Just Friends

Peeta POV.

My smile fades as the truth of her words sink in. Of course. I should have seen it coming. I should have seen the signs. God, there were so many signs.

She hasn't stopped by the bakery in two weeks. And while she doesn't visit all that often anyhow, I at least expect to see her on Wednesdays, my day off. But she hasn't come. I presumed she was busy. Maybe she was hunting or overloaded with homework or plotting someway to overthrow the Capitol. I presumed she was busy. I thought that was rational.

She hasn't really gone out of her way to see me. Katniss doesn't typically go to great lengths to have a conversation with me, but she at least makes some room in her schedule. She likes to spend time with me. She likes ME. Or so I thought... now that I think about it, she has been avoiding me.

And when we do see each other, all we do is converse in small talk. I thought little of it. I just thought her life had been uneventful recently. And maybe it had been - but that wasn't her reason for all the petty chattering over the weather and homework.

And if even all of this hadn't added up, I should have at least grown suspicious when she kissed me last week. It wasn't a normal Katniss kiss. It wasn't filled with emotion, hurt, comfort, or anything really. It was empty. So, heartbreakingly, empty.

Then she said we needed to talk.

I thought that maybe she meant we needed to hang out. Go on a date. Like we used to. Or maybe she just needed someone to talk to. Or maybe something awful happened and she needed a shoulder to cry on. Not that Katniss cried much. But if she needed comforting, I could do that. I live to comfort her. Care for her. Protect her.

Well, I used to, anyways. That's all about to change. I can tell by the tone of her voice. I can tell by the way she scans my face for emotions. I wonder if she can see right through me. I wonder if she can see the pain that this conversation is bestowing upon me.

"Peeta," she says calmly. I gulp. All I can think about are the signs. All the signs that I hadn't seen until I met her in the clear area behind her house, surrounded by pine trees and overflowing with with the scent of lilacs, where she had agreed to be my girlfriend only three months before. The signs I hadn't seen until I saw her face. Until I saw how, unlike me, she wasn't smiling. Until she waved me over, sat me down, looked me in the eye, and said once more that we "had to talk". And that time - that second time - I knew exactly what she meant. And all the pieces fit together. It now forms a very discomforting picture.

"Yes?" my voice comes out as more of a squeak. If she didn't read me like a book before, she definitely knows what I'm thinking now. She takes my hand in hers and then casts her eyes towards the grass. She studies the ground with great interest, as if inspecting every green blade. Then she meets my eyes again. Her face remains expressionless as she says those fateful, dreadful words.

"I think we should just be friends,"

Suddenly, the stench of lilacs is too sickeningly sweet. The breeze is too cold. The silence is too loud. The sun too bright. Its rays illuminate Katniss's face. Her lips. Her lips that I am sure that I will never kiss again.

Just friends. Everyone knows the meaning that truly lies behind those words. For once you are so close to someone that they hold a piece of your heart, you can never go back to being just "friends". "Friends" is too different. Its too unfamiliar. Its too distant. It will be so foreign to what has become normal to you. All of those days that you've woken up and felt the sunshine on your face, feeling full inside because you know that you will talk to the love of your life that day and see the smile on her face as leans in for kiss - all of those days will be gone. You'll realize how much you took those days for granted. Because they'll be gone. And you'll feel awkward. Ever so awkward, to be around them and act like the past few months haven't happened. You'll try to talk to each other, but the words will be empty, and painful to utter. "Hello" will eventually become the only words the two of you exchange. And soon, even that will be to hard to say, because of all the empty promises that have been broken. Because you have been broken. All of words you wished you could say will burn on your lips whenever you see their face. It will stab at your heart, reminding you of what it was like before. So you'll avoid them all together. And eventually, you'll be no more than acquaintances. And maybe not even that, if you're good enough at keeping your distance. "Just friends" really means "this is the beginning of the end". The beginning of the end of my relationship - as anything - with Katniss Everdeen. We will not be friends. She's setting us up to go back to being strangers.

But I can't explain this to her. If I do, she will roll her eyes and say that "I'm thinking too much" and that "of course we'll be friends, no matter what". Even though she knows better. She has to know better. Things always get more complicated once you break up with someone. Or have the ignorance to suggest going back to being "friends". Who wants to take a step down when they are so close to the top? When it feels so much better to be at the top, where the sun is always shining and it feels like nothing can go wrong? It takes so long to get to that point. But it only takes a moment - seven words - to take a step back down. "I think we should just be friends." Horrible, horrible words.

But since she will not admit that this is the truth, I say, "Sure. Yeah. Fine."

Katniss seems taken aback. But only for a moment. Then she quickly regains her composure and nods, flashing me a brief smile.

And then that's it. She stands up and saunters back into her house. Not even saying goodbye, or looking back in my direction. Like she doesn't even care. I try to move, but I can't. So instead I just sit there. Trying to imagine life without her.

Now i know this sounds super depressing, but the story isn't over. One of the things about relationships is that there are almost always miscommunications. An event may be completely different in one persons's eyes than it is in another's. You don't know a story until you know every side. This chapter was kind of just the set up. I promise it will get better, if enough people review and like it and want to know where I'm going with it. I swear, its all planned out! haha, :)