I have a feeling I'll never finish this so don't get your hopes up…uuuuggggghhhdsjdeaahhhhh I'm sorry. :3 But anyways, I've been writing this for about two years now, and I'm trying to rewrite the old parts and in-between stuff. I don't want to spoil anything, but...ya know what? I'll keep ya guessing and just write the warning in another autor's note. Enjoy I guess, bye-bye now. (REAL QUICK my dorky sibling of the double X chromosome variety wrote this chapter so THANKS I GUESS STOP BEING BETTER THAN ME YOU BULLY!)

Chapter One

My eyes crack open uneasily, meeting with the bright light peeking through my curtains. I smile, rolling over in my compfortable blankets.

I sit up with a sudden jolt, remembering where I was. In the middle of a battle field, my room millions of parcecs away on Coruscant. Men scream around me, collapsing in piles of unconscious, or dead clones. "No...no…" I watch them die, their numbers seeming to grow as seconds go by. Their hands reach out to me. "I can't..I can't save you!" I yell. They don't stop, and start returning my calls with their own, dying cries. "Kix, is the medic!" I try. Tears fill my eyes and spill out on my cheeks. I scream, in helplessness, fear and sorrow, closing my eyes. When the re-open, I'm still in my room. Alone.

I wipe my face with the back of my hand. "Pull yourself together, Ahsoka." I mumble. I swing my feet over the side of my bed, stretching my sore body and yawning and grab my data pad off the side table.

There's nothing but the usual Good Morning! from Anakin, which I respond to with the also typical, when do you wanna meet for breakfast? No matter if I'm falling apart. No matter if Coruscant was too, we would see be meeting in the mass hall every single morning. Which is where I found myself a few minutes later.

I sit next Anakin at the mess hall table, and lean against his arm as I try to eat the disgusting "food" they give to us. "Hey, Master." I greet him quietly. He looks down at me with a smile, draping his arm over my shoulders. "Hey, Snips." Besides the usual safte feelings of being with Anakin, my mind raced, thinking about the mission we had a few days before. It was really tramatizing and gory. I thought back to when I agreed to help Kix with the wounded after the fight. There was so much blood and burnt, shot skin. It was horrible to sense my comrad's pain and hear their screams. I watched dozens of them die right in front of me. I watched the light go out in their eyes as they faded away…..

I listened as clones screamed and sobbed. They would beg me for help. One man begged me to kill him to end his pain. I shake my head. I have a whole new amount of respect for Kix.

Anakin kisses my forehead, sending shivers down my spine. "Whatcha thinking about, Snips?" He asks.

I shrug. "The recent battle."

He nods and gives me a sympathetic look. "Pretty high casualties. At least we won and were able to fend off the separatists."

I sigh. It's a lot like Anakin to think of the 'bright' side of the battle, which is basically if he won or not. Won in his, and most people's eyes, is either defeating or outnumbering the enemy in the end, and not the causalities the come with a victory. We had won on those standards, but I still feel like we didn't.

"I volunteered to help Kix mend the wounded and it was-" I try to think of words to discribe how disturbing, sad, and scary it was.

"It was too much to handle." I finally finish, recalling the horrible sights of bloody arms and legs, cut by knives, the smell of burnt skin from blaster wounds, and the overall sense of panic and fear I felt coming from everybody.

Anakin rubs my arm, and I look up at him. "I'm so sorry you had to see those things, Ahsoka."

It was a rescue mission where we had fight our way into this huge compound to save clones being used as random. Around 4000 droids tried to keep us from getting to the hostages. But we got past the marching droids only to find barely alive, tortured men.

Only six out of thirty clones we found survived. Jedi Geb was the first man to die, then they dropped one by one in painful, tragic deaths.

I found myself staring at the wall in silence, not daring to move a muscle. "Those men were able to die knowing that we didn't have to give away any information for them. They knew that we were okay."

Anakin moved his hand to my back, rubbing gently. I don't look at him. I don't acknowledge he is there. I just stare off into space in a daze.

"They aren't in pain anymore." Anakin isn't helping very much. I just want to forget about what I had seen.

Anakin pulls me towards him and into a tight embrace. My arms circle around his neck. "I'm sorry. I should just get over it."

"No, no, no, don't apologize, Snips." Hey says. "Anyone would be terrified by that. I know I would be."

I burry my face into the crook of his neck and close my eyes. "Promise it will never be you, Master." I whisper.

"What do you mean?"

"Promise I never have to watch you die." I feel tears building up in my eyes. Anakin hugged me tighter. "I promise you I will do everything in my power to make sure you will NEVER have to do that."

I nodded and let tears run down my cheeks. He's just so reckless and he's always scaring the hell out of me, making me think he's not going to make it.

Anakin lets out a shaky breath. "I hate it when you cry." He mutters. My lekku darken as I kiss his shoulder and allow myself to smile. "Sorry."

He lightly pushes my shoulders back so I'm looking at him in his eyes. "Don't feel bad. Let yourself feel however you want to." I nod and throw my arms around him again, thinking back to the bloody, dead bodies Kix and I had to carry away. I don't know what I would do if it was Anakin who got held ransom. I don't know how I would ever be able to keep breathing if i had to witness him dying. I know that I wouldn't ever be able to recover if Anakin, Plo, Obi-wan or Rex died. They are my family and I love them.

I move closer to Anakin, not ever wanting to let him go. Anakin's hands circle around my waist. "If you volenteer for something like that again promise me you will walk away if it freaks you out like this? Do you promise me that you will leave if things get too gory?"

"I don't ever want to do that again."

Anakin rests his chin on my shoulder. "If you need anything I'm right here, love."

I blush harder at that, pulling away from him with a smile. "Thanks."

We seem to remember then that no matter how emotional that was, we are still in the messhall. His face flares red-

WE TOUCH TOO MUCH MY CHEEKS FLARE RED YOU SHAKE YOUR HEAD AT ME: ) ) ) ) (sorry it a song)

-as we both come to the realization that nearly all the clones are staring at us. We say nothing, but I stand up and sit across from him as we eat our food hastily and leave the room.