Promise
Disclaimer: I don't own anything...
Warnings: contains slash and uchihacest - don't like, don't read.
A/N: I would like to thank ManyWaysForgotten for her constant help - whether it was about proof reading or just analyzing a single word she always came through. She is in fact the only reason this fic was finished - so thank you honey :)
A beautiful a day. Somehow Sasuke had expected it to rain, however that was not the case. No, sunshine and all things pretty was the order of the day. Sasuke sighed, one perfectly understandable excuse for not showing up rendered useless.
The streets were busy, people walking around and soaking the warmness that was sure to be the last of this season. Walking around the city, no destination in mind, how Sasuke wished this to be any other Sunday. Ignoring the fact that had it been a normal Sunday, he would have been at home doing something work related, Sasuke continued towards the nearby park.
Sasuke passed this particular park every day on his way to the office, though he had never set a foot in it. He couldn't remember the last time he had been in any park, for that matter. Sasuke didn't enjoy the sun, the outdoors nor anything else nice, healthy and normal. He didn't consider a walk in the park to be romantic and he didn't do lazy picnic days with friends.
What Sasuke did was quiet evenings with stimulating books, dinner with close friends and the occasional trip to the corner pub. It sounded boring and monotone, but in all honesty that described him well. Sasuke relished in the tight schedule his work demanded, the way it allowed him to plan everything months in advance.
This meeting of sorts was the only unplanned thing he had done in the whole month. That was partially because Naruto was swamped in his work and couldn't bother Sasuke like normal. However this meeting was nothing like the stupid, though still amusing, distractions that Naruto brought with him. This would be anything but pleasant.
Sasuke arrived at the park, hesitating slightly before walking through the gate. The gravel crunched under his feet, reverberating in the sudden stillness. It was like stepping into the past, the greenery just like the one surrounding his ancestral home. Lushness and the feeling of freshness so achingly familiar even after years of living in the city. Sasuke wondered if he knew what memories this place would bring forth. Damn that sadistic bastard.
Though Sasuke had never been in the park before, he wasn't having trouble finding the meeting place. In the far corner, hidden behind overgrown trees was a small pond and beside the pond a wooden bench. Sasuke walked towards it but didn't sit down. He traced the rough surface littered with inscriptions both old and new. He remembered making one long ago on an old oak tree. Sasuke had been five then, unable to do the carving himself but it hadn't mattered, there had been someone else to do it for him. The other boy, five years his elder, had carved the words deep into the hard trunk and unknowingly into Sasuke's heart. Sasuke could remember the trust and warmth the boy always brought him. He never thought it would change. He wondered if the words were still readable on the tree. "I always be there for you, even if just as a obstacle, even if you'll sometimes hate me, I'll always be with you". A promise.
Sasuke had believed in that promise, not realising then just how important it really was. Now he knew, which made the betrayal all the more bitter. He gripped the top of the bench tightly wincing slightly when he felt the sting caused by a splinter breaking his skin. Sasuke lifted his hand, gazing at the small amount of blood that trickled from the wound. Blood that was thicker than water, no matter how
much he hoped it wasn't.
When Sasuke was thirteen he left, leaving everything behind. The connection they shared when they were small had already been broken, Sasuke could clearly remember the resentment he felt towards the elder. He wasn't really angry at him, his brother, more at the distance they had allowed to build up between them. He was angry to have become a annoyance to his brother instead of someone to care about. No, he hadn't done anything wrong, it was all Itachi's fault, he didn't care enough. Sasuke shook his head, he still couldn't think clearly about it after all these years.
It had been ten years since Itachi left for college and never came back. Sasuke remembered refusing to say goodbye, instead muttering something about not going to miss the bastard. Sasuke did miss him, but not the cold man Itachi had become. Sasuke missed his aniki, the one who promised to stay with him, forever.
Sasuke turned towards the bench, intent to take a seat this time, though ending up backing away a few steps. There on the old bench sat his brother, his face turned partially away from Sasuke. Itachi was taller than Sasuke remembered, hair longer and free of its customary band. Everything else was the same, the hair was a deep, shiny black, the skin pale and unmarked and the same quiet grace surrounded him.
"Hello, little brother" his voice was the same, yet so different, deeper, lower. Itachi turned his face towards Sasuke, coal eyes meeting another coal pair.
Sasuke sucked a surprised breath in. He hadn't seen his brother for so long and now he was there in front of him.
"Aniki..." Sasuke felt the word shake in his throat. Once again he wanted to reach towards his brother, but as always Itachi was too far away, he was unreachable.
Sasuke stood there just staring at Itachi, unsure of whether he wanted to sit down or remain standing. Unable to move himself, Sasuke stayed where he was, a few feet away from Itachi.
Sasuke knew why Itachi was here, Itachi wasn't here because he wanted to be, he was here because he was asked to. The bitterness rose once again inside Sasuke, Itachi would never come because of him, not even after all these years did Itachi want to see him. The knowledge hurt Sasuke more than he had imagined, the words were still carved inside him, blood making it stick.
"What do you want?" this time the words rang clear.
"Otouto, you know" cold eyes bore into Sasuke's. "She needs you there."
She, their mother, sweet smiles and fragile hands that wrapped around you lightly. Yes, she would need someone there, Sasuke was somewhat surprised she was able to exist without their father. She had always been Fugaku's shadow, silent by his side.
"She has you" the anger was getting the better of Sasuke. "They both had you and you know I was never needed. Father had no qualms telling me just how disappointing I am. I'll come to the funeral and pay my respects but that's all you'll get from me."
Sasuke felt horrified when he noticed the wetness in his eyes. He wasn't sad, he had gotten over this, he had broken free.
"Such bitterness, otouto" not a flicker of emotion, "no use in hating the dead. She needs you."
"She doesn't need me. We are not close, we never were" Sasuke spat the words. Softening his voice; "Itachi, she needs you. I can't be there for her."
"Hn..." Itachi turned his face towards the pond, dismissing Sasuke's presence. "Don't run away from your problems."
"Run away?" Sasuke's tone was incredulous. "Don't you talk to me about running away. You ran away. You ran away from me when I needed you. You just... ran away! You didn't come back, you didn't talk to me... You left me alone!"
Sasuke took a step backwards, he couldn't stay here, he wasn't ready to face Itachi. Sasuke needed to get away.
"Sasuke..." Itachi had turned to face him again, making movements to stand. This time Itachi's eyes weren't cold, they held a burning emotion inside them.
Sasuke broke the eye contact and turned to run away, he couldn't take this. He needed to get away.
The rain came that evening, a grey blanket covering the sky. It was a light drizzle, no dramatic thunderstorm. However, it gave Sasuke ample opportunity to curl on the couch and read a good book. Something to allow his head a rest from the different opinions crowding there.
Sasuke stared at the text in front of him, first concentrating hard on each word, then taking one sentence at the time and before he knew it everything flowed together and he was immersed in the story unfolding right before him. Sasuke sank deeper and deeper into the make-believe world, soon becoming oblivious to his surroundings.
Night approached rapidly but Sasuke was stuck inside the book, and would have been for many hours still had not an insistent knocking broken his trance. The knocking had started lightly, making Sasuke believe it was not coming from his door. Then it grew louder and Sasuke was no longer able to ignore it.
Laying the book carefully on the coffee table, Sasuke started padding towards the front door. Sasuke expected it to be Naruto on his never ending mission of making Sasuke enjoy life. Enjoying life according to Naruto was drinking and making an ass out of oneself while being heavily intoxicated. Therefore Sasuke was quite upset when he opened the door and felt that the death glare he was wearing to be perfectly justified.
The glare, however, fell away when Sasuke was standing face to face with his unexpected visitor who was decidedly not Naruto.
There on Sasuke's doorstep stood Itachi. The light coat he wore was plastered to his frame and the dark hair that had moved freely this afternoon was sticking to Itachi's face. Small raindrops slowly glided across his face, one moving down to the corner of Itachi's pale lips, forcibly drawing Sasuke's gaze towards it. A tongue darted out between the slightly parted lips and liked the drop away, making a shudder run trough Sasuke's spine.
A light blush formed on Sasuke's cheeks before he dragged his gaze to meet his brother's eyes. Instead of the cold darkness he expected, Sasuke was fazed once again with a simmering heat.
Sasuke moved wordlessly aside, making room for his brother who moved in, heading straight for the living room. Sasuke closed the door, letting his forehead rest on the cool surface for a moment. Why did he come?
When Sasuke entered his living room, Itachi was already sitting on the couch leafing through the book he had been reading earlier. Itachi looked like he belonged here, like he was meant to be here though he wasn't. Sasuke knew that.
Sasuke sat down next to Itachi, who placed the book back on the table before turning to face him. The way Itachi looked at him, really saw him was something Sasuke hadn't experienced before. Sasuke was used to the cold gaze that gave away nothing of its owners thoughts, it had been like that even when they were small. Granted Itachi hadn't been as cold then, but still distant. How Sasuke had yearned to have those eyes looking at him with pride, affection, anything to let him know that he had been acknowledged, that he was worth noticing. Now he had it.
Trapped within the elders intense gaze, Sasuke failed to notice when Itachi had moved so close. Itachi was mere inches from his face, hot breath caressing Sasuke's clammy face. It was like everything around them had evaporated, like only they existed in the world. Sasuke could hear his own heartbeat racing, the blood rushing in his ears making him deaf to the world. Sasuke was a captivated by the burning eyes in front of him, he didn't want miss a flicker in those dark depths.
The knowledge that his Lips would touch Itachi's, if he only leaned a small bit forwards, was overwhelming. Somewhere in the back of his mind Sasuke realised that the thought shouldn't have occurred to him, it shouldn't have stopped his heart only to restart it with an even more frantic pace.
Itachi leaned backwards suddenly, removing with himself the strange temptation Sasuke had of meeting Itachi's lips with his own. A kiss. The realization grounded Sasuke, breaking the haze inside his head. He had wanted a kiss, so simple yet so complicated.
"I didn't run away from you" Itachi's voice was low, pained. He lifted his hand to cover his closed eyes, then dragging it down his face before opening his eyes again and meeting Sasuke's. "I tried to run away from me, but I couldn't leave you. I was always here."
Itachi's eyes were bright, shining with need. Sasuke felt burned with their intensity, but held the gaze, craving it. He stayed silent, not grasping what the other meant, waiting for more.
Itachi moved forwards again, lifting his hand to Sasuke's cheek, letting it simply rest there. Their eyes stayed locked the entire time.
"I wanted, needed you to run away from me, from this." With that Itachi covered Sasuke's lips with his own, at first only pressing them lightly together, staying still. Then caressing Sasuke's cheek gently and starting to move his lips softly, slowly coaxing Sasuke out of his shock before leaning back an inch, waiting.
The moment Itachi's lips touched Sasuke's, he felt his eyes flutter close, while his whole body froze. Impossibly gently the lips started to move and Sasuke tried to push closer only to find air. Blinking his eyes, Sasuke met Itachi's eyes finding them further away than he thought. Acting on instinct, Sasuke grabbed Itachi neck brining those gorgeous lips closer and attacking them with his.
Itachi had expected disgust, anger anything but this. He was however unable to concentrate on his surprise, the feeling of finally kissing his otouto too blissful.
Raw need bubbled forwards, the long separation and feelings ignored or misinterpreted heightening the sensations. The confusion and need to understand was washed away by the pure feel of the situation.
A small push and Sasuke was lying on the coach, Itachi crawling atop of him. Itachi stilled, hovering above him, just looking. It was like he tried to memorize every aspect of the face in front of him, as if he expected to never see it again.
Itachi locked his gaze with Sasuke.
"Otouto, I want you to come" with those words Itachi heaved himself up and left. He didn't look back, leaving Sasuke shocked on the couch, mouth opened with unasked questions. What had happened?
The blatant wrongness of the situation didn't hit Sasuke before long after Itachi was gone. Sasuke had sat on the couch, gathered himself mentally, and then gone to the kitchen to brew some coffee. Within a moment Sasuke had a cup of black coffee in front of him. Its dark, reflective surface drew his attention.
Eyes that looked black, but up close, like now, revealed a spectrum of different browns. A trick of light. So close and coming closer still. Suddenly darkness, air blowing on his cheek...
Sasuke turned away from the cup. He didn't want to think, it would make everything real. Had it been real? It didn't feel like it, maybe he had fallen asleep.
Sasuke lifted his hand tentatively to his lips, finding them slightly swollen. That was the moment it all came crashing down, a split second and everything changed. Everything seemed that much clearer, brighter.
They had kissed on the couch, his couch, in his house. Itachi had been there, sat down and touched him, Sasuke, out of his own volition. And Sasuke had let it happen, no, he had participated, he had wanted it. Sasuke wanted to kiss the man he professed to despise, a man he no longer wanted anything to do with.
Still Sasuke had wanted the kiss, the contact with the other feeling so right. It felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, the knowledge that Itachi didn't hate him, hadn't left him was liberating. Sasuke could breath freely. Sasuke had never realized just how strong a hold his brother had on him but looking back he could see how much the thought of loosing Itachi's affection had affected him.
For a moment this discovery left Sasuke feeling light and warm, it felt that everything was finally clear. All the tangled emotions untwined and he could finally separate them; the hurt, betrayal, doubt and finally, beneath it all, love. Yes, he loved his brother, had always loved. Most would find it twisted and wrong, but they couldn't understand.
Sasuke took his coffee and walked into the living room, sinking into the couch. Laying the mug to the side, Sasuke rested his head on his palms. He knew what he felt, what he wanted but how much was he willing to sacrifice and gamble for it?
Sasuke lifted his head a fraction to look around his house. Empty, the place was comfortable but bare, it was safe. Closing his eyes slowly, Sasuke could imagine his brother sitting beside him. Would you dare to play with fire?
The earth was soft from the rain that had fallen the previous night. Dark leather shoes sank into the small dirt road leaving behind clear imprints. The trails ended abruptly only to trace back again, all but one of them. A tall man crouching beside the simple black stone engraved in gold, his hand sinking into the fresh mound of earth with ease. The end of one begot the beginning of another.
Sasuke stood a few paces back, watching the man before walking up to him. Gently laying one hand on Itachi's shoulder, Sasuke stood still. The wind blew crisply, the setting sun only giving the impression of warmth. Sasuke was content, the quiet sadness they both felt was lessened by the connection they could share now. This was he had been missing the whole time, the understanding that came to them as naturally as breathing.
Itachi stood slowly up, making Sasuke's hand fall down from his shoulder, only to be caught again by another pale hand. Fingers twisting together loosely but securely, Itachi faced Sasuke. Looking straight into Itachi's eyes, Sasuke tightened his grip. A squeeze; a sign of acceptance.
With a gentle sigh Itachi closed his eyes, leaned closer and rested his forehead against Sasuke's. The additional physical contact made Sasuke's heart flutter despite their surroundings, despite the harsh reality. Would it always be like this with them, he liked to think so at least.
How long they stood there, breathing the same air, sharing each other's sadness and bitterness, a moment or an eternity; it did not matter. What mattered was that this was what they would continue to do in each moment that was to come.
Sasuke opened his eyes, straightening up and meeting the other's eyes.
"They are probably wondering were we are."
"Yes, I'd imagine so" Itachi's lips curved into a slight smile. He lifted his hand and traced Sasuke's jaw softly. "We are grieving; we are not expected to act properly, otouto."
Sasuke leaned into the touch, brining himself close enough to wrap his arms around Itachi's body. Sasuke burrowed his face into the crook of Itachi's neck, breathing in the clean scent of his aniki. Itachi's hand moved to play with the strands of soft hair on Sasuke's neck, making him relax further. Standing there he could see the future spreading out before them, complicated but rewarding. Yes, he believed.
Itachi started humming a tune, the familiar notes drifting lazily in the air. At times the notes flowed together rapidly, only to nearly fade in the next moment and be joined by another briefly before starting again. Following an invisible chart, a rhythm as old as time, in and out like breathing, give and take.
"We should return" Itachi's voice was mellow, giving only a suggestion not a hint of a command.
Sasuke lifted his face to meet Itachi's, both knowing that they already had returned and nothing else would really matter. Still he smiled in agreement and guided his aniki down the hill they'd both climbed hundreds of times, towards the house they once called home, hidden behind a small patch of trees. The same patch that had been a forest in the mind of a small boy, the same forest that contained a tree with an unbroken promise.
Together, side by side, steps synchronised, they walked home.
