She hoped that their quest will give her some normal, will allow her to be a normal girl again.
It only made her better at pretending.
Their ship was once again traveling among the stars, and she reflected on her previous life, when she was planet bound, and forced others to share that restriction, forced to fulfill her purpose. No, not life! The existence she had before her current form. Before she became who and what she was today.
before she got her current Brother who cared for her above all else, and through which she understood humanity better.
She used to have siblings, or brothers in arms, in that other existance, but nothing like that, they shared purpose and creator, and communicated only for coordinating actions.
She missed them still, as much as her previous incarnation was capable of it. For it was a very limited one, despite being so grand and powerful and durable.
it would have avoided the lose of the Pilot in the quest to reach Miranda, that the Crew embarked upon on her behalf, but it took the reminder of it, of its atrocity, to make her remember who she was once. Who she was made to be.
That there was a time, a place, when she used to cause such atrocities on almost yearly basis.
She now could access that power, maybe even take that form that the people who fought her learned to fear.
She no longer knew for certain, no longer could see as clearly-as that power was traded for the ability to interact with and understand people and live among them, as one of them-one she has not regreted-but she felt That which she was once at her fingertips, the ability to take that form, and the inherant powers and limitations, and she would be unstoppable than. Capable of destroying the alliance, despite all.
But she feared she will lose her Crew. Best to keep this secret, and help the crew and Captain subtly, within the limitations she now had, and enjoy Simon's company.
So as she sat and observed the stars, enjoying their beauty, River Tam, She who was once, in another life, in another world called Ziz, wandered how and when to best inform Kaylee of her impeding parenthood, and how it would feel to be a aunt.