Title: Harbour Lights
Author: Annie M
Email: trekgirl@mushy.freeserve.co.uk
Series: Voyager
Rating: PG-13
Code: P, P/T
Part: 1/1

Summary: Tom's in a reflective mood.

Spoiler Alert: This story includes a mild reference to
the season 7 episode "Drive."


Many thanks to Voy and Der Spouse for their help in
clarifying a few sailing terms. I know absolutely nothing
about sailing so any errors that remain are all mine and
not theirs. ;-)
My thanks also to DangerMom for giving this her usual
"gold star" beta treatment and to Tracy, for putting her
oar in. ;-)

Disclaimer: Paramount/Viacom etc owns the characters and
by extension my obsession. The following is for
therapeutic purposes only.


Harbour Lights
by Annie M


Harbour lights twinkled somewhere in the far distance and
I squinted into the settling darkness, trying to make out
the ragged mountain peaks that loomed above them.

The sun was setting and the weather was turning with it.
I shrugged my shoulders against the cold and turned my
vision to the bobbing waves beneath the boat. In the fast
diminishing light the water looked black, almost inky,
swirling around and lapping at the hull as the wind picked
up a little.

We'd dropped anchor here a couple of hours ago so we could
swim and have lunch--in that order. Later on B'Elanna
wanted to sun-bathe on the deck and as much as I like
looking at her naked and glistening and totally exposed on
a large beach towel, I'd had enough of sunburns for the
time being so, after I'd oiled her up...thoroughly, I'd
sat back in the shade at the stern, with only a view of
her long legs to keep me company.

I watched the waves for a long time, not even noticing
when I couldn't see them anymore--where vision becomes
only sound, so subtly, you have no idea the transition has
been made until you think about it. I wasn't thinking
about it.

I wasn't really thinking at all; I was immersed in
memories. I remembered the Admiral... my father... Dad
taking us sailing in San Francisco harbour all those
summers ago. I remembered how patient he was as he
explained how to use the jib and the mainsail, how the
keel keeps the boat stable in water... the correct way to
tack into the wind. I remembered him laughing with us
when Mom threatened to push him over the side.

I'd been thinking about him a lot recently, I guess more
so now because of our link to the Pathfinder array, and
I'm not even trying to think about him; images just come.
It's funny in a way too because those images haven't all
been as unpleasant as I would have expected.

I lick at my salty lips and wonder what happened to us.
It's a stupid thought; I know what happened. I didn't
want to be his puppet and he thought I'd never be anything
else.

That's kind of cold, Tommy.

I remembered he used to read to me; encouraged my interest
in flying; bragged about my precocious talent to his Fleet
brass buddies--commanders, captains and admirals all.
"You can do better, Tom," he'd say to me after every
flight simulation. "You can always do better."

Yeah. And I did.

I close my eyes and turn away from the harbour lights in
the distance. Resting my back against the port rail I
look starboard
instead and open my eyes to the darkness of the new night
sky. A few stars peek out from above and I feel the
rocking of the boat through my legs, the rhythmic rolling
of water against the hull making me forget that this isn't
real, that this is simply another holodeck program.

"Hey."

B'Elanna steps out of the darkness and wraps her arms
around me, hugs me briefly, squeezing tight.

"Aren't you cold?"

I smile down at her, wrapped warmly in a thick sweater
which seems to reach down to her knees. "I'm an old sea-
dog," I answer quietly.

B'Elanna moves in closer to me and starts rubbing at my
arms, which are loosely encircling her waist. I like the
friction of her hands against my bare skin but I know it's
mostly for her own benefit rather than mine; she's
shivering with every stroke.

"Lets go down," I suggest. I take her hand and lead her
down the short steps of the companion-way, locking it
after us to keep the chill out, into the cabin which
houses a mini-bar, radio equipment, a small stereo, a
table with a couple of chairs and a bed--the kind with
drawers built in underneath the base.

We head for the bed and as B'Elanna slumps down against
the mattress and busily gets to work on rubbing her arms
and hands I kneel down and pull off her sneakers, rubbing
some warmth vigorously into her cold soles through the
thermal socks she's wearing.

It's warmer down here but Bea's still feeling the chill.
I offer to change the program and she thinks about it for
a minute; shaking her head she offers me a crooked little
smile, suggesting an alternative that will take far less
time to accomplish.

She's such a wonderful engineer.

***

We're a lot warmer now. B'Elanna's snuggled up against
me, still in her socks, and she's put back on at least two
of my tee-shirts over one of her own. Her short nails are
making slow tracks over my belly, back and chest, and
she's humming. It's a low contented sound almost like a
purr, but it's not, it's just B'Elanna.

I trace identical patterns across her back and down her
spine, letting the tips of my fingers play against her
skin--where I've managed to get them under her layers of
warmth. I feel her soft breaths against my neck, the
rhythm of her heartbeat against my chest; the smell of the
ocean and the taste of the salt is in her hair and against
her skin, as it is on mine.

I drift off, knowing we have time here, so much time.

***

I wake up a little groggy. I think I was dreaming about
my time in Voyager's Brig and that letter I wrote to my
father, but the image doesn't last, not under the
sensation of what B'Elanna's doing to me down there under
the sheets.

"You... cold... again?" I manage to ask against my own
gasps of pleasure. B'Elanna chuckles something against my
thighs then gets right back to work. God, this feels so
good.

She takes me to the edge and holds me there, brings me
back down and pushes me to the pinnacle again... and
again. I call her name and she takes me over, tasting me
and loving me and wanting me....

***

I remember, when I was about fifteen or so, before I got
ultra rebellious at home anyway, sneaking in from school.
I'd wanted to grab my hiking boots and go walking in the
hills with a couple of guys from the neighbourhood--Fleet
brats like me. I knew Mom wouldn't let me, it being a
school night and all plus exams coming up any day.

So I sneaked in through the kitchen, keeping low and
trying not to make a sound in case one of my sisters--who
were always snooping around the house with guys--were
around. Oh, the tales I could tell....

I moved to the doorway and checked the hall before making
a move for the stairs and that's when I saw them.

I didn't think the Admiral would be home, I wasn't even
sure he was on the planet, as I'd heard he and Mom talking
about a long haul trip into the Neutral Zone or something
a few days before.

Dad had his arms around Mom's waist and was looking down
at her with such... I didn't know what that look was, I'd
never seen it before on him, not that I could remember
anyway. The way he was looking at her, the way they were
looking at each other made me stop and catch my breath. I
didn't recognise these people, I didn't know them at all.

I didn't go hiking that night, I just sat on the steps of
the back porch, watching the sun set and the stars coming
out. Trying to reconcile what I'd seen with what I
thought I knew. Something about that scene upset me and
comforted me at the same time.

I wondered now how I'd thought he could never be capable
of such a thing... of such... tenderness.

***

I started the engines early this morning; we've decided to
go further out and maybe go scuba diving later, the wind
is too calm to go very far on the sails alone.

I'm standing behind B'Elanna, helping her with the wheel.
She may know a starship back to front but she has no idea
how to steer a ship eight degrees north west. The sun's
on our backs and I've programmed it to be another hot day,
not too hot for my complexion's sake but it'll do for
B'Elanna.

B'Elanna leans back against me, taking one hand off the
wheel to rub at my thigh. "You were talking in your
sleep, you know."

"I was?"

"Yeah." She gives my leg another caress and re-takes the
wheel. She doesn't say anything else.

I watch the sky and the horizon meet in the distance.

"It was my father's birthday yesterday."

My new wife doesn't turn into me, or offer up any words of
comfort or chastisement--over having to share part of her
honeymoon with a man I've spent most of my adult life
trying to impress or forget--but she does let go of the
wheel fully and reaches behind me with both arms, drawing
me closer to her in an awkward embrace.

I lean into her and kiss the top of her head, resting my
chin there. I check our course and steady the wheel. I
watch the sky meet the horizon in the distance, taste the
salt on my lips... and I remember.


End.