Vale Band Idiots

Weiss is practicing singing in her spare time and gets a knock at the door

Oobleck: Yes, I received word that there is a dying animal here?

Weiss slams the door on his face. The phone rings and Weiss answers it

Weiss: Hello, you reached the house of unrecognized talent answer after the beep.

Whitley: I hear you have a dying animal to attend to, eh sis?

Weiss: Whitley what do you want?

Whitley: I hear you're still singing and not making any profit from it.

Weiss: Well, Sometimes, ugh.

Whitley: I thought I just let you know I have a fancy band and we will be playing at the Vale Bowl in 5 days

Weiss: Va – Va- Va

Whitley: That's right I'm living your dream, but unfortunately I can't make it, and I need you and your band to cover for us.

Weiss: Well, uhm

Whitley: It's obvious you lack a band, I'll let you get back to your

Weiss: Hold it! It just so happens that I do make gigs on my singing and I do have a band that can play in the Vytal Bowl! How do you like that fancy boy?

Whitley: Good Luck next Tuesday. I hope the audience brings a lot of Ibuprofen.

Weiss hangs the phone up. "I need to drum up a band fast!" Weiss starts chuckling at herself for the pun she made "Band humor."

Several citizens in Vale are looking at the flyers around town.

Blake: Are you looking to add fulfillment to your dull, dull life

Watts: Then become part of the greatest musical sensation to ever hit Vale.

Glynda: And be forever be adored by thousands of people you don't know.

Port: And free refreshments

Sun: Practice begins 8:30 pm sharp

Weiss is driving back from the instrument rental store and looks at her watch and says 8:35 pm "stupid store clerk made me late, he didn't know an oboe from an elbow." Weiss starts chuckling again at her comment. "More band humor."

Later inside Everyone has their instruments in hand

Everyone: Blah, Blah, Blah

Weiss: Okay, people settle down! How many of you have played an instrument before?

Watts: Do instruments of torture count?

Weiss: No.

Nora: Is pancakes an instrument?

Weiss: No Nora Pancakes is not an instrument.

Nora raises her hand again

Weiss: Syrup is not an instrument either. That's why no one has any experience, but fortunately, I have enough talent for all of you.

Weiss starts laughing, but nobody understood.

Weiss: Okay repeat after me.

Weiss gets her clarinet out and plays five notes. "Brass section, go." Yang, Pyrrha, and Cardin played badly. "Now, the winds." Gylnda, Junior, and Neon tried to repeat the same notes but failed. "Now the drums." Ruby, Jaune, and Neptune put the sticks in their mounts and blew as hard as they could and ended up firing the sticks at Weiss and pinning her to the wall.

Weiss: I wish that would have been fatal.

Later

Weiss: Let's try stepping in rhythm, now I want everybody to get in rows of five.

Ruby: Is this part where we start kicking?

Weiss: No, Ruby that's a chorus line.

Nora: Kicking I want to do some kicking

Nora kicks Blake

Blake: Why you!

Nora and Blake start fighting in a big ball of dirt and go outside and yelling from Nora can be heard. Nora peaks only her head through the door

Nora: Whoever is the owner of the white sedan you left your lights on. It is revealed that Nora's whole body is in the trombone and she sits down and makes a trombone noise as it is sliding down.

Day two

The band is marching down the street playing the Vale anthem badly

Weiss: Okay that's perfect everybody. Vale bowl here we come flag twirlers spin those things. Okaaayyy and turn. Flag twirlers come on faster let's go.

Coco and Velvet start spinning the flags as fast as they could and start flying in the air and hit a ship from Atlas. Everyone has their hand over their hearts, and Yang starts playing taps on the trumpet and Weiss lays down in a fetal position.

Day three

Weiss: How's that harmonica solo coming Watts?

Watts: It's tremendous.

Watts starts playing the harmonica, but from his old age can barely play past ten notes and struggles with the last one and passes out.

Day four

Weiss: Well, this our last night before the show, and I know that none of you improved

Nora is chewing on the instrument

Weiss: I have a theory. Everybody talks loud when they want to act smart, right?

Watts: CORRECT!

Weiss: So if we play loud people might think we're good. Everybody ready? A one, and a two, three, four.

The band played so loud that the buildings Glass broke and the nearby ones. Weiss's face is deformed, and her baton broke.

Weiss: Maybe we should play so quietly that no can hear us.

Neptune: Well, maybe we wouldn't sound so bad if someone didn't have big meaty hands.

Port: What did you say punk?

Neptune: Big meaty hands!

Port: Well these hands can do more than just play an instrument.

Neptune: Bring it on old man, bring it on

Ruby steps in to calm the situation.

Ruby: No people let's be smart and bring it off

Neon: Oh, now the talking Rose is going to preach to us.

Weiss: Wait, wait. I know tensions are high.

Everyone gets into a fight Sun and Mercury are yelling at each other and Neo slams a drum over his head. Weiss "There's a deposit on that equipment people!" Port and Neptune are running towards each other with clarinets they tried to stop but was too late because Gylnda hit them both together with cymbals Weiss tried to get them to calm down but was fruitless. Blake and Fox are fighting with drumsticks and a xylophone, but Blake broke it with the sticks. Nora kicks Blake again, and Blake starts chasing after her with a trumpet. The clock strikes ten, and everyone stops fighting.

Neptune: Hey class is over.

Weiss slams the doors open

Weiss: Well, you did it. You took my one chance from happiness and crushed it, Crushed it into bite-size pieces. I had expected better from you people. I guess I'm a loser for that too. Don't bother showing up I'll probably tell them you died in a marching accident. Thanks, thanks for nothing

Weiss leaves with tears.

Nora: You're welcome.

Ruby: What kind of monsters are we? That poor girl came to us in her hour of need, and we failed her. Weiss has always been there for us when it was convenient for her. Kali when Blake was little and was trapped in the fire who saved her?

Kail: A Fireman

Ruby: Sun when your heart gave out from all those muscle enhancements who revived you?

Sun: Some guy in an ambulance.

Ruby: Right! If we can just pretend that Weiss is a firefighter or some guy in an ambulance, then I'm sure we can a pull together and discover what it truly means to be in a marching band.

Neptune: Yea, for the firefighter.

Everyone: Hooray!

Ruby: Now let's make Weiss proud a one a two a skiddly-diddley-doo.

Later

Weiss: I knew this was going to happen they're just going to have to find another band. I just hope that Weiss sees Whitley. WHITLEY DOESN'T FIND OUT! Ah, what are you doing here?

Whitley: I just wanted to see you fail. Where's your band?

Weiss: They couldn't come because they died.

Whitley: Then who's that?

Weiss: AH! THAT WOULD BE MY BAND!

Ruby: We're ready to perform, Weiss

Whitley: Well, Weiss, this is how I pictured your band would look like.

Ruby is dancing

Weiss: That's her eager face.

Everyone heads to the platform and are teleported to the football game.

Football sportscaster: Okay, everyone put your hands together for the Vale super band.

Nora: These are some ugly looking people.

Ruby: Maybe we're near one of those Dust minds

Port: I think I'm going to be sick.

Weiss is very nervous

Weiss: Okay, everyone let's get this over with one. Two. Three… Four.

Brass members are Neptune, Sun, Scarlet, Sage, Neon, Flint, Penny, Reese, and Arslan. They played a wonderful intro.

Weiss looks up with sweat from her brow.

Ruby: The winner takes all. It's the thrill of one more kill. The last one to fall.

Weiss looks in shock

Ruby: will never sacrifice their will!

Nora plays drums

Ruby: Don't ever look back on the world closing in! Be on the attack with your wings in the wind! Oh, the games will begin!

Whitley is in shock and Weiss looks at him with a smug grin and throws her baton away and conducts with her hands.

Ruby: It's sweeeeet, sweeeet, sweet victory, Yeah! With Watts. And it's all for the taking! It's all for the fight! It's sweeeeeeeet, sweeeeeeeet, sweet victory, yeah!

Whitley gets a heart attack and is carried off by paramedics. Weiss waves goodbye and continues to be with the band.

Glynda powerslides and does a solo on the guitar.

Weiss does the splits and jumps in the air knowing that she obtained victory