A/N - Thinking back on Mr. Ratburn and how there were multiple times he would ask about cake at parties excitedly, with the help of my friend NocturneD, I suddenly realized that Celestia has been accused of harboring the same kind of obsession from the "Ponyville Confidential" episode, and BAM, the ultimate crossover ship was born! Also, if anyone reading this doesn't believe it needs the "M" rating, please let me know somehow, as I might just be paranoid on how high I need to rate it.
"Come on, Mr. Ratburn," Arthur comforted his tightly wound teacher, "I'm sure you'll win the Inter-dimensional Cake Eating Contest, no sweat!"
Arthur, Buster, and Francine had made the trip over to Nigel Ratburn's home to see how he was faring at training for, what was to him, the most important contest of his life. They had opened the door to find Mr. Ratburn in a position that none of the kids had seen him in before. They wouldn't have pegged the rat as much of an athlete, but there he was, a sleeveless white shirt covering his thin and poorly toned body, and gym shorts covering his waist and legs, while he was on the floor of his living room, doing push-ups steadily, one at a time. The main difference here was that every time he let himself down on the ground, a platter of white, drippy cheesecake with fresh strawberries sat under his face, where he would take a hearty bite of the treat before lifting back up into the air.
He was really sweating it out, and was probably getting full from the tons and tons of confections he had no doubt been training with for the last few weeks. He pushed through the pain and fullness. His intensity was earning him looks of concern from the three school children, who then had gone up to console him and tell him to take it easy. Ratburn smiled at his students warily, appreciative of their support, but aware of how naive they could be.
"Thank you Arthur," he grunted as he kept going with his exercises, "but I must break through further than ever if I want to beat those other cake lovers. I haven't been a twenty time finalist and ten time reigning champion for nothing. I even bribed Marc Brown to have Takeru Kobayashi make an appearance in Elwood City just a few weeks ago to give me some tips on fast, competitive eating."
Wow, Ratburn really was zealous about this! Though, the thought of bribing someone to give you the edge over your opponent seemed a little like cheating to them. Buster went over to the kitchen to possibly raid Ratburn's fridge when he noticed the mountain of plates and forks, smeared with frosting, jutting out of the sink.
"Mr. Ratburn?" Buster started uneasily while the rat did some light routines with his wrists, mimicking a fork going into a cake and putting the morsel up to his face.
"Yes Buster?" Ratburn's heart rate was slowly coming down after the intense push-ups.
"How much cake have you eaten today?"
Ratburn turned to the less-than-stellar pupil of his and while still moving his wrists walked into the kitchen, taking a brief note of what Buster was pointing to.
"Buster, one must eat quite a lot of cake in their training if they wish to excel at this sport. I'd say I've had two whole cakes today at least. One was this strawberry cheesecake that is now a small sliver, and the other was a chocolate mousse."
"TWO WHOLE CAKES?" Arthur, Buster, and Francine echoed their dessert-loving mentor with gasps and empathetic twisting of stomachs. Arthur stepped up to Ratburn and dramatically gestured to him.
"You've gotta be joking? You're just talking about two SLICES of cake, right?"
Ratburn chuckled heartily at the disgusted mewl on the aardvark's face.
"Oh Arthur, I'm definitely not joshing you there. Two whole cakes, and that's if I can't finish a third one by the time my daily exercises are done."
You know, Buster loved many different types of junk food too, but this was just ridiculous. Even with his cavern of a gut, he felt like he'd go into a diabetic coma from that much, PER DAY. Francine looked over at the third cake that Ratburn was preparing to lay on the table in front of them. This one looked like a doozy, and the intense instructor was really getting out the big guns for the rest of his exercise. A brick-hard, yellow pound cake made a great thud onto the wooden furniture.
"You're not seriously thinking about eating that whole thing today, are you?"
Ratburn turned to Francine with an impassioned stare, determined to tackle this behemoth with everything he was worth.
"I know it's hard for you youngsters to understand my rationale, but I've been training with a similar regimen for most of my life. This pound cake is a pale comparison for what I will have to face in the upcoming contest. If I can't conquer this delicious concoction now, then I will never be able to show my face to my fellow connoisseurs in two days!"
The determination in his beady, little eyes was inspiring, if not also creepy. It was just a little cake eating contest. Why was Ratburn always so over-the-top ecstatic about it?
"Now then, run along back to your homes or friends, children. I need a moment alone with this mouth-watering masterpiece to gather my focus."
Given that the three of them certainly had better things to do than watch a sweaty, half-naked rat voraciously eat a cake, and Arthur knew, at least, that he needed to get back home to baby-sit D.W. while his parents went over to a neighbor's house a few blocks down for a few hours, they all took this as their cue to give Ratburn some space, and let him continue his routine.
"Say, would it be alright if I came to watch you at the contest?" With the feverish momentum Ratburn trained with, Arthur was incredibly curious as to what all this "inter-dimensional contest" consisted of. His own interest must have been contagious, as Buster and Francine were eager to tag along.
"Please, please, please, Mr. Ratburn? You know how much I love cake too!" Buster put his hands together in a pleading motion.
"I think it'd be cool to come, especially with how hard you've been training lately, and hey, you're a ten time champion! I'd like to see the master in action, if it's okay."
Ratburn was thrilled that his students were so enthusiastic about coming, though there was one little matter he needed to clear up first, two actually.
"If, on the day before the contest, you all get your homework done, and if your parents say you can come, then I'd be glad to have you attend."
"Awesome!" "Yeah!" "Alright!"
The three kids spoke in unison, vaguely remembering the part about homework, which they probably still wouldn't get done anyway.
"Now then, I've got a tasty treat to tackle here! I'll see you all tomorrow at school."
Arthur, Buster, and Francine waved him off as they said their own goodbyes to each other for the day, many separate activities going on with them. As the door closed behind Buster, the last one to leave, Mr. Ratburn smiled and turned back over to the rest of his breakfast, lunch, and then finally dinner for the night.
He slowly made his way over to the pound cake, and as he hovered in front of it somewhat menacingly, he leaned into the table, hands on either side of the delicious morsel. Of course, if this were part of the day's festivities, he would have torn into this cake like a rabid dog, consuming it within a matter of minutes. Today though, Ratburn felt like he had earned himself a break from the rigorous training he had done all day, since it was a holiday off of school.
He bent down just far enough for his nose to barely graze the brownish outer layer, proceeding to draw in a wavering breath through his nostrils, taking in the sugary, off-vanilla scent. He closed his eyes, wishing to heighten the sense he was employing. Ratburn gulped a tiny bit, as a fresh wave of saliva coated his mouth at the wonderful sensations tickling his nose.
"Mmmm..." the rat huskily hummed in appreciation, "you smell so fresh...so intoxicating..."
Ratburn opened his eyes to relish the sight of the canary colored dessert, the ridges in its slightly crusted upper layer, the perfectly shaded sides that would crumble if he dug his fingers into them, it was so simple, undecorated, but all that mattered to Ratburn was that it would be delicious to him.
He slowly dabbed the left corner closest to him with his tongue, letting it push gently into the thick, buttery richness within, but not too far, just enough for the taste to register. As the cake moistened further with his saliva, he started slurping the soggy parts out while letting his teeth go a little further, biting some of the less moist areas tenderly. He slowly took a moderate sized bite, clamping his mouth over the cake momentarily, and then stood back up for a brief moment to savor the piece. He worked it around his mouth, the taste and consistency making him moan a second time.
When the chunk finally slid down through him, basking in its glorious texture, he leaned back over the treat again, whispering into it lovingly.
"You're so good to me, you know that? I think I'm going to enjoy you piece by piece, until there's nothing left but the pan."
In a similar scenario, he tore at sections of it with his teeth, eating as gingerly as he could, not wanting to devour all of it right then and there. After the trembling of his taste buds subsided when he ate the last piece, he tossed the pan that held it into the dishes to be washed with a loud clang. If anyone had barged in on Ratburn at the time, they would have noticed his ragged, labored breathing, watering mouth, and bloodshot eyes. Feeling ashamed in his moment of weakness, though fortunately no witnesses were present, he laid his head in his arms, crossed on the table, and blew a sigh of profound satisfaction.
In another dimension, outside the world of Elwood City, another force to be reckoned with trained with the vigor of a lioness for the very same Inter-dimensional Cake Eating Challenge. Her love of all desserts baked, layered, and frosted was apparent in her drive to be number one. Her notoriety in this circle of cake chomping cohorts had been solidified long ago, and had only recently been challenged sufficiently by a few other beings, bent on proving themselves as the premier pastry eaters in the known universe.
Her stomach, a bottomless hole, her hooves, white lightning, and her mouth had a predisposition for sweet, succulent stacks of warm, wonderful confection.
"Princess Celestia," the champion's young cheerleader addressed her, "what in Equestria are you doing with all of that cake?"
The princess was far too focused on her game plan and exercises to notice that Twilight was freaking out about the monstrous pile of pleasurable goodness in front of her grabbing hooves.
"Oh, are you referring to...this," Celestia motioned with a hoof to her prized spread, "it is time for the annual "ICEC", my faithful student!"
Twilight was not alone, which was further enforced by the questioning words of one confused pegasus pony.
"ICEC, what in the hay is that?...uh...Your Highness?" Rainbow Dash smiled toothily and blushed as she suddenly realized how shocked she sounded at the abbreviation. Celestia didn't even pay the outburst any mind.
"The Inter-dimensional Cake Eating Challenge, my little ponies, it is the greatest and most glorious competition I have ever taken part in."
While Twilight, Rainbow Dash, and, tagging along, Pinkie Pie highly doubted that this was the "greatest" event she had ever taken part in, they knew how Celestia pined, hungrily, for all sorts of cakes, and as such had a quite probable bias toward it. They watched in amazement as the princess' hooves showed a mastery of grabbing the pieces of cake just right without the typical slippage clumsier ponies demonstrated, accurately and swiftly guiding them to her opened mouth, and within one or two chews would gulp it down. The speed was tremendous.
"Oh Princess," Pinkie Pie excitedly came over to the table to sample some of the goods, "are you training for it then?"
Celestia stopped for a minute to address Pinkie Pie without cake falling out of her maw.
"Precisely, Pinkie Pie, I am certainly not a twenty year finalist and ten time reigning champion for nothing. I must eat like my competitors, think like them, and find out what makes them tick."
"Or what makes them throw up, right?" Pinkie Pie joked with her ruler.
"Pinkie Pie!" Twilight tried to chastise her for the possibly offensive remark.
Celestia just laughed lightly at the pink pony's sense of humor. "Whatever assists in victory, I suppose, although I prefer a good, clean match where both contestants give it everything they have. That is what I hope the competition will be like again this year."
The purple unicorn's brow furrowed in a little bit of curiosity, as did Dash's, but she allowed Twilight to ask the question first. "So Princess Celestia, what kinds of exercises have you been utilizing for this competition?"
Celestia gave a small, subdued grin to the asking unicorn, "Oh Twilight, a competitor should never reveal her secret training techniques, but I guess I could give you a little sample of some of the things I have been doing to get ready."
The white alicorn gracefully jumped up out of her seat, gesturing with a wing for her student and her friends to follow her into another room, locked and barred with the message: "For Princess Celestia's Eyes Only". She carefully unlocked the door, making sure to scan the area for potential spies sent by her rivals. Once Twilight, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie Pie had been escorted into the smaller space, Celestia shut the door tightly behind her to discourage prying eyes.
The room they had entered was full of equipment one might have seen at the Ponyville Gymnasium back home. There were iron handles and bars everywhere that could've been mistaken for parts of ancient torture devices, and various machines, such as an old looking treadmill powered by the runner, that would probably be found, in better condition in some cases, in any old gym.
"This is my exercise room, and its sole purpose is cake contest season training. You see, my ponies," Celestia motioned to some of the devices, "in my case, magic is forbidden in this challenge, and wings are unnecessary, so I must rely completely on my hooves and mouth to do the proverbial dirty work."
Twilight and her friends experimentally touched some of the equipment that they found the most interesting while Celestia kept up with the explanation, "This is where these contraptions come in, such as this treadmill."
She went up onto the sturdy looking machine and started running on it lightly. "Usually, I would also have a cake slice hovering nearby so that I could eat it and run at the same time. It's good for building up my physical stamina and I can continue training my stomach as well."
As she stepped off of the treadmill, the three other girls were surprised that this room was only used for cake eating competitions. By what she had said before, it sounded like she didn't even use this room to "tone up" for the gala, or any other really important parties or meetings. In fact, she hardly ever seemed to mention working out for anything but this little-known event at all.
"Geez, Princess," Dash sounded positively unenthusiastic about the whole thing as she turned toward the co-ruler of Equestria, "You sure are hardcore about this "ICEC" business."
The sun mare gave the athletic pony an amused look while trying to steer everypony out of the training room so that she could lock up, "Well of course, my dear, this is an especially arduous event, and I have to be in top form by the time it gets here."
Celestia had corralled the younger ponies out by the time her statement was done, and with a few clicks and screeches her precious secrets were safeguarded once again. She took a glance at the three ponies, and thought that such a momentous occasion could be made even better by the company of some friends, and somepony to watch as she dominated the other eaters with her speed and grace of course...
"I just had a wonderful idea, my little ponies," Celestia spiritedly chimed after a few seconds, "how would all three of you like to accompany me to the challenge in two days? I know you all are very busy, but I would be grateful if you could possibly make it."
Twilight thought that the opportunity to research so many inter-dimensional beings would give her study material to mull over for the next hundred years, so she was obviously all for it.
"I'd love to Princess, I just have to get somepony to watch Spike so that he stays out of trouble."
"Uh...sure Princess...I'd be glad to come!" Rainbow Dash wasn't really that giddy about it. Now if it was a flying contest, she'd be thrilled to go. Though, she didn't want to disappoint the princess either, and wanted to show her support since it was important to her.
"Oh goodygoodygoodygoodygoody!" Pinkie Pie chirped, bouncing around energetically, psyched by the fact that not only would she be going to something the princess of Equestria would be attending, but the thought of all that cake was incredibly tempting. She stopped jumping around after a moment with Twilight and Dash staring at her.
"I mean..." she started with a faked serious voice, "I would love to, Your Majesty."
"That is excellent everypony! Remember, the contest is in two days. Now, I must request my privacy, as I need to continue to focus my efforts until the big event."
All three of them conceded to her wishes and they said warm goodbyes to one another. Once Twilight had shut the large door to the rest of the castle behind her, Celestia let out a relieved whistle, though still waited that extra second to be sure nopony would be disturbing her now.
She slowly turned back around to the huge pile of cakes on her incredibly large table, looking for a new cake to practice her techniques on. As her hungry gaze fell upon a rich, chocolate cake, with same-flavored icing and little chocolate shavings all around it, she went to pick it up with her magic and put it to the end of the table she would be using. After a few moments of deliberation, she felt that she had earned a short break from the rigorous shoveling she had been working on all morning. She decided that this one would be savored and loved, instead of scarfed down and violated.
With this in mind, she slowly made her way over to her seat, not taking her attention off of the delicious delicacy for even a fraction of a second. As she approached the chair, she slid into it with a seductive air about her, as if the cake was alive and watching her too. The longer the princess stared at the gorgeous cake, the more her mouth coated in a thick glaze of salivation. Now directly overhead, the sun goddess gave her next victim a lustful, half-lidded smirk.
"Hey there...I've been watching you since you came out of the oven this morning..."
Celestia traced a bare hoof gently around the dessert's circumference, making sure not to mar the perfectly even chocolate coating. She was rubbing circles around it, taking in the smooth texture.
"Ooh...you're so soft, rich, and creamy..."
She pulled her hoof back and slowly licked at the tiny bit of residue the chocolate cake left behind. Leaning in further, Celestia inhaled deeply and unashamedly as the sweet musk of cocoa washed over her nose.
"...and your smell...so...invigorating..."
Her face hovered just a little higher as she leaned up, her predatory gaze refocusing. Even though she was kind of play acting, she involuntarily moistened her lips at how good this confection looked. With some minor trepidation, Celestia leaned back down again and traced the rounded edges connecting the top to the middle with her tongue, being careful not to break the outer shell still, but just letting the sugary chocolate melt onto her warm muscle. She only made tiny suckling motions, as if pecking someone on the cheek, and then once again let up a little, breathing on the cake slightly, liquid chocolate coating her lips.
"Did you like that? Oh no, don't fight it, I know you did... Want me to do it again?"
The cake just sat there, powerless to object.
"...I figured as much..."
Celestia went back to work, drawing her tongue around more of the cake, making the outer shell melt even further, and breaking it when she got a little too excited. She took off a lot of the shavings, sucking on them in her mouth for a few seconds before they too melted. Pretty soon, the whole thing was a slobbery mess on the plate, showing the second layer on the inside, which was connected to the first by more whipped chocolate. Now the mare's entire mouth, even the corners, was covered in frothy syrup, and her eyes were practically dilating from the exquisite taste.
"OOOh...what's that... now that you're all hot and wet, you want to be inside me? Mmmm...yeah...I think I want you inside me too..."
Celestia breathed heavily through her nose as she pushed her muzzle into the first layer, lapping at it and biting into it ferociously yet enjoying every morsel in her mouth, moaning with taste bud satisfying pleasure. After about 5 minutes, the cake that had once adorned the plate was wiped from existence, leaving a brown, greasy mess in its wake.
The princess, face now completely drenched in the former cake, was still reeling from the deliciousness of her mouth-watering friend. With heavy breaths, her eyes darted around the entire space, afraid that somepony may have watched her partake of this lewd display of affection for her favorite foods. Taking a watered down cloth from the table, she cleaned herself of any evidence. Once she was certain that nopony would ever know about this, she sat back in her chair and groaned, intensely satiated for now.
The Inter-dimensional Cake Eating Challenge, a staggering event where galactic gobblers, big and small, humanoid and non-humanoid, black, white, and every color in between, hail from various fictional and non-fictional worlds to represent their brethren in a series of marvelous matches involving the consumption of cakes, cupped, layered, and chilled alike. A randomized location is settled upon to host such an extravagant soiree, ensuring that the overall pomp and scenery never gets dull. For this year's annual ICEC, it is the coordinator's pleasure to announce that a park in Elwood City has been secured for the festivities, home of the undeniable, unstoppable Father of Frosting himself, Nigel Ratburn.
Fans, fanatics, and family members line the metal stands, a splash guard installed in the front railing for the first row in case the baked good battlers' brawls get hot and heavy. Some are here for the entertainment, some for the looks on the faces of their rivals as their own world's champion chomps his or her way to victory, and some are simply here for the free cake at the end, the lousy bums! As the tables of luscious desserts are prepared and piled up for the rounds ahead, the crowds' gazes transfix to the challenging tasks awaiting our fine warriors.
Hundreds of competitors have risen to this harrowing ordeal, their plethora of physiques, builds, and biology an inspiration to all young and aspiring participants. Even as their final, precious moments of pregame training come to an end, a chorus of grunts, groans, and cries of fury signal their desires to be the ICEC Grand Champion. Only twenty minutes remain before they will be pitted against one another in a tasty tussle, one on one, gradually making their ways through the preliminary rounds until only a handful are standing tall, ready to begin the eat-offs in the quarter-finals, semi-finals, and two shall butt heads in the grand finale, craftily consuming one giant chocolate frosted vanilla cake, six feet wide and eight feet high, faster than their nemesis. Its true terror is that we laced the batter with a fiery hot sauce, making them struggle for their title of Grand Champion with every fiber of their being.
It seems that we have two titans in our midst who honor us with their very presence. One is our esteemed Grand Champion from the last year's challenge, who deftly dodged a dairy dilemma by eating a ten pound ice cream cake with rock hard peanut butter candies, and, in a hateful nerd rage, threw a marzipan cupcake squarely into the face of an ornery onlooker, booing him from the stands. The very mention of his name sends pangs of unchained dread to all who would dare try to match his fervent, blatant, and unhealthy obsession with baked desserts. He is the one, the only, the impervious NIGEL RATBURN!
The second, no doubt intentionally distancing herself from her long time rival, was the finalist whom Ratburn trumped for the ultimate title. She would have come out on top, eating her six foot tall and four foot wide layered coffee cake, drizzled in sticky, viscous caramel like a fountain, before the rat could eat his own, but the muscles in his mouth were like vices, slamming down the caramel with the ferocity afforded him. He almost choked to death, passing out soon after, but claimed the prize, much to her ire. She's the one they call, the Monarch of Mousse, the Hooved Heroine, and, to some of her more adoring fans, the Foxy Filly. She eats like a trucker and never destroys her gorgeous figure. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you, PRINCESS CELESTIA OF EQUESTRIA!
As the opening ceremonies continued on, Arthur, Buster, and Francine were gathered around the former champ on the outside of the competition field as he performed a set of jumping jacks, sweat pouring from his brows as he nervously exerted himself to the appropriate maximum.
"One...two...three..." Arthur counted with a stopwatch in his hands, "...four... good good..."
He had been appointed by his friends to help Ratburn warm up for the carnage to come, since Buster just came for the cake, and Francine just wanted to see if Ratburn really was "all that and a bag of potato chips". Arthur watched his teacher as his breathing continuously became more and more thin, and his hands clumsily flopped together over his head.
"Maybe you should take it easy, Mr. Ratburn. I mean, you've already tired yourself out pretty well, and you aren't even at the first round yet."
The stubborn rat grunted as he continued pushing through the pain.
"Arthur, I have to be in immaculate condition, which includes being incredibly hungry after a rousing warm-up."
Even as he reasoned with the aardvark, Ratburn felt his muscles protest greatly, and decided to pin his hands onto his thighs and bend over, resting after the crazy amount of stretching and toning he had done so far. With the green sweatpants and sweatshirt he was wearing, some of the only clothes he wouldn't mind slathering cake on, he was getting rather hot despite the cool breeze entering from the north. He donned his grey t-shirt underneath with the logo "Elwood University" as he hurriedly shed the sweaty garment.
"You've only got twenty minutes," Francine's voice seemed to echo Arthur's concerns, "you really should be resting before the match. You know, to conserve your energy."
"Yeah, it wouldn't be good if you passed out again, or even worse, threw up." Buster decided to put in his two cents.
The serious eyes of the tired teacher scanned each of his students' faces while his breathing came back to normal. He supposed it would be alright to take a minute to plan his advancement through the competition. He smiled to his pupils gratefully for keeping his thoughts in perspective.
"I suppose I could...," Ratburn stretched his arms over his head a little, "just stand around and relax for a tiny bit. Would any of you like to take a walk through the crowd with me, or are you going to sit here and wait?"
"Nah, I think I'm good," Buster nonchalantly made his way over to his seat, ready for a pregame nap in the wonderfully sunny and cool weather of the day.
"Arthur? Francine?" Ratburn gave them a look of vague questioning, not really minding if he walked alone or not.
"I think I'll just stay over here," Francine sat in her own seat since she wasn't up to a walk right now.
"I'll come with you, Mr. Ratburn. I've been standing in one spot for like thirty minutes helping with the exercises. I need to work out some cramps in my legs."
"Alright Arthur, come with me then."
Ratburn and Arthur slipped into the crowd of enthusiastic exercisers, moving around the field as they soaked up the passion emitting from their soon-to-be rivals.
As Rainbow Dash sat in her seat on the sidelines opposite of Ratburn and his students, she was actually rather impressed to watch their seemingly silver spoon-fed, pampered co-regent positively brimming with raw, frenzied competitiveness when the weights around her legs jostled up and down as she rapidly ran in place.
"Wow, she's really getting into this..." Dash didn't want to admit it, but maybe there was more to this "challenge", as she had sarcastically derided before, than she had originally thought.
Twilight, as the self-appointed trainer/assistant for Celestia, should have been counting the numerous times her hooves had fallen, and then risen, but her focus was more on all of the otherworldly spectators and combatants, taking in every oddity or similarity to their own species and storing it in some infinite filing cabinet housed in her brain.
"Hooo...Twilight?" Celestia kept the fast pace up as her heart was nearly bounding out of her chest, "Twilight, are you still counting?"
As Celestia had raised her voice only slightly to seek confirmation, the unicorn's head turned toward the princess and a guilty look was plastered on her face.
"Oh, I'm so sorry Princess Celestia! I was just starting some notes on all of those wonderful creatures out there. You never told me there would be so many!"
The princess of the sun huffed, both in the rigors of hard exercise and a slight sense of exasperation as she slowed to a power walk, finally ending at a stand still, "Well, my faithful student, I did say that it was an "inter-dimensional" contest, and there are many, many different species present."
Celestia finally noticed after a few moments of heavy breathing that Twilight's attention was slipping back to the crowds of creatures.
"Ahem..." she coughed just loud enough to divert the purple pony's attention.
"Oh...yes Princess, you were saying?" Twilight looked embarrassed, but not enough to not steal little glances in the direction of the training athletes.
"Twilight, we must continue with the exercises. I need to be at my peak if I plan to be the victor."
"Oh Princess Celestia," Pinkie Pie excitedly comforted her, half-focused on the yummy cakes being hoisted onto the large tables in the center of the field, "you've been exercising for weeks now. I'm sure you'll win, hooves down, no contest!"
The sun goddess gave a warm grin to the pink mare, glad to know that Pinkie was cheering in her corner. She turned away for a brief second to assess the crowd of her enemies, at least for this challenge.
"Pinkie Pie, thank you, you're..."
She was about to finish that statement, but as she turned back to where she thought Pinkie was a moment ago she soon realized, with a subtly surprised look, that she had already made her way over to the luscious cakes just waiting to be devoured. Dash must've noticed too, because she commented re-actively.
"Oh that Pinkie Pie, hopefully she doesn't sample all of the cakes, or else there's going to be holes in everything!" she smiled, amused by her friend's zest for the event.
Celestia could feel the heated aching of her legs. Fortunately, she still had twenty minutes left, and in that time could take a short breather, all while strategically planning for the rocky road awaiting her.
"I suppose I really should gather my strength for the upcoming tournament. I feel like a brisk, cleansing walk to assess my competition and clear my senses. Would anypony like to join me?"
Celestia referred only to the two ponies close to their area of the park grounds, as Pinkie Pie was busy being nearly shooed off for trying to touch the melty merchandise. A lone, purple hoof flew up into the air in front of the ex-champion, signaling a particularly intrepid librarian's need for up close and personal research.
"Ooh, I'll come! Just let me get my note pad from my saddlebag! I've got tons of things to write down before it starts!" Twilight rushed over to their designated seating where her bags were laying on the ground, rifling through them madly to find her little book and pencil. She levitated them through the air upon discovery, and quickly made her way to the princess' side, bubbling with hearty curiosity.
"Alright, my little pony," Celestia giggled at her student's voracious appetite for knowledge, "come with me then."
Both the white mare and one third of her private cheering squad shifted around the various oddities, working their hearts out in a display of their dedication to this sport, delving further into the never-ending pile of practicing professionals. Twilight, as per her usual eccentricities, burnt through the multiple pages of her notebook as scribbles, sketches, and lists were cranking out of her pencil.
And that was how the two long-time nemeses spotted each other, wading through a dense sea of perspiration and the aromatic scent of determination. As the large, light purple of her eyes met the beady black of his, the comments and questions of their young assistants ignored and downright pushed aside, all other matters became obsolete, and a thick ring of electric tension enveloped them, sending crackles of unbridled fury up their spinal columns. It was inconceivable that these fighters would not have an ever-present score to settle, this contest and these oven-baked treats being the core of both their livelihoods. The cries, shouts, and conversations of the crowd became little more than white noise in the background.
"So you see, Princess Celes..."
"RATBURN!"
Twilight gasped and jumped as a foreign growl escaped her calm, collected majesty's lips. Celestia's teeth were gritted in a display of aggression as she barked to the bane of her cake-loving existence. The frightened filly almost wet herself as her gaze followed the princess' to two unfamiliar bipeds, one wearing some kind of grey shirt, a tall, lanky fellow, while the other one was wearing a bright yellow sweater, bespectacled and a little over half the height of its companion. They were easy to see now since the ten time Grand Champion's shout had drawn awed, fearful stares from the rest of the crowd, scattering to give her and the other harrowing force to be reckoned with their space, taking in the sight with rapt attention.
"Whoa, who's th..."
"CELESTIA!"
In all of the time Arthur had known his hard-nosed scholastic superior, he had never been so crudely cast aside by him, even when completely ignoring the temperamental rat's precious lectures on subjects he couldn't care less about and giving a "duuuuuh!" in response to his questions. The cold, calculating leer on Ratburn's face was enough to turn Arthur into stone, and the balled fists the teacher's hands had turned into were shaking with fevered contempt.
The sheer volume of cake obsession concentrated in the diminishing space between the well-known connoisseurs was enough to make some of the green horns forfeit, sending them packing to their home-worlds with their tails between their legs, and in an event like this, that may not have been just an expression.
As the deadly duo approached a central point, ready to talk some fan-pleasing smack to one another, Arthur and Twilight followed aimlessly, staring at each other, even, with confused, clueless expressions. Ratburn crossed his arms while still eying the princess, his sole obstacle to years of triumph, and snorted derisively.
"Hmmph...look at who decided to show their face after a certain Grand Champion thoroughly decimated them last year!"
The mare gave a sassy smirk to the rat, venom dripping out of every word she spoke as she confronted him.
"If I remember correctly, some rodent almost choked on his hair's width victory. His eyes were practically oozing caramel as everyone watched him pass out."
Ratburn waved her snide remark off with a calm facade, though anger boiled in his stomach from the insinuations.
"Yeah, so what? I still won, in case you've forgotten. You know what I think? I think you just didn't want it enough, Celestia. It just goes to prove that I love cake more than any denizen of the known universe, especially you."
Ratburn took a therapeutic second to bask in the fire of Celestia's heated glare, her anger was his sustenance. She almost pushed her own face up to his, incensed by his audacity.
"You, the one who loves cake more than anyone else in the universe? I think not! Must I remind you of whom that title truly belongs to by beating your hindquarters silly in today's match?"
Arthur and Twilight just stood by their teachers' sides, glancing with nervousness at their immature scuffle. Every so often, they would look at each other, silently asking the other what the hell was going on with their respected mentors. Twilight warily shuffled a little closer to the aardvark, not knowing exactly what or who he was, and made first contact.
"H...hi, these two must really be enthusiastic about all of this, huh?"
Arthur had no idea what this...uh...pony would say to him. Given how violently the taller, white one had reacted to Mr. Ratburn, he wasn't expecting the kind gesture. Though, once he noticed how shy she was, and how nicely she had addressed him, his own meekness started to give out.
"Yeah, but sometimes I think my teacher goes a little overboard with this cake business."
Twilight was relieved that the one with similar height to her had been friendly. His teacher, as he called him, had been gnawing on her own mentor mercilessly, and the unicorn was unsure of the treatment she would receive from the equally shy Arthur.
"Princess Celestia gets kind of over-the-top herself, it's pretty much all she ever thinks about."
The two young acquaintances snorted to each other, understanding etched in every giggle. Arthur suddenly realized what this pony had just called the white one.
"Wow, she's a princess? She certainly isn't acting like it right now."
Twilight felt rather embarrassed for her typically loving ruler, shifting uncomfortably at Arthur's honest thoughts.
"Well, she's usually not like this at all. The princess is a very kind and sweet pony to everyone, well, almost everyone..."
They shared a few more amused hums.
"Oh yeah, I don't think I caught your name. I'm Arthur, and this is Mr. Ratburn, my cake fanatic teacher."
Arthur extended a hand to the unicorn in front of him awkwardly, who noted for later that in their world they have a similar greeting tradition to the hoof-shake.
"Hello Arthur, I'm Twilight Sparkle, but you can just call me Twilight, and this is Princess Celestia, who is also my teacher, and a little bit on the nutty side when it comes to cake."
As the two shook hand and hoof, they discreetly stored the names in their memory banks, mulling over the quaint designations with curiosity and humor.
"So uh...," Arthur began after their shake was done, "should we keep on listening to them tear each other apart?"
Twilight grinned amused as the two old adults bickered like preschoolers, "I don't think we have much of a choice right now."
They listened back into the tirades in motion, having become more and more petty as the minutes went by.
"Oh yeah?" Ratburn had started up again, blood vessels throbbing from his forehead, "Well, I love cake so much, I once used a tub of frosting as toothpaste for three weeks straight!"
"That would explain your half-rotten teeth and gums! I love cake so much, I once baked an entire cake, just so I could tuck it into bed, sing it a lullaby, read it a bedtime story, and kiss it goodnight!"
"You think you're just so clever don't you! I love cake so much, that instead of inviting my family and friends over for a holiday dinner, I baked a family of cakes to replace them. I ate the dinner with them, held extensive conversations about nuclear physics, and gave them a group hug, and IT WAS SWEET!"
Everyone in attendance, not just Celestia, but Arthur, Twilight, and the crowd of contestants and fans cringed in horror at Ratburn's admission. The co-ruler of Equestria wasn't down and out yet, and she was determined to win this pointless battle of pseudo-wit at all costs.
"Well, I love it so much, instead of appointing a governor for a new city I was supposed to be officially opening, I made a cake the governor instead!"
More sharp gasps could be heard from the audience.
"Well, I love it so much more than you, one time, I bought a thousand dollar wedding cake for the sole purpose of taking it out on a date, buying it jewelry, and making dirty, nasty love to it in the back of my Honda!"
The entire area shook as an uproarious applause from the Ratburn fans took to the air. Upon more detailed inspection, some fans were even crying and holding each other at the beautiful display of cake love the rat had screamed at his opponent.
"You just always have to take it that sick, depraved step further, don't you Ratburn? At least I respect my confections enough not to sexually assault them! Maybe please them orally if they ask me to," the princess' gaze shifted side to side guiltily and then refocused, "but certainly not rape!"
Celestia got back up into the scholar's face again, determination filling every ounce of her body.
"...and that is why I'm going to make sure that you run from this competition like the cowardly imp you are!"
Ratburn couldn't be more peeved as he nearly leaned into her with a similar revved up glare.
"I'd like to see you try! I'll squash you like an insect, and laugh in your face as the proctor hands me MY trophy, showing these people, once and for all, just how superior I am!"
The sun princess gave her rival a "hmmph", and turned to her star pupil, staring slack-jawed at the callous display that both adults were a part of.
"Come Twilight, I think we have had enough of this arrogant braggart's hot air for one day!"
Celestia turned around, sticking her rump up insultingly to Ratburn's face and headed back to the sidelines, more eager than ever to trounce him. Twilight disappointingly turned to Arthur yet again, who just smiled wryly and waved goodbye in a show of good faith. Twilight did the same as she turned around and followed the angry mare. Ratburn turned to Arthur with a warning glance, but many times softer than what he had shown to Celestia.
"No fraternizing with the enemy, Arthur. She's just giving you those doe eyes to dampen your spirit. Come, the tournament starts in five minutes."
As Arthur watched his new friend somberly trail the alicorn, he couldn't help but feel a little bad for the actions of his own teacher. Nevertheless, he stood by Ratburn as they made their way over to the other side of the field.
Here it is, the moment we've all been waiting so patiently to see. In a few minutes, the elimination round of the ICEC shall begin! This first preliminary match is held to weed out most of the contestants. With the sheer amount of competitors clawing their way up the cliff face of creamy loveliness, and the one day limit to the festivities, an unforgiving trial such as this must be enacted.
Per typical competitive eating challenges, it is a fairly standard procedure. All contestants brave enough to face the ICEC head on will be lined up in front of their own two feet wide by three feet high stack of strawberry layers with coconut icing. All contestants allergic to either flavor need not worry, as they are artificial flavors instead of natural. They will all attempt, at the exact same time, to eat theirs faster than any of the other chompers can finish. Those with the 64 fastest times will continue into the bulk of the competition, while the rest are booted back to their own worlds, though not without fabulous consolation prizes. At that point, the one on one matches start, slowly weeding out competitors from 64 to 32 to 16, all the way down to 2 stalwart nibblers.
Here they all are now, being lead to their respective chairs by our referees. The creatures in the stands are starting to go wild as their world's representative steps onto the platform and takes his, her, or its seat. Pretty soon, we'll have everybody up here, and the action shall start very soon.
Once everyone was in their seats, gazing ferociously at their plattered piles while waiting anxiously for the signal to begin. The referees explained the rules to them, emphasizing the importance of not being a bunch of cheaters and trying to pull one over on the judges, as well as their fellow eaters. As they ended, the crowd watched in stunned silence as the referee held up his flare pistol. He gave them a deliberately slow count down, drawing out the anticipation further.
BANG!
The atmosphere filled with the shouts of encouragement from those in the stands along with the gooey garbling sounds emitted by the contestants as they crammed as much cake down their throats as they could, hoping to place in the next rounds. With no drinks allowed while in the process of masticating, the actual difficultly was much higher than some of the more cocky creatures had perceived.
Not so for the green and grey clad rat and his pony princess enemy. They were pros at this kind of thing, and knew better than anyone else how much sweet torture they would be subjected to in this contest. A little less than a minute had passed before the two had hammered down their cakes with laughable impunity, Celestia raising her hoof slightly before Ratburn was capable of raising his own hand.
"DONE!"
"DONE! ERRRRRRGH!"
The rat couldn't believe that hussy had finished before him, and it made him jealously furious. He snarled in her direction and stamped his foot on the ground, earning a subdued royal chuckle from the alicorn. Well, he reasoned that at least he was still in the running, being second place, and Celestia wouldn't be so lucky next time.
For those two fixated cake freaks, the extra millisecond it took for Ratburn to raise his hand was like splitting hairs, as the other chompers, not so seasoned or fortunate, struggled to push through their strawberry treats. Many of them took at least three minutes before signaling their completion. The worst gobblers took over thirty minutes, ensuring their defeat and making them concede sorrowfully.
The personal cheering sections of Ratburn and Celestia, including Arthur, Buster, Francine, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and Twilight were floored by the awesome consuming power of their outwardly unassuming mentors. They knew about the training, and they knew about the passion for cakes, but this was the first time they had watched as a cake, sitting in front of either one of them, seemed to vanish as if by a magician's tricks. If not for the frosting facials the two wonders wore, they would've denied any claims that they had actually eaten all of that stuff.
Celestia strutted down the platform with her easy victory, cheers, whistles, and cat-calls ringing in her ears as she made her way slowly back over to their off-field area, blowing kisses and waving to her adoring fan-girls and boys.
"Wow Princess Celestia, that was amazing!" Twilight greeted the first-placer.
"Thank you, my faithful student, I couldn't have done it without your support from the side."
Rainbow Dash was starting to get more into this. With all of the pregame excitement from the announcers, and then what she thought she just witnessed Celestia do, which was completely destroy her competition, she went up to the sun mare with a proudly surprised look on her face.
"That was pretty awesome, Princess! The way you inhaled that thing was just like, WOOOSH!"
Celestia laughed appreciatively at the exaggeration.
"Thank you also, Rainbow Dash. I hope this means that you're starting to like the ICEC."
"I'm not hating it anymore, at least, and after that wicked display, I hope you make it to the finals!"
Before Celestia could say anything further to the blue pegasus, Twilight cut in with her own thoughts.
"Princess, are you sure you're going to be alright? They're going to make you eat lots and lots of cake. You might get sick or hurt yourself eating so much of it."
"Oh Twilight, that's the entire point of this competition. If something like that ever did happen, which I doubt it will personally, I'll be able to handle it."
It wasn't in the unicorn's nature to doubt her astute princess, and hearing her reassurances made the uneasy feelings subside, but it was still a cause for concern if something happened.
Pinkie Pie bounced over to the winner of the preliminaries and enthusiastically showed her own happiness at the turn out.
"That was great Princess! Too bad I didn't sign up for the ICEC before the deadline, 'cause those cakes look really good!"
As the ponies discussed the coming events and gave their co-ruler more praise, the other side of this cake-loving coin was turned toward a different direction. Ratburn had shuffled brokenly off of the platform, making his way back to the three kids, still fuming from the elusive sun goddess' win. Even with as ticked off as he was, his loyal followers in the stands roared triumphantly at his domination of the overall match.
Ratburn somehow silenced the entire rowdy bunch by throwing a warning hand up, ordering them to cease. He didn't actually think it would work, but given his reputation, he was grateful for the ability. He wasn't in the mood to be cheered for such a grievous failure. Head down, he approached the seats of his pupils, where he was bombarded with more praise.
"I've never seen someone eat so much cake in so little time in my entire life, Mr. Ratburn! That was incredible!"
Ratburn looked at Arthur, the first to compliment him, and smiled distantly. "You're too kind, Arthur, but I'm afraid that this isn't a good sign. That Celestia, I should have been the victor here, not her!"
"Why not?" Buster asked with just as much pep in his voice as the aardvark, "You creamed those other guys! They didn't stand a chance!"
Francine sputtered as she listened to the rat demean his own performance, "Geez Mr. Ratburn, I'm surprised you aren't happier about this! I really shouldn't have doubted you, because you just wasted them in not even a minute!"
Ratburn sighed drearily while he sat, resting his stomach, which in all honesty wasn't even hurting, but it was good to take it easy for the ordeals to come.
"I don't know...it makes me nervous. If I was beaten by her so easily here, what's to say she won't steal the title out from under my whiskers?"
"Come on, Champ!" Arthur tried his best to motivate him, and get him over his cold feet, "That isn't any way for a cake lover like you to think! You're unstoppable, and I think you'll definitely win!"
Ratburn put his hands on his head, thinking about the next events with no small amount of dread. Eventually, he opened his eyes, something snapping to attention inside of him, all of the work he had done for this challenge and for his precious molten masterpieces simply could not go to waste.
"Alright," he stood from his sitting position, balling a fist into the air with rising determination, "I'll have to give it my all, but I'm going to best that pony, and show her who the real deal is around here!"
The next few rounds really were not that important. I mean, at this point, who do you think were the two who got to the final round? Sure, it was difficult for them. Ratburn threw many tantrums when that one person in the stands booed him, and he was about ready to run over there and start an inter-dimensional incident. For someone whose job revolved around intellectual criticism, he sure didn't like taking it, and practically flipped them the bird whenever they would jeer at him. Who would do such a thing, you ask? Well, mostly Celestia supporters, but also some trolls who had come to the competition to make fun of all the "fat-asses who should be picking up weights, and spending less time picking up forks".
Nevertheless, Ratburn smoked the other glaze gobblers with his terrifying stamina, seemingly endless intestine length, and...his secret weapon...chocolate laxatives. His rectum might be a gaping hole after this, but by god, he would have a perfectly prepared stomach every match! He had eaten his way through to the final round, making this his twenty-first year to do so.
Celestia was enjoying similar outcomes of her own, stomping out her opposition one at a time. Just like the other long-time finalist, she too had some difficulties keeping the various cakes down, and having not used the laxative boost the other had, she was fast but had to start pacing herself. Where she excelled in speed, Ratburn excelled in volume, and even more so as he shut down an entire porter-john with a massive load of half-digested desserts. Oh heavens, the humanity of it all!
Anyway, however Ratburn and Celestia had done it, they were one more monstrous cake away from this year's Grand Champion title, and bragging rights to all of their friends, who would then make fun of their deep, unwholesome layer lust. It took an entire crew of hired hands to set up the sturdy table the gigantic hot sauce-laced, chocolate-frosted vanilla cake would sit upon, and to stack up, one at a time, the levels of fiery hot inferno, six feet wide by eight feet high. The captive audience spoke amongst each other, making various comments about the two warriors, or their latest conundrum itself.
"This is it Mr. Ratburn," Arthur looked upon the half-dead chewer, burping every five seconds, and a slimy mix of perspiration, his competitors' vomit, and other unknown bodily fluids staining his shirt, "one more of these, and you'll be the winner!"
Although the sight of him was disgusting to the three anthropomorphic students, they were exalted to know someone so dedicated, talented, and stupid enough to nearly kill himself for this challenge.
"Oh...oh goodness...I don't...I don't know if...I can...make it, children..."
"You've gotta do it Mr. Ratburn," Francine almost knocked him over with a pat on the back, making his eyes bulge painfully, "you're so close!"
"Yeah," Buster gave him a confident look, "you aren't just going to let that pony princess take away your hard-earned prize now, are you?"
Ratburn fell to his knees, planting his hands into the ground. Standing was momentarily not an option as he heaved to quell the garbles in his stomach.
"Ugh...you're right, I must...I must beat her! That's the only real reason I come here anyway, to see the look on her face when I wrench the ultimate victory out of her grubby little hooves!"
He coughed up something that could've been mistaken for green icing, though could just as easily have been his shredding organs. Arthur brought him over his water bottle, letting him sip liberally from the long spout. The relief was quenching as he breathed a little easier, clearing the way to eat further than he had felt possible before.
"Thank you, Arthur, I won't let you kids down! Even if this thing kills me, I'm going to win this for all of you!"
Ratburn ran to the porter-john one last time to the concerned looks of his charges, flushing out the rest of his system and preparing for the final showdown.
"Okay Princess Celestia, just one more round and then you'll have beaten everypony and won the Grand Championship!"
Although Twilight was trying to motivate her, Celestia was having trace issues hearing her star pupil over the deafening scream of her stomach to stop abusing it. Her immaculate white coat had become greyish and stained with sweat. The billowy mane she usually kept was now getting matted down in her face and fur with the heavy clamminess. Sprawled out on the ground, gracefully mind you, she huffed heavily, wondering if the next fight would be her last.
"Ugh...Twilight, I don't feel so well right now. I'm not sure I'll be able to defeat Ratburn at this rate."
Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie, who by now were so into the action that they were almost as fanatic as some of those in the stands, had run up to the princess' side to try to pick her up off the ground. The feat ended up being more arduous than either had expected.
"Oof...come on, Princess," Dash huffed as she fanned the alicorn with her wings and tried to assist Pinkie in lifting her to her hooves, "you've only got ONE MORE MATCH!"
Pinkie grunted trying to pick up the sun mare, finding it near impossible for her to do it alone with her size and cake-filled insides. "You can't let that nasty, naughty rat win! He's such a meanie to everypony, and he'll rub it in your face if he does!"
As she was being unsuccessfully hoisted up by her pink subject, Celestia thought back to every championship where Ratburn had come out on top, including the last. How he would pompously throw those "fists" of his in the air and give a primal shout to the audience, even daring members of the stands to come down and challenge him, as if he were some kind of super-mouse. He would cup his ears as the crowd cheered him on, implying that they weren't screaming loudly enough. Then, the worst part of all...the crotch thrust... There were young, impressionable children in this audience after all, and he would wave his lower body around obscenely like some kind of sloppy belly dancer! What's worse, his own moronic fan-base would be hooting and hollering while he did it.
No, that kind of debauchery would not be displayed here today! If Celestia had anything to say about it, she would make Ratburn pay for every shattered childhood that dirty dance embodied! She lifted herself up eventually, spurred on by her own musings. Shakily, she greeted her cheerleaders with a warm, weary grin.
"My thanks again, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and you too Twilight. I'm not at my best, but I think I've got enough in me for the final fight. This is just something I have to do! Ratburn and I have been at odds for many years, and part of the grandeur of the ICEC is when I beat him and make him retreat back to his home-world like a cowardly rodent, which I suppose this time is here in Elwood City."
Twilight put a hoof on her mentor's shoulder in support, "I think that it's a great thing to have such passion for a competition, I'm sure you will be victorious, Princess! Just please, be careful out there."
Celestia reassured the unicorn she would be fine, taking a few calming breaths and making her way back over to start the grand finale.
"Ladies, Gentleman, and...creatures of all ages," the announcer wildly recited into his microphone near center stage, "our cake eaters have fought valiantly, voraciously, and vehemently to stride toward the top of this humongous pyramid we call the Inter-dimensional Cake Eating Challenge! Now, two finalists have earned their way up, eliminating wave after wave of rigorous battlers, and persevering in the face of fullness! These two superior sages of the slurp are none other than Mr. Nigel Ratburn and Princess Celestia of Equestria!"
Ratburn walked out onto the field, a thunderous racket vibrating the "stadium". He acknowledged his fans with brazen gusto, throwing his arms up and giving a scream representative of his excitement. Celestia walked calmly out onto her side of the cake, earning plenty more whistles and cat-calls from the audience. She put on a big smile and waved to her loving fans.
"YEAH, GO MR. RATBURN!" Arthur, Buster, and Francine yelled on the sidelines.
"GOOD LUCK, PRINCESS CELESTIA!" Twilight, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie Pie cheered for their ruler.
As they approached the darkly frosted mammoth on either side of the table, Ratburn and Celestia met eyes once again, staring daggers into the other.
"This is it, Princess," Ratburn chuckled menacingly, "ready to be sent packing with your consolation prize?"
Celestia's fake smirk oozed condescension as she responded.
"If anyone's going home with a consolation prize, it's going to be you, Ratburn!"
In a show of aggressive dominance, Ratburn slammed his palms on the table in front of him, taking up a fighting stance dramatically. With a lack of such unbridled fury, Celestia nevertheless leaned into her side of the cake, the sharp sting in her eyes not letting up on the obstacle to her trophy.
The announcer, seeing the unbreakable focus in the two participants' faces, needed not ask them if they were ready. His skin was already boiling under the intense pressure these two exuded.
"Alright," he passionately started up again, "the rules in this final match are clear! The one with the highest amount of cake eaten in the fastest time will be our winner! This is it everyone, prepare yourselves!"
On a large screen over the audiences' heads, the number three showed in big red dots. As it did so, the announcer yelled into the microphone ravenously while everyone else counted down with him.
"THREE...TWO...ONE...GOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
The observers could swear that the cake violently jiggled with the shark-like impact Ratburn and Celestia made on the bottom of the huge behemoth. Their jaws were set in motion, eviscerating the tasty concoction with every fibrous muscle they could employ. They desperately sucked down every little drop they could with lightning speed, dreading the harmful after effects.
Ratburn felt the heat first. His throat burned painfully, his mouth was on fire, and his eyes nearly swelled shut from the devilish hot sauce bath the innocent-looking cake was basted in. His howl of discomfort was little more than a moan as he continued to ravish further into the deadly delicacy.
Celestia wasn't far off, as her trademark velocity faltered considerably under the incredible blistering sensation on her tongue, as well as the heavy, peppered smell invading her nostrils. Her own eyes viced together wantonly to expel the foreign feelings, but she blindly dug through the melting marvel, trying to remember to rasp breaths through her throat despite the anguish.
Wherever their mouths felt the substance, it was quickly ingested and forgotten for the morsels around it. Without their normal sight, it was all they could really do. They were neck and neck with one another, both frenzied participants not giving up any head way. At the climactic final moments of their struggle, Ratburn and Celestia's stomachs broiling angrily, and their eyes sealed shut by a trail of tears, they had consumed about four fifths of the cake together while their watchers were frantically clamoring, and just had a little more...just a little more...
"GO GO COME ON MR. RATBURN!"
"PUSH IT TO THE MAX, PRINCESS CELESTIA!"
A few more pieces left... A few more... THEY'RE DONE!...
Cries and laughter ascended to a fever pitch, as the fans were absolutely convinced that the one they were routing for had eaten the most in the least amount of time.
Wait a minute...what's going on with them...what are they doing?
Ratburn and Celestia had finished, alright, but something strange was happening on center stage. Arthur took off his glasses, then put them back on, after his jaw dropped, just to be sure what he had seen was not an illusion. Buster was sitting next to him at the time, and his face turned from a solid white to a pale greenish-red, looking disoriented and like he was about to be sick. Francine just gaped uncontrollably, every once in a while shouting disbelief.
"Wh...wh...wh...wh...wh...WHAT?"
Twilight's tongue lolled out of her mouth with a disgusted sneer in her eyes, blanching at the scene she could have sworn was a trick of the light. Pinkie Pie didn't seem to be too weirded out by it though, she thought it was somewhat...quaint...actually. This wasn't so with Rainbow Dash, who could be heard mewling in hilarious disgust.
"Yuck...that's just so...yuck!"
A stunned, horrified drop in sound seemed to reverberate throughout the crowded seats of fans, some even showing their own displeasure at such a freaky scene. One little kid even screeched through the stadium.
Ratburn and Celestia were inexplicably wrapped up in devouring that cake and claiming victory. However, after their eyes were clamped shut, there was no way they could've known when to stop. Ratburn felt a weird pressure on his lips, it was unlike the foamy texture that seemed to give in with a press of his tongue and teeth. In fact, whatever road block he had just come upon was similarly working against his mouth greedily. The firm, silky warmth was certainly not unpleasant, but he had a match to win, and nothing would get in his way.
Celestia knew she had won this match when the deafening yells reached her ears. However, as she tried to finish off the rest of the cake, a slightly rough, wriggly texture, unlike the feasted on morsels, worked in tandem against her lips. It tickled a little, and wasn't entirely unwanted, but she was determined to focus on her mission.
However, once the grating sound of a little child's voice punctured both of their ears...
"EEEEEEEEEW! LOOK MOMMY, THEY'RE KIIIIIIISSING!"
As the heat of the sauce subsided, Ratburn's eyes shot open, wide as dinner plates, pretty surprising considering they're usually little beads. Upon Celestia's recovery, she too wrenched her eyes open, able to now see the precarious position that she and Ratburn were stuck in.
As they pulled away from each other quickly, time and the randy whistling from the crowd froze. They disbelievingly stared at their rival, wondering why the hell either of them had gotten into that position in the first place. They took note that there was some kind of red dust on the others cheeks. Could that possibly have been the hot sauce or... They glanced away quickly, uncomfortable under the curious gaze of their competitor, quickly stealing little looks when they thought the other wasn't looking. Surely it was an accident, but more importantly for Ratburn and Celestia, it had been a rush. It had been...pretty damn exciting...despite their sloppy, uncouth circumstances.
A seat for each competitor had been placed close to the tournament table, and both of them bashfully took their seats. They should've been clamoring for the results of the battle. They should have been tearing each others heads off for cheating. They should have been smearing the remains of the frosting in the faces of their equal, now trumped in the fight that really counted. It was especially a wonder how both of them were not moaning for a bathroom or showing any signs of stomach cramping at all! However, the thick oohs, ahs, and giggling sighs of the crowd that had watched the two swap more than just cake residue sobered their fighting spirit. Not to mention the unintentionally passionate display was a little more than conflicting for them too, and mitigated the pains in their bodies that they would certainly feel tomorrow.
The announcer's own jaw had yet to be proverbially picked up from the contest floor as the judges and proctor made their way over to him. They whispered a few little statements into his ears, earning back some of his attention and driving him out of his shock induced coma.
"Oh...yes...the results," the announcer cleared his throat again and addressed the crowd, eager to see who had come out the Grand Champion, and some who just wanted Ratburn to make out with Celestia again.
"This has been the closest judgement in the history of the ICEC! Without further ado, since I have to run home soon and change my pants after that unpredictable exchange..."
The crowd leaned in with a "hmmmmmmmm". The contestants, as drained of all energy as they were, still perked their ears to listen to who had won.
"The winner, and new Inter-dimensional Cake Eating Challenge Grand Champion is...!"
A/N - "is...a CLIFF HANGER!" AHAHAHAHA! Don't worry guys, I won't leave you in the dark for long, since this will be a multi-chapter work. Thanks, bye.