A/N: So I wrote this a long time ago. I wrote a bunch of things a long time ago, but I never got around to typing them and then they got misplaced, so I couldn't post anything. It kind of threw me off, and I haven't written any new fanfiction in awhile. Then I figured out where these were and had my Mom mail all the things I had written but never posted, so everyone gets my old stuff, and I've started writing again. It's been a good week. Enjoy. R&R. –Mac
Disclaimer: I don't own the Twilight Saga.
Give Me A Reason
Renesmee was turning one and the Cullens were throwing a huge extravaganza to celebrate the half breed's first year of life. They had invited everyone who was in on the big secret of the supernatural half breed, even Jacob's rag tag pack of mangy mutts had made it onto the guest list—a fact which of course thrilled the Alpha wolf, but left a sour taste in the mouth of his female counterpart. Leah's attendance had been "encouraged" by her fearless leader, and though he hadn't stopped so low as to issue a direct alpha order, she figured skipping the birthday bash would have dire consequences Leah would rather not face. That was how she found herself spending almost as much time trying in vain to find a way out of going as she did getting ready for the thing. Finally, after much moaning and groaning and complaining to her empty room, Leah resigned herself to another night in the company of the Cullen brood.
"Dress nice," Jacob had said, so Lean had chosen a nice sundress over her usual shorts or jeans. She wanted to show Jacob she had made an effort without actually making an effort. It was bad enough she wouldn't be able to work out her frustrations on the run over, since this was the first time in over a year she would be travelling by motored vehicle. As per request, Leah was driving over even though it was an inconvenience. She supposed though, since Charlie was also in attendance, pawing her way out of the forest would not be an appropriate entrance. Having to drive took her just past fashionably late into I'm-here-but-my-desire-to-be-here-is-questionable territory, but they had to give her credit for showing up at all.
After parking her car, she wandered over to the party already in full swing on the front lawn of the Cullen compound. A quick sniff of the air revealed that the smell of alcohol permeating the air almost overpowers the smell of the dozens of vampires mingling in groups, and then she realized the smell was coming from Jacob who had now nearly tackled her as he wrapped his strong arms around her. Leah tried to steady herself, planting her feet firmly in the ground—she now regretted the fact that a pair of heels was her only choice to match her dress—but Jacob's weight still would have been enough to topple them over if Seth hadn't appeared beside her as well to help hold them up. Seth pulled Jacob back a step so he wasn't leaning so much on Leah, though his arms stayed around her. Leah leveled, what she hoped was, a disapproving glare when Jacob's gaze landed on her face. Yet, when he spoke next, she was convinced he was in no state to see her face clearly, let alone decipher her expression.
"Leah!" Jacob exclaimed, wobbling on his feet. "You made it, but you're late. I've been waiting for you for, like, ever. But I might be convinced to forgive you if you come and dance with me."
Jacob attempted to pull her backwards toward where some of the guests were dancing. Tilting her gaze to survey the makeshift dance area, Leah then noticed that Jacob's scene had a riveted audience. Bella and Edward were eyeing the back of Jacob's head from a few feet away, and across the lawn, perched delicately on the porch, Nessie was watching with a stoic face. Seth's grip on Jacob's waist blocked him from moving any further and Jacob shifted forward to counteract the obstacle and again had to steady himself on Leah's petite frame.
"Sorry," Seth mumbled. "Our dear Alpha has had a bit too much to drink."
"That's an understatement if I ever heard one," Leah said. She turned her glare on her brother, "You had better not have been drinking too."
"I haven't," Seth put his hands up in surrender.
Without the support of Seth's hands, Jacob almost fell backwards and Seth and Leah had to quickly grab his arms to get him back on his feet before he landed on his ass. Leah eyed Seth pointedly, hoping this time he would be more mindful of keeping Jacob standing upright.
"Whoa," Jacob's head was swaying as he settled in front of her again. "I'm good. Don't worry about me. Let's dance Leah, come on. Let's go."
"You can barely stand, let alone dance," Leah replied. She put her hands on each side of Jacob's face to force him to look at her. "Can you focus for a moment?"
"I don't want to focus. I wanna dance," Jacob slid his hands from Leah's shoulders, down her sides, to rest on her waist. He twisted her in his hands, making her roll her hips.
If she wasn't already overly frustrated by Jacob's behavior, she would have spent more than a split second acknowledging that the trail of Jacob's hands had come dangerously close to her breasts. Instead, the thought was fleeting and she was almost immediately flooded with annoyance at the movements he was manipulating her body to make.
"What are you thinking Jacob?" She hissed, smacking his hands away.
Jacob straightened up, with his face contorting into a smirk as his eyes traveled up and down her body. Leah nearly shivered under the intensity of her gaze. Edward let out a snarl.
"It appears your would-be father-in-law is not taking kindly to whatever thoughts you're having, Jacob Black," Leah said coolly.
Edward was suddenly at Leah's side with Bella and Nessie behind him. Edward bent close to Leah to growl in her ear, "Take him home before he does anymore damage."
"Yes, sir," Leah snapped, "but you're the one that served alcohol at a birthday party for a baby."
Nessie's expressionless face twisted into a frown and she placed a small hand on Leah's arm. Leah's head was suddenly assaulted with flickering images of infants swaddled in pastel blankets and Pampers. She shook loose of Nessie's grip and turned her gaze on the girl.
"Yes, I know what a baby looks like," Leah replied, "And you might not look like one, but you're still only a year old."
The protective mother reared her head, and Bella pulled Nessie back, shifting her daughter behind her. Bella narrowed her eyes at Leah, "We didn't serve him anything. He turned up here with his own…refreshments."
Leah shook her head, "Jacob, what has gotten into you?"
Jacob opened his mouth, but Edward cut him off before he could speak.
"Don't say it." Then Edward muttered under his breath, "Crude and juvenile."
"Leah, if you wouldn't mind," Bella said, "Please, take him home so we can enjoy the rest of my daughter's birthday."
Leah turned to Seth, "Help me get him in my car, before the Leeches work themselves into a temper tantrum."
With small clumsy steps the two were able to guide Jacob to Leah's car. Making it the short distance to the car seemed to be the easy part, because trying to force Jacob into the passenger seat proved to be more than they bargained for. Jacob had complained all the way to the car about not wanting to leave, remaining consistent in his desire to dance with Leah. Yet his resistance was limited to vocalized arguments, because it took almost all his focus to keep himself on his feet—even though most of that task was taken upon by Leah and Seth. Once they tried to actually get in the car, though, Jacob seemed to regain enough of his physical strength to fight back a little. With both hands, Jacob gripped the frame of Leah's car and used it as leverage to shove himself back. Leah and Seth tried harder to push him forward, which only caused Jacob to resist further. With a sudden burst of strength, Jacob launched himself away from the car and out of Leah and Seth's grip. Still unbalanced from the effects of the alcohol, he landed on his back a few feet from the car.
Leah heaved a sigh and walked over to look down at Jacob. She put her hands on her hips and when Jacob met her eyes, the laughter bubbling up in him halted. She raised an eyebrow, "Are you happy? Do you see what happens? Will you get in the car now?"
"Okay," Jacob said simply.
"Help me get him up," Leah said to Seth.
With the help of her brother, Leah was able to get Jacob back on his feet. Getting him into the passenger seat was considerably easier when he wasn't putting up a fight. Leah closed the door after all of Jacob's limbs had been folded into her car. She blew out a breath and turned to Seth.
"I guess I can take it from here," Leah said.
"Shouldn't I go with you, so I can help you get him into the house?" Seth asked.
"No," Leah shook her head, "You shouldn't let him ruin your good time too."
"What about you? You were only here for maybe a total of five seconds."
"Difference is, you actually like the Leaches—though I can't imagine why—and I couldn't care less about the half breed's birthday," Leah replied.
"Ease up on them, why don't ya?" Seth shook his head. "They're our friends."
"Yours, maybe," Leah shrugged. "Look, don't worry about me. I will get Jacob to bed if he has to crawl all the way from the car into the house on his own."
"If you say so."
"I say so. Now, get back to the party."
Once Seth had gone back to the party, Leah went around to the other side of her car to get in. Jacob was sitting with his face pressed up against the cool glass of the window. Leah sighed in frustration as she pulled away from the Cullen's house. When Jacob didn't move after a couple minutes of driving, she reached over to shake him.
"You better not fall asleep before I get you home," Leah said loudly.
Jacob slapped her hand way and shifted in his seat to face forward, staring out the windshield, "I'm not falling asleep."
"What's going on with you tonight?"
"Nothing."
"It must be something."
"It's nothing," Jacob snapped.
"Jacob—"
"Leave it alone," Jacob growled, as he whipped around to glare at her.
"With your size and metabolism, do you know how much alcohol you had to drink to get this drunk?" Leah raised an eyebrow.
"It's traditional to have a drink in honor of a special occasion," Jacob responded and slid down in his seat.
"Jake, I'm sure whoever came up with that didn't do so thinking of drinking an entire bottle of whisky as an equivalent to one drink."
"You never know."
"Jake—"
"Please, just don't talk anymore," Jacob scrunched up his eyes.
Leah snapped her mouth closed. She slowly released a deep breath in an attempt to calm the flare of anger that rose in her. She repeated over and over to herself that he was just drunk, because if he was sober he wouldn't treat her that badly—especially when she was only trying to help him. She would stay quiet for the moment, but she told herself that there was nothing stopping her from letting him have it the next morning. She indulged herself with the notion of him being hung over with a raging headache while she yelled at him until she was grating on his last nerve like he was doing with her right then, even though she knew that probably wouldn't happen. By the time those thoughts had passed, she was pulling up in front of Jacob's house. Before she could even turn off the ignition, Jacob started to get out of the car on his own.
"Jacob, stop," Leah said and rushed to get out of her seatbelt and out of the car. She ran around the car to catch Jacob clumsily climbing out. She ducked under his arm to support his weight as they moved toward his front door.
"You don't have to help me," Jacob said, even as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders to steady himself. At least he had sobered up enough to not tip them both over with the motion.
"Of course I do," Leah responded. "You can barely stand, let alone walk on your own."
Leah walked him all the way into his house and into his bedroom. Jacob slumped down on his bed with a groan. With a little help, he was able to kick off his shoes and lay down. With her hands on her hips, Leah stared down at Jacob's, once again, stationary form. She still wanted to give him a piece of her mind about his snippy attitude and inappropriate behavior that night, which could only reflect badly on their pack—not that too many people had a high opinion of them in the first place—but the expression on his face, when he angled his head to look at her, halted her tirade in its tracks.
"I'm sorry about everything I did tonight. I didn't intend to be a nuisance to you, of all people," Jacob murmured. "And I kinda bit your head off for no good reason, when you were only trying to be a good friend. So, sorry about that too."
Leah sighed and sat down on the edge of his bed beside him. She softly placed a hand on his forehead before running it back through his hair, "What were you thinking, Jacob?"
There was a long moment of silence before he responded.
"They're leaving, the Cullens, all of them," Jacob whispered. His blank eyes stared up at the ceiling. "I have to choose: stay here or go with them."
The revelation struck something deep within Leah. This was a reality she had known was coming eventually. With the half-breed's rapid growth, the Cullens couldn't stay in Forks much longer and, in fact, probably should have left a long time ago. She had known all along that the day would arrive when Jacob would be leaving as well—she just wanted to pretend that it wasn't happening, so she didn't think about it. Now, every fiber of her being was screaming at her to fight it, to stop it from happening, but she wouldn't try to intervene because she didn't have that option. Jacob had to go with them; he didn't have a choice, no matter what he liked to think about the matter.
"Should be an easy choice," Leah turned away as her stomach tied in knots. "I don't see the problem, the fewer leeches in town the better."
"It's not easy, by the way, but thanks for the compassion," Jacob muttered.
"How is it not easy? You have to go with your imprint. They go, you go. It's as simple as that."
"But if I go, I'm going to be alone. None of them want me there, except Nessie, of course," Jacob said. "I don't want to be alone. It's not like Seth can go with me, he's too young to leave. And you would never consider coming with me. So tell me, what am I supposed to do?"
"How long have you known about this?" Leah asked quietly, disregarding much of what Jacob had just said.
"I've always known," Jacob answered. "Bella wanted to wait until Nessie turned one, so I knew they would be making the final decision before tonight. And they did. They're leaving in three days. They've been getting everything settled over the last month but they didn't tell me that until yesterday."
"Jacob, why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you talk to someone about this if you felt that strongly? Why wouldn't you say something instead of getting drunk and making a fool of yourself?" Leah questioned, but broke off, "I thought we had gotten closer the past year. We've talked about everything. I've told you all my issues and I thought we had talked about all of yours. Why not this?"
"I didn't think you would understand," Jacob said. "You hate the Cullens. You don't care what I have to say about them."
"I care about what you have to say," Leah gripped Jacob's chin to make him look at her, "whether it is about the Cullens or the weather. Do you understand me?"
Jacob shifted into a sitting position—a movement that made him crowd into Leah's personal space. He then leaned in even closer. Leah could still smell alcohol on him as he slid closer to her. She tensed as he pressed against her. She wasn't sure what he planned to do with the proximity.
"Ask me to stay," Jacob whispered. "Give me a reason to stay."
Leah frowned, "I won't do that."
"Please, Leah."
"I can't ask something like that of you," Leah shook her head. She tried to move away from Jacob, but he snaked an arm around her waist to hold her in place. "Jacob, stop this. You can't be away from your imprint the way you're proposing and I will not be the reason for the torture that would surely be."
"You don't want me to leave. I can see it in your eyes," Jacob said. He slid a few pieces of her hair back out of her face, hooking them behind her ear before his hand came to rest on the curve of her neck. Stroking his fingers down that smooth expanse of skin, he came to play with one of the straps of her dress. "So, say the words, and give me a reason not to go."
Leah drew in a sharp breath at his touch, but she composed herself. She pulled his hand away from her shoulder, where it had continued to fiddle with her dress strap, and held it tightly in her own so he couldn't return to touching her. Jacob's eyes met her gaze and he seemed to be searching her face for the answers he wanted. They were answers she couldn't give him though, and they both knew that. Not even the feelings that had developed in her for him over the year were enough to change that.
"There is only one reason I would ever say those words, but I know as well as you do that it's impossible," Leah said softly, "So, I can't, in my right mind, ask you to do something that would only lead to you suffering. You have to go."
"It's not impossible," Jacob said. "You know I care about you. You know I—"
"—it's not enough, Jacob," Leah shook her head. She squeezed his hand, "You know what you have to do. You know deep down that you don't have a choice in the matter, and that scares you, so you're trying to find away to run from it—but I'm going to tell you now that nothing I say or anything you do in a drunken stupor is going to change what needs to be done. That's what imprinting does. I wish it was different, more than anyone I do, but I've accepted it and you have to as well."
"It shouldn't be this way," Jacob replied.
"Jake, we all know this is the way it works. It takes away our choice and we just have to—"
"No, it should be like this," Jacob started. He blew out a breath and continued, "I shouldn't be confused. She should be enough, but she isn't. I want to stay here. I don't want to leave my life behind and I don't want to be without you."
"I don't—"
"Imprinting was supposed to make everything clear, but it just made everything more confusing," Jacob sighed.
"Don't do this to me Jacob," Leah dropped his hand and stood up, "Once was enough for a lifetime. I won't allow myself to be pulled in that deep again when I already know the outcome."
"You were right about us getting closer this year. It's been you and me through all this and you mean more to me than you're giving me credit for," Jacob said and he watched as Leah started to shake her head, "but you're right about it not being enough. It wasn't fair to ask that of you. I just wish I could give you everything you want."
Leah sighed, but left the subject at that. "You should get some rest. You've obviously sobered up quite a bit. You don't need me anymore, so I'm going to head out. Goodnight, Jacob."
Before Leah even opened his door, Jacob's voice stopped her, "Since I'm being irresponsible and irrational tonight anyway, can I ask one more thing of you?"
"What is it Jacob?"
"Stay with me."
Even though every part of her was screaming at her to leave, because staying would likely have dire consequences she would rather not face, she couldn't refuse the desperate, hopeful expression on Jacob's face. So, when Jacob lay back down on the bed and offered out his arms, she climbed in next to him. She settled in, curled against his side, and he wrapped an arm around her. After a quiet moment of just lying there, breathing together, Jacob began to stroke his fingers through her hair.
"If I can't stay," Jacob spoke after awhile. His hushed whisper sounded loud against the stillness of the room, "You should come with me. We could start over in a new place. And, it would give me time to figure everything out."
Leah couldn't bring herself to respond and eventually Jacob fell asleep. For a long time, Leah laid awake with her cheek pressed to Jacob's chest and the sound of his heart beating resonating in her ear. Eventually, she was lulled to sleep by the rise and fall of Jacob's breathing.
In the morning, Jacob would wake to find the side of his bed that Leah had occupied empty, but still warm from her presence. A hastily scribbled note took her place.
Jacob,
I hope you do take the time to figure everything out, but I'm sorry, I cannot go with you. As much as being apart from you is going to hurt me, it wouldn't be fair to either of us if I were to go with you or if I were to ask you to stay. It is not easy for me to say no, and I understand why you felt the choice the Cullens burdened you with was difficult; however, we both know neither of us had a choice, not really. Just know: if you were able to give me a reason, the right reason, I would have traveled to the end of the earth with you. I know now that I'm not the only one who wished that was possible, so thank you for that.
You won't see me again before you leave. I want to keep my distance, so please respect that. I wish you luck and happiness wherever you may go, Jacob.
Your Loyal Beta,
Leah