Piece By Piece

by anyadoll

When Lindy returns after six months away, she finds a lot has changed, and maybe not for the better. At least, not for her.

A/N: It's been awhile since I've written, work hours and all. Hopefully this goes over well! I feel like its been written before, but I couldn't help it. It's been eating at me to write it, and it's literally taken me like 8 days to do it. The lyrics are "Little Do You Know," by Alex & Sierra.

Piece By Piece

XOX

Little do you know

How I'm breaking while you fall asleep

Little do you know

I'm still haunted by the memories

Little do you know

I'm trying to pick myself up piece by piece

Little do you know

I need a little more time…

XOX

She wasn't blind.

A little cruel, maybe, playing with his heart like she did. It was underhanded, beneath her even, but she was desperate to find her sister. He knew she'd do anything to find Sara, she'd told him as much long ago.

But blind…no, that certainly wasn't the case. Lindy could still see the war in his eyes the night Jake led her from Hart Island; the fear that he'd lost her for good, the sheer worry that maybe, for a moment, she truly did love the psychopath. And then there was the resolute devotion that glint like steel as he said he'd never stop looking for her.

She knew then, without a glimmer of a doubt.

Tommy loved her.

Lindy sighed, forehead leaning against the cool, grimy windowpane. She glanced at her watch, half expecting hours to have passed. The revelation she'd had that night on an island full of unclaimed death was part of the reason she'd run so fast and so far. With no goodbyes, and no promises of returning, she thought she'd feel free.

Of course that wasn't the case. She'd had to give Tommy a small piece of closure before she boarded the bus to her hometown. The conversation played over and over in her mind. She knew he was sorry, for everything. And she'd been so determined to be angry with him that she forgot Ben had lied and manipulated her too.

But Ben was dead, and it was easier to blame the living.

So she left, the free feeling only dragging her down the more she thought about Sophia, and George, and Tommy. Lindy had picked up a burner phone a thousand times, ready to call her best friend, or her favorite hacker, or even the cop that had a hand in shaping her fate.

Then the sick, twisting feeling that she'd only be putting them at risk, or in more danger than even Jake caused would creep back in, and she'd toss the burner into the nearest trashcan.

How dare she drag someone into her tumultuous life? She'd already gotten Ben, her first love, killed. Tessa. Reese. Oliver. All gone. Hell, Catherine and Sophia had nearly died because of her.

Lindy swallowed thickly at the bitter memories that accompanied each name. Death followed her like a walking shadow. She didn't deserve Tommy's love.

Time seemed to crawl as she grew closer to her destination. Suburban cookie cutter houses slowly blurred into a gritty cityscape. Graffiti walls replaced flower bedecked fences. She checked her phone impatiently, foot tapping a rhythmic nervous beat as she shifted restlessly in the uncomfortable bus seat.

Despite the lie she couldn't—or hadn't yet—forgiven him for, Lindy did have to give Tommy some credit. He'd kept the promise he made to her on that night so many months ago.

He searched. She watched him interview neighbors from rooftops and side streets she hadn't traveled since she was a kid. He spoke at length to former classmates from so long ago now she barely remembered their names, and knew without a doubt that he used George's skill set to try tracking her digital footprints.

She hated that she had to make it so hard for him.

The brakes squealed as the bus came to a grinding stop, jolting her out of her reverie. Lindy swung her bag over her shoulder, moving to the front of the bus.

Last stop, New York City, she thought.

XOX

Little do you know

I know you're hurting while I'm sound asleep

Little do you know

All my mistakes are slowly drowning me

Little do you know

I'm trying to make it better piece by piece…

XOX

He was tired.

Tired of the endless searching that turned up nothing but more questions than answers.

Tired of living with the notion that this was his fault, and could have been prevented by being honest with Lindy from the get go. About Bubonic, the undercover assignment, the potential whereabouts of her sister, Catherine's involvement, Ben getting there first…it was just too much.

Tommy closed his apartment door, leaning back heavily against the frame. He subsisted on coffee, barely slept, and when he wasn't actually working, he was hunting down any lead he could find on Lindy.

Sophia—with Connor, George, and even Yeager in tow—had tried to get him to go out to IRL with them at least once a week when Sophia was released from the hospital soon after Lindy vanished. In the beginning he'd turned them down. Now it was his only solace, hoping one day Sophia would excitedly tell him Lindy had contacted her, or George finally got a blip on his digital radar, anything to keep him sane. If he was being honest, he figured Sophia needed the comfort of someone who cared about Lindy as much as she did around, if just to keep from going as crazy as he was.

Because Tommy couldn't keep going like this much longer.

And what he feared more than anything was that Lindy didn't want to be found.

That fear only came second to Lindy never coming back.

He shook his head, rubbing a hand down his face as Boris eyed him sadly.

"Yeah, I'm pathetic, I know. You don't have to rub it in," he mumbled to his dog. "But after six months, you start to get the message."

Stop looking.

But he couldn't. And it wasn't just about a promise he made to Ben to keep her safe, or to her on that island, that he'd never give up looking for her.

He was in love with her. So for him there was no stopping.

Tommy cracked his knuckles as he pulled a beer out of the fridge, filling Boris's bowl with food. Boris barked a happy thanks as he dove in. Tommy laughed, shaking his head and popping a can of spaghetti-o's into the microwave. It was a sad realization that Boris ate better than he did nowadays.

Spaghetti-o's in hand, he finally settled in with his laptop open on the kitchen table running facial recognition software. This was his routine aside from going to IRL every Friday night and the occasional coffee update with Sophia on Sunday mornings, his days remained the same.

He appreciated that no one was pushing him to move on. Oh, he could see it written across their faces, the pity in their eyes every time a 5'5 brunette, skinny as a pole, walked into the precinct and the hope would rise in his chest, until she'd turn and he'd be left feeling more defeated than before.

Massaging his forehead to prevent the onslaught of another awful headache, he'd barely started running the program when a ping sounded from the laptop. Tommy froze.

It was a sound he hadn't heard in over six months.

He clicked around, a giddy feeling washing over him. A bus ticket. Purchased in her name. With her credit card. To New York City.

"Not so pathetic after all!" Tommy mocked, glaring at Boris who just cocked his head as if to say, sure, but you're still talking to your dog.

Footage of Lindy at the bus stop made his stomach twist and heart flip. The video footage was grainy at best, but he'd know her anywhere. He glanced at the time stamp on the video; three hours ago. She'd be in the city now.

Without a second's hesitation, he was already throwing his leather jacket on, badge around his neck, keys in hand, searching his contacts for Sophia's number. (Yeager would, of course, be there by default. That was one secret that didn't need to be hacked or uncovered. They'd been together shortly after Sophia was released) Tommy's thumb hovered over the name while he opened his door, colliding with the person on the other side of the entryway.

His eyes met hers, stealing the air from his lungs.

"Lindy," he whispered breathlessly.

XOX

Underneath it all

I'm held captive by the hole inside

I've been holding back

For the fear that you might change your mind

I'm ready to forgive you

But forgetting is a harder fight…

XOX

For a moment, she looked like she was ready to run. Again.

Tommy reflexively gripped her elbow, holding her in place so she couldn't bolt. He felt stuck between conflicting emotions; half of him wanted to yell and demand to know what the hell she'd been thinking and where she'd been for six months, the other wanted to pull her in and never let go.

The latter won out in the end.

Using his grip on her elbow as leverage, he pulled her to him tightly. A minute passed before she responded, easing her arms around his narrow torso. She was startled by how much thinner he seemed, not that she had much room to judge.

Stones and glass houses and all that.

"I never stopped," Tommy whispered into her hair. The sudden urge to laugh overwhelmed him, but he knew it would lead to tears if he started.

Lindy's throat caught, saying, "I know," before the first sob broke through. It hit her like a flood, finally freeing itself after a year of stoic anger and regret and self-loathing. He held her as her body shook and she cried for everything she'd lost, and more so for everyone.

It was past midnight by the time she'd calmed, and even then he was afraid to move or speak. He was too afraid she'd leave him again.

He squeezed her a little tighter after that.

"It's not like I have anywhere to go," she whispered, feeling the tension rolling off of him.

Tommy looked at her, startled. He wondered for a moment if he'd spoken aloud. She sniffed, a weak, watery smile touching her lips as she rolled her eyes. "Sometimes you're easier to read than you think," Lindy observed.

He didn't really have a response to that, so instead he nodded towards his door. "So…in or out?"

She flashed him a small smile, finally crossing his threshold and closing the door behind her with a finality he'd never seen in her before. Lindy always seemed like a free spirit to him, weighed down only by her sister's disappearance. Nothing was going to make her stay. Not for long, anyway. She was always chasing leads. He knew better than to get his hopes up that she'd stay for him.

Tommy moved to his fridge to grab another beer for himself and one for Lindy, while Lindy roamed around the foreign space, zeroing in on his laptop. "You meant it, you really didn't stop looking," she quietly noted the papers littered across his kitchen table; bank statements dating back four months ago, electronic receipts, interview notes, a list of possible locations and people from her old life. She knew he was determined, but this was…more, somehow. Tears welled in her eyes again, but she blinked them away rapidly.

He gently closed his laptop, setting the beer on top of it. "I promised, didn't I?" Tommy countered. "Lord knows you didn't make it easy. Not that you make anything easy."

"Tommy," she said wearily, picking at the beer label.

"Why now? Radio silence for six months, and then you buy a bus ticket in your name with your credit card? I've been driving myself insane tracking cash receipts and the world's smallest digital footprint for a living person let alone hacker that I've ever seen, and you chose now to make yourself visible. What for?" Tommy demanded, voice rising considerably.

"For you," Lindy stated simply.

Tommy deflated, shaking his head. "What does that even mean, Lindy?"

"It means I'm not an idiot," she said, crossing her arms over her chest as she sat down opposite him; Tommy on the couch, her perched on the edge of the makeshift coffee table he still hadn't gotten around to replacing. "And trying to stay off the grid is hard, and exhausting, and it gives you more time to think than it should," she finished softly.

Tommy ran a hand through his hair. "You don't get to say that Lindy, you don't get to think that showing up at my front door makes this, any of it, better. You left me," he ranted, realizing he sounded like a scared child abandoned by his friends. "And Sophia, and George…and now we're even."

He moved off the couch, heading towards his bedroom. Lindy sat stunned, before following after him.

Tommy tossed his shirt into the corner. Zero to angry in sixty seconds. Good job, why don't you just tell her you love her while you're at it. That should scare her off for at least another three years, he thought bitterly.

He wasn't going to forgive her for leaving them high and dry any time soon.

Lindy decided to drop one subject in exchange for another. "You know, I've never seen your apartment. Never knew you had a dog. Didn't realize you were such a minimalist either," she said a little sadly, leaning against the door frame.

"And you're suddenly interested in my apartment and décor because?" he countered sarcastically. He didn't bother putting a shirt on, watching the light pink flush spread across her cheeks.

She looked away. "Back when I was with Ben, we'd hang out at his place, and mine…but never yours. For the longest time I thought you hated me. You were best friends, partners, even if I didn't know that at the time. It didn't seem odd until after he died that I knew so little about you. I mean, clearly I didn't know Ben either, but…" she trailed off, still resting against the doorway. The look on her face was pained when she spoke again. "You didn't really want me to get to know you, and you certainly didn't want to get to know me."

"No," Tommy sighed. "No, I didn't. But I wasn't lying when I said I regretted not telling you, that it was all before I knew you, Lindy. After everything we've been through this last year...you're…you've become important to me."

Lindy smiled at his small confession. "I forgive you," she paused, letting it sink in. "Forgave you awhile ago, really."

Tommy's gaze shot to hers, confused. "Why would you? I can barely forgive myself."

"I've had six months to think about everything, Tommy. I'll never forget what was done, but I can at least forgive you after everything that's happened to us. You saved me, so many times. I learned that Sara's alive, even if I haven't found a trace of her in the months I've been gone. And I can't do this alone, no matter how hard I try."

He was speechless, unable to really fathom a response. He nodded. "Thank you, it…that means a lot." Lindy moved into the room, coming to a stop little more than two feet away from the cop.

"So, Tommy, will you help me find Sara?"

He tilted his head, sizing her up. "On two conditions."

She smirked. "Source works for the Cop, Source listens to the Cop. Is that how it went?"

Tommy laughed. "Right, because clearly that worked out so well the first time."

"No need to get snarky," she grinned. "So what are these conditions?"

"You can't leave like that again. At all. If you want my help, then we're in this together. No matter what we find," Tommy recited. Lindy nodded, accepting the parameters. "And I want you to work with me, at the CCU. You can be a consultant if you want, but that's the only way this is going to work. Besides, George loves it, he gets to play with all the best toys, so you'd have a friend. And we could use those resources to really look for Sara."

"I accept," she agreed, holding her hand out to shake his. Once she had his hand she didn't let go, feeling the small tingle of electricity. By the way he flinched she knew he felt it too. "We're friends, right?" Lindy said carefully, gaging his reaction.

A sigh of exasperation overtook him. "Honestly Lindy, I don't know what we are," Tommy answered her, a bit bewildered by the strange question.

"How about partners then?" She offered.

"Partners it is," he replied.

Lindy eyed him, watching the emotions flicker across his face. Apprehension, disappointment, resignation, acceptance. She finally let go of his hand.

"Partners has a better ring to it than Cop and Source anyway," she added, a yawn interrupting the end of her observation.

"Look, it's been a long night, why don't you get some sleep and you can tell me everything you've done in the past six months. I took tomorrow," he glanced at the alarm clock on his side table, shaking his head as three forty-five blinked at him harshly. "Today, I guess, off to track down a lead…"

Tommy stilled, letting the sentence fall away.

"A lead on me," she finished faintly. This close to him, Lindy could see the purple-blue bags under his eyes, the hollow cheekbones. There were more worry lines creased in his forehead, and she could tell it had probably been ages since he'd smiled.

He nodded.

"I'm really, really sorry Tommy."

"We'll talk about it in the morning, when we have clearer heads," he said. "I'll take the couch, you look like you haven't slept on a real bed since you left. Clothes are in the drawer," Tommy added, already on his way out of the room without waiting for her to protest.

"You look like you haven't slept at all," she said quietly, after he left the room.

Lindy sighed. This was harder than she thought it'd be. She didn't expect him to fall over himself and proclaim his love for her, that wasn't in either of their natures. But she expected…something. Validation of some sort. He was hesitant, apprehensive, and even more closed off then he'd been before. But she'd left, and he'd spent half a year looking for the girl that didn't want to be found.

Looking around the room, she picked up the shirt he'd deposited in the corner. She changed quickly, pulling the white v-neck tee over her head. It had been so long since she'd had anything familiar, and the smell of Tommy's shirt solidified that she was home again. It was lemon soap and too much coffee, and all Tommy.

Lindy closed her eyes the moment her head hit his pillow, exhausted.

XOX

Tommy woke to the sound of his phone ringing sometime around six. He huffed, grabbing the offending device. Two hours of brutal, not quite sleep, was becoming the norm for him. "Detective Calligan," he answered bitingly.

"She's back, isn't she," he heard Catherine Shaw say by way of greeting. He tensed immediately.

"Yes, she is." There really was no point in lying.

"And how is she?"

Tommy searched for a word to describe Lindy's state last night. "Tired. Alone," he grimaced at his next sentence. "She's agreed to be my consultant."

Catherine mulled this over, a smile he couldn't see making its way across the captain's lips. "Really? That's interesting. Why don't you make the most of these next couple days off, Detective. Convince her leaving is not in her best interest again," she commanded, not exactly subtle in what she really meant to say.

Tommy wanted to laugh. Catherine was certainly invested in Lindy, and Lindy with Tommy even more so. "I don't think that's exactly what she's here for. She wants my help finding Sara."

"And far be it from you, Tommy Calligan, to say no to that girl," Catherine smirked knowingly. "Enjoy your weekend detective."

The line disconnected without any other warning.

"Subtle," he muttered aloud, glaring at the phone. His gaze landed on his bedroom door. She certainly knew how to make an entrance, if Catherine had tracked her down too.

He knew sleep wouldn't return, so he made his way towards the bedroom, twisting the knob carefully. Running would take his mind off of everything that had changed in the past seven hours, or at least help him gain some perspective. Tommy eased the door open, moving to the dresser.

Lindy shifted restlessly in her sleep. At least he wasn't the only one. It took him a moment of observation to realize she was wearing the shirt he'd taken off only a few hours ago. His heart flipped a little at the sleeping girl he's spent so long searching for. Maybe she'd missed him as much as he missed her, attitude and all.

He turned away, rummaging around in the drawer for a pair of sweat pants and another tee. She could keep that one. Sliding the drawer closed, he tried to make a hasty exit, knowing she needed the sleep.

"Tommy?" he heard her small voice ask. He looked over, her brown eyes watching him, sleepily but awake enough.

"Sorry, I couldn't sleep. Gonna go for a run. You should sleep though," he answered her unasked question.

"So should you," she countered, concern in her tone. "Haven't you lost enough sleep over me?"

Tommy didn't answer that. He couldn't. "I won't be gone long, just going to run around the park," he said instead.

Lindy's shoulders dropped slightly. "I can't sleep either. Not since I left. His face is all I see when I close my eyes, Tommy."

Tommy winced, not really wanting to relive this part of the events.

She continued though, and he was remiss to leave her alone. "I can't get him out of my head. I trusted him," she said, the words choking her.

That misplaced trust made it worse for her. She'd…let him in, in more ways than one and he'd lied to her the whole time. Killed as a gift, to her. She shivered at the thought of him touching her, his hands all over. She wanted it to go away, the disgust and loathing. But it wouldn't, no matter how hard she tried.

Lindy looked up when she felt the mattress dip close to her knees. "Why do you think I don't sleep anymore," he said, not asking for an answer.

He knew. Jake's taunts still haunted him. Go on, ask me what it was like to be with her…intimately…

Lindy saw the darkness of a memory she wasn't privy to creep into his eyes. His fist clenched the bed sheets. She could feel the conversation turn sideways.

"It wasn't true," she whispered. "What I said on that island. I never loved him. I had to get us out of there, alive. It was the only way. I knew he wouldn't hurt me. But you…he would have killed you Tommy, and I couldn't live with that."

"Why, Lindy? It's not like we're friends. We lost someone we both cared about. That's what binds us together. You are 'Ben's Lindy,' that's who you are," he said bitterly. Contempt for himself coating each word.

"That's who I was," she replied, insulted. "And if that's all I am to you, your dead best friend's girlfriend, then maybe I was wrong. Maybe I'm the idiot after all."

Lindy huffed, throwing the covers back and getting out of the bed. She pulled her jacket on over his shirt, threw on her jeans and slid into her well-worn boots, angry with herself. Tommy didn't move.

She made it to the doorway before she heard him. The wounded look in his eyes stopping her.

"You said you came back for me. You didn't say why," he said, condescension in his tone.

Lindy swallowed hard, suddenly itching to leave and half wishing she'd never brought the subject up.

"I know you didn't just come back because I can help you find your sister. You could have gone to George for that," Tommy stood, moving slowly towards her throughout his speech. "You didn't come back because you missed home, you would have gone to Sophia, or shown up at IRL. No, you came to me, Lindy. You made yourself visible so I'd see you. You wanted me to know you were here in New York. I just want to know why," he rallied, eyes flashing.

She refused to back down as he loomed over her smaller frame. "I didn't like the way I left things with you. I almost called you, so many times. I was on that bus before I really knew where I was going," she said defiantly. "And you're right, we share a common loss. We both loved him. But we're more than two people who lost someone. That doesn't define us, Tommy."

"You're deflecting. And avoiding," he said pointedly.

"And suddenly you're a shrink?" Lindy mocked.

"No, Lindy, when a serial killer murders your best friend, attacks your captain, and kidnaps the girl you—" he stopped himself, scrubbing a hand across his face in irritation. He'd said too much already. Her brown eyes went wide, piercing through the remains of the invisible shield he carried. "They force you to see a lot of psychologists, okay?"

"No, it's not okay Tommy. Why don't you just say what you want to say?" she prodded.

Tommy's gaze settled on hers. Sadness flickered in his hazel eyes. "Because I just can't, Lindy," he said witheringly.

"Can't, or won't?"

She searched his fleeting expression for any sign that he didn't want this too, any hint that if she made a move he'd push her away. Lindy leaned in closer, her right hand loosely knocking into his left. She twined her fingers with his one by one, waiting to see if he'd pull back. When he didn't, she laced their hands together, squeezing gently.

Tommy stared at their hands, tangled together. He hated that it felt right. He hated that he loved her. He hated himself, knowing Ben would hate him for this.

She could feel his erratic pulse from where their hands were clasped. His warm breath on her face was uneven. Lindy placed her left hand on his chest over his heart, startling him from wherever he'd gone.

"If you can't say it," she began tentatively. "Show me."

Tommy gripped the hand she laid on his chest, slowly moving it away.

"Don't ask me for something you don't really want Lindy," he responded, the resentment back once more. "Don't…do this to me. It's not fair."

Hurt filled her eyes. He was rejecting her. "I'd say us and fair aren't exactly terms that belong in the same sentence anymore. What are you so afraid of Tommy? Losing me, or loving me?" she shouted in frustration.

Once the question was out in the universe of his tiny apartment, it could no longer be taken back. The startled look she saw in his eyes told her everything she needed to know. He conceded losing her because Ben's intentions were good. He didn't want her hurt, or used, and in all reality, Ben was the better man for her. But these things never go as planned. She still got hurt, was still used as an end to justify the means. His best friend got the girl first, despite how he felt. Betraying his friend now that he'd died, that crushed him.

The thick silence was cut by the sharp ring of his phone once more. Tommy pulled the device out of his pocket, eyes never leaving hers.

"Detec—"

"Tommy! She's back! Lindy's back! Yeager just got a call from Captain Shaw! I can't believe it! Oh my God, I have to call Connor and George! We're totally having a party tonight at IRL! Have you seen her yet? Where do you think she went, cuz she doesn't know—"

"Sophia!" Tommy yelled over the shrieking. He'd never met anyone who spoke in exclamations as much as she did. "Give. Yeager. The phone. Please!" he punctuated over the young woman's excited babbling.

"Fine," she mumbled, put off. He knew it wouldn't last long.

He was relieved when Yeager answered. "You know where she is, don't you?" Yeager commented, though it was less a question than a statement of fact.

"She's here."

Tommy hung up after that. Yeager was a man who didn't speak unnecessarily, and right now Tommy appreciated that.

"Sophia has you on speed dial?" Lindy spoke up curiously, breaking the imposed silence. "She's okay?"

Tommy nodded, but didn't meet her gaze. "Why don't you go see your friend. I need…to go out for awhile."

Lindy agreed. They wouldn't make any progress right now. She'd scared him. She knew his secret, even if he didn't want to acknowledge it himself.

"C'mon, I'll drop you off," he offered, unable to shake the instinct to protect her, even if there was no immediate danger.

She rolled her eyes. "I'm pretty sure I know where my apartment is."

Tommy shot her a look. "Sophia's not there anymore Lindy. She sold the apartment. Between Ben and Tessa, and everything that happened there…" he trailed off, seeing the startled expression on her face. "It's been six months, did you expect her to wait for you to show up?"

He didn't say it maliciously, but it hurt all the same.

"You did," she said quietly.

"Yeah, well, no one died in my apartment," he replied briskly, ignoring the true meaning behind her comment. No, he hadn't dated anyone since she'd left. Not since he became involved in her life, really. Between his actual job and looking for her, it wasn't like he had the time to go out and meet women. "I'm gonna shower, there's coffee in the top cabinet if you want."

Lindy laid a hand on his forearm as he turned to head to the bathroom. "Thank you, for waiting."

XOX

I'll wait, I'll wait

I love you like you've never felt the pain

I'll wait

I promise you don't have to be afraid

I'll wait

The love is here and here to stay

So lay your head on me…

XOX

Seeing Sophia, alive, content, and above all her usual eccentric self had Lindy feeling equally happy her best friend had found something in this horrific mess to cling too, but also sad that she wasn't a part of it.

Sophia's reaction to her being home had gone about what she expected: lots of shrieking, and hugging, and then more yelling. She could see the zillion questions crossing her friend's face. Lindy only hoped Sophia would wait until Tommy left before she demanded details.

Things hadn't changed much, but the significance of the things that had felt like a punch to her stomach.

Lindy watched in strange fascination as Sophia greeted Tommy like they'd known each other for years, hugging him tightly. He gripped her shoulders reassuringly, Yeager standing quietly off to the side while Sophia made plans with Tommy too catch up on Sunday, but maybe for brunch. Yeager has a special date night planned.

George had shown up shortly after they arrived, and Connor just a few minutes behind him. The easy rapport the trio now had with the detective(s) intrigued Lindy. George made a joke before discussing a few work issues with Tommy, like if he'd get a tax break on his "carpet cleaning" van since he used it for stakeouts and looked chagrined when Tommy just eyed him warily. Connor demanded to know if the sexy new recruit he'd met at IRL was single and searching, to which Yeager grimaced as they gently informed him "Recruit McSexyPants"—Sophia's words, not theirs—was otherwise engaged. Literally.

Lindy realized it then. Like a bucket of ice water over her head. She had become the outsider in her own life.

Tommy laughed, a strange, sharp sound Lindy had never heard in the year and a half she'd known him. Sure, he laughed, but it had never been real. He clapped George on the back, shaking his head before nodding at Connor and giving Sophia a quick hug.

"Call me, if you need a ride," Tommy said pointedly as he headed out. She bobbed her head in agreement, suddenly overwhelmed as three sets of eyes turned to her simultaneously. Yeager had dismissed himself, knowing they'd all need some time, to which Lindy was grateful.

"Well, at least I know why you didn't come to me first," Sophia smirked deliberately. George tried to hide a laugh (not very well), and Connor just sat back looking smug. "Don't worry, I'll forgive you for that. I mean, look at him?"

Lindy gaped. "No, it's not like that, I just…I owed him an explanation," she said weakly, nervously picking at her nails.

"Right, says the girl wearing his shirt. You think by now I don't know what perfume you wear, or what soap you use? We lived together, remember. And we've hung out with Tommy enough to know what his wardrobe looks like," Sophia remarked bluntly.

"Yeah, about that, since when do you three hang out with not one, but two, cops?" Lindy demanded, glaring suspiciously at the three of them.

"Since you left, and we had no other connection to you but Tommy," George retorted, a bit more accusatory than Sophia. He sat back, crossing his arms.

"George, I'm sorry. I was looking for Sara—"

"It's not that Lindy, it's how you went about it. We wanted to help you. You don't get that. We're here, we've been here, waiting for you to come back," Sophia started, before quickly walking out of the room.

"I'm sorry," Lindy tried again. George sighed, defeated. He couldn't stay mad long.

"Lindy, think about this from Sophia's perspective. Tessa was murdered in her apartment, she was abducted, she was stabbed by Jake, and she woke up in the hospital to find out you were just gone. What did you expect?" He asked gently, ticking the list off with his fingers.

It's been six months, did you expect her to wait for you to show up? Tommy's earlier words echoed in her mind.

"This got awkward," Connor mumbled, going after Sophia.

Lindy stood, grabbing his arm. "Let me?"

Connor nodded. "She didn't take it well, okay?"

"Yeah, that seems to be the consensus," she muttered under her breath.

She found Sophia in the kitchen by the sink, the water running. "Are you actually doing dishes?" Lindy asked, awe in her voice.

Sophia hiccuped, a small laugh escaping. "Yeah, right. Not that much has changed since you've been gone," she shot back.

Lindy sighed. "I deserve that," she replied.

Sophia turned to face her, rolling her eyes. "How could you leave like that? I needed you Lindy! I woke up in a hospital bed to find out you just took off from Tommy! Do you have any idea how that feels?"

Lindy met Sophia's gaze. "Yeah, I do. That's why I'm so determined to find her."

"Right, Sara. Have you ever stopped to think she doesn't want to be found?"

"That's a cheap shot, especially for you," Lindy warned. Sophia didn't know how close to the actual truth she was.

Sophia sagged against the sink. "I'm sorry."

"I know. Me too."

The girls stood in silence for awhile, out of things to say. Lindy looked around the spacious kitchen, littered with plenty of very nice tools to cook with, a basket of apples and oranges in the center of the small table. "So is this your new place?" she asked, hoping for a better topic.

"Actually it's Yeager's. I've been crashing here since I left the hospital. I think I might just…stay though," she added nervously.

Lindy nodded. "Yeah, yeah that makes sense. You guys seem…seem happy. You should stay. I'm gonna find my own place anyway. Hopefully somewhere that has no gruesome history, current or otherwise."

"Are you sure Lindy? You're not…mad?" Sophia asked shyly.

Lindy moved to Sophia, pullng her into a hug. "No, I couldn't be mad at you for being happy."

"Thanks, you're the best. I mean, Tommy's got a pretty nice place after all," she hinted.

"I'd so rather not talk about that."

Sophia pulled back. "That boy has it bad, Lindy. It was like pulling teeth, trying to get him to come out to the club, or at all. I like him, I think he's good for you," she winked. "By the way, I kept your things in storage. I always figured you'd come back."

"Thank you, Sophia."

"Hey Lindy," Sophia started, as Lindy headed back to the living room.

"Yeah?"

"After everything, you can't expect him to wait forever."

Lindy bristled, but gave her best friend a grim smile.

The truth was, she had expected them all to wait for her. Somehow she thought she'd be able to come back and it would all go back to normal. But it wasn't, and it would never be normal again. And her expectations had been some kind of childish fantasy she'd cooked up to make herself feel better about abandoning them.

They'd moved past it all, the Flirtual Killer, her leaving. They had each other. Yeager and Sophia were together, maybe even cohabitating; Connor was…well, Connor. George was working with Tommy. According to Sophia, they made an effort to get together on a weekly basis to catch up and hang out.

Even Tommy had rejected her.

Lindy swallowed the lump rising in her throat. "I'll see you later," she said as quickly as she could, running past George and practically fleeing the apartment.

She made it three blocks before she broke down, leaning against a brick wall in a dim alley, wondering if she'd made the right choice.

Breathing jagged, she decided to go to the one place no one would find her.

XOX

Tommy sat on the hard earth, staring at the gray marker before him. He plucked another beer from the case, pouring it along the base of the headstone.

"Here's to you, my friend," he whispered, clinking his own beer against the immovable stone. "I know it's been awhile since I've come to see you, and I'm sorry about that. I was busy, trying to find her. Figured you'd understand that seeing as you loved her and all."

He sighed, shifting uneasily. "She came back. She says she came back for me, but I think she came back because I'm familiar, and I remind her of you. Of when you were still here," he took another long pull on his beer. "Part of me wishes she'd stayed gone. At least then it wouldn't hurt as much. I didn't have to look at her, didn't have to see it in her eyes. I'm all she has left of you, and it's not fair man."

Tommy shook his head. "I wish I'd gotten there first. It should have been me, dammit. It was my undercover op, my plan. You never would have fallen for her, you never would have been in that apartment. You wouldn't be here you idiot. I would. And she'd have you.

"Now I'm left to fix everything. Now it's my job to keep her safe," he laughed darkly. "Well it's a crap job, let me tell you, Ben. You don't know how hard it is, how much it hurts to love someone who will never love you back. Not the way you want her too anyway."

Tommy glanced at his watch, then pulled out his phone. No call. She was probably catching up with them still. Regardless he stood, collecting the empty bottles. He laid his hand on the cool stone.

"I'm sorry. It's not your fault. You couldn't have known how this would unfold. You didn't know how I felt then. I promise, I'll take care of her for you, no matter what. And I swear I'll visit more too."

He grabbed his discarded jacket and the empty beer case, turning to leave.

His stomach dropped out beneath him. Her face was white as snow.

She heard everything.

XOX

The car ride back was as silent as the first, if not more so.

Lindy's head was spinning. It was one thing to think Tommy loved her, another to hear it said aloud, by him, to her dead boyfriend's grave. In some ways Tommy was right, he was all she had left of Ben. But he was wrong, that wasn't the reason she felt the way she did. Of course, she hadn't told him that. No, Lindy Sampson was good at exactly two things: hacking, and pushing people away.

They walked up the stairs, a foot separating them. He opened the door and she followed him inside robotically, afraid to speak and break the tentative barrier between them.

Tommy spoke first. "I didn't mean for you to hear any of that. Can we just pretend you didn't?" he asked futilely, eyes on the floor.

Lindy shook her head. "No, I can't. Maybe you can pretend but I'm done trying. I've lost enough, Tommy. My boyfriend, my sister, my friends! I've lost myself. I don't want to lose you too."

"Hey, no one said you're going to lose me. That's a promise, and I keep my word, Lindy. You should know that by now. As for Sophia and George, they just need time."

"I do know that," she chewed her lip, wrapping her arms around herself protectively. "Maybe leaving was a bad idea, but coming back might be the worst decision I've made since I got on that bus," she finished brokenly. The events of the day coming to a head.

Tommy stilled, as if bracing himself for some kind of impact. "You want to leave, when you just agreed last night that you wouldn't do that again," he spat, a vicious laugh escaping him. "You'd do that to us, leave us wondering where the hell you are, if you're even alive?"

"I can't stay, waiting for you to let go of a promise you made to Ben because you blame yourself," she told him meaningfully. "You can't keep me safe, you can't protect me, Tommy. Not for Ben," Lindy said, taking a few small steps closer to him. "It's a great gesture, but it's breaking both of us. We found his killer. We got our closure. Let it go. Keep me safe for you. ."

"You think I don't want to? You think I want to feel like I'm betraying my best friend because I'm in love with his girlfriend? That night, playing the awkward happy couple in some stranger's apartment was the hardest thing I've done, other than let you walk away from me in that train station. Do you want to know why?" Tommy seethed, running a hand through his hair, not waiting for her answer. "Because for a minute, I forgot about Ben. I forgot why we were there to begin with. For a minute, it was just us. And then, after all we went through, I was selfish enough to think maybe you'd stay, for me."

Lindy sighed heavily. "It wasn't selfish, Tommy. I was afraid that if I stayed you'd figure out I wasn't worth it. All the trouble and all the misery Jake caused, I thought it would be easier if I left!"

"It wasn't, Lindy, it wasn't easier! I've spent six months trying to figure out what I did wrong, what I could have done to make you stay!" he paused, trying to catch his breath. "You would have left anyway."

She didn't bother holding back the tears. Everything he said was true, she couldn't deny that.

He grabbed her shoulders, pulling her closer. "You are infuriating, and brilliant, and exhausting, and half the time you make me want to scream. And you've got to stop running away from your problems, and thinking you can do everything on your own," Tommy pleaded, his voice softening. He moved his hand up to her cheek, pushing a strand of her hair behind her ear before tilting her chin up with his index finger. "But you, Lindy, are worth every maddening minute of it."

Tommy wiped away the tear tracks as she tried to hold back the small laugh bubbling up inside. "I wouldn't be so sure about that," she whispered.

"I've been in love with you for so long now, that's all I'm really sure of anymore," Tommy declared, leaning his forehead against hers. His hands moved from her arms, down to her slim waist before gripping her hips and pulling her forward.

Lindy felt her face flush at the intimate contact. They'd barely ever touched, even platonically. In fact, she could count them off on one hand. Him pulling her flailing body away from Ben after she'd found him on her roof. The night in the Flirtual apartment when they'd kissed. And then later that same night, when he'd hugged her to him after he'd saved her.

She moved her own hands from where they'd absently drifted to his chest up to cup his face, feeling the rough stubble she'd come to associate with Tommy. "It took me six months to figure out that I think I love you too," Lindy responded. "That's why I came back Tommy."

"Could've just said that in the first place," he laughed, ducking the light punch he received for his candor.

"I'll work on letting you in, if you work on letting that promise go. I meant it Tommy, keep me safe for you, okay?"

Tommy nodded, sobering. He shrugged one shoulder. "He always wanted us to be friends."

"Partners still sounds better," Lindy smiled, biting her lip seductively.

"Sure, whatever you want," he added, distracted as her hands moved behind his neck, pulling him down to her level.

This kiss far surpassed the one they'd shared in a gorgeous apartment full of cameras and creeps and cops watching their every move. This kiss was real, and it was just for them, standing in the middle of his kitchen surrounded by the pieces of her he'd managed to collect over six months.

His fingertips danced along the hem of her—well, his—tee shirt, pushing the fabric up so he felt her warm skin. Goosebumps hit her immediately, a small shiver running down her spine that made him smirk when she gasped lightly.

"You're not getting your shirt back," she whispered breathlessly, her own nimble fingers working the buttons on his blue plaid button down.

Tommy inched the shirt higher, eyes on hers. He was waiting for her to stop him. "I don't care about the shirt Lindy."

She searched his gaze, seeing, for the first time, an open book. The regret, the determination, the fear, it was all there. But now there was an unmasked passion finally revealed, just for her.

The one thing she could give him was the one thing he wanted more than her love.

She held up her arms, and he pulled the shirt off her delicate frame. He watched the shirt puddle on the floor, meeting her darkened eyes once again. What he saw made his heart twist.

Trust.

"Are you sure?" he asked hoarsely. There were some things in life still too good to be true. Lord knew if he was in a coma, or dead, or just dreaming.

Lindy gave him a small nod. "I trust you, Tommy."

XOX

Oh wait, just wait

I love you like I've never felt the pain

Just wait

I love you like I've never been afraid

Just wait

Our love is here and here to stay

So lay your head on me…

XOX

Lindy woke hours later to Boris's cold nose bumping her feet.

It was dark inside the apartment, dark outside. But she felt light for the first time in a long time with Tommy sleeping soundly next to her.

She kissed his chest, wrapping the sheet around herself while sliding out of his bed. Tiptoeing quietly across the floorboards, she moved towards the large window in the living room. Boris followed, settling happily on the couch.

Leaning her forehead against the cool windowpane, she looked up at the night sky. There was one star that cut through the New York midnight.

Lindy smiled. "Thank you Ben, thank you for him," she whispered. "I know he'll help me find Sara. He'll help me put the pieces back together. I know you will too."

She felt Tommy's presence behind her, not startled when he wrapped an arm around her waist. She leaned into his bare chest, content. "What are you doing out here?" he asked, a bit disoriented.

She shrugged, turning in his arms. "You know, just talking to the stars."

He glanced out the window, raising an eyebrow suspiciously. "Maybe we should get you back to bed," he snickered, leaning in to kiss her neck.

"Hey," she pushed him back good-naturedly. "No patronizing your girlfriend. That's a rule."

"I didn't know you were my girlfriend. This is news to me," Tommy retorted, riling her up.

She rolled her eyes, giving him a small shove.

"I mean, I thought we were partners?" He laughed again, dodging her hit, using her own force against her to pull her into his arms.

"Girlfriend," Lindy said sweetly, a coy look catching fire in her eyes. "Girlfriend sounds better than partners."

She released the bed sheet she'd been using as a robe, letting it drop.

"Sure," Tommy agreed, taking her in before pushing her against the wall, lips hovering over hers. "Girlfriend definitely works for me."

"I love you, you know," she whispered between kisses.

He rested his hand over her heart. "I know."

Tommy glanced out the window once more, remembering something Ben said to him in passing long ago. It only takes one star to light the way. Or something like that. It wasn't a phrase he'd heard in a while, but seeing Lindy, he knew that was why she was in his living room at three in the morning looking out at the sky.

He shook his head, kissing his girlfriend thoroughly, before sweeping her into his arms. She shrieked his name beseechingly.

"I love you too."

XOX

Little do you know I,

I love you 'til the sun dies…