Luke's learned a lot about love in his life. He's learned that it can make you do stupid things. He's learned it can tear you apart or make you strong. It makes you bold and it makes you selfish and it makes you feel things you didn't think possible.
Luke remembers the first person he ever loved. Her name was Rachel Williams and she was the daughter of a wealthy associate of his father. She'd had bright green eyes and chin length black hair. Her skin had been softer then rose petals under his fingers and her lips had been sweeter then honey. Her laughter had been like soul stopping music and her voice had been more delicate then flakes of gold.
He'd loved spending time with her. She was the sweetest girl he'd ever met and being with her was like being in Heaven. Being with her was his greatest joy, made all the better when she'd let him hold her close under the cover of moonlight.
The night they finally joined together as one was one of the best nights of his life. It was her last night before being shipped off to live with her fiancé's family. She confessed her fears and worries that night. She was scared her fiancé, a boy she'd never met, wouldn't like her, that she'd disappoint her father. She was afraid her fiancé would hate her and that she'd be trapped in a loveless marriage like her parents. She told him she was angry with her father for trading her like a horse and how she hated herself for hating him. Luke had kissed her goodbye that night, never to see her again.
It broke his heart.
The second person he ever loved was someone he'd never expected to fall in love with. The boy was a year younger then him. He'd been Rachel's opposite in every way. While Rachel had been dark and mysterious, this boy was sweet and delicate. His blonde hair dusted across his light blue eyes in a way that made Luke just naturally want to reach out and brush it away.
The first time he met this boy, Austin James, he'd been following his father through the house of a different business associate. Austin had just gotten out of the pool, his wet hair sticking to his forehead like sap to a tree. Austin had smiled brightly and shaken Luke's hand. He'd then invited Luke with him to the lake house for the weekend.
They spent the weekend skirting around each other. Luke had fought his growing feelings for the blond boy while Austin was none the wiser. Finally Luke broke and slammed Austin against the backdoor in a feverish kiss. Despite his gentle nature, the blond had kissed back with just as much passion. Neither of them had even noticed the shedding of clothes until they had made it to one of the bedrooms and fallen to the bed. Initially Luke had panicked, but some well spoken words and expertly timed kisses had placated him.
It had been the start of a secret affair. It was scary and forbidden and they relished every minute of it. They took turns driving to the other's town and sneaking in through opened windows for nights of stolen passion and mornings of running away at the crack of dawn.
If only they hadn't overslept one night. Then Austin's father wouldn't have caught them. He wouldn't have screamed and thrown clothes at a terrified Luke. Then Luke wouldn't have left sweet, vulnerable Austin in the clutches of his terrifying father. Then when he returned to see Austin he wouldn't have found Austin's face black and blue.
Austin had refused to see him after that and it'd nearly broken Luke. He'd spent the next few weeks in the gym, beating his punching bag till it fell from the metal hook.
It broke his heart.
The third person he fell in love with was Remy, caring, safe, Remy. He felt safe with her. She wasn't betrothed to someone like Rachel had been. She wasn't son to a homophobic politician like Austin had been. He could love Remy openly and it didn't matter.
He was the perfect boyfriend… till his father was killed. He went off the deep end when his father died and he didn't care about anyone other then Olivia, because Olivia had suffered too, she could relate while Remy couldn't.
He fought for Remy, even though he was relieved when her father forbid them from seeing each other. He didn't really want to be with her anymore, but she was safe, so he stayed. But eventually it became too much and he left her.
It broke her heart.
Meeting Caleb was like meeting a mysterious angel. In a way he reminded Luke of Rachel, emotionally damaged but aloof and hard. The two didn't start off on the right foot. It was easier to hate Caleb then to come to terms with the fact that feels were boiling to the surface. Luke couldn't fall for another man, not after Austin. His relationship with Austin had been toxic and he couldn't do it again. He had an image to keep up, one that was important now more then ever.
Fighting with Caleb was easy, his buttons were easy to find and even easier to press. It hurt Luke to think that Caleb thought he hated him, but it was better then the foster boy learning the truth. If he learned the truth about Luke's feelings he'd pity him, and that was worse then hating him.
He never thought Caleb would be interested in him, not when he had a beautiful and charming blonde girlfriend with legs that went for miles and eyes that sparkled in the light, yet Caleb surprised him. It was Caleb that first pushed him against a wall in the basement of the high school and kissed him. It was Caleb that slipped his hands down Luke's arms to his wrists, pinning the taller boy in place. It was Caleb that kissed a trail down Luke's neck to the collar of his shirt.
But it was Luke who ran.
He remembered Austin, sweet and beautiful Austin. He remembered Austin's ocean blue eyes that had been wide with fear after being caught. He remembered the way Austin's pale white skin had been decorated with purple and black bruises. He remembered the look in Austin's eyes when they saw each other for the first time after being caught. He remembers the betrayal he saw in them.
And he can't do that again. He can't sacrifice everything again, because being in love with another man was too dangerous.
Caleb didn't try anything again for a long time. But a couple months later it happened again, only this time Luke had been sitting on the bed with a map in his hands. Caleb had pushed it aside and pressed their lips together, pushing Luke back till he could see the ceiling.
Luke had gone ridged, tears welling in his eyes as Caleb kissed down his neck again, murmuring things about how he saw the way Luke looked at him. It took a few minutes for Caleb to feel the stiffness of Luke's body and hear the soft intakes of breath that came with crying. He backed away, unaware as to what he should do.
Luke left, running away because he could and it was easy. Olivia found him and held him as he cried, laying his head in her lap and stroking his hair the same way he had with her when their father died. She coos and murmurs sweet nothings to him and he feels comforted by the hum of her voice.
She doesn't question him the next morning, pretending like nothing ever happened between them and he's grateful.
His feelings for Caleb don't go away, in fact they get stronger… and so does the shame and self hatred. He goes back to dating Remy, because being with Remy was better then crying in self pity. Being with Remy makes Caleb back off, even though it's clear the other boy doesn't want to.
Caleb gave him one last glance before boarding a bus meant for Rosewood. He was going back to his girlfriend and he wouldn't be back. He was leaving, but his eyes told Luke he didn't want to. His eyes promised Luke that he'd stay if the blond boy asked.
Luke didn't ask.
And it shattered his heart.
A/n I love Luke, he's my favorite. And I love torturing my characters, so yep, this was born. Hope you like it.