Spliced

Summary: Tag to Mystery Spot. I'd be lost wthout you, I think you should know. Dean watches Sam mourn him, and he can't beleive the degree to which this is all just a sick game.

authours note: wrote this just after i saw mystery spot but didn't get to posting it until now. so spoilers up until there, and i hope you enjoy.

disclaimer: uh huh, that's right. I own everything.

Dean felt the bullet pierce his body and then, that was it.

Sam cradled his brother's body in his arms, Dean's blood in a pool around them; his brother's eyes empty of the spark that made him Dean--that made up his big brother. The truth was his big brother was gone and he was scared and didn't know what to do. He had suddenly become the four year old with the skinned knee that needed his big brother to tell him that it was going to be okay, that soon it would stop hurting, and that he was going to be fine.

It felt like he'd been spliced in two, he just stood to the side and watched the entire thing unfold, and he couldn't do anything.

He watched the shocked look on Sam;s face turn to anguish and he was reckonized by how familiar it looked. It looked the same way he felt as he rocked his dead brother's body in his arms months ago.

He needed his hero. That was what his brother was to him, and now he'd lost him. Dean was his family, the one who'd always watched out for him, taken care of him...and now he was gone.

"Dean," Sam begged his voice barely above a whisper. "Please, please you can't leave me, not now." Sam's voice caught in his throat. "I promised you. I promised to save you, you can't leave now...I have to save you. I have to save you because...I can't do this without you. I don't know how."

The pain in his brother's voice tore at his heart, and he couldn't do anything. What kind of sick punishment was this? Was this hell, to have to sit there and watch his brother blame him for his death? Dean felt sick as he watched his brother cry over his body. Sam looked torn and broken and it killed him to watch his brother suffer like this,

Sam pulled at his brother's body, feeling the tears wet on his face. It was never going to be okay, nothing could be okay again now that Dean was gone.

"I know what you said, that I'm strong, that I'm going to be able to make it on my own...but you're wrong. I can't. You've done everything for me, always. I need you Dean, I need you more than ever. I can't...I don;t know how. I don't know how to fight all the evil that's pushing in on me without you. I can't fight it all alone."

"Sam, you can." Dean was scared, after all of this, it sounded like his brother was just giving in to it all. "You have to. You're strong, you can fight it."

"Why are you wasting your time? He can't hear you."

Dean turned from his brother and came face to face with Ruby.

"You!" Dean's face contorted into pure fury. "You did this, your friggin' bitch. I'm going to tear you apart."

"Slow down." She said, "You're not dead-dead. It's temporary, just a lesson."

He wasn't really dead...there was a moment of relief of 'ohthankyougod' and then he caught sight of his brother again. Sam was scared, terrified, all for some friggin' demon lesson. He was going to tear Ruby apart for doing this to Sam.

Sam's head fell down on his brother's shoulder, his body convulsing with tears. Was this what it had been like for Dean? Watching him die, sitting with him...

"Dean, I'm sorry." He said, his voice barey above a whisper. "I'm so sorry. This is all my fault. I should have been stronger, I should have been more like you. If I had just killed him, he deserved it, didn't he? If I had killed him you'd be okay. I'm sorry..." Sam's voice caught in his throat. "How do I save you? Dean...please forgive me."

"You sick bitch." Dean's voice was a low growl, his stomach turned as he looked at Sam. This was the one pain he'd tried so hard to spare his brother. I'm so sorry Sammy, he thought.

"Calm down Dean, in case you've forgotten, I just told you, you're not really dead."

"You're killing him!" Dean exclaimed, gesturing to his brother. "Just stop it, stop whatever friggin' game you've got going and put it right."

"Can't." Ruby said simply. "It'l ruin it all."

"Ruin what? The mind-fuck of a game you've got going on him? Stop screwing with him Ruby."

"Hey, this wasn't my idea to begin with." Ruby said, "Really...tough love, they say it works, but I don't know. He's seeming pretty pathetic."

"Whoose idea is it?" Dean demanded, he would kill them.

"Why, it was daddy dearest who suggested this." Ruby told him, "That's right Dean. Your dad wants to make sure that Sam doesn't snap and become the great evil when you die and so this is...kind of like a test drive."

"No." Dean shook his head. That couldn't be true, it couldn't. "My dad wouldn't do that."

"Oh, please like he hasn't tried some questionable parenting before? This is for Sam's well-being. He's just trying to patch up your giant mistake."

"I don't care." Dean didn't, it was one thing for his dad to sit there and go to hell for him, but if she was right and he was pulling the strings on this...it was the worst thing he'd ever done. Sam didn't deserve to have to do this.

Dean grabbed her by the neck, holding tight. "Fix it, fix this back or I swear to god I'l kill you."

"Dean."

Dean dropped his hand from her neck and turned around.

"Dad?" Jesus christ, she had been right.

"You have to let it go Dean." John's voice was firm, he was giving the orders again. "This is for Sammy."

"Bullshit, it is." Dean's eyes were filled with anger. "Dad, you stop this. Stop it now, look at him." Dean pointed furiously at his younger brother bent over his lifeless body, crying. "You're breaking him dad, this, its killing him."

"I'm doing what's best, I'm protecting him."

"No! I-I protected him! Not you. You told me to kill him, or save him, and I did. No more visons, Sam is just Sam. You can't do this."

"Its to harden him, prepare him...I'm looking after him, making sure that when you die," A shadow passed over John's eyes, he'd like to wring Dean's neck for doing such a thing. "He doesn't break."

"What does it matter, you;re breaking him now!" Dean objected, "All of this, its already taken a toll on him. You can make him do this too."

"He has to toughen up or he'l never survive alone."

"You can't! You do that, and he won't be Sam anymore!" Dean yelled, didn't anyone get it? That wasn't Sam. Sam wasn't hard, Sam wasn't a hunter, he wasn't supposed to be.

Sam was a person, a good person, and if they change that, well they might as well just hand him over to evil.

-fin