Author's note: The song quoted here is "What else is there?" by Röyksopp. Absolutely amazing and makes me think of Shion and Nezumi whenever I hear it. And so, here's the story about them, following the lyrics.
Disclaimer: No.6 belongs to Atsuko Asano, lyrics belong to Röyksopp.
What else is there?
It was me on that road
But you couldn't see me
Too many lights out, but nowhere near here
It was me on that road
Still you couldn't see me
And then flashlights and explosions
Nezumi was standing in the dark alley. He melted into the shadows to not be seen. He was not really sure what he was doing there. A full year has passed from his departure and his feet brought him back to the city he despised with all his will. Why was he there anyway? Number 7, as people called it, seemed completely different. It was not perfectly clean, it was not perfectly healthy, it was not perfectly rich. It was normal and it ached him even more. How could he hate something that plain and common? How could he hate something so perfectly normal when he himself sought normality? It was making him feel uneasy and he was itching to ran for it as it startled him to no end. But he stayed. Motionless. Emotionless. Waiting. What was he waiting for anyway? Wrapped in darkness and cold he was listening carefully to his surroundings. He sniffed the air and he caught the scent that made his senses go wild and his mind go dizzy. There was the scent he craved from deep inside, though he would never admit it even to himself. There was the scent buried deep in his memory and probably the only thing worth living for. But he would never say it out loud. Nor think it. Never ever, he promised himself. There was the scent of dusted books, of fresh new shirt, of cherry cake. He inhaled the scent, let it fill his lungs and his mind. He closed his eyes and breathed it slowly. He felt like a predator hunting his prey but he couldn't care less.
And than, after what seemed like eternity, his eyes snapped open. The scent was nearing. Nezumi stood rooted to the spot. It was not what he planned. Looking around he saw people moving in one direction, happy, laughing, festive. He frowned at them but than realized it must have been the anniversary of their new gained freedom. He scowled at them, but than, than he blinked himself back to indifference as the scent he craved for came dangerously near. His eyes searched the crowd skillfully and all too soon he spotted him. He was walking there slowly, smiling. His white hair was still so irresistibly touchable and shiny, his purple eyes sparkling with curiosity and understanding. His moves where light and careless like they have always been. Maybe he was happy? Maybe, after all, he came to like his life there? Maybe, just maybe, he didn't miss him all that much. A sudden pain, that he couldn't quite name, pierced his chest. It left him breathless and his eyes came unfocused. All at once Nezumi wanted to run to him and run away, to grab his arm and cross his arms on his own chest, to step into the light and stay in the gloom. And there was not enough light in the street to chase away the shadows he wrapped himself in. He was invisible in the darkness, he willed himself to be invisible.
Suddenly, there was a huge explosion and everybody looked up. Colourful fireworks graced the night sky with a rainbow of unimaginable lights. People started cheering and clapping and shouting joyful words. However, for him time ceased to flow as he saw the other one didn't quite look like he enjoyed the show. Everything then happened in slow motion. Shion looked thoughtful for a moment and than, with a slight frown on his face, he started turning around, towards him. In an instant, like a small scared animal, Nezumi backed into full shadow, almost tripping over his own feet. The other didn't see him. He was invisible. He was not there. He never came there. He never saw him. He repeated it all over again and again as he made his way to the none existing gates. He escaped. Once again. Though he wasn't sure anymore what he was running from.
Roads are getting nearer
We cover distance but not together
I am the storm and I am the wonder
And the flashlights nightmares
And sudden explosions
I don't know what more to ask for
I was given just one wish
Shion was sitting behind his desk, flipping through papers absentmindedly. There was a woman that was giving his some awfully boring report on which he completely couldn't concentrate. What he was thinking about was time. Time that passed him by, time that took an extreme speed, time, that he knew, he was wasting. Time that he spent waiting. Or pretending not to be. He got what he asked for. He received a one and only chance to restore the city that has fallen as low as it possibly could. City, that rejected him like some pest but still he couldn't abandon it. City that was now eating him alive.
After his work day was over he took a long road back home. It was drizzling lightly and the air was filled with ozone. He breathed in deeply and let out slowly. People said he was like a storm. He gathered his strength in silence and came down rumbling on them at full force. And he left a fresh feeling and cleansing and new life. He was like a rainfall clearing the tension and anger, filling the dry bowl with life-giving energy. They called him a wonder as he seemed to be the only one determined enough to pull through what he wanted. And when he did that he left every one with impression that it was their idea from the beginning. They claimed that he shed light wherever he appeared and that it filled everybody's hearts with hope and joy. But he knew that true light can exist only where darkness is, for you can't really see it until it chases away shadows. And he knew very well what gloom he could truly brighten. However, what he was left with, were only his nightmares. In his dreams there was lightning without rain, there were big bangs with only a black hole left behind. There was a void that scared him out of his mind. There was a longing that left him numb. And worse so, he knew exactly the reason and he knew it was the only thing in his life that he wasn't able to control. There was no way for him to fix it. He alone could do nothing. Only wait. And that's what he was doing.
He and Nezumi were following their own chosen paths. But why were they separate? Why couldn't they walk down one? Together?
It's about you and the sun
A morning run
The story of my maker
What I have and what I ache for
Nezumi has spent many night in a row wide awake. He couldn't sleep and the shadows were shifting around him into imaginary sightings. His mind was drowning in things he couldn't honesty name ever since the day he saw the boy again and it rendered him sleepless. He was scared to close his eyes and drift off as he knew perfectly well what he'd see. He didn't want the images to appear anymore. He wanted to reject them. He wanted to be rid of them. But, somehow, he was unable to shove they away. No matter how much he tried, they came back eventually. And left him with insomnia. Why did it happen anyway? He never had problems like that. He was always good with what he had, he craved nothing from the world. He had life and a revenge to see done and that was enough. But the revenge was no more. He was left with life that he never imagined to have. And now there was the longing that settled deep in his chest. The ache for something he couldn't comprehend.
The darkness dissolving in the rising sun found Nezumi sitting curled up with his back against a huge tree, just at the edge of a forest. Somewhere in the wilderness. He opened his eyes slowly taking in the most beautiful view he'd ever seen. The pleasant light was lowly chasing away cold shadows of the night. Silvery white fog was creeping through the wet ground, sipping through every fiber of his very existence. The sky has constantly changing. From deep midnight blue it slowly turned lighter and lighter until it was wintery grayish azure with Alice blue halo in the very East. The scattered clouds, starting from slate gray, were changing into magnolia colour, passing through palest of pale tints and shades of maize and coral and lavender. The golden face raised up above the horizon and every tiny drop of morning dew sparkled in the endless landscape. Every single blade of grass shone like a precious stone, not only teal or green but glimmering with aquamarine and honeydew and jasmine.
Nezumi untangled his stiff and chilled arm from beneath his scarf and, shivering a bit, held it outstretched, reaching towards the sun. He made a slight move as if caressing the aureoline sphere and wished with all his heart he could grasp it and place it by his side. He would never be cold anymore with the pleasant heat with him. Once and for all he would chase away the nightmares he had when the dark pierced his soul and shadows slipped into his mind. He wouldn't have to run away like he did all the time. There would be no need to escape for everything that scared him and made his feel uneasy. He would have an ever shining sun beside him. His sun. His very own light in his life. His one and only bright guide. His sun. The very same that made him what he was. The one that changed him into the man on the run. The only one that passed his towering walls of solitude. His sun that made him.
I've got a golden ear
I cut and I spear
And what else is there
Shion shoved the papers down his desk. How long has he been reading the same line over and over again? Was it like a hundred times or was it more? He looked out of the window to find a pleasantly looking day waking up. The clear blue sky was mocking him being to joyful and beautiful. It got on his nerves so he got up and started pacing the room. He managed to build his position splendidly. He was among the highest of high, one his word and he could have everything done. One smile and every one was helping. One flick of a hand and they all worked like a clock. To what aim? What was there for him in the power he never craved for? What was there in the mindless race for renewal? What was there in the soulless city that tried desperately to breathe? Was it all what he was living for?
He knew perfectly well that he could bring the city back to ruin. One word here, another there and the domino would start to collapse. He had that power and he was given it willingly by the citizens. And even though he wasn't the only one in the government he was aware that the rest would listen to him. And he knew their weaknesses, he knew their deepest wishes. They all wore them bluntly on their foreheads like it'd be something to boast about. He heard their whispered conversations. He saw it all in their eyes. He could cut them down in one sweep and clean move. He could pierce them with their own needs and leave them to bleed pathetically on the pavement. He could to it all, but to what end?
Shion sighted and looked back at his desk. He knew perfectly well he could never do any harm willingly. His hands were supposed to heal and not to bring pain, he once heard. So he had to use them to do good. And he would wait longer. Honestly, what else was there?
Roads are getting nearer
We cover distance still not together
If I am the storm if I am the wonder
Will I have flashlights nightmares
And sudden explosion
Nezumi was walking down a familiar path. Recently, he realized something with a great surprise. As he let his feet lead him, he discovered, he was travelling in circles, a spiral way around the globe. In the beginning he was getting further and further form the despised city. Fast. Alone. But that, slowly but visibly, he started going back. He noticed that when he was already one third way through. That was also the time of his biggest depression on the journey. He was well aware that one day he would head to that city once again, but when he realized he had already stepped onto the road, his anxiety felt almost physically painful. And that was precisely the time when he decided he had to sort out his indecisions.
He took to meditating, of some sort, every time he stayed somewhere decent overnight. He stripped his very existence, piece by piece, down to the very core. Until there was nothing left. He started off ripping away the hate he harbored so long and so carefully. It was the easiest to grab but probably the hardest to get rid of. One try was unsurprisingly not enough, neither was two. It took him quite some time to scrape off every tiny bit of the hatred that filled his soul. It seeped everywhere, nestling comfortably in all corners and hideouts of his personality. It left him physically and mentally drained when he was done, but also lighter in a way. He slept peacefully after he finished and he found the experience pleasant. But he was nowhere near being done. Subsequently, he took away each and every tiny bit of his self that he was able to see. The stacked them all on a rickety shelf somewhere beside his consciousness and inspected them one by one. He stripped down to the core until there was nothing left, until there was only a void. And he sat in this overwhelming darkness and waited to see what would happed. It was silent now that all his small voices were gagged and restrained. But it was also cold. And extremely lonely. He spent there, in the abyss of his own existence, quite some time. But than, when he was curled up and shivering with strange emptiness, he heard a voice. It was warm and kind. It reminded him of something, but his memories were unreachable. He knew the voice. He felt strange fondness growing in him and he mentally got up and headed towards it. He knew it wouldn't lead him astray. It would lead him out. He felt heavy raindrops of his skin, trailing down his face. He smelled ozone in the fresh air. He heard water hitting the dry ground hard. Was he really the storm that could bring down the mountain? Was he strong enough to fight the nightmares? Was he brave enough to not shy from the blinding light?
Nazumi got up from the ground, picked up his stuff and went on towards his destiny. And his desire.
There's no room where I can go and
You've got secrets too
Shion was sitting amidst the overgrown debris that once was the outskirts of West Block. No one was around as people still felt uneasy around there. But he didn't. Actually, he felt extremely calm. With every tiny part of the city open to him and unsettlingly inviting he escaped to the only place where he could honestly relax. It was there that he gathered his strength and arranged his thoughts. It was there that he could securely give into memories without succumbing to worries. It was there that secrets lied unbothered by anyone. Secrets of his most educative months, secrets of his rapid growing up, secrets of his greatest feelings. And more of similar things, not his own, that he has never been able to touch, even graze with a trembling finger. Secrets that were well hidden away from him, that he hoped above all to be told about and included in them. Secrets that still waited to be divulged. And amidst them, amidst the debris of his most precious life, Shion was sitting and eating the best cherry cake that was ever baked in the whole wide world. He did hope that he had some hope left. He wished he still waited impatiently, if only deep, deep inside. He did feel a tiny bit numb now but he believed, and reminded himself from time to time, everyday, that the flame only needed a single spark to burst out vehemently.
I don't know what more to ask for
I was given just one wish
Nezumi was walking slowly, reluctantly through the forest. It had a scary feeling as if it was still burning with greed and hate. But he was calm and surprisingly so. The trees around him were young, probably planted not so long ago. But they were fresh and in the pale, late winter, morning light they seemed full of life. The snow has melted from them and they were already reaching towards springtime. He smiled slightly at their eagerness and went on down the path. Gradually, step by step, he was nearing the once despised city. But than, when he looked up, he saw some one heading his way, head turned to the ground. He hasn't stopped but willed the person to gaze at him. And his silent plead was obliged.
Shion couldn't sleep at night so he decided to take a stroll before going to work. For some reason he didn't go West like he used to do, but he chose the Northern forests. They were even more deserted that the other part and he felt like going there for a change. He was walking slowly away from the city, head full of troubling thoughts, feet moving on their own. He couldn't turn away from the still frozen ground as his unsteady legs lead him on. But than it seemed to him that he heard something. It sounded like a sigh of the wind, although the wind was not blowing. It was like rustling of the fresh leaves but no leaves were yet there on the trees. It was like a storm coming even though the sky was blue and sun was rising brightly. He looked up and stopped rooted. There, in front of him, a person was walking. His clothes marked with long travel - heavy worn out boots, black comfortable trousers and an immortal leather jacket. Neck wrapped with silvery cloth. A bit too long hair was tied up high and his eyes, the deep gray irises were sparkling in the morning sun. Was it an illusion or was there really a bit of warmth? Was it even possible for them not to be a steel cold barrier to the soul hidden away? He stood and stared, enchanted.
Nezumi was gazing at the white-haired wonder with unhidden fondness. Here he was, his biggest worry and greatest wish, standing in front of him. After so much time apart. He would have thought his eyes deceived him but somewhere deep in his chest he felt it was all real. He didn't wait any longer and passed the distance between them. Without a single word he leaned in and made their lips meet. Into this kiss he tried to pour all his passion and doubts and hopes. The response, that came after a moment of shock, reassured him in his doings. There, he felt the longing he knew all too well but also sweetness and bitterness. Yes, it took him long and he knew he made the waiting endless. He had to make up for that.
"I'm back" he whispered as their lips parted, although they stayed close to each other.
"You are" came a silent and uncertain reply. Both of them could feel the other's frantically beating hearts. "What are you-" Shion started with a slightly trembling voice but the words died on his lips as they were caressed with slender finger.
"Shhh, we will need to talk later" Nazumi whispered softly as he watched the purple eyes flicker with a whirlwind of emotions.
"We will" the other confirmed with a slight nod. With no other words, as they didn't seem to be necessary between them, they walked on towards Shion's home. They both were well aware that the road in front of them was long and tough, the years apart has left marks on them. However now, now they were together again and thus the path would be easier in a way as well. They did share one wish and it might just come true. They could ask for nothing more than they were given, in the end. At last.