Author's Notes: Set during PoA.

Remus had known, when he'd agreed to take on the Defence Against the Dark Arts job, that teaching would be frustrating. He could never understand how his own teachers had coped with dealing with the likes of James and Sirius. He imagined a whole classroom of rebelling teenagers and grimaced. It really would be his just deserts, having never really done his job as Prefect and attempted to force his friends back in line when they'd been at school.

And it was just as Remus had imagined. Sometimes it was even worse. Particularly when he took the Slytherin classes, as they looked down their noses at his shabby robes and couldn't seem to believe that they actually had to listen to a word he said.

What Remus hadn't counted on, though, was the sexual frustration. Practically every day he had to bear witness to lusty and not-so-furtive glances being shared across classrooms. Occasionally he stumbled across students (oftentimes the same ones, in fact) in flagrante delicto behind poorly warded doors. And that ever present smell of sex (usually of the solo persuasion, but still) that clung to all of the students, though particularly the boys, was driving him out of his mind.

Annoying little upstarts he could deal with. There was a word for that: detention. Hormonal teenagers and their public displays of affection, on the other hand…

There was no outlet at Hogwarts, either. He found himself submitting to the attentions of his own right hand more nights than not. But he was an adult, damn it. He shouldn't have to hide away in his room wanking like he'd had to do the last time he was in residence at Hogwarts. He wished that there was something, someone, more than that.

The students were out of bounds, of course. Remus knew he shouldn't have even been letting himself be so affected by them, really, but he couldn't help it. His cock seemed to have a mind of its own, nearing middle age or not.

And then there were the other staff members. They were almost entirely composed of men, sadly. And while he'd experimented once or twice during his own school years, he wasn't yet desperate enough to repeat those experiences as an adult. Nor were the potential candidates appetising enough to tempt him anyway. An image of Snape – naked and bent over, ready to be fucked – flashed into Remus's mind. He shuddered.

What few women there were on the staff, unlike Remus, did prefer their own sex (Hooch), were so mad that Remus wouldn't even consider it (Trelawney), or seemed positively asexual (the rest of them). He couldn't imagine that was actually true, though. Surely they felt as stranded inside the enclosing walls of Hogwarts as he did? Surely they, too, were desperate for some sexual contact with another human being?

Frankly, it didn't seem like it.

Remus considered venturing into Hogsmeade. He remembered Rosmerta was a bit of a tease, for starters, and though he'd prefer something of a lasting relationship, he thought that just this once he'd be almost as satisfied with a one night stand. He wasn't really in a state to be that discriminating.

As he was trying – and failing – to reorganise his schedule in his mind so that he could find time to venture into the small town, there was a knock on the door.

He swung the door open and invited McGonagall (he wondered why she, of all people, was showing up at the door to his quarters well past the generally accepted 'visiting hours') in for tea and biscuits. He remembered that she liked biscuits, and then marvelled at the fact that he was obviously trying to impress her. She'd seen him at his very worst; as a teenage boy. It was a bit late for making good impressions.

Even so, he found himself seeking her approval with every word, and almost hanging off her replies. She seemed so at ease, while Remus was practically sweating.

And then, half-way through a discussion of why the Department of Magical Games and Sports even existed within the Ministry (and how in all hells did they get onto that topic, anyway?) Remus realised that he was flirting. With his former Head of House, who was likely at least twice his age. With McGonagall!

He really needed to get laid.

He tried not to make it too obvious that he'd suddenly realised what he was doing lest he draw attention to it. However, he noticed that McGonagall didn't seem any more uncomfortable now than she had when she'd first appeared, cool as you please, unannounced at his door. In fact, she seemed to have been receiving his unintentional – or, at least, he kept telling himself they were unintentional – advances remarkably well.

He wondered if…

No. No, of course not.

But still…

Oh, what the hell.

"You know," he began as soon as their previous topic had run its course, "I'm beginning to understand why none of the staff here are married. It's impossible to organise time to be spent away from the school unless you're supervising a Hogsmeade weekend, and that's hardly conducive to a romantic getaway, with all the students darting around like obnoxious pinballs."

McGonagall shot him a knowing look.

"I agree entirely. You know, some staff members have ended up taking up with each other in the past for that very reason."

Remus raised his eyebrows. "You?"

McGonagall laughed. "No. Unfortunately. Though I have considered it, at one stage or another. Usually when another teacher particularly catches my eye."

She gave him a pointedly appreciative look.

Remus laughed loudly in response. "Professor! You know, I've always known you were a very up front woman, but... well. Did you come here tonight intending to have this conversation?"

"The thought may have crossed my mind."

"You really are a woman and a half."

McGonagall smiled ever so slightly at him. "I'll take that as a compliment. And a proposition, if you don't mind."

Remus shook his head, incredulous but still very amused. "Not at all."

"And I think," McGonagall said somewhat conspiratorially, "that you can make up for taking quite so long to get around to that proposition by giving me the grand tour of your quarters. Starting with your bedroom."

Remus grinned, somewhere between feeling pleased and flummoxed, as McGonagall grasped his tie and led him further into his quarters using it as a leash of sorts.

He had a feeling that this strange conversation was just the beginning, and that he was about to see a whole different side to Minerva McGonagall.

He only wished he'd thought of this sooner.

~FIN~