The Unofficial Rules of Mutant High

by petrichorpoetry

The infamous guide for new students at Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters, created by the veterans who know a little about how the craziness works. This list has proved an invaluable resource over the years for many incoming students who have no idea what kind of insanity they've signed themselves up for.

1a. Never, ever shove Mr. Cassidy off of roofs or out windows unexpectedly because you want to see his sonic scream. He needs his suit to fly, you idiots. If he doesn't have it on he'll just hit the ground and you'll be paying for his hospital bills.

1b: Okay, so only when he's wearing his suit.

1c: NO.

1d: But—

1e: NO SHOVING MR. CASSIDY OUT WINDOWS. THE END.

2. If you value your life, don't call Dr. McCoy a furball or Mr. Fuzzy.

3a. The teachers will join in if you start making fun of Magneto's fashion sense.

3b. But don't make fun of theirs. It won't end well. You will be forced to take sides and the ensuing war doesn't end for weeks.

4. If one of the teachers is hunting another one down, DO NOT get involved. Don't help, don't hinder, don't even watch. It's safer that way. Just let the vendetta run its course and everything will work out in the end.

5. The danger room is for training purposes only. While it has in fact been used to recreate favorite episodes of Star Trek before, this is highly frowned upon and will most likely result in the perpetrators (aka geniuses) being put on kitchen duty for a month, so turn it into a holodeck at your own risk.