Trollhunters Rarepair week day 5, I love you more than_. Draal and Barbara again! Hurray!
"I love you more than I have ever feared to die, son." Some of the last words Kajingar ever told his son, and the ones that always stuck to Draal the most. In times when he was scared he recalled those words and wonders if he could ever love someone that much. Loved them more then he feared the end. The same end that every troll was taught to fear from their first moments. That is why they fight so ferociously. Fear.
Jim the trollhunter did not fight simply out of fear. He fought with anger, hope, and determination. Out of need and necessity. He ran away when he feared, and stood with courage in other moments despite it. In truth, Jim was the strongest Trollhunter Draal had ever met. Perhaps not physically, but he could fight without fear and survive. No other trollhunter had been able to do that before, but no other trollhunter had been as forgiving as he had either. He also seemed to understand things that Draal could not about his own father. Words his father learned from protecting humans and learned.
Words Draal heard The Barbara often repeat. Love, forgiveness, hope, faith, and worry. Word The Barbara used more so than not in reference to the trollhunter, and occasionally his friend or the changling. Worry was the most common, and Draal listened patiently from the basement to try and understand it. Apparently, by human definition, it is concern. Concern that can grow overwhelming and can cause one to experience a feeling of grief if it goes unchecked. The Barbara worried for Jim just as Blinky did. Who knew that the troll had already known what is was, and could feel it as deeply as a human? Apparently Aaarrrgghh! as he often spent the most amount of time with Blinky. Draal had learned that from asking them if they could understand what The Barbara was feeling. When he left he felt as if he could understand the humans better himself.
The next emotion he came to seek answers for was hope. Toby came to him with that answer after Draal told the small fleshbags of The Barbara's repeated use of it. Always saying she "hoped" Jim did well in school, she "hoped" he was making good friends, she "hoped" Jim would come back to her. As if the trollhunter had gone somewhere and she knew. Toby felt positive that Doctor Lake, as he called her, was not aware that he had ever been gone at all.
"Except for the camping trip,"
"Camping trip?"
"Nevermind," Toby explained hope is what you wish will happen. Often times it is good things people hope for over bad.
So The Barbara only wanted good things for Jim. A commonality shared between the troll parents and the humans'. The Barbara hoped she was a good enough mother for a son she had raised to be a hero. A hero she never knew.
So Draal then learned of faith. At first, he had only heard of late talk hosts who shouted and screamed at a sleeping The Barbara through their television. Always talking about faith and places like heaven and hell. Of gods with too many names for Draal to remember. He had not liked the men who shouted from the T.V. since the first night he heard them and came racing up the stairs to see if someone was attacking Jim or The Barbara. Only to see a tiny fleshbag that was far to mean for his size.
Then he heard The Barbara use that word. That she had faith in her son. That he was a good kid and no one could convince her otherwise. Teenagers do stupid things, but her son was always faithful to his friend Toby. To a fault really. He heard her say those words during the night after Jim had been caught in the museum by the police. He did not learn what they met until much later when Fair Claire took the time to explain it. Honestly, her explanations were varied as if the term had so many meanings the human could not settle on a few. So it still confuses Draal but from what he understood it is a belief in someone or something. So The Barbara believed in Jim, believed that he was a good kid, and loyal. Draal believed in Jim too. Not at first, but now he believed that Jim was a great trollhunter. He had faith in him.
Forgiveness was next and the last of the new human terms he did not understand. She forgave the changling, Strickler for standing her up the other day. She forgave Jim for snapping at her when she asked where he was. She would ask at night how much was she suppose to forgive. Why did she always have to forgive. So Draal went to the one she forgave the most, and asked Jim what the word met.
"What do you mean?" Jim asks lowering his sword as the question interrupted their practice.
"What does the word, forgiveness mean?"
"Where'd you hear it?" Jim asks leaning against his sword in a relaxed stance.
"On the T.V. last night," Draal lies. But Jim knew at night or when they were gone was the only time Draal moved about his house. He spent his first few days alone digging that hole and once that was done he was curious.
"Oh, well it means you forgive someone." Jim answers only confusing Draal more. "Like how I forgave you for attacking me."
"Ah so it is when two humans fight and then let the other live." Draal was happy this forgiveness sounded like something he actually enjoyed.
Jim laughs and shakes his hand. "I mean yeah it can go that way but usually when you forgive someone you tell them that everything you were mad or sad about is okay. That you don't blame them anymore. Sometimes their is fighting but forgiveness often comes after, or prevents the big fight."
"Oh." Draal was disappointed he had actually wanted to watch The Barbara fight the changling. He was sure she would get him in the gronk-nuts. Where it really hurts. One weakness the changlings and trollkind shared.
Love was the next one. A word his father often spoke to him, and Draal took as a bond between child and parent. But humans used love for everything, from family, to friends, and mates. Even for short moments that they used to express this love. It was not a new word to him but the humans introduced many different meanings to it that he was unaware of before. When he came to realize this he also knew that he felt love. For his fellow trolls, and for the fleshbags they had spent so much time with. But Draal knew, he also felt love for The Barbara. The human that caused him to learn all of these things he would have never known otherwise.
He had his chance to tell her, when she found out about all of them. Their first true introduction ending with him screaming in her face and her pepper spraying his. When he woke up he found out what had all happened, and followed them down to Trollmarket. Jim was upset and arguing with Strickler, the changling that was always over. Draal felt smugly proud that the changling was not getting left off the hook for putting the trollhunter and The Barbara in danger. Esepcially after he had to see them kiss as Jim said.
Having the moment too Draal decides to visit The Barbara. He walks into the room nervously too see that only lonsome Vendel was with her. The older troll nods in ackownledgement to Draal before montioning him closer. As Draal approachs Vendel pulls him closer tucking Draal's shoulders under one arm as he sets his staff against the wall with the other. Vendel looks over their shoulders, and Draal mimics him to see Barbara squinting in their direction.
"Where were you?" Vendel asks quietly. His voice was soft with concern no sign of him blaming Draal for what was currently happening.
"She attacked me," Draal begins. "I fell and then set off the traps, and was stuck." He explains holding back a little just so Vendel did not know how foolish the situation really was.
"I see. The trollhunter's mother is something else. She attacked Angor Rot, and told off the changling." Vendel sounds a little impressed as he lets go of Draal and returns to his desk.
Draal feels a burning sensation climb up his spine. He turns around to see The Barbara still watching him. "May I speak with her?"
Vendel waves off his question. Draal takes that as a yes. Slowly, afraid that even his heavy steps would someone cause The Barbara to get worse, Draal apporaches her. He straches his neck as he looks from the chair to her. I would just be better if he stood. To his surprise The Barbara was watching him. Her lips are twisted in a face he could not tell if it was happy, or upset. Taking a deep breath he tries to introduce himself this time.
"Hello The Barbara. I am Draal."
"You were in my house." Barbara announces as if there was a chance of another giant blue troll with horns the size of her body to be in her home
Draal stares at her before answering. "Yes I was. I protect the trollhunter, and you."
"In my house?"
"Uh, yes."
"Why have I never seen you?" She asks her expression beginning to grow more curious then anything else.
"I, uh, stay in the basement." Draal wonders why his face felt so hot as he answers The Barbara's many questions.
"Are you the one who put a giant hole in my basement?" She asks pushing herself up a little bit on the rock.
"Yes. Are you uh, uncomfortable?" He asks wondering why The Barbara was moving when she was sick.
"Just a little. I am better now that I have gotten a little of the pressure off my upper back." She rubs at her eye and Draal wonders how soft she must feel. The stone but be so cold against her small frame.
"Would you like some pillows or blankets from your house?" Draal offers not sure if he actually wanted to leave her side or not. She wanted her to be comfortable but he also knew what healing her would take. She would not remember any of this.
"No. I'm fine. I'm just surprised. Jim a hero, Toby and him going around the world fighting trolls,"
"And Goblins. Jim is a worthy trollhunter. My own father carried the title before him and I am proud to be his guardian." Draal could feel the words spilling out of his mouth before he thought of what they were. He wanted to tell her everything. About Jim, the trolls, Gunmar, Gumm-gumms, and even himself. He wanted to make sure she knew just how amazing Jim was. That her son was someone to be proud of and have faith in, but part of him knew that she was already aware of that.
"My son the trollhunter." The Barbara laughs and Draal knew he wanted to hear that laugh again. No matter how quiet it was or loud it would be. He had never heard her laugh in her house. "Thank you for protecting him. Draal." She hesitates before saying his name as if testing it on her lips. That was when Draal truly understood his father's words. He loved her in the only way trolls could feel love. He wanted to tell her then, because even though she wouldn't return it he could say, "I love you more than I have ever feared to die.", She wouldn't remember once she was better, but at least he could say that he did.
Instead his judgement gets the better of him. He promises, "I will always protect your son."