It's night now, and I'm not sure what to do. Tonight is a Friday night, and I might just stay home, like I normally don't do. Usually I hang around with my skate boarding friends Matt and Joey at night. Sometimes we trash private areas, like parks and private buildings, drunk normally. We're not drop outs, be it doesn't mean we're not near to becoming drop outs either. But no matter what, I try to stay in school, or I might not make it . . .
Things have changed now that I'm back from Oban. Dad's off with Mom, catching up on old times. They urged me to come with them, but I refused. I'm not so sure why, but I just did. Was here something the matter with me at the time, I'm not so sure . . . .
Jordan died after I own after attempts of suicide and left me a note saying he loved me. I can't believe I was so stupid for not realizing it. What's more is that I was so caught up in Prince Aikka left soon after he lost to the Crog who apparently lost his use for him for some apparent reason. Man I was so stupid, but it was good to come back home, to have a mom again, to be loved by my dad, and so many more things. I'm not so sure how I would live without wither one of my parents now that I have both of them together again. Things are so vivacious now that Mom's back, and I feel like living for the limit and higher for some reason now.
Back before we went to Oban, I didn't care sjit, but now things are different . . .
I looked up at my ceiling as the moon rose higher and higher into the sky outside my window. Stars gazed down at our little messed up world, full of potheads and high angels as night aged by a minute, the hands of a clock near by ticking on and on. Shadows stretched over the patterns on my ceiling, as I made animals and people out of them.
I've been doing this a lot lately, and it seems that I can't go to sleep. I'm not so sure why, but I just can't. I guess what happened at Oban just seemed to overwhelm me a bit. I wasn't aware of it at first until Mom stopped me from crying on our way back to Earth. Ever since then, I keep noticing how my tear drops twist and meet with the droplets that fall from my shower when I take a bath in the morning, and everything. I've been more aware than ever in my life, even though I'm not suppose to be like this. I have my mother now!!!
I could hear a house across the street from me having a party, with booming music. It was so loud, I could hear every single word of the lyrics. The lyrics went in my head as so . . .
He's
a stranger to some For a fortune he'd quit On a
mountain he sits, not of gold but of sin On his face is a map
of the world From yesterday, it's
coming! On
his face is a map of the world From yesterday, it's
coming!
And a vision to none
He can never get
enough,
Get enough of the world
But
it's hard to admit
How it ends and begins
On his face is a
map of the world
(A map of the world)
On his face is a map of
the world
(A map of the world)
From yesterday, it's
coming!
From yesterday, the fear!
From yesterday, it calls
him
But he doesn't want to read the message here
through the blood he can
learn, see the life that he took
From a council of one
He'll
decide when he's done with the innocent
(A map of the world)
On his face is a map of the
world
(A map of the world)
From yesterday, the fear!
From yesterday, it calls
him
But he doesn't want to read the message
he doesn't want to
read the message
He doesn't want to read the message here
From yesterday, the fear!
From yesterday, it calls
him
But he doesn't want to read the message here
From
yesterday,
From yesterday,
From yesterday, the fear
From
yesterday,
From yesterdayBut he doesn't want to read the
message
He doesn't want to read the message
he doesn't want
to read the message here
Copyright of 30 Seconds To Mars "From Yesterday"
Once the song was finished, next played another song that I really didn't favor, so I tired to block it out as much as I could.
I decided to not stay at home, and got out my skateboard and cd player. I placed my headphones around my neck and went outside, skating on the empty sidewalks and the lonely night. With the wind smelling of alcohol and dope, while blowing through my long hair.
It felt good to go out by myself like I use to when I was at boarding school. I felt free for once, after the suffering I went through on Oban. Things were fresh and new now, I good clean slate. I would live a great life, forget all what happened, and leave those events outside of Earth out of my head for the rest of my life.
I stopped skating and stood at the top of the stairs of the subway staircase, looking down at the darkness. What the heck, I thought and jumped down the stairs, three at a time.
Once I reached the bottom, I got on a subway train with nobody on it but me, as I rode silently on the train, passing many stops.
Listening to my cd player, I changed songs until I reached my favorite one, stopping on number eleven. As the music pulsed through my ears, I bobbed my head to it, letting it grab my attention. My head started to flow with the flow of the music, as I listened to the words of the lyrics. Each word curled into a note, or many notes, as they echoed in the chambers of my mind. They released me for only a short moment on the train, as it bumped on the tracks below it.
When
I was a young boy, He said, "Son when you grow up, When I was a young boy, Sometimes I get the
feeling she's watching over me. We'll
carry on, A
world that sends you reeling from decimated dreams To
carry on On and
on we carry through the fears
My father took me into the city
To see a
marching band.
would
you be the savior of the broken, the beaten and the damned?"
He
said "Will you defeat them,
your demons, and all the
non-believers,
the plans that they have made?"
"Because
one day I'll leave you,
A phantom to lead you in the summer,
To
join The Black Parade."
My
father took me into the city
To see a marching band.
He said,
"Son when you grow up,
would you be the savior of the broken,
the beaten and the damned?"
And other times I feel like I
should go.
And through it all, the rise and fall, the bodies in
the streets.
And when you're gone we want you all to know.
We'll carry on
And though you're dead and gone
believe me
Your memory will carry on
We'll carry on
And in
my heart I can't contain it
The anthem won't explain it.
Your misery and
hate will kill us all.
So paint it black and take it back
Let's
shout it loud and clear
Defiant to the end we hear the call
We'll carry on
And though you're dead and gone believe
me
Your memory will carry on
We'll carry on
And though
you're broken and defeated
Your weary widow marches
Ooh oh ohhhh
Disappointed faces
of your peers
Ooh
oh ohhhh Do
or die, you'll never make me We'll carry on Do or die, you'll
never make me Do or die, you'll never make me (We'll carry
on)
Take a look at me cause I could not care at all
Because the world will never take my
heart
Go and try, you'll never break me
We want it all, we
wanna play this part
I won't explain or say I'm sorry
I'm
unashamed, I'm gonna show my scar
Give a cheer for all the
broken
Listen here, because it's who we are
I'm just a man, I'm
not a hero
Just a boy, who had to sing this song
I'm just a
man, I'm not a hero
I! don't! care!
We'll
carry on
And though you're dead and gone believe me
Your memory
will carry on
We'll carry on
And though you're broken and
defeated
Your weary widow marches on
Because the world will never take my heart
Go and
try, you'll never break me
We want it all, we wanna play this part
(We'll carry on)
Because the world will never take my heart (We'll carry on)
Go
and try, you'll never break me (We'll carry)
We want it all, we
wanna play this part (We'll carry on)
Copyright of My Chemical Romance "Welcome Tp The Black Parade"
At last, the train reached my stop, as I stopped my cd player. I grabbed my stuff and left the train, leaving the driver all by himself, as I went up the stairs. The solid rock below my shoes felt so hard, as if to toughen it for the world above.
When I think about it, do I really want to forget about everything on Oban? Do I really want to give all that up? Do I really wanna grow up and become some normal human?
No, I know this very well. I want to explore every little corner of the world, no matter what. I'm going to become friends once more with Prince Aikka, and if not, oh well. I can become friends with other aliens. But when I think about it, humans seem so alien to me now. As if they're not my race anymore . . .
Pulling my hood onto my head, I looked out beyond me, to find myself staring out at the soothing seaside. With the tide coming high, mist came closer and closer to the level of my nose, making me sneeze.
Once I stopped sneezing, I looked above once more, to see the crescent moon above my head. Would I give anything in the world to sit right now on the moon, to see everything from below. It get away from this world of crazy maniacs, and to remain at peace once in my life.
Sometimes I wonder why I never found what was so obvious in front of my nose, sometimes I cry, and sometimes I'm just fine. But I'm never really at peace with myself as I continue to smell the alcohol in the air, the smell I'm so use to all the time.
I turned around, to see the subway passage, and behind me was the rest of the walkway. I smirked, and turned around, as I started to skate onward, a breeze hitting my face. I continued to skate into the night, until I faded away from the subway passage like a faded picture. As if I wasn't even there . . .
In the shadows, she joins her friends, heading back to her house. Once she reaches there though, she meets up with an old friend . . .