Sonic the Hedgehog sat in the home appliances section of Sears in Topeka, bored with his job. He worked there, and he hated it. He found himself wishing that something fun would happen. Maybe Knuckles would crawl out hibernation early after he went to sleep inside one of the display lawnmowers, or maybe Hillary Clinton would walk in or something. He didn't care, as long as he could do something besides sell blenders to middle aged white dudes who were clearly going through their mid-life blending phase all day. He sighed.

Out of the corner of his eye he heard a soft melody playing in the usually dead silent Sears. What the shit, Sonic thought.

The beautiful melody came closer and closer and Sonic soon came to realize that the voice was not that of a human, but of a goddess walking among them. He felt his dick twinge in his pants once he realized who it was that had walked in. It's Tony Hawk!, Sonic thought as many implausible fantasies shot through his head.

The person stepped out into the light of the blender isle and Sonic caught a true glimpse of their form. He was disappointed, because it was just Hatsune Miku.

"Oh," he sighed, not trying to hide the disappointment in his voice. "Its you."

'私の巨大なアニメペニスを吸う、ソニック", Hatsune Miku replied in a taunting tone.

"You know, I thought you were Tony Hawk at first," Sonic told her. He sighed thinking of Tony Hawk and his cock stiffened at the thought once more. "I wish you were Tony Hawk."

Miku paused for a moment, smirking. "あなたは良いゲーム、ソニックが何かを知っていますか？トニー・ホークのプロスケーター2、セガのドリームキャスト"

Sonic shot to his feet. "I will kick your ass Miku. After what you did to Amy and Nagito Komaeda, I cannot forgive you."

"コメダ？エイミーローズはどうですか？私はあなたがストレートソニックだと思った？", Miku asked.

"No, I'm actually bi", replied Sonic, sitting back down. Miku shrugged and turned to examine a blender. Sonic fantasized about smashing it on the floor and then rolling in the broken glass shards and getting lots of cuts all over him. Pain turned him on too. He popped another boner. Hatsune Miku noticed.

"ニース勃起、ソニック," Miku pointed out. "トニー・ホークのセガ・ドリームキャストのプロスケーター2についてもう一度考えていますか？"

Sonic rolled his eyes. "No Hatsune-chan, it's Pro Skater 4. Everyone knows that's the best one. You can't acid drop in Pro Skater 2."

"プロスケーター2はセガのドリームキャストには載っていない," Miku sternly told him. "私はあなたがセガのドリームキャストのソニックを愛していると思った。"

"I do," Sonic replied. "But everyone knows that Tony Hawk games were only ever meant to be on the greatest consoles that god ever created, the Xbox and PlayStation 2. None of that GameCube or PS4 shit."

"ソニックあなたは私のお尻を毛皮を食べるあなたの喉をくそってくれるでしょう," Miku replied. "プロスケーター2は学校の庭で行われる校庭のような古典的なレベルを持っているのでより優れています。プロスケーター4は良いサウンドトラックを持っていますが、実際には拡張された冒険モードの外でテーブルに何も新しいものをもたらしません。"

Sonic seemed taken aback. "Whoa, calm down Hatsune-chan. No need to get hostile. All I'm saying is that Pro Skater 4 really built on the foundation created by Pro Skater 1 and 2 by adding on all new features and perfecting the Tony Hawk formula overall."

"トニー・ホークは、私が気にするすべてのもののためにお尻で私を性交することができます," Miku replied angrily.

"Hey, I want Tony Hawk to do that to me too!" Sonic replied enthusiastically.

"私は何らかの合意に至ったことをうれしく思っています。私たちは三つの方法を持っているべきです！" Miku sang.

"It's a good thing I'm bi," Sonic muttered. "Now if you'd excuse me, I have some appliances to sell."

Sonic was about to turn away from Miku but a voice ringing out from behind him made him stop dead in his tracks. "トニー・ホークのプロスケーター5？"

He clenched his fists and stared at the ground. It was all he could do to stop himself from lashing out in rage. "Hatsune-chan," he murmured through clenched teeth. "We never talk about Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 5. Not in public."

"それはトニーの甘いお尻の非常に良い眺めを与えましたが、シリーズの中で最高のものです," Miku retorted.

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK," Sonic yelled, wheeling around and pointing at Miku. "EVERYONE KNOWS THAT TONY HAWK'S ASS LOOKS BEST IN UNDERGROUND 2 FOR XBOX SPECIFICALLY. HD OR NOT I DON'T GIVE A SHIT, GRAPHICS DON'T MEAN ANYTHING IF THEY CAN'T EVEN GET THE SHAPE RIGHT."

"私はあなたがそのゲームに多くのジャックを賭けたと思う," Miku replied, chuckling.

"Well, yeah," Sonic replied. "I learned long ago to play that game with one hand."

"トニー・ホークをどれだけ愛しているかを証明するには、このブレンダーをピックアップして、それがあなたの仕事にかかっても地上で粉砕してください。私はあなたがこの仕事だけでなくあなたの人生全体を何とか憎むことを知っています。トニー・ホークとエイミー・バラとナイト・コメダと私自身は、常にあなたの人生の中で唯一のガイドライトでした。その芝刈り機から這い上がるナックルも、あなたの心の中の空隙を埋めることはありません," Miku said, pointing to the lawnmower in which Knuckles was hibernating.

Sonic grinned. "You know what Hatsune-chan? You're totally right. Fuck you Knuckles, you can hibernate forever for all I care."

He snatched a blender off the shelf and smashed it on the ground as hard as he could, shattering it into tiny pieces. He would have rolled around in the shards with Miku if he had a pain fetish, but he did not. Instead he stomped on the pieces over and over again, chanting "I hate my job and I hate Sears."

Sonic's boss, Aaron Rodgers of the Green Bay Packers, poked his around the corner of the aisle and chortled.

"神聖なたわごとそれは緑のベイパッカーのアーロン・ロッドガーです," Hatsune Miku squealed. She was a big Green Bay Packers fan.

"Sonic, you're fired!" chortled Aaron Rodgers. He laughed heartily as he walked away. Sonic shrugged and left Sears with Hatsune Miku.

The end