Author's Note: Here's a random one shot that was inspired from some awesome Cap tributes on Youtube, so hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel or any of its characters/settings
"You may not be a threat, but you better stop pretending to be a hero."
"A hero? Like you?"
No, not like me, Steve thought. Steve wasn't anything more than a shield.
A symbol.
A soldier who was lost without a war.
A man thrown into the wrong time.
Steve wasn't a hero.
He could remember those first couple of weeks out of the ice, only a few days before Nick Fury had decided to pull him into this, whatever 'this' was. He remembers lying on his bed feeling as if he couldn't breathe, staring at the ceiling for hours, wondering why he had survived. Why couldn't he have stayed in that ice?
Each morning he woke up thinking that he was back in time. Back in his time. Expecting Peggy to come in with an explanation of how they found him, how everything would be alright because the world was safe now and everyone else was there and alive.
But each morning he was disappointed. Each morning he turned on his side and cried because this wasn't anything like the life he'd wanted for himself back before the ice. Back then he'd wanted a family, perhaps even settle down with Peggy. Have a few kids. Live a simple life. Now none of that was possible, it had all been stolen from him, frozen for all eternity in that God-forsaken ice.
And it hurt.
It hurt that the only people with any connections to his past were either in a nursing home or staring at him now with utter hatred in his eyes.
Heroes don't have to pull themselves out of bed each morning and practice wearing their mask of a smile in front of a mirror until wearing the mask became a habit. A way of deflection towards anyone who tried to show concern. How could he be okay? How could anyone in his type of situation be considered fine? But what was the point of complaining when no one would understand anyway?
Heroes finish the job the first time, they don't leave loose ends. Steve had thought that crashing into the ice would allow the world to be rid of the tesseract forever, a final sacrifice that he had been more than willing to make in order to save those he loved.
But he hadn't. He failed.
He should've known it wouldn't have been enough to let the cube fall into the ocean. Should've known that someone would find it and put it to use.
He should've known that people's lives were still at stake.
He should've known that, despite what SHIELD told him, they hadn't really won. But he had wanted to believe them so badly. Had wanted to know that maybe the pain he felt now could be soothed with the knowledge that he had done it. That the world was somehow safe because of his total sacrifice.
But he hadn't done it.
The world wasn't safe.
Anyone and everyone who died from Loki's hands, that was all on him. And he knew it.
He wasn't a hero.
He didn't try to be.
He had never called himself that, never even considered it. Even in World War II.
Steve was only a soldier. A wounded soldier, and he wanted to scream at these people that he couldn't possibly help anyone here. There were already two experienced fighters, Stark had his super suite, Thor had his hammer and weather magic, Banner had his beyond intelligent mind, Steve had no reason being among any of these people.
He felt like he had once again he was thrown into an acting role that he never wanted to have.
He didn't know anything about this world that he had been thrown into the minute he woke up from the ice. How could anyone expect him to be able to help them fight an alien army? Let alone pretend to be their leader?
Steve had never been a hero, that had always been Bucky's role.
Bucky had always been the one who watched his back.
Bucky was the one who kept the team moving forward.
He was the one who encouraged Steve to keep fighting, even when they suffered a loss because there was a bigger picture that went beyond them.
Bucky was a hero.
Bucky was the one who should be here now.
Not Steve.
Never Steve.
Bucky would never hide himself away from the world until he was forcefully pulled back into it.
Bucky would never have let himself become less than human. He would have remained Bucky through and through.
But Steve?
Steve was lost. Laying somewhere forgotten in the ice.
Steve had never been wanted in this century. Only the Captain.
So how could Steve ever be a hero? How could Tony even joke about such a ridiculous notion?
"Everything special about you came out of a bottle," Tony growled.
Perhaps Steve should've argued.
Perhaps he could've brought up everything he had ever done with the intent of helping others.
He had brought down the most evil man of his time, had potentially saved the world from destruction, had saved hundreds of Allied POWs.
But none of that mattered. Not anymore.
The point of the serum had been for Steve to be a good person, not a soldier. And yet here he was.
As Tony's words rang in Steve's ears, Steve couldn't do anything but agree wholeheartedly.
*Sorry, I know it's depressing but so many people think that Steve acted all ticked off through out the Avengers movie, and I couldn't help but think that that was Steve's way of coping. He literally just lost everyone and everything he loved and was thrown into this war that they had told him was won, so this one-shot just sort of stemmed from that line of thinking. Hope you enjoyed, please, if you have a spare moment or two, leave a review or pm me on what you thought of it. Thank you so much for reading! :)*