CHRISTMAS EVE
The message flashed up on Martina's screen, and another flag turned green. Just two more centres left to verify they had closed up for Christmas and she and her deputy could finish and join their colleagues in the Vicky. Martina had been letting staff go since lunchtime, as early as she possibly could, but she needed to be there till the end. A further flag changed colour and she buzzed through to Jay that he could get off since there was just the one left.
He came in," You sure you don't want me to wait? I don't mind."
"No you go, the Kenny office is always last," she smiled.
Martina knew from past experience that it was likely to be some time before they managed to get finished. Whilst she waited her mind drifted back over yesterday's events.
She'd got home pleased that all her work was as straight as it needed to be, so Christmas Eve could be spent just dealing with what cropped up on the day.
Joseph had promised to sort out a tree and see to all the decorations. It had been his job ever since he'd been a little boy. He'd always carried out his task with more enthusiasm than care although he'd improved over the years. Martina had been mildly surprised when she got in. This year everything seemed much neater, more precise, as though a great deal of time and care had been taken. She'd have put it down to Mai, except she knew she'd gone home on Monday.
"Mam," Joe thundered down from his floor. "What do you think?"
"It all looks lovely Joseph," she answered truthfully.
"Yeah, Joey helped me."
"Yes, it's very nice." That explained it then.
Oh God, what now? Joseph had that look about him, and Martina's satisfied state evaporated rapidly. As soon as he propelled her into the sitting room and offered to get her a drink her stomach lurched. She declined the drink and gazed at him, apprehensive of what might be coming.
"Mam could we ask Joey for Christmas? Else he's gonna be on his own, and you can't leave him on his own at Christmas."
"He won't be on his own." Martina emphasised the 'he' and gave a sardonic smile. "He's got plenty of family to go to."
"He's not going to nans." Joe looked at his mum pleadingly.
Martina had sighed deeply. It wasn't that she wanted to leave Joey on his own, or that she didn't want to see him, she did, but inviting him for Christmas felt like a big commitment to a future that she wasn't sure about. The three nights Joey had stayed had unnerved her. They'd slipped into such a comfortable routine she could see how easy it would be to drift into a more permanent relationship and she knew she wasn't ready for that. Or even sure that was what she actually wanted. And Joey certainly wasn't anywhere near ready. She hadn't seen or spoken to him since he'd burnt his letter, and spent the rest of the evening crying unrestrainedly into her arms. She would have been more concerned about him, but Joseph had mentioned watching a match with him, then seeing him again when their respective teams joined up for an end of term drink. He was certainly in a fit enough state if the decorations were anything to go by. On the other hand she was missing him, she'd got used to his company, and, if she was going to be brutally honest to herself, the sex. Of course…., she pulled back and became aware of Joseph watching her anxiously. She didn't want to disappoint him, and he did seem keen for his father's company.
"Ok luv, you can ask him," she had said, her voice betraying only a slight reluctance.
"Wouldn't it be better coming from you?" Joe beamed at her.
"Why?"
"No worry, I'll do it." She could see the confusion on his face.
"You know I'm going away on the 27th don't you?" She reminded him.
"No, you never said."
"I most certainly did say, you mean you weren't listening. As usual."
"You're abandoning me over Christmas!" Joe grinned. "Charming. What you doing?"
"Coasteering and caving with Lois and Gill. On Anglesey."
"In December? You're mad, the three of you." He'd shaken his head disbelievingly.
"When you back?"
"31st."
"In time for the celebrations in The Grapes with the rest of the coven?"
"Undoubtedly."
"You're not very forthcoming today mam, is anything wrong?"
"No." She'd blatantly lied.
The ringing of her phone disturbed her reverie, Jay.
"Hi." She glanced at her screen. The final flag was showing green, she had no idea how long it had been doing that.
"Yes, just finished. I'll be over in a few minutes."
She cleared up quickly, checked round, locked up and left, after wishing the security staff a Merry Christmas and all that.
The pub was noisy and full, mainly with LMO staff. She located her team and got a round of drinks in. Martina sipped hers, and joined in the conversation, glad to leave her own messy thoughts behind.
CHRISTMAS DAY
"Go in peace to love and serve The Lord."
"Thanks be to God."
The final hymn started up, then the congregation filed slowly out. It took longer for Martina to get out of the cathedral than it did walk home. The house was in darkness, Marley padded out to greet her, licked her hand sleepily, then wandered back to his place near the fire. She crept upstairs in case Joey had turned up and was asleep, but entering her room she discovered it was empty. She got ready for bed praying that sleep would come to her tonight after last night's fiasco. Troubled and confused thoughts about Joey, Roxy, Joseph, Mai, Boswells generally, even Shifty had plagued and tormented her. Worse still, she couldn't get her head straight about her own feelings and desires. She'd been glad to get to work, it had been busy enough, until the very end, to keep her mind occupied.
She woke with a start, she didn't know how long she'd been asleep, there was a banging from downstairs, then footsteps. Her door opened, she could just make out Joey from the light behind him. She turned over and feigned sleep, aware of Joseph stumbling about above. Joey slid noiselessly into bed and within minutes his breathing steadied.
Martina couldn't believe it, bloody typical man. Disturbed her sleep, and now she was wide awake and he was sleeping peacefully. And it was thanks to Joey bloody Boswell that she'd had no sleep yesterday anyway. She folded her arms and glared at the ceiling, the same thoughts swirling around and around her head without any resolution. She must have managed to doze off at some point though because she was woken by Joseph launching himself onto her bed, flinging his arms round her and giving her an exuberant kiss.
"Morning mam, Merry Christmas." He kissed her again, turned to Joey, "Morning Joey, Merry Christmas." He hugged his father, and wriggled into the bed between them, an arm round each.
"Mmm, morning Joseph, Joey, Merry Christmas," Martina tried not to sound as irritated as she felt.
Joey leant over, kissed Joseph, looked straight at Martina, pulled her towards him and kissed her with an intensity that Martina hadn't experienced from him before.
"Oi, oi, do you two mind waiting till later when I'm not here." Joseph protested.
They broke apart, leaving Martina feeling more dislocated than ever.
"Right downstairs," Joe was keen to get the day going.
"It's not nine yet," Martina tried to point out, but Joey was already out of bed. Outmanoeuvred, she followed grumpily, but as she entered the sitting room she had to laugh.
Stood by the fireplace was a life sized inflatable Santa, dressed ready for an adventure day. Some of the kit was hers already, but there were lots of new items with labels on indicating whether they were from Joseph or Joey.
Once she stopped laughing she expressed her thanks and they opened the rest of their presents.
"Right I need to get dinner started," Martina got up.
"Do you want anything doing?" Joey looked up from the book she had bought him.
"No thanks, I prefer to get it done on me own." Martina was glad to have an excuse to get away.
She placed the coffee and bagels on a tray and sent a text to Joseph suggesting he collect it. She turned her attention to the turkey relieved once again to have something to occupy her mind.
Dinner over, Joseph taking Marley for a walk, and Joey sorting out the clearing up, Martina stretched out on the sofa, willing herself to concentrate on The Wizard of Oz, anything to keep her mind engaged. Joey came back in with coffees, lifted up her slightly, sat down and placed her head in his lap.
'Make yourself at home, why don't you?' she thought a touch unfairly, but she left it unsaid and kept her eyes focused firmly on the screen. Once Joseph was back and the film finished they settled down to a couple of hours of board games and Heads Up together, until Martina felt it was alright for her to escape to the kitchen with the excuse that she needed to get tea ready. Again she firmly refused all offers of help and retired to her little oasis.
Despite Martina's internal misgivings, the day had passed off smoothly, and even she had to grudgingly admit to herself it had been fine and Joey good company.
Joey snuggled up to Martina, he kissed her softly, "Martina," he murmured,
'Please, please don't say anything deep and meaningful,' Martina begged silently, 'I can't stand it.'
"Merry Christmas."
She turned towards him smiling with relief, "Merry Christmas yourself." She returned his kiss and settled back into his arms. Once more Joey was asleep within minutes and Martina continued her lonely vigil, staring at the window shutters this time, her conflicting feelings about the man holding her preventing her from sleeping.
BOXING DAY
Martina surfaced to find an empty space beside her, she glanced at her phone, and then looked back, nearly twelve, no wonder Joey had left. The door opened, it was Joey with a couple of poached eggs on toast and coffee.
She propped herself up, "Thanks."
"My pleasure sweetheart." He deposited the tray and left the room.
Martina ate her breakfast, puzzling anew over the enigma that was Joey Boswell.
"Mam, I'm going over to see nan with Joey. We're taking Marley." Joseph stuck his head around the door.
"Joseph you can't inflict him on an elderly lady. It's not fair." Martina objected.
"It's ok, he's going to Billy." Joseph reassured her.
"Right, I'm going to get things ready for tomorrow, I've got an early start." Martina got up, pleased to have something specific to do.
By the time Joey and Joe got back, Martina had everything sorted, but was sitting quietly in the back room watching the snow fall. Joe motioned Joey downstairs. Once in the kitchen Joe explained. "Originally there were four of them, mam and three others, they were school gate friends from when we was in infants school. Three years ago one of them, Wendy, was diagnosed with stage three breast cancer, too late for treatment, she died on Boxing Day."
Joey nodded sympathetically. Martina came down, "Right, tea."
"I'll do it mam. Cold meat and fried ups?"
"Course." Martina answered.
"Just the fried ups, please," replied Joey.
"I'll bung in some mushrooms and that. Better feed you up mam, before you throw yourself into the Irish Sea tomorrow." Joe snickered and Martina rewarded him with a withering look before decamping to the dining room.
For the fourth consecutive night sleep eluded Martina, whilst Joey slept effortlessly beside her. Added to her overburdened mind were memories of Wendy and the stark reminder that they were all getting older. Which prompted her, she needed to make a decision soon about the promotion she'd been offered. Martina had arranged her finances so that everything was paid up before she was eligible to retire. She had been in her present job six years and could do it most days with her eyes closed, but she liked the people, she could walk to work, was familiar with the area and although she did get bored with it sometimes, she thought she could easily cope with that till 2018. However, now the goal posts had changed and she couldn't draw her pension till she was sixty-six she wondered if the extra six years doing the same thing would drive her demented. The promotion meant a big pay rise, not that she was bothered by that, as her mortgage was up next year, in fact in five months time. She'd have to commute to Manchester, and start afresh with a whole new group of people. Still, she thought, I can mull it over with the girls and I should be so exhausted over the next few days that I'll just zonk out. Joey shifted slightly. It occurred to Martina that it was the third night he had stayed and they hadn't had sex once. Was Joey having second thoughts as well? Or had she only ever been a stepping stone on his route to recovery from Roxy? After all he was a handsome man still, he'd have no problems in attracting any one he wanted. In which case he could at least have the decency to sleep in a different room. The sickening thought snuck into her mind that he was, in fact, Shifty's cousin, and without fully realising what she was doing she moved to the edge of the bed, as far away as she could without falling out.
NEW YEAR'S EVE
The three women packed their belongings into the 4x4, laughing and joking about their various injuries. They had climbed, crawled, dived, canoed, and swum their way round a part of Anglesey, explored caves three hundred feet beneath it, and enjoyed every minute. Even the cramped bunks, spartan bunkhouse and army ration pack foods had made them giggle. Martina had been right, physical exhaustion and the company of her friends had ensured she'd had some decent sleep. She had pretty much decided not to take the promotion. Do your work with your eyes shut and keep your mind free for yourself had been their collective decision. Besides she was loathe to give up her flexi days. Joey she considered more of an intractable problem, but the girls had counselled her not to do anything rash, and to make sure of her facts before she said or did anything she might later regret. Gill drove them home in good time and they were meeting up later to see the New Year in.
"How was your trip?" Joey came down the steps to help Martina with her gear.
Both Gill and Lois craned their necks to catch a look at the man they had heard so much about over the last few days.
"Good thanks Joey," she stuck her head in the car window. "Great time, see you later."
"Where's Joe?" she asked as they came in.
"Oh with Mai, she came back Monday night."
"And has he come round to see to Marley at all?" She began to climb the stairs.
"No er, I offered to do it," Joey was apologetic.
Martina raised her eyebrows, "Joey!"
"Well, young love and all that."
"She's only been away a week, Joey." She shook her head smiling, "I'm off for a soak in a hot bath, I'm a bit achy."
"Do you want a drink bringing up?"
"Please."
Joey entered the bathroom bearing what his family had christened a Joey Surprise.
"Thanks Joey," she sat up.
"Martina!" Joey was horrified at the number of bruises, scrapes and cuts on her.
"What?"
"Look at the state of you."
She glanced down unconcerned, "It's fast flowing water Joey, stones and that get churned up, you're bound to get a few knocks."
"A few knocks," repeated Joey. "Is this your idea of fun?"
"Well I enjoyed it, but it's not my only idea of fun," despite herself she twinkled up at him.
"Now that one sunshine I fully concur with. Is this an invite? Only you've been Miss Tin Drawers so far this holiday."
Slightly against her better judgement, was she really quite so desperate, she mumbled, "Suppose."
Later Martina entered the sitting room to find Joey laid out on the sofa watching television with Humphrey curled up on his stomach.
"Joey," she hesitated, "I hope you don't mind, but I've invited Freddie and Lillian to tea tomorrow."
Joey started slightly, but recovered enough to say, "No of course not, I'm glad."
"You're welcome to come Joey, Joseph and Mai will tip up as well. And I'll be in The Grapes tonight if you've nothing else planed. You'll know some of the others from football. Gill, who bought me home, is Ged's wife, they'll both be there.
"Great, I'd really like that Martina." He rolled onto his side, much to Humphrey's indignation, so she could fit on.
"So what made you invite me dad up to tea?"
"I like your dad and Lillian, he's Joseph's grandad after all and," she paused not sure how to word the next bit.
"And what?"
"Oh, he said that you were the only one who really accepted Lillian, and that he never hears much from Jack, Aveline or Billy and though Adrian will meet him away from home he won't visit."
Joey sighed, "They've never forgiven him for leaving mam. The fact that he's stayed with Lillian for so long and been faithful to her, which is more than he ever was to me mam, hasn't helped."
"You have then, forgiven him I mean."
"I have. I was as angry with him as the others at first, but over the years I've come round. And Lillian took to Alex in a way me mam couldn't."
"I like her very much. I miss me mam, oh we didn't always see eye to eye, and Graham was always her favourite, but she was there to speak to and that. You can talk to Lillian about anything, she's warm and friendly and a good laugh and I suppose it feels a little like having a mam round again."
"Not that I don't like your mam Joey, but it's hard work when she disapproves so much." She added as an afterthought.
Joey started laughing, "You've seen nothing sweetheart, she doesn't actually dislike you, but I agree she does make life difficult all round. Mainly for herself though, she ends up not seeing as much of us as she'd like to. Which reminds me, Susie was wondering if you and Joe would like to join them for a drink one Saturday."
"Yeah, Joseph said. I don't have a problem with that Joey, so perhaps in the New Year."
"Great. What time we going out?"
"About nine?"
"Sounds good."
The pub was packed and lively, but their group had colonised their usual space and it was a cheerful and friendly place to be. Martina forgot she had any doubts and qualms about anything and happily got drunk along with everyone else. As the midnight countdown begun they prepared to pull their streamers and join in the 'Auld langs syne'. The next ten minutes were taken up with kisses, handshakes, and toasts to 2015. They settled back into party mode and it was 3am before the landlord finally managed to get rid of them. As the night air hit her, Martina was glad she had only a few yards to get home. It took her three goes to get the door opened and then she struggled to lock up. However, once she made it to her bed she fell down, out for the count. She had no trouble sleeping on this occasion, and it was Joey who was just about able to pull the covers over her before he too crashed out.
NEW YEAR'S DAY
"Mam?" Joe knocked on Martina's bedroom door. When she didn't answer he went in. Joey opened one eye.
"You look rough," Joe smirked. "Good night obvs. I'll bring up some coffee and a couple of bottles of water."
"Ugh, was that Joseph being disgustingly bright and breezy?" Martina spoke feebly.
"Yeah,"
"Coffee and water. Mai's done you some toast. It's 1pm and time you were out of your pit." Joseph smiled smugly at his parents. "Oh, and some painkillers,"
"Alright, alright, you've made your point." Martina struggled to sit up, apart from a stonking hangover, her various bruises were hurting like mad, and her arms felt like lead weights.
Still she appreciated the breakfast, particularly the painkillers. She offered the packet to Joey, and he accepted it gratefully.
"What time you expecting me dad?" he asked.
"I've ordered a cab to pick them up at 2.30, so I'm going for a shower now." She managed to get upright and walked unsteadily out.
Down in the kitchen she found Mai and Joe had got everything ready, she attempted a smile.
"Drink mam?" asked Joe innocently, holding up a cocktail shaker.
The look he received in return would have shattered the window if it had been directed to it.
"I'll take that as no then," he smirked. "Sure? Hair of the dog?"
Martina refused to rise to the bait. There didn't seem to be anything for her to do except accept the mug of coffee that Mai handed her.
"How was your Christmas luv?"
"Good thanks. How was your trip? My mum was quite envious when I told her."
Joseph snorted, "What is it with middle aged women going for fast cars, extreme sport and the rest of it."
"They can afford the insurance," countered Mai at the same time as Martina's "We're growing old disgracefully."
The two women looked at each other and laughed at Joe's expression. Never mind Joe missing Mai if she moves back, I'll definitely miss having her about, thought Martina.
"Tell mam what Jean's had done."
Martina raised her eyebrows at her son's indignant tone.
"Had her ear pierced at the top," grinned Mai. "It looks good."
"What's wrong with that?" asked Martina. "I've thought about having me nose done."
"Don't be such a prig." Mai chided Joe as he started muttering.
"Anyway luv, me trip was great thanks. It was fantastic to get away from everything, and we faced some real challenges. Makes you think about what's important in life."
A ring at the door bought the conversation to a close, and the three of them went upstairs to greet Freddie and Lillian.
An entertaining afternoon and evening followed, Freddie and Lillian were delighted to have been included in some family celebrations, and were the life and soul of the party. Martina and Joey took the drink steady unlike the others, and they had to help Freddie and Lillian into the cab. As they waved them off, Joey turned to Martina, "Thanks for asking them. They were made up."
"It's ok Joey, I enjoyed having them here."
She returned to the sitting room.
"Right we're off," stated Joe.
"Hang on a minute, what about Marley?" His mother thought it was about time he took a bit of responsibility for the dog.
"It's ok, it's ok I'll do it, you get off." Joey was quick to step in, blithely ignoring the glare Martina flashed at him.
As they left Martina decided to tidy round then take herself off to bed and try to read herself to sleep. However, she was still awake when Joey came up. He kissed the top of her head as he got into bed.
"I'm going to see Alex for the weekend on Saturday," he announced.
Martina looked up and nodded at him. 'So?' she thought.
He kissed the top of her head again. "Alex was asking after you, he's very keen to meet you and Joe." He waited for this information to sink in.
"Oh." For once Martina had nothing to say. She considered that Alex was the one who had been overlooked in this whole convoluted situation. Without knowing why she had always felt sorry for him, just because he was nearly thirty and living away from home didn't mean he was unaffected by everything that had happened this year. She imagined the impact on Alex had been considerable.
"How has all this been for him Joey? It can't have been easy, he must have been rocked."
Joey drew breath, "He was two when Roxy walked back into me life, but we were off and on so much I didn't have a lot to do with him until he was six and we got married. Then it was pretty much just me and him for the next twelve years, apart from me dad and Lillian. Roxy never liked him to have anything to do with me family, and anyway me mam couldn't get over her hatred of Roxy to be ok with him."
"What about her family?"
"Well, her mam never approved really of Roxy's life choices, I mean she didn't like the way Roxy neglected Alex and was quite vocal about it, so Roxy fell out with her. Then she remarried and moved to Spain so we hardly ever saw her. I've never met her dad, I don't think anyone knows where he is, or what he's doing, and her sisters have moved away so we never saw much of them. They're nothing like her, and I don't think they agreed with the way she carried on either."
"Hmm," Martina made an indeterminate sound.
"He was very supportive of me decision to leave. But course he's got his own life to lead, he's going to be a father himself soon. He's always known I'm not his dad, by blood, but Roxy won't say who actually is. I think he feels rootless, he wants some connections and I guess, well I guess they are step brothers." Joey stopped again to gather his thoughts. "He was disapproving of the way I behaved to you. Said it was no wonder you didn't bother telling me." He looked downcast.
"Oh Joey stop beating yourself up about what you didn't do. Think about what you did." Martina wasn't in the mood for a bout of Joey's angst about the past.
"That's just it, what did I ever do for you and Joe?"
'Oh no, here we go again,' thought Martina gritting her teeth.
"Well you gave him life, he wouldn't be here without you. And you gave me a son and I've never ever regretted having him." The words were out of her mouth before her brain caught up and told her some things were best left unsaid.
Joey looked near to tears, "Ar'ey Martina I know I've said it before, but you truly are a wonderful women. I…"
"Yeah I know, you've said, so get yourself downstairs, oh grateful one, and get me a drink." Martina didn't want any declarations of anything, so decided to stop this conversation right away.
"Gladly." He sprung up, "Course that would make you his step mother." He beamed and once he was out of the door added, "And a step grandmother to be."
There was a thud as the book Martina had been reading hit the door. She lay down glowering, the power of speech having deserted her. Just what the hell was she getting herself into.