"Sakurazuka, got a bit of an assignment for you." Fuuma ignored Subaru's flinch at the name. "Nataku's replacement is going to need a place to stay."
"What does this have to do with me?"
"Need you to give her room and board for a while."
"No." Subaru replied flatly.
"You have plenty of room now and you'll be compensated."
"You know money and space aren't the problem."
"Then what is?"
"My job."
"Believe me, she won't care and she won't get in your way."
Subaru began to protest some more when the door opened and Yuuto walked in, a hand on the shoulder of the newest arrival. His eyes widened slightly. He turned back to Fuuma.
"It wasn't me this time. This was all Hinoto's doing."
Subaru didn't say a word; he knew the discussion was over.
...
"You haven't eaten in at least two days." Subaru addressed the silent girl sitting on the windowsill watching the rain as he stared into the pantry.
"Neither have you."
He closed the pantry door.
Arashi finally turned around to watch him sit at the kitchen table on the opposite side of the room and pour himself more sake. "Are you trying to starve to death?"
"No."
"Then why don't you ever seem to eat?"
"Just doesn't seem to be much point."
She gave him a quizzical stare beneath unkempt bangs, absentmindedly thinking that she should trim them soon. "You've had such a death wish since we first met. Why don't you just slit your wrists or something?"
He turned his hand over and stared at his forearm. "I tried. It seems the sakura don't want to let me go yet."
She wasn't sure if he was crazy or not. Rather, she wasn't sure if this comment was the result of insanity. He clearly had been losing it for some time; that was not in question. She decided it didn't matter either way and turned back to the window, watching the rain slide down the panes in slick rivulets.
...
It was storming again and Subaru was grateful. The rain washed away the blood and covered most of its lingering scent before he got home. He stepped into the house, drenched, and was surprised that Arashi was not at the windowsill, then through the window he noticed a figure outside, sitting under the sakura tree.
"Arashi?" he called from the doorway but knew his voice was blown away by the deafening gale. He could only just make out her form when lightning flashed but realized that she seemed to be unconscious. Raindrops stung his cheeks and the wind assaulted him with small branches and leaves being hurled about the garden as he stepped out to see if she was injured. He was surprised to find upon closer inspection that she was simply asleep. He picked her up and carried her inside, feeling a little guilty though as he did so. He had never seen her this peaceful before.
...
"Sei... shi… rou…"
Arashi jumped and looked over at the couch. Even Subaru's breathing had been nearly silent since he had fallen asleep and she had forgotten he was there.
His face was contorted in pain and he had drawn in on himself, as if by making himself smaller he could minimize the pain as well. She hesitated, wondering what to do.
Sorata would know.
She shook her head at the thought. She had never met anyone named Sorata; why did that come to mind? And why was there a pang of sadness along with it? She brushed it off and softly padded over to where Subaru was curled up on the couch, watching him writhe for a few more moments before hesitantly laying a hand against his forehead. As she had suspected, he was burning up. She wandered off into the bathroom reflecting that she should have known something was wrong the minute he crashed on the couch.
She returned to the living room with a damp washcloth and knelt down to press it against Subaru's forehead as her grandmother had done when was small.
Subaru awoke the next morning to find that Arashi had fallen asleep on the windowsill. He wondered why she hadn't bothered going to bed last night then sat up and felt the washcloth slip into his lap. He stared at it for a moment, thinking, then put it away and checked the fax machine for any new messages from clients.
...
"May I have some sake?"
"You're underage."
Arashi gave Subaru a Look, causing him to half smile into his cup and poured herself some anyway.
She took one sip and wrinkled her nose. "This is disgusting."
"Yeah."
"Then why do you drink it?"
He stared at the liquid. "I dunno."
Yep, he was nuts she decided and took another sip.
...
"That tree…" It wasn't raining but Arashi was in her usual spot on the windowsill nonetheless.
"Hm?" Subaru murmured into his coffee.
"It's not in season for it to bloom."
"Nope."
"Is it ever not?"
"Not that I'm aware of."
"It's beautiful."
Subaru stared at her from the kitchen and fought the urge to ask if she knew why it was so beautiful.
...
The weather was incredible. The sun was shining, a warm breeze was blowing and only a few perfect cottony clouds drifted lazily through the sky. Subaru felt completely out of place on days like this. Everything seemed a little too bright, a little too perfect and it brought back memories of picnics in Ueno Park with Hokuto and Him. He missed those days sorely but now they seemed too clear, every detail painted in Technicolor, blinding him with the blatant lie it had been all along.
He hurried home, trying not to break into a half-panicked run and breathed a sigh of relief as soon as the door was shut, locking out the invasive sunlight and fresh air. He turned and his eyes immediately went to the windowsill. To his surprise, not only was Arashi not there but the blinds were closed for the first time since she had arrived. It was another moment before he realized he smelled fish and could hear something sizzling in the kitchen. He undid his boots and wandered across the dining room. He was shocked to find the kitchen counter covered in magnificently prepared dishes and Arashi standing at the stove, clearly finishing the last of them, adding a light sauce to it.
"You… cooked?"
"I got bored." She shrugged.
"I see."
She grabbed a pair of oven mitts and picked up the nearest dish, walking past him to take it to the table. Two dishes later though she paused and stared at the small table that had clearly only been meant for two people. Subaru watched her silently then realized what the problem was. He hesitated for a moment then wandered off to the laundry room, returning with an old, slightly moth-eaten blanket and spreading it over the middle of the living room floor.
"What are you doing?" Arashi asked as he returned to the kitchen and started carrying dishes over to it.
"We're having a picnic."
"Indoors?"
"Would you rather go outside?" He winced, realizing that it would be just like back then…
"No." She answered quickly and he suddenly realized why the blinds were closed.
"Then let's eat here."
She hesitated then joined him on the floor, the corners of her lips tugging just the tiniest bit upward.
...
It had been a rough night for Subaru. He had learned to deal with the darker job for the most part now but it was still difficult when it was a child. The little girl had so trusted him too and he betrayed that…
He took off his boots and held his head in his hands, sitting on the floor by the door. After a few moments he realized he could hear someone else crying too. He crept silently to the hallway and realized the sound was coming from Arashi's room. Peeking through the doorway, he saw that she was sobbing in her sleep.
"Sorata…"
Subaru stiffened at the Seal's name and made his way back down the hallway to his own bedroom.
...
"Her memories of being a Seal were wiped weren't they?"
"I'm impressed that you even managed to find me Subaru." Fuuma grinned.
"You and I both know I didn't really find you, you just knew I wanted to see you."
Fuuma chuckled. "Such a pessimist."
"Don't change the subject."
"Yes, Arashi's memories were repressed."
"Hinoto did it right?"
"Yep."
Subaru studied Fuuma carefully, knowing he was treading dangerous waters. "Seems she missed a few spots."
"Oh?"
"Arashi is starting to remember Sorata."
"Ah well. Those you love are hard to forget, aren't they Subaru-kun?" Fuuma brushed a hand against Subaru's left cheek, just below his eye.
Subaru clenched his fist, resisting the urge to knock his hand away. "You put her with me to jog her memory didn't you?"
Fuuma flashed a brilliant smile.
"Why?"
"Think Subaru. Why do I do anything?" And with that he walked away, leaving Subaru with an uneasy feeling.
...
"Arashi?"
They were sitting on the picnic blanket again, having turned their eating style into something of a habit without realizing it.
"Mmhm?" She still had not built up much of a tolerance for sake yet insisted upon drinking it whenever he did now. As a result she was lying on the edge of the blanket staring slightly drunkenly at the cup in front of her.
"What do you wish for?"
"What do you mean?"
"Everyone has a Wish."
"Yeah. I think Kamui said that once."
Subaru was confused for a moment before he realized she meant the Angels' Kamui. "I don't mean to pry but if you don't mind sharing… what's yours?"
She gazed blearily at him, trying to process the question. "I… don't know."
Subaru frowned. She may have forgotten what her Wish as a Seal was but she surely would then have a new one as an Angel, wouldn't she?
"What's yours?"
He closed his eyes. "My Wish was unfulfilled."
He heard the rustle of cloth as she sat up. "But what was it?"
"To be killed by Seishirou."
There was a long silence then, "You loved him didn't you?"
"Very much." Subaru suddenly realized it was hard to breathe.
His eyes flew open when he felt Arashi's hand against his cheek and for a second he thought he saw sympathy in her eyes. However she froze when he looked at her, as if she herself had just realized what she was doing and quickly withdrew and embarrassed, began gathering up the dishes quickly. Between her haste and slight loss of coordination due to the alcohol though she lost grip on one of the plates and it came crashing to the floor, shattering when she stood up. She flushed bright red and apologized, kneeling to gather up the pieces but Subaru grabbed her hand, stopping her.
"Leave it."
"But it's broken…"
He kissed her.
Something tugged at the back of Arashi's mind but she pushed it away, even as she pulled Subaru toward her.
...
Arashi leaned her head against the cool glass, letting her mind wander and listening to the thunder. She heard the front door open and close and wondered if she should say something this time. Before she could make up her mind Subaru vanished into the study again.
They hadn't spoken in days, ever since that kiss that had started so well and ended so awkwardly, both of them unsure of what to do next and eventually just cleaning up the dinner in embarrassed silence. Since then he seemed to have been avoiding her, disappearing into a different room whenever he was home rather than taking his usual place at the kitchen table. She was not lonely per se, but it did feel strange not having his taciturn company. Her presence was not nearly enough to fill the emptiness of the room.
She heard the phone ring but ignored it, knowing it wasn't for her. A few moments later Subaru walked back into the room. "Kamui wants us to meet up with him." He said simply.
"What for?" Arashi had almost forgotten about him.
"Dinner apparently."
Arashi frowned.
"You don't have to go; I'm certainly not going to force you."
"You don't want to go either." She pointed out the obvious.
"Nope."
"Then why are you?" she asked as he pulled on his boots.
"I don't think I really have a choice."
"Why pretend like I do then?"
He turned back to face her for once. "I don't have the energy or the will to fight destiny. But you seem like you do." He turned away again and reached into the hall closet for his coat.
Arashi turned these words over in her mind before sliding down from the windowsill and joining him.
...
Fuuma had wanted to invite them to the destruction of a shrine as it turned out. Arashi immediately declined, in honor of her own upbringing as much as because she simply did not want to be around him. Subaru narrowed his eyes, wondering what games Fuuma was up to this time.
"I thought you preferred destroying the lynch pins all by yourself."
"Not at all!" Fuuma eyes sparkled as he poured wine into Subaru's glass. Subaru did not bother asking how he had convinced the waitress he was old enough to even order it. "You recall Nataku was with me when I granted your wish." He merrily raised his glass. "And your dearly beloved was a wonderful destruction-mate as it were. Treated me to crêpes afterward even. The people that you've both replaced are the ones who generally accompanied me. That's why I came to you two."
God but Fuuma knew how to silence a person.
He left without even waiting for Subaru's answer, knowing all along that it would be no.
...
Arashi walked in a mostly straight line next to him all the way home and Subaru wondered if her tolerance for alcohol had increased somewhat. He couldn't decide if this was a good thing or a bad thing but for the time being was glad for it. It was not until they were back inside and she immediately collapsed on the windowsill that he realized she had been faking sobriety as best she could.
"Hey Subaru?"
"Yes?" He carefully hung his coat up, hoping it would dry out by morning.
"I've realized something."
He froze, wondering if she had finally remembered Sorata or being a Seal or how she had come to Fuuma's side. "What's that?" Would she resent him for not having told her the truth all this time? Would she do something foolish like confront Fuuma? He found himself hoping that she didn't get herself killed trying to return.
"I don't like Italian food."
Subaru couldn't help it. The tension that had built up over the past several days, or maybe really the tension that had built up over the past several years combined with the complete absurdity of such a statement, especially from someone who hated food in general anyway, finally got to him. He leaned his forehead against the hall closet door and did something he had not done in a long time. He laughed.
...
The storm had knocked the power out so Subaru found himself looking around the house for candles, glad that he still had his lighter even though he had not smoked since that day. Arashi ignored him, still sitting at the windowsill watching the wind and rain tear at the garden. She always seemed most relaxed on nights like this.
Subaru found himself rummaging around in the hall closet, trying not to catch anything on fire and eventually just deciding to give up. He flicked the lighter shut and began walking back across the living room, intending to just go to bed. He had forgotten that they had moved one of the chairs to have room for the picnic blanket though and walked straight into it, crashing to the floor with a painful thud.
"Are you okay?" Arashi asked without turning around, watching a large branch from the sakura tree get ripped away and thrown dangerous close to the window.
Subaru sighed into the floor and picked himself back up. "Yes." He more carefully navigated the living room and joined her on the windowsill. When the lightning flashed he caught sight of her face and realized that for a second she looked like she wanted to push him off but quickly relaxed again and turned back to the panes.
"I used to be afraid of storms like these." Subaru remarked, more to himself than to her.
Arashi rolled her eyes. "Were you one of those kids who hid under the covers or something at every little thunderstorm?"
"No, usually I just climbed in bed with my sister if she hadn't already gotten in mine."
Arashi glanced at him. "You have a sister?"
"Had."
She stared at his reflection in the glass, trying not to just turn and watch him.
"What happened?" she asked after the silence stretched on allowing curiosity to get the better of her.
"She died."
"How though?"
"Seishirou killed her."
This time she simply turned and stared at him flat out.
"You mean the Sakurazukamori?"
"Yes."
"The one you were in love with."
"Yes."
Arashi's opinion that Subaru was insane was at last confirmed as far as she was concerned but the look of resignation on his face betrayed a hopelessness that Arashi realized she had not felt since her mother died. The sound of the rain beating against the glass took her back to the stormy week she had spent on the streets before the priestess had found her debating whether or not survival was worth it. She suddenly remembered Subaru's suicide attempt and wondered if he had gone through a similar thought process.
Thunder shook the house and the next thing she knew she'd reached forward for Subaru's hand.
"You always wear gloves, even indoors." She commented, trying to change the subject and tracing her fingers over the soft leather.
Subaru twitched his hand away and stood up. Arashi watched him silently make his way down the hallway to his bedroom then turned back to watch the rain again.
After a few moments though she realized something felt wrong and it took her a while to figure out that for the first time since she had arrived, the windowsill felt lonely. She shifted uncomfortably several times then finally gave up and decided to go to bed.
The hallway was dark though, not lit by the little light she had had from the living room window and she did not see Subaru walking out of the bathroom. They collided and Arashi bounced back into the wall with a small squeak of surprise, losing her balance and tumbling to the floor.
"Ah! I'm sorry!" Subaru exclaimed kneeling down. "Are you alright?"
"Yeah." She realized he was offering a hand to help her up and took it, shocked when her fingers met skin instead of leather. She hesitated once on her feet again, not wanting to let go. "Subaru?"
"Yes?"
She shifted her weight from one foot to the other. Then the thunder rolled again outside and she felt a little surer of herself. "May I sleep in your room tonight?"
Subaru was confused. "You're not afraid of storms…"
"No." Arashi was glad it was dark because she was sure that she could feel the blush creeping over her face.
"Oh." Subaru hesitated for a moment and Arashi held her breath. "Okay."
...
Arashi was fast asleep peacefully but Subaru couldn't relax. He forced himself to look at his hand on her shoulder. He could just see with the dim light of the wane daybreak the back of his hand, smooth and clear. A tear slipped down onto the pillow. He wasn't Seishirou's anymore. He knew that and it killed him. The gloves that used to hide the scars on the back of his hands had become his way of hiding from himself the fact that they were gone.
"Sorata…" Arashi stiffened in his arms and he realized after a moment that her eyes were wide open. She bolted upright, clutching the blankets to her chest.
Subaru lay still, knowing the floodgates had finally broken.
Arashi gasped for breath and sobs wracked her body. Any other time Subaru would have wanted to take her in his arms but he knew that was the last thing she needed from him right now.
"Why… didn't you tell me?" She hissed, turning to him.
"You wouldn't have remembered even if I did."
She glared and raised her hand. Subaru closed his eyes, waiting for the feeling of cold steel. When it didn't come he opened them again and saw her staring at her hand in horror. "I forgot…" she gasped. "I can't draw it…" She buried her face in her hands.
Subaru sat up, frowning, was this Fuuma's doing too? "Do you want to go back?"
"How can I?" she sobbed. "I can't create a kekkai anymore- I can't even draw the sword. I'm useless to them. And Sorata…" she choked.
"Probably misses you desperately." Subaru said flatly. "And you miss him too; it's pretty obvious that you loved him. You should return."
Her sobs stopped. "I can't go back." She looked up with more determination in her eyes.
"Why?"
"He plans to die protecting me. I won't let him." She looked Subaru in the eye fiercely, wiping away the last of her tears. "Even if you kick me out, I won't go back."
"I'm not going to kick you out, but I still think you should return to him."
"Why?"
"You shouldn't deny him his wish." Subaru collapsed back onto the pillows, one arm slung over his eyes. He was surprised to feel Arashi's hair brush against his bare shoulder as she laid her head on his chest. He looked down at the top of her head as she clutched at his arm.
"Please Subaru, let me stay here for now?"
He wasn't sure if she meant in his bed or the house but either way, he wrapped his arms around her and let her cry herself back to sleep.
...
Arashi stared out the drizzle and pulled her knees up to her chest, vaguely aware that she was cold.
"It's almost the promised day isn't it?" she asked softly. No one had ever said a date but she could feel it coming the way older people could feel a rainstorm coming in their bones.
Subaru sank onto the worn cushion beside her. "Yeah."
He handed her a mug of hot chocolate and wrapped his hands around his own to warm them. Arashi sipped the warm liquid carefully, wondering how much of the heat he could feel through the gloves he had taken to wearing again.
"It's not too late to go back."
"I thought I told you I won't."
"Sorata…"
"Stop. Just don't."
Subaru fell silent but she could tell by his reflection that he still wanted to say more.
"You hypocrite."
He turned to her, surprised. "What?"
"You hypocrite. Here you are trying to convince me to go back because Sorata will miss me." She glared at him. "What about you? Who the hell are you to tell me I should return because someone is worried? You left without a single word. We thought you were dead Subaru! Everyone was worried and you don't give a damn do you? But you know the worst part? You didn't just leave the Seals. You left Kamui."
Subaru frowned and turned away from her, unable to meet her eyes.
"You knew how much he depended on you, how much he needed you- "
"Kamui needs to find his own way." Subaru replied softly.
"Then why did you bother letting him get attached? Why didn't you just leave him in his dream? Why did you let him lean on you, help him, let him start to trust you then run away the second things fell apart?" Arashi's could hear her own voice rising and it startled her but she found she couldn't stop. "You told him that he shouldn't run away, that he should face what was going on and then you up and disappeared. Some role model you turned out to be."
"I wasn't trying to be a role model…"
"Some friend then."
He winced.
"Why didn't you come back?"
"I couldn't."
"Liar."
He closed his eyes and stood up to walk away but before he could take another step, Arashi grabbed his wrist and twisted it, dragging him back. His mug crashed to the floor and Arashi ignored the burn of the hot chocolate that spilled over her arm. Subaru flinched but didn't make a sound. She ripped off the glove, remembering what he had told her about them and held up his hand. "It's gone, Subaru. You're not his property. And you're not Kamui's either, even though you played the puppet so well, taking me in when he demanded it. The only person who can decide what you do is yourself."
"And I decided to become the Sakurazukamori."
She twisted his wrist further. Subaru swallowed a cry of pain. "You know I'm about a millimeter away from breaking it." She pointed out. "Why don't you pull away?"
He didn't answer, still avoiding her eyes.
"It's because you'd have to hurt me to do so isn't it? And you won't do that. You still can't bring yourself to hurt someone else."
"I've killed dozens of people already." He choked.
"As the Sakurazukamori. And you still cry every single time." He twitched. "You think I couldn't hear you? You're a kind person Subaru and it's killing you. You try to be cold and emotionless like he was but you know you'll never really be like that." She applied just the tiniest bit more pressure and his knees gave out.
"Break it if you want." He said evenly, even as he collapsed to the floor. "I won't deny anything that you've said but I still think that you should go back to Sorata before it's too late. Because I know how it feels to be too late."
She released his wrist and clenched her fists in her lap, trying to hold back tears. "How did we get like this Subaru?"
He didn't move, letting his hand fall to his side, still on his knees by the windowsill. "I dunno." He replied, staring straight up at the ceiling.
She threw her arms around his shoulders. "Come back with me." She sobbed into his shoulder. "I… I don't think I can face them alone."
Subaru tried to find the words he felt he should say and realized that nothing he could say would help. He wrapped his arms around her instead.
"I'm so scared to face them. And I'm so scared to leave you alone."
His eyes widened and he pulled her closer, burying his face in her shoulder.
Arashi hadn't cried this hard since she was a very small child, and she felt ridiculous but couldn't stop the tears from coming. "Please Subaru. Come back with me."
She was surprised to feel him nod slightly against her neck and even more surprised to hear the barely audible muffled "Okay."
Through her tears she noticed that the rain had turned to snow and was drifting gently through the garden, turning the sakura tree white as the snow clung to its pink petals.
...
The End! Yeah Maybe some Out of Character-ness but meh, I liked this pairing for some reason. :P I can't decide whether to continue it or not- lemme know what you guys think.