AN: Ah yes, the bodyswap, the most classic of all hijinks, and one of my personal favorites. This is a fill for a prompt that I got on tumblr! While this is a oneshot, it's left open ended, so I might come back to this one day if I ever get an idea of something to write for it. Don't consider it any kind of serious multi-chapter fic though, because it's not going to be that.
I've been tinkering with this off and on for the past few weeks actually, and since I'm currently on vacation and not quite in the mood to work on any of my serious multi-chapter fics, I decided to finally finish this up instead and go ahead and post it. Hope everyone has just as much fun reading this as I did writing this!
Shuffle
He knew something was wrong from the very moment he woke up.
He'd spent enough time over at Kazuha's place growing up to have virtually memorized what her bedroom ceiling looked like- even the fresh coat of paint it had gotten since he visited last wasn't enough to fool him. He also knew that unless he'd picked up one hell of a sleepwalking habit without knowing, that he had no business being in Kazuha's room first thing in the morning, much less any business being in Kazuha's bed.
For one thing, if Kazuha woke up to find him lying next to her, no amount of excuses would keep him from being a dead man, which he wasn't. Though judging from the current circumstances, it seemed as if he might not have quite escaped such a fate just yet.
Because that? That definitely was not his hand.
Even as a phone started ringing on the nightstand- Kazuha's ringtone, he knew it well- Heiji could only grumble, wanting nothing more than to close his eyes and go back to sleep. This very well could still be some kind of weird dream, even though all of his senses were informing him that probably wasn't the case, however bizarre the situation he'd landed himself in was. He was half tempted to do just that, keen on pulling up the covers to drown out the sound of the phone, before he slowly realized that not only was that Kazuha's ringtone, but it was also the ringtone that she had set for him.
And since he sure as hell wasn't anywhere remotely close to his own cellphone at the moment, that left only one option.
Groaning to himself, mentally noting that that was definitely not his own voice, Heiji reached out an all too pale hand, picking up Kazuha's cellphone and finally answering the call. The person on the other end of the line piped up before he even so much as had a chance to say anything.
"Ya finally picked up, Heiji!"
That, on the other hand, was very much his voice.
"How long were ya plannin' on sleepin' when there's an emergency like this, ya idiot!?"
Groaning again, Heiji let his head fall back on the pillow- or he supposed in truth, it wasn't so much his own head, as it was Kazuha's. It was probably a good thing he was still half asleep, since hearing the sound of his own voice yelling at him from the other end of the line would have been too much to process all at once.
"I just woke up, give me a break, Kazuha." Mentally noting that it was with Kazuha's voice that he spoke now, Heiji groaned, forcing himself up into a sitting position. The lure of the pillow was too tempting, and unlike himself, Kazuha was not really a morning person. "What if one of my parents overhears ya screamin'?"
"Ya sound like yer takin' this development well, Heiji." Kazuha noted, with an incredulous tone that sounded downright out of place on his own voice. "Fer all we know, we might be stuck like this, so ya'd think ya would try an' panic a bit more here."
"I'm still half asleep, that's why." Heiji told her, swinging his feet out of her bed. "I'll panic more when I'm a bit more awake. When did ya go ta sleep last night anyways, Kazuha? I'm wiped."
"A little past one. I was busy with somethin'." Kazuha recounted for him, before she quickly recalled the far more important subject at hand. "More importantly, don't ya dare touch anythin' until I get over there, Heiji! I'll be comin' right away!"
"Ya plannin' on bringin' me over here in my pajamas? I wouldn't mind, but I don't know how ya'd feel, paradin' down the street in nothin' but a tank top and some boxer shorts." Heiji pointed out, letting out a loud yawn. Usually he'd already be wide awake at this point- no wonder Kazuha was so much more hyped up about this than he was.
As sunlight caught on the mirror that had been set on the closet door in front of the bed, Heiji turned his attention towards it. Though he had already pretty much confirmed it, seeing Kazuha's reflection stare back at him was overall, very strange. Sticking out his tongue, and watching the Kazuha reflected in the mirror make the same expression, Heiji let out a long sigh.
Suffice to say, this was not how he had been planning on starting the day.
"...I'll change." The sound of his own voice almost meekly muttering those words was strange to his ears, to the point where he was almost glad when it's current owner snapped at him again. "I'll change, so don't ya dare touch a thing till I get over there, ya understand, Heiji?! Not a thing!"
"I get it, I get it." Reaching up a hand, Heiji used his free hand to rub the back of his neck, still glowering at the reflection the mirror was showing him. It was an expression entirely unsuited to Kazuha's face, but like hell he was going to stop making it. "Put some faith into me, ya idiot."
"Don't forget it!"
With that, the other end of the line went dead, leaving Heiji to stare at the phone in his hands. Kazuha's phone, in Kazuha's hands. There was no way he could ever mistake them for those of his own- skin color aside, the long, slender fingers were very much not things that belonged to him. Not to mention the lack of the calluses he'd gained from years of kendo practice, not to mention the missing scar on his right hand.
Kazuha's hands, Kazuha's face, Kazuha's body.
"What the hell kinda joke is this?" Leaning his head back against the headboard of Kazuha's bed, Heiji closed his eyes, hoping that maybe when he opened them again, he'd wake up from this strange dream. He still couldn't even begin to imagine how something like this had happened- had he set off some kind of weird flag somewhere?
But well... he guessed if it were possible for someone his own age to turn back into a child, then switching bodies with your own childhood friend maybe wasn't such a stretch.
It was that thought that had him snapping his eyes open, all but jolting awake all at once. If Kudo tried calling him now, not knowing that the person on the other end of the line wasn't him, then...
Crap.
He had to do something about this fast, or he was going to end up blowing a lot more this week than just his confession. And if he couldn't find a way to fix this, then he might have no choice but to warn Kudo about what had happened, before he went and blew his own secret without knowing it.
Which meant...
Catching another glimpse of Kazuha's face in the mirror, Heiji could only heave a long, exasperated sigh, hoping that he would be able to find a solution to this matter quickly. Because he'd really rather avoid having to deal with what he was almost certain his rival's reaction would be- provided he could even manage to convince him that he was telling the truth.
But there was no point in worrying about that just yet. For all he knew, all they needed to do to fix the problem was bash their heads together, or maybe fall down a flight of stairs or something. That was how it always worked in this kind of story, right? It might even be over in the span of a day, and by the time they woke up tomorrow, they would be back to normal.
Spending one day as each other probably wouldn't be that bad. That would only be for one day though- if this stretched out beyond that, well...
Well, even if it did, he'd figure it out. While the body he was currently inside was not that of his own, it didn't make him any less of a detective. There was no point in throwing in the towel without first trying, and as much as he was in love with her, he really had no desire to spend the rest of his life as Kazuha.
And while she might have been using his voice, it wasn't that hard to tell that Kazuha probably felt exactly the same way.
It wasn't going to go away on it's own.
Nearly four days had passed since the two had woken up in the other's body, and though they had tried various methods to switch back, nothing had come of it other than bumped heads and bruised knees. Nor had they, at any point in time, woken back up in the correct body. As such, as the fourth morning of their swap began, it looked as if they needed to start preparing to be in this for the long haul.
Which included deciding who to tell, and who to keep it a secret from.
"No. No, no, no. There's no way we're tellin' him." Narrowing his eyes, Heiji could only glower up at his own face, for once finding himself grumbling about how needlessly tall he was. Fat lot of good it did him when he wasn't the one in there. "We're not tellin' yer old man either. He's definitely goin' ta try an' kill me if he knows!"
"It won't be that bad, Heiji." Kazuha tried to convince him, her words sounding strange when spoken with his own voice, though she'd gotten somewhat used to it coming out when she spoke. "Besides, do ya really think we can keep it from them forever?"
They were already suspicious enough as it was already- their efforts in trying to keep everything under wraps were already starting to wear thin.
"Yes." The answer was quick and blunt, even if he wasn't fully convinced of it. If his father were to find out about something like this... he didn't even want to know what that old man's reaction would be. "Tellin' our moms is one thing, but our dads don't need ta know!"
Somehow, Kazuha's glower was even more impressive than that of his own, Heiji couldn't help but mentally note. Still, in the end, she let out a long sigh, placing her hands on her hips- or rather, those that would have been his own. "Alright, alright. Fer now, we won't tell them. But they're goin' ta get suspicious eventually Heiji, especially if ya keep carryin' on the way ya are now."
"What do ya mean?" A tight frown setting itself on what was his face for the moment, Heiji returned Kazuha's glower, to the best of his ability. "I think I've been doin' pretty well, all thing considered!"
"It's that, it's that!" Heaving another sigh, Kazuha placed a hand on her head, feeling a vague headache coming on. "Ya make a lousy girl, Heiji. Fer starters, I don't refer ta myself usin' ore. If ya don't cut that out soon, then people are goin' ta start thinkin' I'm weird! Not ta mention the way ya sit, an' yer body language... it's all a mess!"
"Well sorry!" Folding his arms in front of his chest, he froze for a moment, still not having quite gotten to the point where he could fully process the softness they backed up against. "In case ya haven't noticed, I'm a guy. I've heard ya use atashi sometimes too, ya know."
"Well right now, yer me, so ya'd better try a little harder ta act like it." Kazuha pointed out. "Ya've got a point there though, I'll admit that, but I haven't slipped up half as much as ya have."
"Fine, fine, I'll try harder." At the glower he caught from Kazuha then, he could only flinch, realizing that he had made another mistake. Letting out a long sigh, his shoulders slumping, his gaze flickered away from her, a hint of red on his cheeks. "...I'll try harder."
"That's more like it!" With a bright smile on what would be his own face that was definitely that of Kazuha's own, she nodded her head. "Now then, are ya sure about tellin' Ran-chan an' Conan-kun? I'm okay with it, but ya seemed awfully insistent about it earlier. Why?"
"Ah, well..." Starting at the question, now averting his eyes from her for real, Heiji could only sweat. "T-that's because of Neechan, ya know! If she thinks I'm you an' does somethin' around me that she might regret, there might be problems right? I don't want ta put her in an embarrassin' situation, an' it's not like we can just cut contact with them!"
There was no way he could tell her the real reason.
Something was fishy here, Kazuha couldn't help but think, watching what would have been her own face take on a flustered expression at the question. It was one that she knew well on Heiji's own face, but when the one wearing it was her, she couldn't help but feel strangely embarrassed.
Still, well... he did have a point.
"Then, we'll tell 'em this weekend, when we heard up there." Kazuha said finally. "Fer all we know, things might have sorted themselves out by then."
"Let's hope." Heiji said, unable to help but grin. "It kind of feels like we took bein' handcuffed ta each other ta a whole new level."
Unable to help herself, Kazuha let out a loud snort.
He laughed.
Bust a gut, really.
Convincing him hadn't been that easy, but once he had, he'd burst out into a fit of laughter so loud, that it had very quickly startled him. He could only hope that things were going a bit easier over on Kazuha's side, since they had decided to divide and conquer when it came to telling them.
Still though, this damn guy... was it really that funny?!
"What are ya laughin' so much fer, Kudo?!" His displeasure came out all the sharper with Kazuha's voice, and for once, he almost enjoyed having it. "This is a serious situation!"
"Sorry, sorry, it's just..." Somehow managing to catch his breath and gasp out some words besides that, Conan had to bite down on his tongue to keep from laughing again the moment his eyes met with the green of Kazuha's. "You're Hattori."
While there was still no small part of him that was reeling at the implications of this, even that part of himself couldn't deny that the situation was kind of hilarious. There was no way it was a lie, either- if it were, then not only had Heiji blurted out his secret to Kazuha at some point, but she was also one hell of an actress. Granted, he couldn't even begin to fathom how something like swapping bodies was even possible, but he guessed in that regard, he didn't have too much of a leg to stand on.
He'd noticed it when they had first walked in the door, that something was wrong with the Osakan duo. It wasn't just the fact that Heiji had made a beeline for Ran, and that Kazuha had made a beeline for him, but there had been other tells as well- namely that of their body language. If it had been masked somewhat before, it was now on full display- once they were alone together, Heiji had given up on any pretense of pretending to be Kazuha.
The exterior might be that of Toyama Kazuha, but the contents were none other than Hattori Heiji- what a sight!
"If it wasn't, ya'd have a tough time explaining why yer callin' me by that name." Heiji pointed out, quirking a brow. "Ya done laughin' at me already, Kudo? An' here I thought ya might want ta help, seein' as Kazuha an' I have been like this fer darn near a week now."
"C'mon, you have to admit, it's a little funny." Conan told him, finally drawing in a much needed long breath, steadying himself a little. "But you're right, sorry. It's already been a week?"
"Yeah." Letting out a long sigh, Heiji rubbed the back of his neck, an irritated expression still lingering on his face. He knew that Kudo was going to react that way, the asshole- and it would seem that his expectations had not failed him. "We just woke up like this back on last Saturday. We've been managin' ta make do somehow since then, but let me tell ya Kudo, it isn't easy!"
By the time they had broken the news to their mothers, it would seem that they had already pretty much figured them out. It was a damn near miracle that nobody else had done the same.
"An' besides, ya should be at least a little grateful ta me." Heiji told him, narrowing his eyes. "Kazuha's the one with my phone right now, so just imagine if ya called her, an' started goin' on about Hattori this, Hattori that. Yer cover would have been blown right away!"
Freezing for a moment, as if he hadn't considered that, Conan could only feel a great sense of relief that he had in fact, not called Heiji during the duration of the past week. He'd certainly come close to it, and could only be grateful that various circumstances had ended up preventing it.
"W-well, usually one wouldn't think something like body swapping was possible, right?" Conan finally piped up, already mentally kicking himself as the line came out of his mouth, since he already knew what Heiji's retort would be.
"I don't want ta hear that from mister sixteen goin' on six." Somehow it sounded all the more biting when spoken with Kazuha's voice, Conan noted. "Well, I guess this puts us both in weird situations though."
"Fair point." Conan admitted, deciding to bite back a comment that Heiji's situation was arguably the weirder. "And? How are you holding up, Hattori?"
"It could be worse, I guess." Heiji admitted with a shrug. "At least it's Kazuha. Cause lemme tell ya Kudo, as it turns out, bein' a girl is a right pain in the ass. Not ta mention that I haven't even figured out how this happened ta us in the first place, so as far as fixin' us goes, I don't even know where ta start."
"That would complicate things." Conan noted, finding himself carefully studying the person before him. Toyama Kazuha's body and Hattori Heiji's body language were a strange mix, and now that he had calmed down a little, it was starting to bug him. "That's... really you in there, huh, Hattori?"
"What, the reality just finally sinkin' into ya after all that laughing from before?" Heiji asked, before letting out another long sigh, kneeling down in front of him. "I might look real cute right now, but I can assure ya, inside I'm still the same Hattori Heiji as I ever was."
"Cute, huh?" Conan asked, arching his brows, before he let out a small snort. "So? What do you plan on doing about this? From the sound of it, it doesn't seem like this is going to wear off on it's own."
"Doesn't seem like it." Heiji mused, letting out a long sigh. Resting his elbow on his knee, he leaned his chin into his hand, wondering if he'd get used to how soft they felt sooner or later. It sounded like such a cliche, but really, everything kind of felt soft. "If I can't find a way ta fix this, I don't know what I'll do. I said I wanted ta be with Kazuha forever, not live as her."
"I guess confessing to her is off the table for the moment, huh?" Conan couldn't help but ask, almost half regretting the question the moment Heiji fixed a glower on him.
"Yer damn right it is." Heiji told him flatly. "There's no way I could do somethin' like that now. Not when I'm her, an' well... she's me."
As one would expect, not only did Ran have an easier time believing it, but her reaction involved no laughter whatsoever. She had been rather curious when Heiji had pulled her aside that morning, seeing as he usually made a beeline for Conan whenever he came to visit, but as soon as it was explained to her, she quickly understood why it was that things had seemed so off this time around.
"K-Kazuha-chan? That's really you, Kazuha-chan?"
"It's me." Giving her what she could only hope was her best imitation of her own smile- Heiji's mouth seemed rather predisposed to set itself in his signature grin, whether she wanted it to or not, Kazuha let out a slight breath. "Right now, Heiji should be tellin' Conan-kun more or less the same thing. Still don't see why we couldn't do it together, though."
He had seemed rather insistent on that as well, come to think of it. He could be a weird guy sometimes, that Heiji. Thinking of that only made her grumble, though she managed to keep that internal- she didn't want Ran to think she was mad at her, or anything. She didn't know if she was more annoyed that all of that eccentricity was packed into her body now, or because she was the one who was going to have to try and imitate him, but either way, neither thought pleased her.
"But how did...?" Trailing off a little, Ran quickly shook her head, rethinking her question. "Are you okay, Kazuha-chan? I mean, you're..."
"In a guy's body?" Kazuha finished for her, shrugging her shoulders. "I mean, at the very least it's Heiji's, so it could be worse. It's definitely a weird feelin' though. Hearin' his voice whenever I try an' say anythin' is the probably worst of it, though I'm gettin' used ta it."
"Ah, that's true." Ran mused. "I wouldn't like it either, but if it was with Shinichi..." Trailing off there a little, Ran felt her cheeks heat up a bit, quickly coughing into her hand to try and cover it up. It was too late though- it was obvious that Kazuha had already caught where her mind went to, she could tell that much in her eyes.
Though seeing as said eyes actually belonged to Heiji, seeing that familiar glint reflected back in them was somewhat awkward. Even if it did serve to help her recognize her friend a bit better within his body. She believed her, of course, there was no reason not to, but in truth, she was still having a bit of trouble fully grasping it.
"Don't act like you haven't." Ran huffed, half averting her gaze from her. "I know you well enough to know that."
"Ah, well that..." Letting out a nervous laugh, Kazuha could only tuck her hands into her pockets, suddenly not sure of what to do with them. "I might have, just a little. But the guy walks around half naked so often anyways, it wasn't like there was that much ta be left ta the imagination!"
Besides, she was pretty sure Heiji had done the same to her, as much as she had warned him against it. If that was how it was going to be, then two could play at that game!
"Eh? Hattori-kun does things like that?" Ran asked, before pausing, considering her own words. "I guess that would explain that one time a bit."
"One time?" Blinking a little, her words more than piquing her curiosity. "What do ya mean by that one time?"
"Ah, that one time on the boat, you know." Ran said almost absently, before she realized that she was not actually speaking to the real Heiji, and therefore, the person inside might have no idea what she meant. "When he fell into the ocean. He was complaining about how he had to take off all of his clothes aside from his boxer shorts, and just kind of showed them to me, probably without thinking."
"He did, did he?" Heaving a long sigh, Kazuha folded her arms in front of her chest, shaking her head. "Sorry about that, Ran-chan. Though I'm guessin' if it was Kudo-kun who'd done it, ya wouldn't be havin' any complaints, would ya?"
"Geez, don't tease me!" Ran protested, puffing out her cheeks. "But you're right."
"See, I knew it!" A bright grin on her face, Kazuha nodded her head. There was some part of her that was aware how strange this looked when her exterior was that of Heiji, but well... at the very least, around Ran, she wanted to be able to act a bit like her usual self. She wasn't able to as often as she liked anymore, and while the same could be said for Heiji, she had put in a fair bit more effort than him at it.
Trying to pretend to be Heiji around those they hadn't told could be rather exhausting, especially when she had to cover for him on top of everything else. Though he had promised to be a little more careful about not making obvious mistakes, Heiji was Heiji, even when he wasn't, and he always was the type for whom old habits died hard.
Letting out a faint laugh, Ran could only smile. The outside might be different, which was a bit awkward, but inside, it was the same Kazuha as always. Still, that said, this was going to take a bit of getting used to.
"But what are you going to do, Kazuha-chan?" Ran asked, quickly getting them a bit back on topic. "You said that it's already been a week, right?"
"Yeah, more or less." Kazuha told her, shrugging her shoulders. "The worst part is tryin' ta pretend that I'm actually this idiot, especially when I have ta clean up his own messes left an' right. He doesn't even make a convincin' girl, much less a convincin' me. At this rate, we're gonna be exposed in no time."
"Mm, I guess he wouldn't." Ran remarked. "But you're right, that could cause a few problems in the future. Do you want me to help? Between the two of us, I'm pretty sure we could manage to whip him into shape in no time!"
"Oh, would ya?" Perking up at the offer, Kazuha could only grin. "That would be a big help, Ran-chan!"
"...Are you okay, Hattori?"
"Y-yeah. I just kinda. Got a bit of a chill fer some reason."