Tina sighed, staring at the play clock slowly counting down to zero. It could not go fast enough... It seemed to slow down further still. Each second was like an eternity. She just couldn't stand it anymore and glanced at the dark playing field before her. They weren't even doing anything. The big football players were in a huddle, discussing some tactic that Tina didn't understand and didn't really care to learn about. She'd tried watching Friday Night Lights once out of curiosity and turned it off after like five minutes of football talk. It was like a foreign language.
She glanced over at Artie; surprisingly, he was the one who had dragged her here. He was staring at the field, captivated. "What are we doing here?" She finally asked.
"Huh? What?" He blinked rapidly, snapping his head up to her.
"You don't even like football."
"Oh yeah, right," he muttered. "We're here for Finn and Puck, you know that. They're our friends. Oh, and Kurt." He glanced down at the kicker, the smallest boy on the field.
Tina just muttered under her breath because she didn't believe him. She laid her chin on her hand, bored to tears. Finally they started playing and some jock in her science class got creamed by the opposing team. OK, maybe she'd spoken too soon. She could definitely get into this. The guy had been a jerk to her since freshman year. She smiled, looking up at Artie for a high five. Again he was mesmerized by the scene on the field before them. She followed his gaze and realized he wasn't staring at the football game. His eyes were no where near the football players.
He was staring at Santana Lopez.
The Cheerios had just finished one of their amazing routines and now the girls were all laughing and casually cheering on the losing team. Santana was watching Puck, who was watching Quinn (who was still on the sidelines), but it didn't matter. Artie's eyes followed her moves exactly. He always said he didn't like her attitude, but here he was, practically feeling her up with his damn eyes. Not that she would ever look at him.
Tina was not the type to get jealous. She might not be the most confident person ever, but she liked who she was and never wanted to change. Why would she ever want to have what someone else had? To her, that just seemed petty. But watching Artie, watching Santana, she suddenly felt angry and sad and a little disgusted. Tina would never be popular like Santana (not that she wanted to be) or as good-hearted as Brittany (not that she'd give up her brains for that). Santana literally had the pick of any guys at the school... and sometimes, Tina felt like she'd gotten the short end of the stick. Not that she didn't love Artie. She did; she told herself, she really admired him and respected his talent and ambition. But he could be blunt and overzealous. And he was staring at another girl while his girlfriend was sitting right next to him. Sometimes she wondered if he'd settled for her because he knew he could never get better.
Damn, she'd thought she had more self respect than that. But she looked towards the field and she looked back at her boyfriend who was still looking at the Cheerios. And she was confused.
A few days later, there were two identical signs hanging next to each other on the student bulletin board.
OPEN AUDITIONS
They dared students to sign, to publicly declare who they were. Tina almost instantly signed one; she didn't even have to think about that. She didn't know why they all had to try out for New Directions again, but she just shrugged, this time writing her name without the page tearing in half. She stared at the second one for a long moment. She thought about her friends, the ones that meant so much to her. Was she crazy? She didn't need to do this.
But her eyes fell back on the New Directions sign up sheet, on her boyfriend's name boldly printed in Mr. Schue's handwriting. He probably wouldn't even look at the sheet again. She really had nothing to lose. It was just a stupid audition after all... and maybe she'd finally get some attention.
Because she'd been feeling pretty damn invisible lately. Because as much as she liked being a recluse, she'd realized that she needed friends. She needed to take risks, make mistakes and get a little crazy. She signed the damn sheet.
She wondered what would happen if she actually made the Cheerios. Just like nearly everyone else in New Directions, she could do both.
"Tina Cohen-Chang." Ms. Sylvester called loudly. She jeered at Tina as the girl took the stage in front of the audition table. Tina just smiled softly and started dancing the Single Ladies dance. She hated to admit it, but she was nervous. What if Ms. Sylvester thought she was horrible? She could end up being the laughing stock of the whole school. The dance was the only thing she could think of.
She danced, keeping all the energy she could manage and finally turned around to face the cheer leading coach. The woman had a face that was impossible to read, she seemed to be thinking about something. Finally, she smiled. "Practice is tomorrow at 4."
"I'm in?" Tina asked, shocked.
"Yep. Daily practice is mandatory. Uniforms are mandatory on game days. You can get a uniform from the towel boy, Jacob ben Israel." She nodded her head briefly and stood. Obviously she was done here. Tina just stood there shocked. What in the world had she just done? "You can go now," Ms. Sylvester shook her head wearily. Both Tina and her cheer leading coach were wondering if they'd made the right choice.
Tina stared at the mirror in front of her, wondering if what she was seeing was real life. The red uniform looked so foreign on her, but it actually looked good. The red complimented her light skin, giving her a healthy glow. With her hair up out of her face, surprisingly, she didn't feel self conscious. She felt free, like she was someone completely different than ever before. It felt good.
She looked down at her bare arms; her figure exposed in the form fitting uniform. She'd never really noticed it, but sometime between sixth grade and now, she'd grown into her awkward, wide shoulders and big hips. She had curves. She glanced down at the revealing cheer leading skirt. Why did she always hide her muscular legs behind a short skirt? Screw you, Artie Abrams. She was happy with her body and she didn't need him to be looking at other girls.
Surprisingly, Quinn came up behind her, wearing a red Cheerios uniform. "You're on the Cheerios?" Both girls asked at the same time.
Quinn laughed with a genuine smile. "Yeah, Ms. S let me back on the team when she found out I didn't keep the baby. She said she needed a leader like me."
"Oh cool," Tina shrugged. "I went to open auditions and made it."
"What did Artie say?" Quinn couldn't help laughing.
"I didn't tell him yet." Tina smiled shyly. She knew he would like it. There was no doubt about that.
"I'd love to be there for his reaction."
"I'm sure you will be. I'm keeping the uniform on for glee club later."
"You look good." Quinn smiled at the thought and added, "Come on, we're gonna be late for practice."
Tina took the field with all the Cheerios and easily kept up with their already polished routines. She was actually a really good dancer and dancing was something she enjoyed doing. She told Artie that it didn't matter that they couldn't dance together, but really, she almost wished they could. She wanted to hold him close, feel the wild beat as they grinded against each other. Tina knew she could never tell her boyfriend any of this. He'd probably spew verbal sewage and be gone for good. He might not be the best guy out there, but she needed him. He was better than no one... but who was she kidding? He was all she ever thought about. She would do anything to make him happy, even it failed. She loved him.
But as she tried desperately to keep up with the dance, she smiled despite herself. It might not be her style to try to fit in or to cheer people up, but she liked the pure energy it gave her. All other thoughts disappeared while, just like in glee club, she lost herself in the music.