A/N: I wrote this a looong while back, but for some reason I never got around to working with it. I found it and read over it and I just HAD to start it back up and post it--it's too funny NOT to show to the world!! To explain, when I wrote this I was obsessed with an old British comedy called, "The Young Ones," which is hilarious. I got the idea to write a KHII crackfic (as usual) similar to The Young Ones, and this was the result. I don't plan for this to go anywhere, to be honest. It's probably just going to be never-ending and updated every time I get bored. Eh well, at least you have something to read that doesn't require a lot of brain activity xDD Works out for everyone!

WARNING: THIS CRACKFIC IS WRITTEN WHEN I AM: HALF ASLEEP, STRESSED OUT, AND DAZED AND CONFUSED. NONE OF THIS IS MEANT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY, AND YOU PROBABLY WON'T UNDERSTAND THIS FANFICTION IF YOU DON'T HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR OR EASILY TAKE OFFENSE TO WHATEVER THE HELL IT IS PEOPLE TAKE OFFENSE TO. And I'm tired of using caps lock because I just realized it's very obnoxious. But so is this fanfiction. Yeah. Basically, I'm only putting this here to avoid any random flames or whatever. Yeah. I do this for fun, it's my outlet for those random thoughts and ideas we all get in the back of our heads so, please, do not take this fanfiction seriously. Especially in later chapters. Thank you.

DISCLAIMER: If I owned KHII, don't you think you'd actually be SEEING this stuff in the game? As for "The Young Ones," I wasn't even alive when it was out! All I own are my ideas and my scary, perverted imagination--and I don't think anyone wants that, am I right? xP

The Amazingly Idiotic Ones
A KHII Crackfic
Chapter One: Rooms on Fire--Plus Whipped Cream

Riku peeked into the cookie jar to find that it was completely bare.

"Now just who in the hell has been eating my cookies?!" He exclaimed utterly enraged yet extremely exasperated.

Sora put his newspaper down slowly and averted his eyes over at Riku. A smile then plastered itself across Sora's face, a big cheesy one that was so wide it made his eyes disappear because he was squinting so much.

Riku's eyes widened and his lips pursed together. He was pissed. Sora knew what this meant, and that smile began to fade gradually.

"YOU!" Riku finally shouted as his finger accompanied him by pointing in Sora's direction. "YOU ATE MY CORNFLAKES!"

"WAIT A MINUTE I CAN EXPL--Wait, what?! Cornflakes!? I thought this was about cook--iiiiieeeeeeeee--aaaah hahahahaha, um…" Sora smiled once again, his eyes roaming about the room as if they were doing all the thinking, talking, and decision-making for Sora.

"No, Riku, I did not eat your cornflakes." Sora then smiled again. And now it was starting to get incredibly annoying.

"Oh, OH! Well who did then?! Answer me that, Sora! Answer that!" Riku placed his hands on his hips and began to tap his foot in such an effeminate way it makes one wonder about his true sexual preference. Top, or bottom? We shall never know…

Sora, whilst still firmly holding onto his newspaper with one hand, scratched his head in total amazement at Riku's girlish behavior. "Why the hell do girls like him? It must have something to do with his hair." Sora thought to himself, beginning to lose sight of what the initial argument was in the first place.

"But his hair is gray, right? So, like, doesn't that mean he's old?"

"Or maybe it's not his hair. Maybe it's his eyes."

"They DO mesmerize me sometimes… ooh…"

"No, no, it's probably not his eyes. It's probably his muscles."

"But… but I have muscles!!"

"Oh, hell, it probably just has to do with what's in his pants."

"But he looks like a girl, he talks like a girl, he ACTS like a girl, he--"

"No, wait, that's Xemnas."

"Yeah. What was I thinking about again?"

Meet the Amazingly Idiotic Ones. Riku, Sora, Axel, and Xemnas. Yes, my dears, that IS theme music you are hearing in your head!

So make up your own lyrics, 'cause like, I can't think of any.

All right, all right, here.

LOVE IS LIKE A BOMB

BABY COME ON, GET IT ON

LIVIN' LIKE A LOVER WITH A RADAR PHONE

LOOKIN' LIKE A TRAMP, LIKE A VIDEO VAMP

DEMOLITION WOMAN, CAN I BE YOUR MAN?

Okay, that's enough.

"SORA! WHY AREN'T YOU ANSWERING ME?!" Riku was still tapping his foot angrily. At this point, I felt he was surely just upset with the torpedoes. Damn the torpedoes!

Sora snapped back out of his thoughts and looked up at Riku, his chin all red from having been leaning on his hand for so long.

"Huh? What was the question?" Sora was clueless, as usual. He was quite the spaced out hippie. Peeeeeeeace, maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan.

Riku had forgotten the original argument himself, but he was still angry and Sora had no right to ignore him like that.

"WHY ARE THERE NO GODDAMN COOKIES IN THE CUPBOARD?!" Riku screamed. He had to bitch at Sora for something, right?

Sora's eyes bulged out of his head and he began to shake and shiver and quiver and liver and--WHATEVER!

"G-gee, Riku, I-I have no i-ideaheeeeeeey! How 'bout that, th-there's a sale at Quigley's Lingerie Shop! Whaddya say we go see what they've got?" Sora nodded his head eagerly, which makes one wonder… well, no, not really.

Riku's eye twitched. Oh no.

"NO, DAMMIT! THERE ARE NO COOKIES IN THE CABINET, AND I WANT TO KNOW WHERE THEY WENT RIGHT NOW!" He folded his arms, tapped his foot, and stared at Sora. Without blinking. COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL.

Okay, so there were no cookies in the cabinet. The microwave broke. And Sora's easy bake oven was sort of… damaged in a little accident Riku likes to call 'World War IV.' Long story short: Xemnas dipped his chicken into Axel's peanut butter.

Riku was angry, and hungry, and horny. BUT WAIT A MINUTE THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THE POINT HERE!

Just then, a random object came around the corner. It was red and tiny and scared the crap out of Riku.

"OMGOMGOMGIT'SAREDTHINGYIT'SGONNAKILLMEOMGOMGHELP!" Riku shrieked as he hurriedly climbed up onto the table and hopped around like a bumbling idiot.

Having fallen out of his chair at the unbelievably loud shrill noise he heard, Axel was alarmed. He immediately felt that he should run around the house screaming that there was a fire. Because, you know, times like these certainly call for absolute panic.

"OMFGOMFG THERE'S LIKE A FIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRE!!!!!" Axel ran around in circles, flailing his arms about and screaming like a moron. The funny thing is, Axel's element is fire, so why he'd be afraid of it… Well, that's crackfiction for you.

Axel's natural fire is triggered every time he gets into a panic, for defense purposes. But in this case, it only made this worse. And so, flames shot out of his fingers and hit whatever it was around him… as in, everything.

So now there really was a fire.

Sora's eyes widened and he jumped up immediately, his eyes watering with panic. "FIRE?! OH NO, WE MUST SAVE THE ANIMALS!" with that, Sora went to hop over the table, but to no surprise whatsoever, he ran straight into Riku and they both fell to the floor.

"I DON'T CARE IF WE ONLY HAVE TWO MORE SECONDS TO LIVE, SORA, I AM NOT GOING TO LOSE MY VIRGINITY TO YOU!" Riku shouted, rather… disappointingly! Damn! I thought Riku had skill in that department!

Er. NEVER MIND THAT!

Axel tried endlessly to put the fire out. Not with a fire extinguisher, mind you, but whipped cream. YES, WHIPPED CREAM.

"THIS ISN'T WORKING!!" Axel threw the whipped cream can down and took out a hose.

"NOW YOU'RE GONNA GO OUT, DAMMIT!"

After a few minutes of arguing and screaming, Riku and Sora hurriedly got up, tried to run away, smacked into each other, fell backwards, tripped over all the crap they had on the floor, and after even more time wasted, they managed to make it to the door.

But then it opened to something even more terrifying than any fire.

"OH MY GOD, IT'S THE BOOGIE MAN'S WIFE!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Riku and Sora shouted and screamed simultaneously, making a run for it in the opposite direction.

The thing at the door, however, was NOT the boogie man's wife. It was none other than Xemnas, who'd been out at the salon all day getting a makeover.

"Like, what's your problem? And, like, why is everything, like, black and, like, wet, like, oh my GAWD!"

Riku and Sora, still in yet another panic, ran into the kitchen and slid all across it. It was covered in whipped cream and water, after all, and they were running quite fast…

Axel was sitting in the living room, on a wet couch, blowing on his nails and wiping them on his cloak. He leaned back and put his hands behind his head.

"I'm. So. AWESOME." Suuure, Axel, suuuuuuure.

CRASH!

Axel's self-praising session was abruptly interrupted by the sound of two morons' clumsiness. "What the hell was that?"

Riku and Sora both ran faces first into the wall and fell backwards, at the feet of Xemnas.

They screamed again.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH GET AWAY GET AWAY GET AWAAAAAAAAAY!!" They desperately tried to get up, only to fall into the same predicament. Yet again.

"Waaaaaaaaaait, hold on guysssss! It's me, Xemnas!" Xemnas assured… kind of.

Riku and Sora looked at each other, and looked up at Xemnas. Their eyes widened. They looked at each other again, and screamed.

Axel ran to the kitchen, but remembered not to step onto the floor. "What the hell is going on in her--Oh, my God. Xemnas, dammit! Did you get another makeover?!" Axel wasn't afraid of Xemnas. He had proven that he was 38538430 times awesomer than Xemnas, after all.

"Of course! Do you think my looks just come naturally? Hell no, mister!" Xemnas. Was. So. FUCKING GIRLY!!

Riku and Sora were completely worn out, and passed out, and dead, and wet, and covered in whipped cream. And they're both virgins, too.

A few hours later, they all sat in the living room, on their sopping wet couch.

"What are we going to do about the damage this house has undergone?" Riku asked.

"Same thing we always do. Have Sora do it." Axel answered.

They all looked at Sora, whose bottom lip was hanging out so much you'd think he were a fish.

"Why do I always get stuck doing the chores?" He whined. Poor Sora.

Riku looked over on the ground and saw some little red thing. He went over and picked it up to examine it, "Oh, so that's where the cap to my bottle of Coke went!"

A/N: So that's it for now! Hope you liked it, even though it is a little strange, random, and, uh, well yeah xDDD I ran out of ideas, unfortunately T.T Damn writer's block! Well, at least I broke out of it for a while. Hopefully the next chapter will be full of ideas and funny stuff xDDD