Snotlout Gives His Permission

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Hiccup set down his hammer and looked up at his cousin. "What did you just say?"

"I said you have my permission to be with Astrid," Snotlout replied smugly.

"I wasn't aware we needed it, but thank you."

Snotlout went on as if Hiccup had not spoken. "Look, you know Astrid and I were going strong until you killed the Red Death and took her away from me, right?"

"Oh gosh, Snotlout, I don't know how I didn't realize that. I am so sorry. I mean, I'm sure a bat in a summer afternoon could have seen it, but I was so blind,"

"Yeah, I know. Well, I'm here to tell you there are no hard feelings, and you can keep her."

Hiccup picked up his hammer and started fiddling with it. "Oh I can, can I?"

"Yep. Will you tell her for me? I know it'll be hard for her to hear, but my heart has moved on to someone else. I'll understand if she's upset, but sometimes that's just the way things go,"

"I think Greek philosophers would have had an exhausting time studying your mindset," Hiccup replied dryly. Snotlout had no idea what he was talking about so Hiccup dropped the subject. "So, you've found someone else, have you? Good for you. Does her name happen to start with an 'H' and rhyme with 'leather'?"

"Well...yes, as a matter of fact. How did you know?"

"Remember what I just said about a bat in a summer afternoon?"

"Well don't tell anyone, all right? I wanna keep it a secret for the moment; my fan girls would be heartbroken if they found out right now who the future Mrs. Lout was going to be! I've gotta prepare them for the shock first!"

Hiccup wondered if Snotlout had ever considered a career as a court jester. "And is 'the future Mrs. Lout' aware of whom she's engaged to?"

"Well, no, but there's nothing to worry about! She's practically already agreed! I can see it in her eyes. She adores me, Hiccup. She just hasn't told me yet."

"Then how do you explain why she prefers spending time with Fishlegs?"

"Obviously she's playing hard to get and trying to make me jealous!"

Hiccup nodded, trying very hard not to crack up. "Of course she is,"

"I know, right? But she's perfect for me! So you can have Astrid. I don't need her now. I mean, Heather and Astrid have got absolutely nothing in common! Heather's absolutely gorgeous, feisty, fearless, has beautiful hair and eyes, a wonderful body—" he did not notice Hiccup slowly put the small hammer down nor the dangerous glint in his eye, "she's got a cute face, a small nose, she's better at staying alive, she's incredibly hot and dangerous—"

Hiccup grabbed a mallet and swung it into Snotlout's stomach, picked him up, and threw him out the door. "Never insult Astrid in front of me, Snotface!"