Disclaimer: I don't own Glee. (duh!)
A/N: Hey, it's me again. Wahaha. I've had enough of fluff for now so it's time for Hurt! Ha! Beat that world! Anywho, review after you read m'kay? Or I will hunt you down and stalk you! –insert evil maniacal laugh here-
It kills me, you know. Seeing you so fucking happy makes me want to hurl, wail and practically drown myself in my own tears.
Seeing you smiling like there was nothing wrong, like everything was fine. Like everything was still normal.
Well, news flash, it isn't. Not anymore.
Do you remember the first day we met and you sang Teenage Dream? I thought that you were singing it to me. As it turns out, I was dead wrong.
I left McKinley not only because of Karofsky and the bullying but also because I thought we could become something more.
I kept on hoping that you liked me, loved me even.
Guess I hoped too high.
I mean, why wouldn't I? You flirted me as if there was no tomorrow. I flirted back noticeably, thinking that it would get through to you. Obviously, it didn't. I expected you to make the first move, you never did. I figured out that maybe you were worried, that you might hurt me because of the incident.
That was the moment that I decided to kiss you and I did. In my opinion, that was the hottest kiss I've ever given (considering the fact that I've only made out with a person once).
It was at that moment that I let my heart spill out.
I pulled back, a blush rising in my cheeks. You seem shocked and a haze fogged your hazel eyes.
"Blaine, I've wanted to do that for a long time but I've been afraid too." I looked into your eyes and let my words flow. "I love you. It was love at first sight. I love the way you laugh, so deep and throaty. I love the way your eyes seem to make me melt at just one glance. I love how you act so calm and dapper all the time yet you quickly relax whenever you're with me. I love how you make all my stress thaw out with just a few words. I love the way you make me feel better when you hold me. In short, I love everything about you."
Silence filled the air after I spoke. I frowned. Why did it seem that you were horrified?
"Blaine, say anything, please." I pleaded, holding your hands tightly.
A million emotions flash through your eyes and my breath hitched.
You breathed in deeply. "Kurt, I – I –" you started, uncertainty dripping in your every word. "– I don't know how to say this but –"
My heart pounded with anxiety.
"– I don't feel the same way. I am only your mentor and friend and I'm afraid that's all I can ever be. I didn't mean to make you hope." You removed your hands from mine and quickly walked away.
"I'm sorry." You mumbled as you turned back for a second and looked at me.
The door closed. Blood pounded in my ears and my heart seemed to shatter into a thousand pieces.
I slumped to the floor, thankful that no one saw me breaking down.
That was until Wes and David came looking for me three hours later and found me drooped on the ground, breath hitching and heart breaking.
They tried to make me talk but I just couldn't. They even tried calling you but you didn't answer.
I'm trying to stand up now. I mean, how is this different from my previous crushes? Finn and Sam, didn't really happen. But you know what you taught me? That I should fall even more carefully. I already walked away, though not unscathed, from earlier infatuations and I don't need to fall for a fourth time. I may not be able to survive that.
I've been a mess, you know that? Sleepless nights have begun to take their toll on me. Bags are now under my eyes and I look worse with my eyes red from crying.
It kills me, knowing that you're going on with your life. Did it even register to you that you just broke my heart… and me?
Courage. Courage. Courage.
Take your own advice. Ever since that confrontation, you've avoided me. What was that about courage, you hypocritical jerk? You don't even have enough courage to face me again.
I took your suggestion. I faced Karofsky and even had enough to still go to school when he already threatened my life. But then again, I left. You said that it was the right thing to do though. I believed you and immediately felt better.
I'm going back to McKinley. I've made my mind up. Somehow, it doesn't matter if Karofsky and his goons shove me into lockers, give me slushie facials or beat the crap out of me. It – it doesn't matter anymore. I can handle them but what I can't handle is dying inside. I've had enough of heartbreaks.
I can't stand seeing you everyday, can't stand seeing the cause of my heartache.
It kills me.
It kills me.
It kills me.
A/N: Whadd'ya think? Review, review and review more, okay?
Oh yeah, read the stories of oo0heArtbReAk0oo too! She's also an awesome writer. Like sister, like sister. Haha. ;)