Well, I'm back! Finally I'm near a computer after like... a month or something like that XD. And... I know the fic is VERY random and it has no sense, but I hope you will like it and find why is so... out of order?. Well, thanks a lot to all you and don't hate me for the first part, I swear it's an AxH.

And, before the story, somethings I need to say:

To Anonymous latina: I really, really love you and, just so you know, all my fics will go always dedicated to you since you were one of the first to give me the strenght to continue writting. Thanks a lot!

To Azure129: Never doubt you are a great source of inspiration. You are one of the greatest fic-writters I ever read. Thank you.

To deadlyninjabee: Thanks and... yes, I think, but I won't write a complete TJM fic.

To mysterious rainbow pony man: Well, yes, I thought he was very passionate, but I think he would be for the important things, like love, since he had been accumulating strong emotions all his life, so I think he would explode at times like this. But thank you for the advice!

And to everyone else... thanks for all the moral support!

Dedicated to all my readers. You are the best guys!

I don't own Hey Arnold!

Giving up

No more solitary sleeping
no more dreams of children and white
no more of my sad smiles
I'm giving up on you

I want to let go of the feelings
this has no beginning
why should I care
if I always waited for you
and the train came and went
leaving me here alone?

Goodbye my dear love
let's meet again in other life
just for once, do the right thing
and let me die...

He closed the little pink book after reading for umpteenth time the last poem. The last poem from the last book, the one she shoved in his hands three years ago, the day they parted ways. She escaped, he knew, he always knew one day she was going to get away, but he always thought it was going to be with her secret, but she left that behind, as well as her past. And now, her secret was not hers anymore. It was his, and because of this, the feelings that formed the secret were now his. The love, the longing, the sorrow, the desire... the loss. He could feel everything she had been keeping in her heart for nineteen years. With those feelings in his heart, he could understand why she gave up on him, hopeless and soulbroken. But the truth is he did never ask for them and it was unfair on the part of the world to ask a compensation, not when life already punished his denseness. If not about Helga's feelings, wich he knew from thirteen years before the parting, about his own feelings, the ones he didn't notice, being so buried in his soul, he thought they were only a part of him, like the need to help others. And it had taken him the heartbreak to acknowledge them as love. The obsession, the concern, the interest, all of them signals of love, embed on his veins, chained to the destiny. They were meant to be, but he didn't ever understood that, because he always took her presence as given. His subconscious always thought he had enough time... but it wasn't true.

And the poems... they were all dated, to specific times he remembered seeing her happy, but feeling her... kind of broken. How could he be so blind? How could he didn't notice the synchronization of their souls, and took it as friendship? It was much more than that... But the poems, the ones she wrote in a year. All of them about hope, sorrow and lastly... about death. He smiled at the memory, a sad smile. She shoved it in his hands -All yours, goodbye Football head- she said, before turning around forever and disappear from his life.

At that time, he was planning his wedding. Somehow Sonya managed to convince Helga to be her bridesmaid, and he was happy because his best female friend was going to be part of his happier day in life. How of a fool he was. She went a month before the wedding, and soon he discovered his true feelings. Sonya accepted it and left too, taking with her the last of his hope. He tought he had more time, but three years came and there was no signal of her. Gerald and Phoebe got married, as everyone predicted. Arnold never let go of their friendship and tried his hardest to find her, Phoebe helped too, but she never appeared. She was gone from everyone's life.

Three years passed and one day she appeared at his door. The mailman gave him a little envelope with a pink folded paper and ten tickets... to her wedding. She came back to Hillwood to get married. And he looked and looked out for her, wanting to share his heart, but the only one she allowed near was Phoebe. And finally the day they could meet each other was the moment she walked down the aisle, by Brian's arm, the one she always considered like her brother. Their eyes met for an instant and he couldn't see any other thing than happiness in her sky blue eyes.

His heart fell to the floor piece by piece at moments, and finally, when she said "I do", he couldn't stand it anymore. He left the church and walked, and walked, and walked, 'til he reached the bridge and there he opened again the pink book and read the poem, the last poem from the last pink book -I'm going to give up on you, goodbye my dear love, let's meet in other life, just for once I'll do the right thing, I will just die- he recited, changing the last words and let go of the book wich fell in the river with a splash sound while a single tear travelled down his face, loosing itself in the water.

-Hey Arnold! Hey Arnold!- the alarm woke him up and he opened his eyes, watching the sky above his head, cloudless and bright. Sensing the humidity of his face, he wiped off the tears that managed to escape from his eyes. He took just few moments to remember the dream before he got off the bed and hurried to dress up. Yes, he wasn't twenty five anymore, he was only thirteen, but he could still feel the loss and the love, and he knew if he let go of her, he was going to regret it all his life. He skipped breakfast and hurried to the park, guided by his gut, and found her, the same her he remembered, his best friend, always beautiful, bright and smart to his eyes. How could he be such a fool? How could he never understood that strong beating in his chest, the warmth in his face, the sudden happiness, the almost hurtful desire to interlink his fingers with hers?

-Helga!- he shouted with all his strength and she turned and saw him, those blue eyes full of life and happiness, and he rushed to her side, not knowing what to say or how to say it. The only thing he knew was he wasn't going to give up on her ever.