The Cherry Cola Conundrum

New to Big Bang Theory writing, but not to the show or fan fiction in general. I love Shenny and had to write this piece in honor of Thursday. Enjoy and happy reading. Might be a one-shot. Who knows?

1,2,3,4- Feist

0000

Why do I care?

Amy Farah Fowler

Who went by their whole name like that?

Penny sat the glass of water on table 4 a little too forcefully causing the already indifferent female customer to squeak quietly.

I mean who was this chick who wanted to make babies with Sheldon?

Oh and better question, why do I care?

He was her friend and she loved him as such…the crazy whack-a- doodle. So why do his dating preferences matter?

Penny rounded back to the kitchen in an angry daze. She had successfully saved the world from a brood of Fowler-Cooper's but something still nagged. Howard and Lenard told her about the whole "room full of cats" incident a few days ago and ever since she had a growing ball of angst in her stomach.

He liked her enough to miss her presence. Liked her enough to defy his mother…sort of, liked her enough to keep seeing her.

Amy Farah Fowler. Pfftt! Penny scoffed.

She cleared table 7 of the remaining plates and offered dessert. When the gawking guy at table 5 signaled his desire for a check, Penny shot him a disingenuous smile acknowledging his request and ran the plates to the kitchen.

When she reemerged with 'gawking dude's' ticket she had a new customer at her only remaining free table. Placing her best plastic smile on, she approached.

"Hi, Amy. What can I getcha to drink"

Amy Farah Fowler looked at Penny blankly. "Am I to assume you are inquiring to my choice of beverage?"

"Um, yes." Penny tried not to look exasperated. This wasn't Sheldon.

No –it was Sheldon's mirror female twin.

Amy piqued an eyebrow. "Normally I would request tepid water. Yet today, I will...live on the wild side." Penny's eyebrows rose in mock surprise and her lips quirked speculatively as she waited for Amy's choice.

"I believe a carbonated beverage of cola would be sufficient."

Penny smiled with pinched expression. "Is Coke okay?"

"It will suffice." Then Amy's head jerked subtly, like a robot and she added, "Could you include a small quantity of cherry flavoring?"

Penny's eyebrows rose impressed at this narrow deviation from the woman's monotonous custom.

"Sure"

"Am I to assume that is an affirmative?" Amy queried.

"Yes." Penny retorted resisting the urge to throttle her.

"Good." The brunette replied crisply.

Penny grinned fakely and ran the order back to the console by the kitchen but not before signaling to a nearby busboy a gunshot to her head. He smiled in understanding.

Moments later she returned to Amy's table with a tall glass of Cherry Coke (with no strychnine, yep she behaved).

Setting it down in front of the drab neurobiologist, she frowned. "There is ice in this beverage."

"Yeah." Penny conceded slowly.

Drinks come with ice, genius. She should've known. She-Sheldon was as big of a pain in the ass as he-Sheldon.

"I did not request ice."

"It's kind of implied in the ordering of a drink."

Amy looked enlightened for a moment.

"Then I request this beverage without ice."

Penny reapplied her phony smile, and coupled it with sugary sweet, "Sure thing."

Straitening her stance Penny prepared to turn when Amy added. "Oh and Penny I must know if you have engaged in coitus with Sheldon?"

"What!" Penny's eyes grew as wide as saucers at the implication and tripped over her own feet, stumbled into a nearby couple and sloshed the glass of coke precariously in her grasp— half its contents spilled in the commotion.

Amy sat there unamused and unchanged by the display; looking pensively at the attractive blond. She blinked waiting, as did the entire restaurant, as all eyes were still drawn to the 'clumsy waitress.'

Penny mouth dropped open in shock before she recovered her composure. She smiled nervously at Amy and the crowd before retreating to the kitchen in hopes that the little show would be forgotten by the time she returned.

Amy sat in silent reflection and upon observing Penny's return, gazed at her in sustained inquiry.

"Um your cherry coke no ice." Penny said denying the quivering quality of her voice. This woman completely unnerved her.

"Thank you Penny. Now about my previous question. Have you participated in coit—"

Penny held out a hand stopping this line of questioning immediately. "No. Never in a million years…No."

"I see. Is it because of a defect unseen? From Sheldon's deduction I assumed your mating practices were non-fastidious since you have engaged in casual sexual contact with thirty one men.

Did this bitch just call me a slut…again? Penny's eyes rounded in outrage.

Smiling tightly she finally replied. "I have not engaged in any sexual contact with your boyfriend." Penny stated unequivocally.

Amy nodded in acquiesce. "And for the record he is not my boyfriend. He is a boy in my acquaintance in which I have had one date and had multiple conversations with the aid of social media."

Penny looked nonplussed at the common denial of both Amy and Sheldon to acknowledge their quasi-weird-alien relationship.

A tiny flame of relief flared in her stomach. Not because I want Sheldon for myself, she chided internally but because there could be no good gained from two Sheldons running around…together. A chill traversed her spine at the image of the two of them encountering unsuspecting people with their brand of social interaction and compulsive behavior. No the world wasn't ready.

Penny was so lost in thought that she missed Amy's call to take her order.

"Penny I am ready to place my sustenance selection." Amy deadpanned. Penny smiled tightly.

This night so sucked the big one.

xxxx

Trudging into the building Penny made a beeline to the mailbox. While she was checking the various credit card bills Howard and Raj appeared the entrance door.

"Oh hey guys."

Howard leered. And Raj whispered something in his ear that caused Howard to stare at him like he had a third head.

"He wants to know how your encounter with Amy Farah Fowler went?"

There was that three named idiom again. Wait? What? How did Raj know?

"How did Raj know that Amy was going to meet me?" Penny asked with irritated interest.

Raj whispered into Howard's ear again.

"She told him she was going to speak to you about your inappropriate relationship with four single men. Which personally, I don't mind in the least." Howard restated, yet still managing to sleaze up the last part.

Penny gave Raj an incredulous stare to which he responded by taking cover behind his best friend.

"You knew I was going to get ambushed by she-Sheldon and you didn't tell me!" she advanced on the pair eyes fixed on Howard.

"To be honest he didn't tell you." Howard indicated her attention to Raj. Shifting their position where he was now in front

"Awwkkk!" she squeaked in outrage. "Some friends you guys are."

Raj grabbed Howard's shoulder again whispering.

"He says he wanted to warn you but no one was around." Howard repeated dully, clearly tired of being the exchange conduit.

Penny rolled her eyes. "You know what; you stay drunk all the time. No exceptions. You –you finicky mute."

Raj pulled Howard again distress clear across his face. "He says that was hurtful."

"No, debating if Sheldon and I had sex in the middle of the dinner rush with Amy Farah Fowler was hurtful." Penny mocked with air quotes.

Howard moved closer. "She asked you if you had sex with Sheldon?"

"Yes."

'Dr. Sheldon-don't touch me, sit in my spot, homo Novus-Cooper?"

"Yes." She echoed incredulously.

"Whoa." Howard replied all shaky and jittery.

"I know." Penny stated relieved someone else thought the accusation was unbelievable. There was noted pause.

"You haven't…you know—"

Penny leaned her face in closer daring him to go there. "You finish that sentence Howard and trust me you'll know what a junior rodeo is firsthand." Raj cowered and Howard flinched a little bit while trying to appear tough.

"Why would Wolowitz find out firsthand about a junior rodeo?" The childlike yet haughty voice of none other than Dr. Sheldon Cooper parroted as he took the final step to the main floor lobby.

Leonard stood beside him perplexed by the mini confrontation they walked in on, and pushed up the bridge of his glasses, staring a bit longingly at his ex.

Penny balked at the growing group and the one noted member and said subject of this conversation.

Great!