There she was. That beautiful girl. Up onstage with no regards for the world or herself. Letting her hair down. Unzipping her dress, revealing her barely-there slip. Feeling nothing but those eyes. His darkened eyes burning into her flesh as she subtly paraded herself in front of him. So scantily clad, so sultry and sinful, so….free for the first time in her life. She only did it because of the challenge. A Waldorf never backs down from a challenge. And then those eyes. They pierced her. They challenged her to let go, to not hold anything back. They made her feel wanted. They made her alive.
The backseat of a limo. Her hair tousled about, still dressed in that silky slip. She shuddered. His eyes gazed so intently into hers. That wanting radiating between the two of hands ever so gently grazed her thigh as she rubbed the apple of this cheek with her hand. She couldn't resist. She pressed her lips ever so gently into his. The spark was immediate. It ignited every feeling within her. Anger. Rage. Passion. Want . Need. Hurt. Regret. She pressed even harder into him and allowed him to pull himself onto her the slightest bit. "Are you sure?" he muttered. She knew then that she was.
Blair Waldorf woke up in a panic. She was having those dreams again. The dreams that made her tremble with the want to go back….back when he wanted her. It had been no more than 2 weeks since he left her the earth shattering note. That note that tore her to shreds. Just thinking about it the tears swelled up in her eyes.
It had been the same routine for the past five days. Wake only when Dorota opens the shades to the sun gleaming off the New York skyline, eat only when she brings meals, remain in bed and think about everything. Dorota carried in her small breakfast of fruit and a croissant and left her in her solitude. No one bothered to try to talk to her. They left her to mourn not knowing the agony and pain she was enduring. Blair Waldorf had never been so betrayed by herself, by her own feelings. She ate as she thought He never wanted me. I was just another plaything. He didn't love me like I thought. I am nothing to him.
Then it came.
That ever familiar lump in her throat. The crying and distress brought it along. She knew it would happen. Blair carefully set her meal to the side and clipped her hair back. She then calmly walked to her bathroom and kneeled before the toilet. Then it happen. The problem she had gone to so many therapists and doctors for returned. A sufficient relapse. She picked her frail body off of the floor and began to wash her hands in the sink. Her bony white hands splashed water on her face as she looked in the mirror. Her hair was tangled and limp. Her face unmade revealing every blemish on her pale white skin. Her eyes were dark from days of unrest.
Look at you. You look disgusting-You are disgusting. No wonder he left. He didn't want you. He wanted something better than this.
Blair shook off her feelings and wiped the tears from her eyes. She gathered her posture and climbed back into her bed. The ever familiar crease in her mattress hugged her every curve from sleeping in it. She rolled over and looked at her phone.
Serena-7 calls Nate-1 call Dad-1 call Chuck-nothing
She didn't know why she kept looking. She knew he wouldn't call. She knew that he wouldn't try to contact her. ZZZZzzzzzzzzzz Her phone vibrated in her hand.
Hey B-Wanted to see if you were okay. Maybe you can stop by later. I miss you!-S
Blair shook her head. She had told Serena what had happened that morning she discovered the note but nothing after that. She sat up again and just stared at the text. Maybe it was time. Maybe she should start trying to be Blair again. No more distress from Chuck's abandonment. No more being his plaything. No more tears. She wanted to be Blair Waldorf again.