Inertia's Bothersome Day.

This is what happens when I'm listening to Avenue Q and reading about Impulse and Inertia at the same time. Enjoy. This is an AU.

Disclaimer: Don't own DC. Enough said.

Inertia settled comfortably on the squishy couch with a thick hard-back in his lap. He sighed in relief.

"Hah, an afternoon alone with my favourite book; 'Villains of the 20th Century.' No Impulse to bother me, what could be better than this?"

Suddenly the peace was brutally shattered by Bart Allen clumsily falling over on his feet in the doorway to the bungalow they shared with Helen and Max who were conveniently out).

"Hi Thad!"

Thaddeus Thawne lowered his book a fraction and grumbled.

"Hi Bart."

"Hey, you'll never guess what happened to me today!" Bart chattered happily, being his usual upbeat (infuriating to Thad) self with his floppy auburn hair falling into his gold eyes. "This guy in the street was smiling at me and talking to me…"

"Wow, that's exciting." Thad rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, he was being REAL friendly and I think he was coming on to me. I think he thought I was GAY!"

Inertia felt surprised at how Bart knew gay people even existed. After all, he was THAT naive.

"So, why are you telling me this, hm? Why should I care?" he answered irritably, rankled at having his quiet fun interrupted. "I don't care. What did you have for lunch today?"

Bart now looked confused. "You don't have to get all defensive…"

"I'mnotgettingdefensive!" shouted Thad, then the boy pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed again.

"Look, I really don't care about some gay guy you met okay? I am trying to read." He shifted his pages to emphasise his point.

Bart shuffled his over-sized feet uncomfortably.

"I just think it's an issue we should be able to talk about. I didn't mean anything by it."

"I don't want to talk about it - this conversation is over."

"But-!"

"OVER!"

Impulse smiled and leapt on to the couch next to Inertia. He grinned broadly.

"Well, just so you know…"

Then, to Inertia's horror, he started to sing. At least he was in tune.

"If you were gay, that'd be okay. I mean, 'cause HEY, I like you anyway."

Thad growled.

"Because you see, if it were meee, I would feel free to say that I was gay – but I'm not gay."

Thad banged his blonde head against the book.

"Please Bart, I am trying to read."

He caught Bart giving him a creepy stare and he glared back. "WHAT?"

"If you were queer, I'd still be here, year after year, because you're dear to me."

Inertia growled a little bit louder. "Bart."

"And I know that yoou would accept me tooo!"

"I would?" his clone asked incredulously.

"If I told you today, hey guess what? I'm gay! But I'm not gay." Bart sang cheerfully, throwing out his arms and oblivious to Thad's attempts to stop him.

"I'm happy just being with you. So what should it matter to me what you do in bed with guys?" Bart squeezed his clone into a hug, closing his eyes.

"Bart, that is wrong!" Inertia cried, backing off.

"No, it's not!"

"If you were gaaay, I'd shout HOORAY!"

"I am not listening!" Thad put his hands over his ears defiantly.

"And here I'd staaay and I wouldn't get in your way!"

"AAAGGH!" Inertia lost it and screamed, freaked out. He ran to his room with Impulse following, still singing.

"You can count on meeee to always beee beside you every day, to tell you it's okay, you were just born that way and as they say, it's in your DNA, you're gaaay!"

"I'M NOT GAY!" Thad yelled and Bart winked.

"If you WERE gay!"

"YAAAARRGGH!"

Max wondered why he found Bart in the closet with duct tape over his mouth and tied up with rope.

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