Witches.
Somehow, whenever life was getting somewhere near something that almost sort of began to maybe almost resemble being bearable, Witches would do their darndest to screw everything up.
It was like they knew.
Dean scowled at the ceiling, wondering what combination of tarot cards predicted "the Winchesters have been getting off lightly recently, why don't you go and curse them a bit?"
"At least yours is cute…" Gabriel was kneeling on the floor, staring at the two small terracotta figures that stood on the motel bed. "I mean, which would you rather look after, a cat or a moose?"
"Ok, first, get the hell away from them; you'll break them or something. Second, who the hell said Cas was "mine"?"
Gabriel just rolled his eyes, picking up the moose figurine and tracing his fingers vaguely over the surface.
"Yeah. When you finally catch that bus out of denial, make sure to stop by. So I can gloat." He turned his attention back to the figurines. "So let's recap…"
"Do we have to?"
"Four of us went in. You, Castiel, Sam and I."
"I know."
"Witch freaks out, throws a curse at us. It hits Sam and Castiel…"
"I know."
"We kill the witch, and two hours later, they've turned into Chia pets."
"Seriously Gabriel. I will beat you senseless."
"You won't hurt me."
"No, but it'll feel better." Dean growled, stomping over to the bed and snatching the moose-shaped terracotta Sam. "So… any ideas on how to reverse this?"
"Eh." Gabriel shrugged, not moving. "It'll probably wear off on its' own. It's not a strong curse. You know, we should probably look after them. Water them."
"Oh… yeah, ok."
"Hating that this is your life right now?"
"Ok, how about we water the damn plants, don't speak about it, watch TV 'til they need watering again and then continue to not speak about it."
Gabriel just smirked, picking up Chia Castiel from the bed and moving it over to the kitchen table. He snapped his fingers, making a mini watering can appear, and held it above his cursed object of a brother.
"Huh…"
"What?"
"The water won't pour on him, see? It's just… swerving off."
And it was. It was as if there was a small force-field around the terracotta cat, the water droplets actively avoiding falling on the chia seeds.
"Huh." Dean took the mini watering can from Gabriel, but this time the water fell straight onto the seeds, without any hesitation or resistance. Dean grinned smugly at Gabriel, and turned to water Chia Sam.
Chia Sam did not want to be watered.
Gabriel took the watering can from Dean and tried instead. The force-field trick was once again sidestepped. Gabriel shot Dean's smug grin right back at him.
"Like I said. Look on the bright side, at least yours is cute." With that, he splashed a little more water on Chia Sam and moved him into the sunlight. Dean scowled at the ceiling again. He liked the ceiling; it just shut up and let him scowl.
Damn witches.
(-*-)
It turned out that Gabriel had some sort of weird sixth sense for plant care. He set Chia Sam up on a little plastic dish, which collected any excess water, and adjusted it regularly so that it caught the sun.
After a while, Dean felt kind of bad for leaving Chia Cas alone, so he started doing likewise. Eventually, he cleared his throat.
"So, how often do they need watering?"
"Sam, every few hours. Castiel… no idea. I can't tell." Gabriel shrugged. "Possibly some vestige of angel powers, but I can't sense his biological activity at all. Do you think he needs watering?"
Dean, feeling absolutely ridiculous, picked up the Chia Cas. He looked at it for a moment, before shrugging.
"I don't know, man…"
"Yes you do. Does he need watering?"
Dean stared at Chia Cas.
"No." He said, not really sure how he knew. "He's good for another hour or two."
"Good." Gabriel snapped up a decent TV set (the motel one was grainy black and white) and a DVD of Iron Man. Dean supposed he could live with that.
After the first half hour, Gabriel sat up straight and stared at the windowsill.
"Hey… does Sam like this movie?"
"Dude, who doesn't like this movie?"
Gabriel stood up, grabbing Chia Sam from the windowsill, complete with little plastic dish, and held him on his lap.
"Sorry Sammy. Didn't realise you'd want to watch."
Dean stared at him.
"Seriously?"
"Plants grow better if you engage with them." Gabriel shrugged. "Talk to them, play music, you name it. They respond to stimuli just like humans."
"That's ridiculous."
"Uh, hey, raise your hand if you helped plant the Garden of Eden?" Gabriel held one hand up, the other still holding Sam. He smirked. "Just me then."
Dean snarled, before watching the rest of the movie, occasionally taking a brief glance at Chia Cas.
(-*-)
Dean couldn't sleep, and Gabriel had disappeared somewhere.
Chia Cas was still on the windowsill.
Dean sighed, stood, and poured himself a glass of water from the tap.
"You awake in there?" He chuckled, still feeling like a complete tool. He was talking to a Chia Pet, for Christ's sake. "Oh, here." He poured a little water over Chia Cas, before leaning against the counter. He spoke quietly, because he was worried someone might hear him and, he told himself, not at all because he thought loud noises might hurt Chia Cas' tiny ears.
"This is messed up. I mean, you know, thanks for throwing me out of the way and taking the curse like that, but… it's weird. Gabriel reckons it'll just wear off, but he's got no idea how long it will take… Eh." He grumbled, picking up the remote and flicking the TV on. After a while, Dean realised it was Charlton Heston's "The Ten Commandments". Dean snickered, and carried Chia Cas over to where he could see the TV.
"You'll like this one, Cas. It'll remind you of the old days." Dean settled back on his bed, the grainy film soothing his insomnia.
(-*-)
For three days, Dean and Gabriel took care of their Chia. They both agreed calling Bobby would neither be necessary or wise. Or, you know, something you would ever, ever live down.
Dean was getting restless, though, and decided he was going for a drive.
He came back a minute later to grab Chia Cas, saying he didn't trust Gabriel to be left alone with both of them.
Gabriel just laughed, midway through adjusting Chia Sam so that he was in the best spot for sunlight.
"Oh, Dean… Sammy, you see what's going on there, right? Hell, even with a terracotta face, you can probably see it." Gabriel chuckled, running a hand over the Chia sprouts that had grown on Sam's head and back. "You're getting a bit shaggy on top… ooh, we could cut your hair! I've always wondered what you'd look like with a shot back and sides… Ooh, or a Mohican!"
Gabriel chuckled, running a thumb over Sam's moosey nose.
"Nah, I think you're safe for another day or so."
He turned away from the windowsill, wondering what he could do in the few hours before Sam would need watering again. That was when his eye caught Sam's laptop, lingering for a moment on the potential for looking through Sam's internet history while he wasn't in a position to protest. Instead, he turned his attention to the book on top of Sam's laptop. Sam had mentioned (before the witch incident) that he wanted to read it. Figuring that he'd watched all the TV he could usefully watch in the last three days, Gabriel grabbed the book and settled down at the kitchen table, opening the front cover.
"Gabriel?"
He totally didn't jump at the sound of the voice. In fact, he didn't jump with such surprise that he nearly slipped off his chair and fell under the table.
"Gabriel, please tell me that was just a really weird dream…"
Gabriel grinned, standing up to see his giant restored to bipedal form, if perched on the windowsill.
"Aww… I was kind of hoping you'd still have Chia hair; you'd save a ton on salads."
Sam rolled his eyes and climbed down before stretching his arms and spine, looking unhappy as he recovered from cramp.
"Shut up and give me a hug."
Gabriel obliged, all too happy to see his time playing gardener had paid off. After a while, Sam looked up.
"Hey. Where's Dean?"
"Driving, somewhere. I'm glad you changed back, I was getting so bored I was about to start reading to you."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
Sam shrugged, looking a little uncomfortable.
"Can you… would you like to read to me anyway?"
Gabriel rolled his eyes, but smiled all the same.
"Fine, but I get to choose what we do next."
(-*-)
Twenty miles down the highway, the Impala had screeched to a halt, balancing precariously on the side of the road. Dean glared at Castiel. Castiel, to his credit, had the decency to look a little embarrassed.
"I can appreciate that the timing of my restoration was unfortunate. I apologise for interrupting your speech."
Dean flushed bright pink as he realised Castiel could remember what Dean had been saying in the moments before he stopped being small and herby.
"Yeah, well… forget it." Dean started the car again, staring adamantly at the road. Castiel thought for a moment, before shuffling closer and leaning his head against Dean's shoulder.
"No, go on. I'm listening."
Dean would never tell anyone how happy that made him.