Summer: First and foremost, we own absolutely nothing. Nothing at all.
Mandy: She means it. We don't even own any dignity.
Summer: As you shall soon see in this lovely story of ours, which we worked so painstakingly hard to write for you, our lovely and most preciousssss readers. My prrrecioussss...
Mandy: Now Summer, you promised that phase of your life was over. No more Gollum for Summer. Sorry, folks, she's a bit of an Lord of the Rings freak. Now, read, my minions! READ!
One fine morning at Hogwarts School if Witchcraft and Wizardry, the students rose merrily from their beds and skipped down to the Great Hall for a lovely breakfast. Blossoming flowers of innocence though they were, it would not always be so. As it was, the impending date of their corruption loomed startlingly close.
Harry Potter, a young gentleman of thirteen (and his two dear friends Ron and Hermione) approached the grandly arched doorway to the Great Hall. "Look at this," exclaimed Ron. He pointed to an aged piece of parchment stuck magically to the door. On said parchment, in Dumbledore's graceful hand, was this note:
Dear students of Hogwarts,
I am pleased to inform you that those lucky pupils who are third year and up will be attending a new class this term. Every Monday and Friday for the rest of the year, you will report to the Great Hall for Healthy Sexual Education. Sadly, however, it has not yet been decided who will be teaching this exciting new corse. But I have the utmost confidence that the wisest corse of action will be identified as soon as possible.
Yours, most affectionately, Professor Dumledore.
"Gee, Harry, what do you think they mean by 'Healthy Sexual Education'?" inquired Collin Creevey, a sprightly second year.
"Dunno," Harry mumbled. His aunt and uncle had never been especially concerned with his education. It would not have surprised him if they had neglected to fill him in on this particular concept.
"Whatever it is, it sounds fascinating," commented Hermione, after a slightly uncomfortable pause.
"For you maybe," Ron replied haughtily, "I had to get the talk from Fred and George. You can imagine how much fun that was."
"Count your blessing, Ron," said Fred as he and George appeared beside them, "we had to get the talk from Percy."
"A sheer nightmare," George added, "keep that in mind, you ungrateful bastard."
"Besides, you were starting Hogwarts. You needed to learn how to use your wand," informed Fred.
Ron blushed flamingly.
Mandy: While you are kindly reviewing, feel free to guess how many times Summer said the word 'dammit' while typing our little masterpiece.
Summer: Because you will review, won't you? I mean not that you have any obligation or anything. it's just... I love you.