Note: This is obviously an AU fic. And if I get any flames about Legolas,
I'll develop a twitch in my eyebrow and write a really steamy slash fic,
just to annoy the flamers. It's just so petty to insult someone elses hard
work because you disagree with it. Honestly. Talk about close-minded
conservatives.. Uh, sorry. Went off on a rant there. Anway, the
characters are Tolkiens. The situation was created by me, expressly to
torture them. Enjoy.
Three Bells
His head was pounding so hard he was sure an entire mountain of Dwarves were using it as an anvil. The bright sunlight shining on his face wasn't helping. Nor was the pleasant humming from the other person in the room.
Slowly he took stock of his situation. His eyes opened and glanced around. He was in a hotel room. In a bed. Naked.
There was a handsome young man sitting on the edge of the bed and leaning over him. He was close. Very close. Aragorn screamed, and the man leaned back and began toweling off his damp hair.
"What was that all about?" he asked irritably.
Headache momentarily forgotten, Aragorn clamped a hand to his chest where he could feel his heart racing. "What were you doing? Trying to kiss me again or something?"
Legolas looked offended. "Hardly! I was trying to see if you had a fever. You looked a little sickly to me. Besides, why would I ever try to kiss you?"
"You tried it once before."
"In elementary school. At your twelfth birthday party. We were playing Truth or Dare. Pippin dared me to kiss you. It didn't work."
"How do I know that's the truth?"
"You heard it. Our friends heard it. Your eavesdropping parents heard it. Chill out." Somehow the Elf managed to look regal as he sat on the bed, wearing only a towed around his waist.
"But you are gay," Aragorn protested.
"And I am in a very serious relationship with Haldir. And speaking of committed relationships, how did you enjoy your bachelor party last night? You seemed to be having fun." Legolas smiled slightly, his eyes saying quite plainly that Aragorn had done some rather humiliating things the previous evening.
He swallowed hard. Something about the glint in the Elf's eyes disturbed him. "Well, I don't really remember all that much. I got there, asked you why Haldir wasn't there, got told he was scared of airplanes, and then I was pointed in the direction of the keg. I don't remember much of anything after that."
"I see."
"You'll never tell Arwen about what I did, will you?"
"I don't think there will be much of a choice, given the circumstances."
"Huh? What are you talking about?"
Legolas smiled placidly and began brushing his hair.
That was when he heard them. Footsteps in the hallway, advancing rapidly, assurance and pride echoing with each step. For some reason, he found himself terrified and was just about to hide under the covers when the door was thrown open and in strode a strong and fair woman.
"Eowyn!" he squeaked.
"Good morning, Aragorn, my husband!" she replied, looking very smug.
"Wha-what?!" Panicked, he glanced at Legolas, who grinned and picked up a piece of paper that had been sitting on the night stand.
At the top it read: Three Bells Wedding Chapel
Marriage License
On the lines below were clearly scrawled Eowyn's signature, and his own (albeit a lot sloppier than usual).
Upon seeing this, and imagining Arwen's reaction to it, Aragorn did the only sane thing he could possibly do in a situation like that.
He fainted.
Three Bells
His head was pounding so hard he was sure an entire mountain of Dwarves were using it as an anvil. The bright sunlight shining on his face wasn't helping. Nor was the pleasant humming from the other person in the room.
Slowly he took stock of his situation. His eyes opened and glanced around. He was in a hotel room. In a bed. Naked.
There was a handsome young man sitting on the edge of the bed and leaning over him. He was close. Very close. Aragorn screamed, and the man leaned back and began toweling off his damp hair.
"What was that all about?" he asked irritably.
Headache momentarily forgotten, Aragorn clamped a hand to his chest where he could feel his heart racing. "What were you doing? Trying to kiss me again or something?"
Legolas looked offended. "Hardly! I was trying to see if you had a fever. You looked a little sickly to me. Besides, why would I ever try to kiss you?"
"You tried it once before."
"In elementary school. At your twelfth birthday party. We were playing Truth or Dare. Pippin dared me to kiss you. It didn't work."
"How do I know that's the truth?"
"You heard it. Our friends heard it. Your eavesdropping parents heard it. Chill out." Somehow the Elf managed to look regal as he sat on the bed, wearing only a towed around his waist.
"But you are gay," Aragorn protested.
"And I am in a very serious relationship with Haldir. And speaking of committed relationships, how did you enjoy your bachelor party last night? You seemed to be having fun." Legolas smiled slightly, his eyes saying quite plainly that Aragorn had done some rather humiliating things the previous evening.
He swallowed hard. Something about the glint in the Elf's eyes disturbed him. "Well, I don't really remember all that much. I got there, asked you why Haldir wasn't there, got told he was scared of airplanes, and then I was pointed in the direction of the keg. I don't remember much of anything after that."
"I see."
"You'll never tell Arwen about what I did, will you?"
"I don't think there will be much of a choice, given the circumstances."
"Huh? What are you talking about?"
Legolas smiled placidly and began brushing his hair.
That was when he heard them. Footsteps in the hallway, advancing rapidly, assurance and pride echoing with each step. For some reason, he found himself terrified and was just about to hide under the covers when the door was thrown open and in strode a strong and fair woman.
"Eowyn!" he squeaked.
"Good morning, Aragorn, my husband!" she replied, looking very smug.
"Wha-what?!" Panicked, he glanced at Legolas, who grinned and picked up a piece of paper that had been sitting on the night stand.
At the top it read: Three Bells Wedding Chapel
Marriage License
On the lines below were clearly scrawled Eowyn's signature, and his own (albeit a lot sloppier than usual).
Upon seeing this, and imagining Arwen's reaction to it, Aragorn did the only sane thing he could possibly do in a situation like that.
He fainted.