These are not my characters. They belong to the author Janet Evanovich and thank you for letting us borrow them and run with our fantasies.

This is an AU story and Stephanie and Ranger behave OOC.

Special thanks to you alix33, who is a professional copy writer and did the beta work for me. I'm grateful for all your help and insights.

This is a nice little AU Babe HEA to commemorate Stephanie Plum's birthday in October. It was originally requested by Margaret aka whymelucylu. It reads like a silly 'One for the Money' Redux.

Here's to you, Margaret Fowler! A veritable manipulator of fanfiction writers in the Plum genre!

Big Surprises

Chapter 1

I looked in the rearview mirror when I heard the loud clang just in time to see the sparks flying and the car behind me swerve and then the muffler switched lanes and a car in that one swerved and hit the other one and then the muffler slowed and eventually came to an innocent like stop and spun in the middle lane. I blanched just a little and mumbled, "Woops." I looked over and an uppity little old lady in a Cadillac was glaring at me. My car let out a big backfire that sounded like a gun about that time and belched out a big black cloud of smoke and the lady jumped and looked terrified for a minute and swerved across the middle lane and kept going. "Later."

My Miata that I loved was stolen by that maggot Lenny Gruber right in front of my parents' house while we were eating pot roast on Sunday. How rude is that? I was going to catch up on the payments soon. I'd been beating the streets looking for a new job since E.E. Martin closed and left me and a bunch of other people stunned and jobless. The unemployment checks that didn't amount to doodley were only coming for one more week and my pitiful bank account had just enough pennies in it to keep it open.

I had already moved into a low rent apartment back here in Trenton and had just purchased a new set of wheels and was on my desperation ride to my weirdo cousin Vinnie's bail bonds office to beg for the glamorous job of file clerk. I waved at the now really angry little old blue hair lady as she continued across the middle lane and began singing a tune that was running through my head:

"How low can you go, how low can you go. She can go lower than I ever really thought she could.

Face down, ass up.

The top of yo' booty jigglin' out yo' jeans.

Baby pull yo' pants up.

But, how low can you go.

Hmmmm. Mmmmm. Mmm. Mmm.

Lower than yo' mama's ever seen it in her lifetime.

Never would of imagined it.

Not even in her right mind.

I could go low, go low, lower than you know,

go low, go low, lower than you know."

The brakes of my Nova squealed the heavy old rust bucket to a stop at the curb close to the bonds office and I pulled the door lever and pounded on the door a few times before it finally creaked open. I rubbed my pained ear and headed into the office. I recognized the girl in the front of the office as I walked in. "Can I help you? Hey, I know you. I was in your sister, Val's, class in high school."

"Yep, I remember you too. I was in your sister, Tina's, class. Um..Connie?"

"Yeah. Connie Rosolli."

"Stephanie Plum. I'm Vinnie's cousin." She stuck her hand out and we shook.

"Sorry about your luck." We both laughed.

"You need to see Vinnie?"

"I need a job and my Mom said that Vinnie mentioned an opening for a file clerk."

"Sorry hon, that one has been taken. All we need are bond enforcers."

"What is that job?"

Vinnie walked out of his office and said, "Something you can't do."

Connie said, "It means bounty hunters. You catch fugitives that fail to show in court and haul em' back to the cop shop."

"What does this job pay?"

"Don't matter, Stephanie. You can't do the job."

"You got a job right now, Connie?"

"Yup..."

"No!"

"Give me the details, Connie."

She grinned and said, "You get ten percent of the bond and this one is decent and you would find this one real interesting. Ten percent on it would pay $10,000 and it's Joseph Morelli."

I laughed. "Give it to me. All I have to do is catch him and take his ass to jail?"

"Hell no, don't give it to her."

"Vinnie, either you let me try or I'm calling Lucille about your infatuation with the pond floozy."

Connie busted out laughing. "Haha! Shit! That was a good one. Duck, pond floozy."

Vinnie grouched out, "Fine! You have a week to bring him in. Connie, do the paperwork and tell her what she needs to do to keep me out of trouble and out of court."

Connie got up and came back with some handcuffs, some pepper spray and a bullet proof vest. A bullet proof vest? Shit. She pushed some papers toward me and I filled them out. "I got an idea. I'm gonna' call this other bounty hunter that does work for us and see if he'll give you some tips and help get you started."

"That would be great. What's his name?"

"Ranger."

"Ranger?"

"Yeah. I think it's like a street name."

She made the call and talked a couple minutes and hung up.

"You got a date in one hour at that diner on the corner of Haywood and State."

"Oh. Okay. What does he look like?"

She snorted. "Look around the diner and when fireworks start going off in your underpants and you're left standing there with smoke comin' outta' your backside, you found him."

"Holy smokes. What happens when you get close to him? Will they explode?" Connie burst out laughing again.

"Good one. Go get em', tiger, and call if you need me."

I beat the stupid door for five minutes and it finally opened, which probably just helped my lungs because it took that long for the black smoke to clear away from the car. I gave myself a quick check in the rearview and touched up my hair and lip gloss, grabbed my handbag and folder and got out. I had on a short plaid skirt and a blue jean jacket and Mary Jane heels. Not a tough guy bounty hunter outfit, but maybe he wouldn't say no to helping me if I flashed plenty of leg. They were two of my better attributes.

I walked into the diner and scanned it and then my eyes zeroed in on a corner booth and stopped. Holy Moly. I had found the target and my panties were now on self-destruct and would probably be gone by the time I reached the table. Damn. Nice trick. Smoking the pants off girls with a look.

He was looking my way, but I couldn't tell if he was looking at me because he had sunglasses on. He had like light milk chocolate skin and muscles like a bodybuilder. His hair was long and dark and pulled back in a ponytail. I couldn't tell from this far away or with his glasses on if he was African American, Indian or some other ethnicity. I hadn't realized that I had stood there that long until he pulled his glasses off and took his pointer finger and gave me the come here motion. What did I do? I showed him the ditzy me. I took my pointer finger and touched my chest and mouthed, "Me?"

Oh jeez. Then a smile spread across his face and I looked behind me for that smoke Connie was talking about. The man was gorgeous and that smile was toothpaste commercial perfect and lit up his whole handsome face. I swallowed and made my feet start moving forward.

When I got close, he looked down at my feet and slowly ran his eyes up my body and locked on to my eyes and motioned for me to sit down. I didn't sit in the seat actually, I kind of melted into it like the puddle I had been reduced to after that look. I smiled at him. Neither one of us said anything for a couple minutes.

Finally, I broke the silence, "So, you must be Ranger." He nodded.

"I'm Stephanie Plum. Connie said that you might give me some bounty hunter tips to help me get started."

"Babe, what was your last job?"

Babe? "The name is Steph or Stephanie. Not babe. What is your real name, Ranger? What kind of a name is that anyway? Did you used to be a park ranger or something? You know, guarding picnic baskets against Yogi and Boo Boo." I noticed the corners of his mouth twitching. His eyes went to the folder and he spoke.

"You have a job?" I waved the folder at him.

"Yep. I'm gonna' enjoy this one too. Gonna' see if I can scrape some skin off his ass dragging him up the station steps." His mouth was twitching again. Jeez. This guy was like a zero and a half in the personality department. Didn't hardly talk at all. Hot guy, use..your..words. Oh, frick. Forgot. Who needs words when you can pick up a girl from fifty feet away and render her pantieless with a look.

The damn twitching had turned into a grin and he said, "Did..you lose them on the way to the table?"

"Them? What…? Oh, crap. Did I just speak an entire paragraph out loud?" He nodded.

"That..uh..personality rating, it's flexible. Just kidding." I was saved by the waitress that had arrived. He motioned for me to give my order first.

"Um..I'll have the chicken fried steak and mashed potatoes with extra gravy and green beans and slather them really good with butter and bacon drippings. What kind of cake do you have? Do you have Boston Creme Pie?"

The waitress said, "Yes."

"I want that and sweet tea and um..a chocolate milkshake." She turned to Ranger and he was still staring at me with his brows raised. "Well, chop chop? I'm hungry here." I made a face at him.

He ordered a bottled water and a house salad with low fat Italian dressing. Seriously?

I forked another mouthful of the delicious cake and moaned as I kept licking and trying to get that last bit of cream off my lip with my tongue. During the meal, I had gotten out of the guy that his name was Ricardo Carlos Manoso. He was Cuban-American and he went by Carlos. The street name came from his time in the Army. He was in the Rangers and he was an officer and a leader. He had family in Newark and Miami. I had given him my background and told him about my measly two years of college and the business degree and losing my job. Boy, once I started eating it had been easy to loosen him up and get him to talk. He kept shifting around in his seat and staring at me and swallowing and spilled like I was torturing him or something.

When I finished my last bite of cake and slurped the last of my milkshake and sat back and rubbed my belly, I noticed he sat back and relaxed too. I said, "So, Carlos. You gonna' help me or what? You need something else to eat? All that you sitting there has to need more fuel." I measured him with my arms and made a face.

"All this me?"

"Yeah."

He groaned. "Babe, I am really hungry. For you. I want to take you back to my apartment and use up all those calories you just consumed."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Are you making a sexual advance?"

"I have never wanted to fuck a woman so bad in my life as I do right now."

"Well, I nev...Wait..? Really? Me?" He slowly nodded. I started counting in my head the number of months it had been since I had enjoyed anything better than my shower massager or my own digit and better had never been by much at all anyway. So, I made a quick decision and leaned toward him and said, "Lets go."

He threw a big bill on the table and grabbed my hand and pulled me out the door and to a Cadillac Escalade and put me in the passenger seat and hopped in the other side and looked at me and took off out of the lot. I said to him, "Carlos, I only have safe sex."

"Works for me."

"I'm only doing this because it has been a long time. What position do you like?"

"What?"

"I don't like doggie or butt stuff. Do you require a blow job?"

"What...? Require?"

"I just want to be prepared, okay. I'm nervous and I've only been with two people and a Dickie. Actually, his name should have been Beanie Weenie. That was about the size of things. How big is yours?"

"Babe..?"

"Oh...I'm sorry. Well that's okay. Like they say, it's not the size of the ship… I hear that bodybuilders sometimes gain muscle in some places and lose it in others. I'm sure that it's not really that small."

"Babe, stop talking."

"Oh, okay. One last question? Do you do this often?"

"Never."

"Oh, good. Neither do I. I don't feel so bad now."

He slowed at a large building about a mile from the diner and clicked his key fob and a gate opened in a garage area under the building. He pulled into a space close to the elevator.

"Primo parking space. I have a sucky space a mile from my building." He smiled at me and I almost whimpered. Then he got out and opened my door and took my hand.

We got in the elevator and he hit a button and clicked his fobby thing and we went up to number seven. The door opened and there was only three doors up here and two were stair doors. He did the fob click again and pulled me into the apartment. It was big and nice and I wanted to look around, but he pulled me through to the bedroom.

He stood there just smiling at me and I was suddenly a nervous Nelly. "Do you mind turning around and I'll undress and then I'll get in and turn away and you can undress and I won't look at it. Okay?"

He busted out laughing. "You really don't have much experience, do you?"

I put my hands on my hips. "Don't laugh at me. I'm trying to be cooperative, I'm initiating this thing. Now turn around and soon we'll get your little boat under way."

He laughed again and turned around and crossed his arms.

I hurried and undressed and folded my clothes and laid them on his dresser and jumped in the bed and pulled the sheet up to my neck. I turned my head. "Okay, your turn."

I heard a noise next to me and opened my eyes. He looked down at me and toed off his boots and pulled off his t-shirt in front of me. Oh my goodness. All of it goodness. I counted more than a six pack and it all looked damn good. The sprinkling of hair and the happy trail. He put his hand on his zipper and moved it down and I closed my eyes out of respect. He was being so brave.

I felt his hand reach under the sheet and he took my hand and then pulled it out and toward him and then I touched it. Except it wasn't an it. Eek! It was an IT. It wasn't a boat. It wasn't even a cargo ship, it was a freaking destroyer. I pulled my hand back like I just touched a snake and rolled over. Respect? Hell yes! I respect anybody that can walk straight up carrying that load on the front end! No wonder he has to work out. I heard a guffaw. Shit!

With my eyes tightly closed, I said, "I don't think this was such a good idea after all. Can you package that thing back up and turn away from me so that I can get dressed again."

I felt the bed dip behind me and a big arm wrapped around me. "Babe, are you afraid of my size?"

"Most definitely."

"You don't need to be. You can accommodate me and comfortably. That's the way nature made women. You'll stretch and expand when you need to."

"This is a really weird topic of conversation being that we hardly know each other."

"I don't want to scare you. Maybe, you would be more comfortable doing some exploring. Why don't you touch me." I raised an eyebrow. Hmmm. I reached my hand back and contacted with a smooth thigh. Not bad. He put his hand over mine and moved it slowly the rest of the way up his thigh and over his butt. Mmm..soft butt too for a man. Nothing like Dickie's hairy buns. "Why don't you roll over and take over." Well, if he insists.

TBC-