and hugged him, bringing my arms tightly around his waist as he rested his head on my shoulder, his hands still in his lap. I could feel the tears roll onto my shirt.
"I'm so sorry, Sage."
He just buried his head deeper into the crook of my neck.
*
Dear Cye, Ryo, Kento, and Mia,
Well, what can I say…the funeral and all that went with it is over.
Sage's family is very depressed and to tell you the truth, so am I.
These people shouldn't be put through such harsh situations. It's
really not fair…but I should know that life never deals the hand
of cards you want all the time. I think I know that all too well, and so
I'm coming home. Mainly because I've got a presentation to give
at the library on astronomical physics in a few days, and I can't back
out on it. I'm not entirely sure when Sage'll be home. Just do me a
favor, guys…give him some space. It really hit everyone hard.
Sage sat on his bed behind me as I packed up my two small bags, silently watching as I pulled my clothes from his dresser drawers and stuffed them inside the zippers. He knew I was leaving, and he understood that I'd made my commitment to the library months in advance and would be disappointing a bucket-load of anxious soon-to-be professors if I didn't show. But I couldn't help but feel like a jerk anyway. Here I was sacrificing the time that Sage needed me here to go and lecture on physics to a bunch of strangers. But when I'd said that to him, he'd shaken his head and ordered me to go home, to Mia's. There was no debating with him, and so there I was, tossing my now full bags onto the bed next to him. I'd already said good-bye to the rest of his family, so I stood awkwardly in front of him, not knowing what to say. I'm not sure that he was going to come back to Mia's any time soon, not with his family needing as much support as they could get. Besides, Sage still had things he needed to clear up with his family, things that had once belonged to his grandfather, the most prominent problem being the dojo.
"Well," I said, breaking the silence.
"Well." Sage looked up at me from the bed, just staring intently at my face. I tried not to blush, feeling like I was being scrutinized.
I glanced quickly at my watch, trying to throw Sage's stare from my face. "I…gotta go, Sage," I told him softly.
"I know." He stood up and took a step closer to me. He started to open his mouth, but I covered it with my hand.
"Don't say anything," I told him. "There's no need to." I lowered my hand and looked up a bit into his eyes. We stood completely still for at least a full minute, just looking at one another.
Then Sage's hand was on my cheek, drawing my face nearer to his gently, his eyes locked with mine. His head bent slightly, as he was only about a half an inch taller than I was, and he pressed his lips to mine. I returned his kiss with equal tenderness, pushing it a little further, deepening it. I wrapped my arms around him, feeling his hands slide into my hair.
"Rowen! You're going to miss your bus!"
Sage's mother's voice interrupted from outside the door, which thankfully had been closed earlier. I broke the kiss to reply to her, then looked back at Sage, whose hands were still in place. I hugged him to me.
"I want you to stay here as long as you need to," I told his shoulder. "Don't come rushing home until you feel ready, okay?"
He nodded as I pulled away. I reached around him and grabbed my bags, then headed for the door. I was almost out of the room when I stopped and faced him, looked to where he was standing in the middle of his room with his hands in his pockets, watching my exit.
"Sage?"
"Yeah?" His eyes shifted to mine.
I smiled. "Thanks for sharing your family with me." I paused, watching his eyebrow lift. "I never had anything like that before." I turned to leave and began walking again. I was almost down the stairs to the living room when he called from the second story landing.
"Rowen, this will always be your family…always."
I looked over my shoulder and smiled at him, then walked into the living room where Sage's mother was waiting.
I couldn't help it. Before I left, I had to give her a hug.
I don't think I'll ever forget the way it felt. It was as if she were my own blood, the way she held me and told me to be careful on the way home.
I think they all knew. They knew Sage and I were spiritually connected to each other, somehow.
* * *
I zipped up my shoulder bag after stuffing it with the notebooks and manuals and texts and whatnot that I'd used for my presentation. The library was starting to empty, the people who had sat in for my lecture had begun to pack up and leave, some still scribbling madly in their notebooks, some still riffling through their texts as they made their way outside. I stared at my bag, trying to remember what I'd wanted to do before I left, and then snapped my fingers as I spotted the fluorescent yellow sheet hanging out of a pocket. I snatched it up and walked over to the bulletin board in the front of the room. I tacked the paper up so anyone could contact me if they needed tutoring, and then jumped out of my skin as a voice asked abruptly behind me,
"Are you ready to go?"
I looked over my shoulder quickly, recognizing the voice but not understanding why it was here. I stood completely still for a second, losing my brain somewhere inside my head, still leaning against the bulletin board with my hands on the paper.
"Sage?" I stumbled out.
He stood in front of me with his hair half in his face, car keys dangling out of one hand, the other in his pocket. I hadn't expected to see him so soon, and for a second we both stared at each other. Then I faced him.
"How did it go?" Sage asked softly.
I swallowed, feeling like a moron. This is what I'd left him for, and it made me feel like scum. It hadn't been that important. "It went great," I answered, locating my brain. "I hope."
"Well, knowing you, it was great," Sage replied, his eyes looking at the floor. He seemed very sullen and young, and I walked towards him and tugged on his arm gently.
"Come on," I urged. "Let's go home together, okay?"
His voice was soft in my ears. "Okay."
I walked to the table and grabbed my pack, slinging it on my shoulder. Then I met back up with Sage and we turned towards the library exit. The cool breeze blasted us as the automatic door opened, and we walked out into the parking lot, towards his car. He unlocked the door for me and I climbed in and waited until he was next to me, sitting in his seat. He held the keys up to the ignition then, but something in his movements faltered and the keys dropped to his lap. I watched as he gripped the steering wheel tightly. I put my hand on his shoulder, trying to remind him that I was still there for him.
"Sage," I coaxed softly, trying to sound comforting.
"I'm sorry, Rowen," he choked out. "I'm so sorry for everything that I put you through. I thought I was okay. I thought I would be fine, that I would get over it, that things would go back to the way they were. I didn't think it would hurt this much. I thought I could let go, but it-it's too hard. I can't let go of him, Rowen…I just can't…" I watched as the tears flowed down over his cheeks.
I squeezed his shoulder and slid over in my seat. I pulled him to me, cuddling him like small child as he wept against my front, clinging with a terrible harshness. "It's okay," I whispered, wishing my holding him would stop the ache. "You don't have to let go, Sage. He doesn't want you to let go of him."
"I just wish he was back," Sage told me.
"I know, I know." I held him tighter, running my fingers through the back of his hair. "I told you not to come rushing home."
Sage shook his head against my shoulder and I felt his grip tighten on the back of my shirt. "I couldn't help it. I missed you."
I bit my lip. This was almost too much for me to handle--I couldn't even imagine what it was like for Sage.
We sat for a few minutes as Sage calmed down a bit. I hugged him even tighter than I had been. "It takes time," I consoled the silence, even though I really didn't know if that was true. I hadn't really lost anyone in my life before…but actually, I'd had no one to begin with anyway, so…I figured that if I'd had someone like Sage had his grandfather, I'd need time to feel better. It sounded like logical advice, and right now, it seemed as if it was the only thing I could offer. I wanted to take all the pain away and make it right for Sage again.
"Rowen…"
"Shh, Sage. Let's just go so you can get some rest, okay?"
He nodded and squeezed me. Then he started the car and we drove back to Mia's together.
*
"How is he?"
Mia's voice drew me out of the trance I had fallen in, leaning against the doorframe to our room. I had been just standing and watching Sage sleep for the past half-hour, and wasn't expecting anyone to visit. I tried to conceal how much Mia really surprised me.
"As well as can be expected," I answered, glancing at her. She stood next to me with her hands behind her back, a sad yet relieved look on her face, her hair tied up from her face in a long ponytail. "He'll get better, with time."
Mia put her hand on my shoulder. "And with you," she told me softly, then turned and padded quietly down the hall to the stairs. She sounded so sure, but I wasn't. I felt helpless, like there wasn't anything I could do to demolish the pain that Sage had inside. It was out of my hands, out of my control. My only option seemed to be just sitting here and watching Sage deal with it his own way. I guess if I just stayed with him somehow in the long run it would pay off.
I stood up straight and walked into the room, closing the door behind me softly, so as not to wake my best friend, who had finally fallen into slumber. I had begun to notice though, as time passed, that Sage was fidgeting in his sleep, no doubt still full of pain and memories, and my curiosity got the better of me. I made my way to his bed and kneeled down, my knees underneath the bed frame, my face level with his sleeping form. I leaned over and rested my head on Sage's chest, throwing an arm delicately across him, sort of half-holding him to me. Both of his arms were by his sides, and the heat from his body soaked through the sheet and made me slightly drowsy. My eyelids begged to be closed, and I had to oblige. The emotional turmoil had taken its toll on my body, too, I suppose.
And then suddenly I was sitting up in bed, my body wracked with terrible coughs as I tried my best to muffle them. I could feel the tears streaming down my face as I blinked at my bedroom door, where it slowly creaked open. My mother walked into the room, holding her arms out to me, the sun shining through the window and making her blonde hair glow. I felt her arms around me as she rubbed my back and tried to soothe me until the coughs subsided. I could hear her speaking, but the words were blurry, and soon I was answering her in the same fuzzy tongue. She seemed to understand, and before I knew it, she had left me and the arms around me were replaced by much older ones, but just as comforting. I glanced at the man who sat next to me, then buried my head into his shirt. I could hear my own voice echoing in my ears.
"Grandfather, Grandfather, sing me a song, please…"
His deep laughter rumbled through my ears, and he was happy to sing, loudly humming with his throaty voice, rubbing my back the same as my mother had, willing the sickness away from my body as my wet cheeks dried.
And then I was tackled to the floor, laughing so hysterically that my chest ached for breath as my sister jumped on me and continued to ravage my small form with her hands, tickling me in any spot she could reach as I flailed and twisted on the thin carpet. I could hear her laughter mixing with mine, and suddenly my mother's voice was thundering through my head, a shocked tone of anger and happiness.
"Yayoi! Yayoi, stop this instant! His health! You have to remember how weak his health is!"
My sister apologized instantly, standing up and facing my mother with her head bowed contritely. I continued to lie on the floor laughing, and Yayoi took it as a good sign and I saw her smile light up her face. Grandfather's voice assured, "He'll be all right. I think he's getting better." His laughter echoed with my mother's as she caved in and joined in on the joy. It was one of the happiest times I could remember from that age.
And then my grandfather was shoving my sword back into my hands, demanding that I perform again. Failure is not an option. Failure is not an option. The words rocketed through my head as I lifted the wooden sword mightily and drew in a deep breath. I was going to make him proud of me. As a future Date samurai, I couldn't let anything stand in my way, and I used the technique he had been teaching me earnestly for the past three hours. This time, my opponent was defeated, and I received a celebratory clap on the back and private meal with my grandfather, my trainer, my family member, my friend. I don't think I'll ever forget the smile that grew on his face after I emerged from my tournament as a grand champion. It was all because of him. He made me who I was today, he enabled me to throw all my inhibitions out the window, to destroy all fears as the end of the world came near. The final showdown with Talpa, the way I felt about attacking Ryo, the bond we had created between the five of us…I never would have survived if it hadn't been for him. The man who raised me and taught me discipline and respect and…opened my heart to others. He enabled me to love, and I had found it, and it was right next to me, and his head was on my chest even as I dreamed…Rowen.
I jerked awake and yanked my head off Sage's front, breathing heavily. What I had witnessed was nothing of my own. It was Sage's life, his treasures inside him, the things he held dear to him, all projected onto me. Why me? I could only reason it was because I was the closest person to him right now. Maybe he needed to let someone in on his life, his childhood. Maybe he wanted to share it with me, seeing as I had no gleeful young days. Maybe it was somehow drawing us even closer to each other, connecting us in a way neither of us could have ever anticipated or hoped for. I guess in all actuality, I didn't know.
But I was glad. I wanted to take everything Sage had to offer me. I wasn't about to childishly ignore or arrogantly overlook everything he had. I was going to give all, give anything…to take all the pain away and only give the hope.
*
I rolled over restlessly in bed, trying to get comfortable underneath the covers. It seemed that for some reason my brain wouldn't settle down, although I had nothing too much in particular to think about. My internal system must have been worrying itself to death about Sage, who still slumbered in his bed, across the room from me. I flopped onto my belly and flung my hands over my head. As they clenched onto the pillow, I noticed something was glowing on one, my left hand. I blinked and pulled my hand closer to my face, trying to deduce what was faintly glowing on the back of it.
It was a self-adhesive glow-in-the-dark star, one that should have been still stuck to the ceiling, still in one of the many constellations I had created above my head. It seemed that after I had acquired Strata, I just couldn't live without the comfort of the stars over me, and on a silly whim I had bought the cheapest bag of stars at a local convenience store and fixed the ceiling the way I liked it. Now I turned onto my back and examined the ceiling, and found the empty spot where the star belonged. The middle star on Orion's belt.
I stood up in bed, letting the covers fall around me, and stretched up as far as I could, trying to keep my balance as I reached the star towards the constellation and pushed it into its place. There it shone brightly, completing the formation as it should be.
It was then that I received my second heart attack in my young teenage life. My chest constricted and I took a huge gulp of air at the same time as Sage jerked awake in his bed, sitting up and slumping over his lap with a cry. I saw his hands clench the sheet between his fingers, and the sobs rang out through my ears and pierced my heart. I couldn't let my best friend suffer like this any longer. It just wasn't fair.
Quickly, with Warrior reflexes, I leaped off my bed and bounded over to him in one step. I crawled onto his bed and put my arms around him, trying to pull the sobs out of him and absorb them myself, wanting the hurt to stop as I cradled him against me, smoothing his hair. Sage turned and stuffed his face into my neck, his hands letting go of the sheet and clenching onto my pajama shirt, the tears still running from his eyes. I rocked him relentlessly, winding my fingers through his hair, holding him as tightly as possible to me, whispering softly that it was only a dream. He curled up like a small baby in my arms and tried to speak. His voice was muffled against my front, the fabric swallowing his words seconds after he had spoken.
"Grandfather, grandfather, sing me a song, please…"
I held his head against my neck and began to hum at the familiar plea, anything I could remember from anything I had heard as a young boy. I vaguely remembered my mother doing her best to sing me lullabies at night, and I tried to re-enact her performance for Sage, although I wasn't sure if I was going to help him or not. I was willing to try anything at this point, and so I sang in earnest for five minutes straight.
Then, in a blink of an eye, Sage seemed to collect himself, and he did it rather nicely. He blinked innocently up at me, sending the last of his tears over his cheeks, and then asked in surprise, "Rowen?"
My humming was cut off in an instant. I closed my eyes and bit my lip, nodding, holding him yet closer to me as if to bind him to my body.
He settled himself against me and sighed. "It was only a dream."
"Sometimes dreams are what seem most real to us."
Sage's arms came around my body and held me back. "I still miss him."
"I know," I whispered. "But that just means that you loved him, and you always will."
Sage closed his eyes and nodded. "And you, Rowen. And you."
I didn't answer. I couldn't. My voice had wedged itself in my throat, creating a lump of solid rock connection between Sage and me, something that at the moment I couldn't break apart inside.
I just continued to rock him.
* * *
A few nights later, after I'd clicked off the light in our bedroom at a semi-normal hour, I settled into my bed and pulled the sheets up around me. Sage was across the room tucked into his bed, and it was quiet for the most part. He had been quiet for the last few days, keeping mostly to himself but still spending some time with me when he wasn't meditating or resting, a calm figure walking serenely around the house surrounded by his thoughts and feelings. I think he was finally digesting most of the shock of losing a dearly loved one. But I couldn't help it. Being the ever so curious creature that I was, I had to ask.
"How's your family doing?" I whispered.
He was silent for a moment. Then he said, "They love you."
I turned my face to his form, across the room in his bed. "What?"
"They were all so sad to see you go…I think they felt like it was Grandfather leaving all over again…"
Good going, Rowen, I scolded myself. "I'm sorry, Sage. I could have stayed."
I saw the shadow of his head shake against his pillow. "No, you had things to do. Things that I know are important to you, and you couldn't just give them up on account of us."
"Sage--" I sat up quickly in my bed and turned to face him, the sheets twisted around me. "It wasn't that big of a deal," I admitted quietly. "I would have rather stayed with you and your family."
Sage sat up, too. "Really?" he whispered.
I nodded. "Yeah. Your family was the only thing that came close to what I've wanted all my life. I think I'd give anything up for that."
"Are you serious, Rowen?" Sage sounded confused.
"Dead serious, Sage," I admitted lowly. "I would give anything up for you…anything that you needed me to."
"Rowen…"
I looked at him, sitting on the edge of his bed, his feet dangling over the side, toes brushing the carpet. His violet eyes were wide and bright in the darkness, and he stared hard at me before getting up and padding across the carpet to sit next to me. He looked away for a second and said softly, "Thank you."
"For what?" I whispered.
He looked back at me. "For being there. I never could have made it through all this without you, I want you to know that."
"I'll always be here," I assured him, taking his hand in my own.
"My family is your family," he told me, the violet boring into my eyes, bathing my face in their heated glow.
"Are you sure you'll be all right?"
Sage permitted himself a small smile despite our serious talk. "I'm going to take the dojo over in the summers. It's what Grandfather would have wanted."
I nodded.
"I want you to come back to Sendai with me." He squeezed my hand tighter, slipping his fingers in between mine. "Stay with me while I teach at the dojo."
I locked my arm around his waist and buried my nose in his shirt. "Anything you want, Sage."
He sighed, his nose in my hair. "Hey, Rowen? How did you get used to sleeping at home?"
"At home?" I repeated, not sure I was following him.
"At my house. I found it very difficult to sleep with all the…noise."
I looked up into his face, blinking innocently and smiling, holding my laughter in. If only he knew… "I had something else on my mind to think about."
Sage kissed my forehead and hugged me again.
"Rowen…promise me that you won't ever die without me being there with you. I was very lonely at night when you weren't there."
"I won't have it any other way," I said, a little taken aback at Sage's openness for confession. "I'll always be there for you."
Sage leaned down and pulled me closer as our mouths locked together, sealing the promise.
And it was true. I wouldn't have it any other way. Not when I had Sage and his family, not to mention all my friends here at Mia's.
And Grandfather's death hurt everyone connected to him, especially Sage, but in time, the Dates would all get over the initial shock, and if Sage ever needed anything, I would always be there to offer my help or wipe tears away or hold him, just like family members did for each other.
I got him back. The most important member of my family, my companion.
Sage.